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Old 02-10-18, 07:03 AM
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How to deal with anger issues?

Everyone has had to deal with that one immature coworker that enjoys antagonizing everyone, until recently I would always just ignore that type of person if I encountered them but now I'm in that situation again I feel it won't take much to get into a physical altercation even though I'm not the one initiating it, perhaps I should just straight out tell his boss that if he doesn't get a handle on him that somebody will be eating the pavement if you will.

Like most of you I've had to deal with all the usual abuse from people over the years that Adder's sometimes go through but now that I am getting older and realize this sort of thing isn't going to let up it has become more difficult controlling my anger lately and I feel like I'm watching a train wreck in slow motion and with no insurance or money to see a counselor coping becomes that much more difficult also considering the fact that I work 40+hrs a week plus enrolled in college makes it to where all I do is sleep when I have any free time.

If anyone has gone through this please let me know what was the first step you took in turning this around, I'm trying so hard to do the right thing in life, just have no one really to turn to.
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Old 02-10-18, 08:10 AM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

That sucks big time. What a pri*k

How comfortable would you be to bring this up to his boss? I really do like that idea, and think it'd be a good way to go about trying to take care of this. Especially if you think his boss will take it seriously and hear you out.

These kinds of jerks are so persistent and constant that you can't just ignore them. I'd HATE to see this a-hole ruin your job.

I'm glad you're here venting. And hopefully someone will come along who can be better help to you than me.

Sorry you're having to deal with this crap

(((Lloyd)))
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Old 02-10-18, 09:03 AM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

The anger itself is not the issue. You have to accept that. Follow it to it's source. there is a lesson there...

I once had a co-worker that was a master in setting up toxic situations on the workfloor. I guess he had a narcistic condition as he always claimed the credit for other peoples work, and when something went wrong, instead of finding solutions, he created such a ****storm to blame his own responsabilities away with the most insane reasonings.

I resented myself that i got angry at him, that he was able to get under my skin that hard, as ussually i am able to stand above all the workplace drama.

And to make matters worse, at that time i had a boss who... let's say... had a tendency to avoid conflict and who solved issues mainly by kicking the can further down the road. His fear to address this person was just enabling that situation even more.

And that made me even more angry :-)

The good thing is that this anger learned me something: the anger was pointing me towards my own values, and the internal rage i experienced that some people expertly manage to get away with having no values at all... except feeding their own immature ego.

In the end he did get fired, my boss went on an extended holiday, and the lid came of the pressure cooker escalating things very swiftly to higher management...
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Old 02-10-18, 10:35 AM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

This is how you do it, do not acknowledge him, never utter a word to him, keep a poker face at all times, never let your face show your disdain for him. Do not ever make any eye contact with him. Ever.

You see, this type of person always ends up digging their own grave. Let him.

If he does speak to you directly, pretend you didn't hear and continue on with your business. IF the job has to have some type of communication, let him do the talking and give a one word answer, but no eye contact!

By doing all of the above, he's already been wiped from your mind, and he'll leave you alone because you are not acknowledging him. And your anger will disappear because he's not worth it.

He will be left wondering. And he wants you to react to him. Never!

I have LOTS of other diabolical ways to handle him, but it is usually best to let him dig his own grave.
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Old 02-10-18, 10:56 AM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

I have always "defended myself" with my wit. I taught my kids to do so and anytime I have some of my AA newbies talk to me about passive aggressive/plain ole aggressive coworkers and friends we roll play so examples.

Last night I was helping a friend who is a waitress work through an antagonizing waitress coworker who is the pet of the boss and will never be fired and is super lazy.

She was telling my friend why she should cut her lemon for water a certain way,
and my friend got wrapped up in a debate about it.
We decided on.." Bless your heart for helping me learn the ways of lemon cutting"
"Thanks for the input Ill keep your expertise in mind for the next time"
This same coworker said something about my friend dwelling on her dead sister.
My friend was wiping the counter and the coworker was behind her so she "said it behind her back" but actually loud so she could hear it.." You dwell too much on your dead sister, its been 15 years!" She got so mad and said "you didnt go there!" We roll played and I told her next time maybe " Can you turn around and stand in front of me so I can hear what you are saying behind my back better? I want to take it all in". Not loud or nasty-matter of fact. She said it helped changer her perspective but Im not guru it was just something I thought of. Its easy to say ignore it, dont let it get to you but life is not like that. So Ive always tried wit-not confrontation- not yelling or anger- just clever wit. (not trying to toot my own horn, it just works for me.)
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Old 02-10-18, 11:30 AM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

Hi Lloyd, Based on info provided, all I can offer is what I hope I would do.

First I would try to assess who for the most part has the problem here. I would look at why all of a sudden my level of irritation from this coworker is so high. e.g are problems in my life making my fuse shorter or has this knob finally worn me down and something has to give.
  • If it's me, you have a short term problem to solve (figure out how not to punch out the knob and lose your job) and a longer term issue to address (why am I over-reacting to this mild irritation or possibly how do I even begin sorting-out why I am over-reacting).
  • If OTOH it is the knob that has finally worn you down, gather your facts (several real-life dates/times/instances of the knob being a knob and what you think the knob should have done differently), pick a time where you are calm, and approach your coworker and tell them you would like to sit down with them to discuss getting their help to solve a problem that you have. When you talk, tell them what they are doing that irritates you and share the ACTUAL occurrences and ask them if they could stop doing "it". If they agree, done. If not, be open to the other's viewpoint or explanations of their behavior. If this doesn't work and you're at an impasse, talk to your boss and point out how this person's behavior is impacting your ability to do your job.
GL, -LN
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Old 02-10-18, 01:53 PM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets View Post
I have always "defended myself" with my wit. I taught my kids to do so and anytime I have some of my AA newbies talk to me about passive aggressive/plain ole aggressive coworkers and friends we roll play so examples.

Last night I was helping a friend who is a waitress work through an antagonizing waitress coworker who is the pet of the boss and will never be fired and is super lazy.

She was telling my friend why she should cut her lemon for water a certain way,
and my friend got wrapped up in a debate about it.
We decided on.." Bless your heart for helping me learn the ways of lemon cutting"
"Thanks for the input Ill keep your expertise in mind for the next time"
This same coworker said something about my friend dwelling on her dead sister.
My friend was wiping the counter and the coworker was behind her so she "said it behind her back" but actually loud so she could hear it.." You dwell too much on your dead sister, its been 15 years!" She got so mad and said "you didnt go there!" We roll played and I told her next time maybe " Can you turn around and stand in front of me so I can hear what you are saying behind my back better? I want to take it all in". Not loud or nasty-matter of fact. She said it helped changer her perspective but Im not guru it was just something I thought of. Its easy to say ignore it, dont let it get to you but life is not like that. So Ive always tried wit-not confrontation- not yelling or anger- just clever wit. (not trying to toot my own horn, it just works for me.)
Clever wit doesn't work on people who are aren't clever.

Last edited by namazu; 02-10-18 at 09:18 PM.. Reason: Removed offensive language. Please avoid using the r-word on this mental health support forum.
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Old 02-10-18, 01:55 PM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Nut View Post
talk to your boss and point out how this person's behavior is impacting your ability to do your job.
I'm going to tell my boss he better get a handle on this before it turns into a physical altercation.
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Old 02-10-18, 02:36 PM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

Please note that was at the end of my suggestion and it was based on you first making sure that you aren't the source of the problem and if not then you trying to resolve the issue w/ your coworker beforehand. Calm and professional the whole time.

If out of the blue a subordinate busts into my office telling me I need to deal w/ so and so or I'll have a problem and you'll punch that person out, I may suggest that it appears I do have a problem and it seems to be you.
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Old 02-10-18, 05:03 PM
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Re: How to deal with anger issues?

Go speak to your boss but don't mention that you want to punch your coworker otherwise you will sound like the one who is the problem. Tell your boss everything that your coworker is doing that is doing it difficult it for you to work efficiently and effectively. Tell him how it affects your work if your mood at work. Good luck.
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