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Old 01-04-18, 12:28 PM
dihard dihard is offline
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I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

My son is 11 with ADD. I can never get him going in the morning. The typical morning is me waking him up with an "I love you, good morning" and after about an hour I am screaming about being late because he is still in bed.

This morning I just left because I was going to be late for work. He is at home probably still sleeping (no worries, I let my neighbor know and she will be home all day).

This has been going on for a while but has gotten worse the past 2 years. So, what can I do?? I have bought him an alarm clock of his own, tried waking him up to his favorite song, made pancakes (his favorite), did all my chores in the morning so that there was noise in the house. I just do not know what to do anymore.

Thoughts or suggestions?
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Old 01-04-18, 02:39 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

I had the same problem. At age 8 I told my son he was going to start to be really stinky due to hormones and it was very important for him to take a shower every day. Our new morning routine was then:

1. Wake him up
2. Stand there until he stumbles into the shower
3. Make sure you hear the shower go on
4. Allow 30 minutes for shower
5. Knock on the door when he needs to be out in 10 minutes..this was usually when my son would wake up, because yes he was sleeping in the tub with the shower on, and do his business.

I alternated bringing his clothes into the bathroom at the 10 minute warning and letting him pick out his clothes, depending on how well he did on time if he picked his own clothes out. After the shower was brought into the morning routine it actually went pretty smoothly. I can also say that my 8 year old daughter now smells way worse than her 15 year old brother! He still on occasion misses the bus but he has the Uber app for cold/rainy days and his own two feet for the other days.
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Old 01-04-18, 03:05 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

Ok, for starters. If you want to encourage him out of bed, the last thing you should be doing is making house chore noises. My parents used to do this to me and it did nothing to make me want to get up, it just frustrated me and ensured that when I did finally get up, i'd be in a very bad mood.

Does your son take any stimulant? If so, then you're best taking his breakfast up to him, getting him to eat it, then take his meds directly after. Do this about half an hour before you expect him to get up.
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Old 01-04-18, 04:09 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

I wake my son up, and give him some chocolate milk, or oatmeal and brown sugar, etc, and let him lay there. (With his light and TV on the channel he prefers) and then leave him alone, to gather his thoughts.

Then I set the timer on the stove, in the kitchen, for 20 or 30 minutes, that my son agreeded he would get up and turn off, to help him get up and going.

I let the alarm on the stove beep until he gets up and turns it off.

Then I ask him if he needs my help with anything.

Edit: in our home everyone has a hard time getting up when we need to, but when we do not need to get up, we usually get up earlier than we need to, so I try to create a non urgent pleasant situation when ever I can.

Edit: My son has some sensory issues with the shower (that I can also relate to) especially when he was younger and he preferred to take a bath the evening before.








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Old 01-04-18, 05:08 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
Ok, for starters. If you want to encourage him out of bed, the last thing you should be doing is making house chore noises. My parents used to do this to me and it did nothing to make me want to get up, it just frustrated me and ensured that when I did finally get up, i'd be in a very bad mood.

Does your son take any stimulant? If so, then you're best taking his breakfast up to him, getting him to eat it, then take his meds directly after. Do this about half an hour before you expect him to get up.
He sometimes takes his medication. We are working on that. Bringing breakfast and his meds to him sounds like a great idea but I do not want him to get too used to breakfast in bed
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Old 01-04-18, 05:19 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

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Originally Posted by dihard View Post
He sometimes takes his medication. We are working on that. Bringing breakfast and his meds to him sounds like a great idea but I do not want him to get too used to breakfast in bed
The whole idea is to get his mind into a routine of feeling awake for a certain time each morning. Medication can help with that. But it needs to be taken at the same time every morning on a consistent basis. Try it for several weeks, then his mind should start getting into the routine of feeling more awake at that time in the morning.
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Old 01-04-18, 07:31 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

Quote:
Originally Posted by dihard View Post
He sometimes takes his medication. We are working on that. Bringing breakfast and his meds to him sounds like a great idea but I do not want him to get too used to breakfast in bed
I am not talking about a breakfast buffet.

A warm chocolate milk ,or, toast and jam, or, warm oatmeal and brown sugar, or, a cup of orange juice..(whatever he wants..)

My son never took medication.

I understand your worry and I am not talking about spoiling your son.

I know my son had a hard time, like your son is having a hard time, and I look at any way I can make his life a little more pleasant, to accommodate for him having a hard time, as a good thing.







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Old 01-04-18, 07:33 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

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Originally Posted by Fraser_0762 View Post
Ok, for starters. If you want to encourage him..


Awesome.




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Old 01-05-18, 06:51 AM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

You are going to have to get up earlier yourself and get yourself ready and get him up earlier and stand over him in his room and direct him to get up and not leave until he is dressed and ready for breakfast. Its a pain in the butt but thats how you are going to have to force him awake. Try and dedicate a large portion of your morning to doing this even if it sucks.
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Old 01-05-18, 08:38 AM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

I'm not a fan of bringing him breakfast. He's a child, not an invalid. There is no reason he can't get up out of bed and get his own breakfast.

I don't get the idea of leaving a kid in bed to wake up slowly for 20, 30, 60 minutes....who gets that in the real world? Why set a kid up to a pattern like that?
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Old 01-05-18, 11:32 AM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

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Originally Posted by Caco3girl View Post
I don't get the idea of leaving a kid in bed to wake up slowly for 20, 30, 60 minutes....who gets that in the real world? Why set a kid up to a pattern like that?
So agreed. The child must adapt to the world, because that is the sole viable option. The world will neither adapt to nor accommodate the child, and later, the adult.

Don’t establish maladaptive patterns early. Operant conditioning is a double-edged sword, after all.


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Old 01-05-18, 12:09 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

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Originally Posted by Caco3girl View Post
I had the same problem. At age 8 I told my son he was going to start to be really stinky due to hormones and it was very important for him to take a shower every day. Our new morning routine was then:

1. Wake him up
2. Stand there until he stumbles into the shower
3. Make sure you hear the shower go on
4. Allow 30 minutes for shower
5. Knock on the door when he needs to be out in 10 minutes..this was usually when my son would wake up, because yes he was sleeping in the tub with the shower on, and do his business.

I alternated bringing his clothes into the bathroom at the 10 minute warning and letting him pick out his clothes, depending on how well he did on time if he picked his own clothes out. After the shower was brought into the morning routine it actually went pretty smoothly. I can also say that my 8 year old daughter now smells way worse than her 15 year old brother! He still on occasion misses the bus but he has the Uber app for cold/rainy days and his own two feet for the other days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caco3girl View Post
I'm not a fan of bringing him breakfast. He's a child, not an invalid. There is no reason he can't get up out of bed and get his own breakfast.

I don't get the idea of leaving a kid in bed to wake up slowly for 20, 30, 60 minutes....who gets that in the real world? Why set a kid up to a pattern like that?
He has the same reason for not getting up and getting his breakfast as for
not getting up and taking a shower ... adhd.

I'm not seeing the distinction between these two situations.

I've seen many recommendations for setting an alarm to take meds, go back
to sleep for another half an hour, then have an alarm for getting up once the
meds have kicked in. Seems to work better.

But ... the meds can interfere with appetite so getting some breakfast along
with meds sounds like a good idea.
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Old 01-05-18, 01:12 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

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Originally Posted by Lunacie View Post
He has the same reason for not getting up and getting his breakfast as for
not getting up and taking a shower ... adhd.

I'm not seeing the distinction between these two situations.

I've seen many recommendations for setting an alarm to take meds, go back
to sleep for another half an hour, then have an alarm for getting up once the
meds have kicked in. Seems to work better.

But ... the meds can interfere with appetite so getting some breakfast along
with meds sounds like a good idea.
Lunacie, I think we are crossing wavelengths or something. I'm saying get him up and stand there until he gets into the shower. And I'm saying Do NOT get him breakfast in bed.

ADHD is a serious condition, it can affect many things in a persons life. However, I am not seeing how ADHD is the cause of a person needing to be in bed for 20-60 minutes.

In this case the dad can't get the kid out of bed, dressed, and on his way to school. That's not ADHD that is a kid being a kid. Had the dad said "My son gets up fine but picking out his clothes seems to take 60 minutes"....that is for sure ADHD. This is a kid not wanting to get out of bed and start the day....like 99% of kids do across the US.
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Old 01-05-18, 03:42 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

So I used some Parenting with Love and Logic last night and all I said was... "breakfast will be ready at 7:00, my car is leaving at 7:30 with or without you, and if you miss school there will be consequences". Right away he asked "what consequences" several times and I did not tell him (the consequence is no video games for __ days). He got out of bed this morning and was almost ready to go right at 7:30. I'd say that is a win.
I am going to continue this so we will see how it goes.
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Old 01-05-18, 03:48 PM
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Re: I left my son at home this morning without a ride to school

My son is a young adult now, who took a year off school after graduating high school.

He decided to work in construction full time with lots of overtime for one year. (Saved about 40 000 dollars in one year)

Now he is going to one of the top technical schools in our country, which he paid for himself, spending about 14 hours a day, working on his school work.

He also stays late to help other people in his class.

Ironically, he seems way more popular in college than he ever was in school.

Now he really likes going to school.

I am so happy he has found his thing. (Understatement)

Not sure what some members here are saying about maladaptive behaviour.

My son does what ever I ask of him and does his fair share of chores, I have always let him choose which chores he preferred.

(I have a bad back and we take transit, he has helped me get and carry groceries almost daily, since he was a kid)

Our relationship is his medication.

It is about “keeping our attachment and attunement relationship first and foremost”, to me.

I still get up and bring my son a cup of orange juice, etc, and go through the same routine in the morning.

My son sets his alarm for 10 minutes after I am suppose to wake up just in case I sleep in, or if I am not there, and gets his own orange juice, etc.







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