Stress and Anxiety for Women with ADD

[ferrette1976]

Does anyone else here have big issues with stress and anxiety. I can't seem to calm down - I even grind my teeth at night while I am sleeping. I don't lead a particularly stressful life. Though I am married, I don't have any children. We just built a house - all the house stuff is really getting to me. I think it is the "keeping up with the Jones's" thing - I want everyone in the neighborhood to think I am a good as they are - so when things aren't getting done (ie - the yard) when I think they should be, I just wig out - and I don't feel any better until it is all done. Of course, my husband doesn't worry about these things at all - which I think stresses me even more! The other problem is that, once one thing is done, I find something new to stress out about! Ugh! Help!

Diane

[joanrdtobe]

Diane: Welcome to the Forums....It is good to have you here...and if you haven't shared an introduction with us about yourself, please free to do so.....(See introductions thread).....so we know a bit about you.....

but it sort of sounds like to me that you might be talking about the "not good enoughs" possibly....? or possibly the "don't do enoughs" which I so relate to....Hey listen, congrats on building the house....that is something to be commended for....perhaps your neighbors did not build their own houses (ya know the Jones ) so they don't have quite as much work as you so their yards might look nicer...and heck they may not be challenged with ADD as yard work is SOOO terribly difficult for ME, as an ADD'er....as it can be boring and repititive, right?(just thought I'd throw that in).....

Are you on any anxiety meds? Do you meditate at all to help with anxiety?

In any event, hang in there....maybe it's good your husband isn't a worried person....can you imagine if he got stressed out too?

Again welcome....please keep posting and you will get lots of support

[fasttalkingmom]

Welcome ! Love your icon, is it a grey hound?

Some times I do get both, like this week. I've been having trouble falling asleep and I've not been eating. Yesterday I made myself half a mini bagel with a dash of peanutbutter and didn't finish that and this was to be my breakfast/lunch. I had no dinner last night. I feel my anxiety in my stomach, if that makes any sence I just can't eat ....

To calm myself down I sometimes need to talk talk talk...lol.. My husband isn't much for listening to me because then he's stressed out..lol..So I call a friend or vent to friends via email.

The other things that help me are, having my 8 year old read me her favorite story. Sometimes just cuddling up in bed with my husband or children and talking quietly about nothing special works.

If those things fail me I just break down and cry...lol... That always works and a good cry can be good for you.

Paula

[ferrette1976]

Paula:
Yes, my icon is a greyhound - I have two of them. They're like potato chips - you can't have just one!

Ugh, I am jealous- I wish I could not eat when I am anxious. I swing between both - either I can't eat, or I mindlessly stuff my face!

Joan:
No I am not taking any anxiety meds. I think I do have problem though - my grandmother takes anxiety meds- could be a genetic thing. I really want to avoid the meds- those sexual side-effects really turn me off - no pun intended!

I try to do breathing techniques sometimes and it seems to help. The problem is remembering to stop what I am doing and just breathe!

Right now it is just overwhelming. I was so stressed about getting our grass planted this spring, because I really wanted it done last fall. So we get it planted - then have the concrete done. Now we need to start all over again because the concrete is higher than the grass - ugh!

Plus we are trying to get a fence in for our dogs. Two big projects at once. I worry that we won't be able to finish them before the snow flies.

[joanrdtobe]

Diane: My roommate has two greyhound dogs....so I live with two greyhound dogs!!! Their names are Sneakers and Danielle. My roommate treats them as though they were her "children". Isn't that interesting....no she could not get just one either....
Well good luck with the FENCE, and the GRASS and the CONCRETE....realizing it all will never get done....and something always needs doing....isn't it a bummer???? Don't forget to breathe....in/out -- in/out....

And keep making jokes about sexual side effects....and other things.....

[fasttalkingmom]

I'd love to have a grey hound ! better remember the two for one deal...lol...

My landlord wont let us have a dog so we have 4 cats instead....lol...

I'll bet like most stuff, anxiety can be in the family. I don't blame you about the meds. Been there with anti-depressive

Paula

[Keppig]

We just built a house - all the house stuff is really getting to me. I think it is the "keeping up with the Jones's" thing - I want everyone in the neighborhood to think I am a good as they are - so when things aren't getting done (ie - the yard) when I think they should be, I just wig out - and I don't feel any better until it is all done

That tore at my heart strings. I have the same problem. I have an apartment and I so want my apartment to be as clean and organized as the ones my friends have. I'm a single Mom so you can guess how hard that is when you are the house cleaner and the money getter, who has no organizing skills to speak of, I'm actually throwing alot of stuff out, 3-4 bags a week. I figure the less junk in the house the less it will get messy. Seems to work so far. I just wish I didn't care, you know what I mean?

[tudorose]

I am struggling with the stress and anxiety thing at the moment. I have only found one solution - karate. It makes me focus on something other than my worries and it tires me out.

I don't compare myself to other people coz I live by a different values system to them. I see it that it's not how tidy you are that matters. If I thought it mattered I'd be a nervous wreck. I worry about other silly things instead.

[Cait]

diane - I tend to have lots of stress and anxiety problems - my whole life, I think. And yes, I think there definitely could be a "genetic" factor - or it's learned behavior (although I don't think I could "unlearn" this by myself) - my grandmother has panic attacks (although she won't believe it) and she will get physically ill about going on trips, etc. So I know she has anxiety, even though she won't do anything about it. And my mother is a worry-wart, among other things.

Anyway, I was going to tell you that I've been taking Zoloft for about a year now & I can't tell you enough how helpful it's been for my anxiety & obsessive/depressed/dwelling behaviors and thoughts. The only thing I've noticed is I've gained 5 pounds since summer and I haven't figured out yet if that's related to the Zoloft or change in diet/excercise.

But, I haven't noticed any negative sexual side effects with this drug. That was an important factor for me - I know it sounds silly, but I didn't want anything interfering with that aspect of my life (which it sounds like you can relate to). So, my point is, that different drugs have different effects, maybe there is one out there that will work for you? Good luck.

[ej35401]

Diane,

I know how you feel. I hope that your family and friends are understanding. A year ago I truely burnt myself out with wedding plans. I obsessed about everything, trying to make it all perfect, not knowing how to calm down... and that it's not all going to be perfect.. .. little note.. my mother didn't talk to me for 3 months after the wedding. There are a few people who say I was pretty crazy: mother, bride's attendants & other friends. But I know it's true love when my husband tells me that he doesn't know what they were complaining about. I wasn't behaving inappropriately at all. Me obsessing over it got in the way of it coming out perfect..

I've been on drug therapy for 6 months now and that's what helps me to relax.

I hope for you, however you learn to relax or relieve tension will provided satisfaction of completed projects and cut out the stress of what hasn't been done. If you aren't intrested in drug therapy look into EMDR or just counseling.

Project that haven't been started just means that you have more time to be creative with them. It's can be a fun thing... mistakes can be a good thing.. the grass and cement not lining up - put a transition piece in there like a stone or brick edge that will help line it all or line it with some sort of hedge or flower box.

Good luck finishing up your yard.

Maybe a trip to the bueaty salon for a massage and pedicure every week is what you need.

Elizabeth

[FlakeyGirl]

Ladies...I've got news for you all: "Perfect" is an illusion. It is some kind of game we play to try make ourselves feel like we are in control of things. Somehow, we think it will feel good to have things under our control! That is a d**n big job. Do the best you can. It will be good enough. It is not a contest. It is not a race. Try to see the silver linings. Try to count your blessings.

If it makes you feel any better, the "perfect", "capable, "
"together" people don't really have it all that great either.

If you haven't already, try to see the movie "Bruce Almighty" with Jim Carrey. It has a great message for everyone, especially for ADDers, I think. Reviewers have likened it to a modern-day Jimmy Stewart movie. It is out on Video/DVD now.

If memory serves, I think it is family friendly, too. There may have been mild sexual references. Probably over most little kids' heads.

[unreal33]

Bruce Almighty was *mostly* family friendly... but I do NOT recommend renting it for little ones... because there is one scene where he is a weather forecaster, and he's mad, and he's covering something in niagara falls... and at the end of a ranting weather forecast, he shouts to the camera: "BACK TO YOU, F***ERS!"

That was the only reference in the movie to that word, but it's a BIG one and won't be missed by anyone. So I HIGHLY recommend you not let them watch it.

(BTW, sorry for posting in the women's forum... just thought I would post the note of caution.)

[FlakeyGirl]

Oh yea! I forgot about that part. I thought it was pretty funny, but he is right, not something you want your four year old going around repeating.

There was another part about Jennifer Anniston's chest. My 8 yo son thought that part was just great.

[Celia]

I tend to be a very nervous person. During times of stress I tend to get paralyzed or completely spaced and forgetful. When I lose things I can get very obsessive about them. I just have to find them and it feels like I can't stop myself from obsessing. I try to keep things where I place them and it feels like I can't get things organized enough. I put things in "safe" places where I think I'll find them easily, but then I forget where I put them and I get frustrated to a point where I want to explode on someone. I am very picky about my things, when someone takes, let's say a bathroom towel and it somehow gets lost, I start rumminating about who took it and why did this person take it, and I worry about whether or not this person will give it back to me... It's just crazy. I often feel bad about that. I try to compensate for my forgetful mind, I constantly have to make a conscious effort, as I said it's an obcession ( I don't know how to spell that). There's a lot more stuff that stresses me about my ADD, It can make problems heavier and larger and good things funnier and exageratingly exciting. In regards to dogs. I've gotten more tolerant to the great dane in our house. I still get obsessive about the hairs all over the house. It really bothers me. I feel all out of control when I find an excessive amount of hairs anywhere, especilally on my clothes I get very frustrated and I immediately start getting them off my territory.

[SquirlyQ]

I have had anxiety and panic attacks for the last 17 yrs. So I can relate. I'm on medication to help control this, it seems to help. It used to be so scary though. I think I have just learned to live with it as a part of my genetic makeup. It runs in my family,both sisters have this problem and my mom is a worry wart too. I also use deep breathing when it's possible that helps too. I also listen to tapes of nature sounds at night and that helps with sleep.