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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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Old 12-23-17, 12:28 AM
Kappalicious Kappalicious is offline
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Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

Hello, I have a question regarding a very close friend of mine who has ADHD (and depression, if that matters). Anyways, the problem with him is that anytime we skype or just talk on the phone he is SO INCREDIBLY absent minded and like he doesnt pay any attention to what Im saying. For example last time we skyped, WHILE we skyped, he was busy writing an essay on his pc, with me telling him if he please could stop doing that since I was there trying to talk to him! And it wasn`t even a sudden call, we arranged that skype call some time before. I told him many times to give me his full attention, just for 5 seconds (since he seemed able to do so the previous times) and to stop wrinting his resume while I was trying to chat to him, even if it was very difficult (I had to repeat the questions many times before getting an answer etc). After about 40 minutes or so I gave up, it was just so tiresome and told him that I had to go and he could continue do his business. But he told me not to and seemed genuinely sorry for his behaviour. So after that his level of attention stayed up for another 30 minutes and that was that.

My question for you is: can his behaviour be related to his ADHD or hes just being a dick? I mean, we ve never met in real life before (yet), but we talked on the phone before and while his attention span is generally low, hes never so blatantly ignored what I was saying to do something completely different. Also, via text he`s usually much more focused. So, should I be mad at him? I mean, I understand he has ADHD, but how can you ignore for 40 minutes someone who is trying to talk to you??
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Old 12-23-17, 01:27 AM
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Re: Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

I would not have spent 40 minutes putting up with being ignored.

I would have left the conversation in less than five minutes.

I have ADD if I have to ask a question more than twice I will either foget what the question was or impulsively make up my own answer.

I simply do not have the patience to put up with blatant rudeness regardless of the reason behind it.

ADD is not an excuse for bad behavior.
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Old 12-23-17, 05:43 AM
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Re: Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

He didnt deserve 40 minutes of your time. I would have asked once or twice and promptly ended the call without even telling him I was going to hang up.
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Old 12-23-17, 06:26 AM
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Re: Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

The lack of attention he's giving you seems to be working for him. Otherwise you wouldn't be obsessing over him right now.

Ask yourself this. If he gave you more attention, would you really want his attention so much?
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Old 12-23-17, 09:11 AM
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Re: Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

I'd say though, yes it was incredibly rude;
but if that essay had pressing on his mind, if it had a due date - he simply may have not been able to also speak with you, even though he wanted to and firmly believed it was possible.
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Old 12-23-17, 11:35 AM
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Re: Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
The lack of attention he's giving you seems to be working for him. Otherwise you wouldn't be obsessing over him right now.

Ask yourself this. If he gave you more attention, would you really want his attention so much?

Oh come on, just because I`m asking if he was rude or not it doesnt mean I`m obsessed with him. Quite the contrary, I`m starting to drift away from this friendship
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Old 12-23-17, 11:39 AM
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Re: Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

Thank you all. I think his ADHD is pretty severe. Maybe that day it was more severe than others? I ask because usually he is much more responsive. I don`t know how much I should be ****** off
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Old 01-03-18, 04:33 PM
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Re: Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

Well, that does sound quite rude, and I’m not saying you should excuse that, but it might help explain it. He might not intend to be rude. I am not even very severely ADD but I often struggle with phone calls because I get distracted by what is around me in the room. So hard to pay attention when there isn’t a person actually in the room to focus on. Especially on long calls, or if the connection isn’t totally clear and there is static or something.

As another poster said, if he had an essay preying on his mind, he was probably very distracted. Worse than usual. Hence, less concentration than usual. If he is that distracted, more than usual, you would probably both be much less frustrated if you don’t keep trying for 40 minutes. When you realize he is too distracted, just politely close (no sense in two people being rude) and try another time.

Anyway, from what you said, he did eventually apologize and listen to you for 30 whole minutes! That’s a long time for me when I feel distracted. How about taking his apology as genuine, and discussing with him ways to help him remove distractions so that your skype calls can go better in future?
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Old 01-04-18, 05:48 AM
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Re: Was my friend rude or it`s just his ADHD?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kappalicious View Post
Thank you all. I think his ADHD is pretty severe. Maybe that day it was more severe than others? I ask because usually he is much more responsive. I don`t know how much I should be ****** off
It all depends on how typical this is. Was this the first time he has done this or is it a pattern for him to be this distracted with you on the phone?
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