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  #1  
Old 10-21-17, 03:30 PM
Excutivedreamer Excutivedreamer is offline
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Emotional Neglect or ADD

So, I've been doing research on emotional neglect and it seems that people that come from dysfunctional background have similar symptoms with people who have ADD or ADHD.

I was emotionally neglected as kid, same with the rest of my siblings; Our never really abused each other, they just never loved each other. They were just roommates who were married and had 12 kids with each other. There was food, shelter, and clothes for all us, just no love and communication.

I am 31 and was diagnosed with ADD 3 years ago, and now I am skeptic if I truly have ADD. All of my sibling show symptoms of ADD; my dad is classic ADD. My mom is the only has emotional problems just like the rest of us but who shows no signs of ADD.

Anyway, is there some of you who can relate with me. This is like the chicken and the egg; which came first. And, also, are there some of you who came from a loving functional family who have severe ADD or Adhd?
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Old 10-21-17, 04:54 PM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

We are not born with ADHD, we are born with a more emotionally sensitive temperament.

There are all ways at least two factors involved.

Inherited temperament and individual circumstances. (Paraphrasing Dr. Mate)

Pre-ADHD hypersensitivity (temperament) and Early emotional neglect (circumstances) = ADHD





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Last edited by mildadhd; 10-21-17 at 05:22 PM.. Reason: hypersensitivity
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Old 10-21-17, 06:00 PM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

So have you been sharing your doubts with your doctor?

That's a key piece of information to share. And have you shared the neglect history with your doctor?

My understanding of neglect is that it often impairs social closeness and our ability to invite others into our intimate space ...

But I assume neglect, depending on how severe it is, can impair executive function.

So are you thinking you'll go to therapy to deal with the neglect ... and seek improved focus and executive function via that path?

Tone
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Old 10-21-17, 06:09 PM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

Quote:
Originally Posted by mildadhd View Post
We are not born with ADHD, we are born with a more emotionally sensitive temperament.

There are all ways at least two factors involved.

Inherited temperament and individual circumstances. (Paraphrasing Dr. Mate)

Pre-ADHD hypersensitivity (temperament) and Early emotional neglect (circumstances) = ADHD





M
That's really interesting. I'm assuming you were paraphrasing Dr Gabor mate, please let me know the source. Thank you.
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Old 10-21-17, 06:20 PM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

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Originally Posted by ToneTone View Post
So have you been sharing your doubts with your doctor?

That's a key piece of information to share. And have you shared the neglect history with your doctor?

My understanding of neglect is that it often impairs social closeness and our ability to invite others into our intimate space ...

But I assume neglect, depending on how severe it is, can impair executive function.

So are you thinking you'll go to therapy to deal with the neglect ... and seek improved focus and executive function via that path?

Tone
The thing is I just found out that me and my siblings were emotionally neglected. My parents provided everything material to us so I just never thought there was a problem. Until my parents divorced this past year and shared there "feelings" for the first time.

Yeah, I might go see a psychiatrist and spill what's inside of me.
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Old 10-21-17, 06:45 PM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

I come from an emotionallly/verbally abusive background, which I believe to be the source of much of my low self esteem and anxiety, but none of my ADD. I believe that, along with some of the anxiety, is pure genetics. ADHD has strong heritability, so it makes sense when multiple family members have it. My sister (my only sibling) has depression and anxiety, probably ADD as well, but I'm not sure. I now know that I have family members on both sides of my family with ADHD, anxiety and other issues, so I don't think I stood a chance.
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Old 10-21-17, 07:01 PM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

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Originally Posted by WhiteOwl View Post
I come from an emotionallly/verbally abusive background, which I believe to be the source of much of my low self esteem and anxiety, but none of my ADD. I believe that, along with some of the anxiety, is pure genetics. ADHD has strong heritability, so it makes sense when multiple family members have it. My sister (my only sibling) has depression and anxiety, probably ADD as well, but I'm not sure. I now know that I have family members on both sides of my family with ADHD, anxiety and other issues, so I don't think I stood a chance.
Honestly, I can say that my anxiety and mild depression stems from not having my emotional needs met; but this paralyzing executive function problem hurts the most.
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Old 10-22-17, 03:02 AM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

I think I would have been a happier and maybe smarter person with my ADD. My social skills are horrible. I feel like i am more inward because I’m so used to doing it when I lived with my family and them not getting along. But yes... I have thought that before.
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Old 10-22-17, 03:10 AM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

I think it works both ways, you get your parents genes by birth and than you experience growing up with their dysfunctional behaviours. A 'normal' person would probably respond differently to that... they can be messed up of course but they don't have ad(h)d.

Doubts about the diagnoses are part of the accepting proces, according to my psychologist, especially if you have been living with it undiagnosed for a long time. The mind tells you things like when you were able to live with it before, it can't be that bad or it must be someone elses fault or your own. The point is, it isn't.
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Old 10-22-17, 07:00 AM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

I have never experienced any type of neglect, emotional or otherwise, and here I am.
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Old 10-22-17, 07:51 AM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

I think its genetics. I think emotional neglect can make it worse or maybe more prevalent but I believe there is always a genetic component.
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Old 10-22-17, 08:54 AM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

I was thinking the day that emotional neglect alone can't bother me this much. I mean, there are people that came from worse background than me and they can start and finish their homework. I've been going to college since 2004 and I'm still in community college. Meh, sometimes I want to give up but knowing that I can accomplish great things is why I keep going back.
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Old 10-22-17, 10:04 AM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

i was not emotionally or physically neglected and am not diagnosed with any mood disorder...no emotional extrasensitivity here, either.

i think it's genetic for me. my father has it...i have it. and i was diagnosed at age 8...long before i developed any other issues.
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Old 10-22-17, 10:50 AM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

At this point, most scientists agree that genetics are the main cause of adhd.

Now that I've been on both sides, as a child and as a parent, I know it can be
very difficult to connect with your children and be a good parent if you have
adhd yourself. Emotional dysfunction is certainly a part of the adhd package.
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Old 10-22-17, 12:49 PM
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Re: Emotional Neglect or ADD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Excutivedreamer View Post
That's really interesting. I'm assuming you were paraphrasing Dr Gabor mate, please let me know the source. Thank you.
Yes, I was paraphrasing Dr. Gabor Mate.

Example..

Quote:
Quote:
Virtually all the authors of popular books on the subject assert that ADD is a genetic disorder.

With some notable exceptions, the genetic view also dominates much of the discussion within professional circles, a view I do not agree with.
Quote:
I believe that ADD can be better understood if we examine people's lives, not only bits of DNA.

Heredity does make important contribution, but far less than usually assumed.

At the same time, it would serve no purpose to set up false opposition of environment to genetic inheritance.

No such split exists in nature, or in the mind of any serious scientist.

If in this book I emphasize environment, I do so to focus attention on an area that most books on the subject neglect and none explore in nearly enough detail.

Such neglect frequently leads to crippling deficiencies in what people are offered by way of treatment.
Quote:
There are many biological events involving body and brain that are not directly programmed by heredity, and to say that ADD is not primarily genetic is not in any sense to deny its biological features--either those that are inherited or those that acquired as a result of experience.

The genetic blueprints for the architecture and the workings of the human brain develop in a process of interaction with the environment.

ADD does reflect biological malfunctions in certain brain centres, but many of its features--including the underlying biology itself--are also inextricably connected to a person's physical and emotional experiences in the world.
-Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", p. 25-26.


M
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