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  #1  
Old 01-24-18, 05:58 PM
Hahahahaha31 Hahahahaha31 is offline
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Some advice please

Ok, so first thing first. I failed at the first attempt of signing in. I was clicking the picture I liked rather than reading what I was actually being asked to do, that is pick the picture that looks like sand.

secondly, this is my second long winded attempt to write this thing.

So I've been fighting with the possibility that I may have adhd for a while now, I go back and forth with self doubt thinking I have it, then convincing myself I don't because I don't present all the symptoms. If I do, I may be on the lower end of it, but then it could be just because I'm partially deaf in one ear, dyslexic or because since college I've had anxiety.

When reading, I get half way down a page and even though i've been reading it, I haven't taken in the information. This is due to either something or word catching my attention and sending my brain into an internal set of images or dialogue and then I'm like what... this happens a lot. (I thought of something say after this, but its gone and now I'm annoyed with myself).

I've read that people walk into rooms and forgot what they went in for (me very often) however, Once i've retraced my steps I generally remember and go and get it, even if I've sat down.

When I was a uni, I was constantly leaving the house and then having to return because I'd forgotten something. Now, it's just the pack lunch I made the night before which is still in my fridge because I keep telling myself I'll sort that out later and then forget and then only reminded once I open up the fridge... this has actually reminded me to go and do it. But back to my point, this then means I end up spending money buying lunch even thought I bought food for the purpose of eating it for lunch and then forget it. I've never missed an appointment (but I think that's because I take my health quite seriously, a few years back, I had a health scare and my anxiety got worse). I can forget to buy things I need before they run out and then panic when I've ran out... which is really annoying, but I'm sure everyone does it.

I hate food shopping. When I use to go with a friend, he would go down ever eilse, where as I was a grab what I remember and get the f*** out, before I see the DVDs or books. I'm impulsive and get quite excited about things, i'm starting to control this, but sometimes I slip and buy books I'll read a couple of pages and then put down and not pick up again. I've bought a salt water car to build and still haven't done it - yet that's everything I love. I actually forgot I had it, but when writing about the books I looks at my book case and there it was all boxed up looking sad and wanting to be played with - now when I think about it, that sounds rude. I get excited about doing things like learning things and buy the tools and books to help me and then loose interest.

I've had so many jobs, but thankfully never been fired - I actually worked for a company for quite a few years but jumping around each section, soon as I was trained on every section I became restless, and found another job, which was a joke. They were going to fire me, but I quit before. They were horrible. They wanted me to move up the finance scale - trust me, nobody wants me to handle their finances.

There is so much more I could write, but i'm really struggle for words and to stay focused. If anyone has any advice, or questions which I can answer in short bursts would be amazing. I know in the UK its a bit pants for speaking with people, but I feel like i'm a fraud as I'm sure there are people who are so much worse than me, but there is a concern when my demands become more important, I will not be able to cope. Thank you in advance, if anyone replies
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Old 01-24-18, 10:55 PM
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Re: Some advice please

I'm really sorry to hear all your struggles. You clearly don't have a neurotypical brain (dyslexia, potential ADHD), along with physical hearing impairments, and it's easy to see why you go through life with tons of anxiety.

I don't know how the systems work in UK, but have you tried seeing a therapist or psychiatrist for your mental health issues? Did you previously see a specialist to get diagnosed with dyslexia?

You don't need to feel guilty about not being most disabled person. The reality is that your neuropsych issues are causing extreme dysfunction in your life, and you deserve to be medically treated for it.
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Old 01-25-18, 02:47 AM
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Re: Some advice please

If your life is severely impaired and you think that you aren't able to function in daily life it's worth getting assessed. It doesn't matter that you aren't the most impaired. ADHD occurs on a spectrum and some people experience fewer symptoms or symptoms with less severity And some others have better support structures in place so their symptoms don't cause that much damage. What matters is are you relatively functional or not.

The best would be to speak to your gp. They can trim refer you to a psychiatrist who will do the assessment. Even if it's not ADHD it's possible that something else is causing your issues like anxiety or stress (or depression) so it's worth trying to get to the bottom of your issues.

Keep in mind if you are going down the NHS route it can take a few months till you get to see a psychiatrist.
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Old 01-25-18, 10:17 AM
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Re: Some advice please

Thanks for your advice... This is the problem, I have been back and forth so much that I've convinced myself that it isn't impacting my life - because I've made ways to cope. The anxiety started after I left school and went to college, I failed my GCSEs and had to do a course to build up my grades to get to the next level... I felt so dumb that I didn't want to fail again and this has turned me into a profectionist, meaning I stress about getting the work done. So even though I would begin the project as soon as I got it, I would give up very quickly because I couldn't stay focused. I'd see other people who started at the same time and finish way before me and get really good grades. I would still be there the night before trying to get it done, because I re-wrote my essay so many times and still did terribly. Thankfully my masters was very practical, but I was impulsive and would make things without thinking how much things cost and make stupid mistakes and then get frustrated when I was told to do it again, or I didn't like it. I wasted so much money.

But all that said, I still managed to complete my courses on time and get good grades, which doesn't really fit ADHD descriptions ive read. Now that I am branching out on my own as a freelancer as well as working in town, my procrascination is starting to annoy me because I could get so much work done, but I'd rather sit and watch youtube or netflix. Or I could tidy my flat, but I wait until it becomes too much or my landlord embarasses me about it or about that I forget to take the bins out (which he reminds me each time, because I cann't not remember) I know it's every two weeks or something, but now theres the paper and card board one, and the recycling one.

Plus I got fine because I forgot my UTR number to do my taxes, even though I didn't earn anything that year. This year I couldn't find my p60 or remember my password when I did find it and I'm pretty sure I've left things out that would potentially give me more money back because I didn't organise myself better, but I've still done it though.

I also think that I'm being selfish, because I know there are other people who like I said have it way worse than me, because I don't have to worry about paying bills (my landloard is my mum's cousin), I know I've very lucky, but this has been niggling at me, I haven't stopped thinking about it. In away that hyperfocus disturbs people - I'll be at work and I think about it and want to look it up and so look into it on my phone.
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Old 01-25-18, 02:22 PM
Hahahahaha31 Hahahahaha31 is offline
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Re: Some advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by CharlesH View Post
I'm really sorry to hear all your struggles. You clearly don't have a neurotypical brain (dyslexia, potential ADHD), along with physical hearing impairments, and it's easy to see why you go through life with tons of anxiety.

I don't know how the systems work in UK, but have you tried seeing a therapist or psychiatrist for your mental health issues? Did you previously see a specialist to get diagnosed with dyslexia?

You don't need to feel guilty about not being most disabled person. The reality is that your neuropsych issues are causing extreme dysfunction in your life, and you deserve to be medically treated for it.
Yeah, I was diagnosed in my final year of uni as my teacher noticed that I was making intelligent points in my work but it wasn't coherent.
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Old 01-25-18, 04:27 PM
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Re: Some advice please

Thanks for sharing. I've never dealt with ADHD, but I know it can be very debilitating. Also, you don't have to possess all of the symptoms of a disorder to actually have it. Have you considered seeing a medical professional?
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Old 01-25-18, 06:36 PM
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Re: Some advice please

Hey Rachel,

Thanks for joining. Yeah many times, but never end up going, anxiety or not being organised another and getting anxious that they'll be like go away

A friend of mine sent me a form I could fill out, so hopefully I'll get somewhere. I know you are all right, for ages I was just getting confused about what it means to impaired by it - but the fact that I have quite a low self-esteem and anxiety and more, regardless of it being at the high end or low end, it's still effecting me, clearly (or whatever it is) I wrote tit instead of it and now I'm giggling to myself. Thanks for your advice guys, I'm not saying that I still feel that other deserve help more than me, but I need to at least try.
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Old 01-26-18, 01:53 PM
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Re: Some advice please

https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-tes...agnosis-guide/
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Old 01-26-18, 02:52 PM
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Re: Some advice please

Based on what you've shared about yourself, I think you should see a professional and not feel guilty about it! Take care, and keep us updated
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Old 01-26-18, 04:28 PM
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Re: Some advice please

I can relate. I'm not the most impaired but I have very supportive (it overprotective) family so I've never been really taxed that much. I still struggle tons with daily life.

I do question often if I really have ADHD even though I've been diagnosed with it by two different psychiatrists.

Anyway, whatever is wrong with me treatment, ie stimulant medication, made a huge huge huge difference and now that I'm off meds again I'm struggling immensely with even basic tasks just as I used to. the only difference is that how I know how much richer and more fulfilling life can be when you treat this "whatever is causing it" impairment.
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Old 01-30-18, 08:42 AM
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Re: Some advice please

i've decided I am not going to go ahead, as I am able to cope - I just get frustrated with myself and stressed out easily. I managed to get my work done on time even though it's stressful, but I rarely leave it until the last minute. I am normally trying to get it done, but just distracted because I don't want to do it. Even though I work non-stop, I am also quite lazy, I think. I see something that needs to be done and rather than do it straight away, I'll say I'll do it later and then forget and then only reminded when I need something from that job. I know that there are people out there far worst. I have never lost a job, just I learn everything and then want something new. I'm just an overly active person until it's something that's boring and I can't be bothered as there are other stuff that's more exciting to do. So I think it just bottles down to me needing to try a bit harder to get it done and stop believe I have something I don't just because I've read things that make some sense. I am able to function - just stressful, so because of that I assume I have something wrong with me. I know I lost keys and other stuff when I was younger... but I've never lost my keys now, nor my mobile or purse - I'll agree there are times when I'm having to look for them because I've put them in the wrong place.

I also rarely drink, or use drugs and I don't get involved in risky behaviour - as it's not my thing. I forget things people tell me because I don't write it down. If I wrote it down on my mobile I am fine. Yes I forget names, after someone told me - but I think a lot of my problems are to do with my dyslexia. When I do my design work, I can sit there for hours and hours and get the work done. It's mainly written work I struggle with and reading. Also big picture stuff is a dyslexic thing so I think I'm worrying over nothing. Organisation is another things to do with dyslexia so it kind of makes sense. I just need to stop worrying and except my oddness and quirkiness is my dyslexic and anxiety brain. Sorry to have bothered you with my worrying. Good luck to all those who are really struggling.
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Old 02-02-18, 06:05 AM
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Re: Some advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hahahahaha31 View Post
So I've been fighting with the possibility that I may have adhd for a while now, I go back and forth with self doubt thinking I have it, then convincing myself I don't because I don't present all the symptoms. If I do, I may be on the lower end of it, but then it could be just because I'm partially deaf in one ear, dyslexic or because since college I've had anxiety.

When reading, I get half way down a page and even though i've been reading it, I haven't taken in the information. This is due to either something or word catching my attention and sending my brain into an internal set of images or dialogue and then I'm like what... this happens a lot. (I thought of something say after this, but its gone and now I'm annoyed with myself).
I get this. Sometimes I copy and paste a link into the printfriendly.com website to get a text version without all the adds and images so I can read it easier.


Quote:
I've read that people walk into rooms and forgot what they went in for (me very often) however, Once i've retraced my steps I generally remember and go and get it, even if I've sat down.

When I was a uni, I was constantly leaving the house and then having to return because I'd forgotten something. Now, it's just the pack lunch I made the night before which is still in my fridge because I keep telling myself I'll sort that out later and then forget and then only reminded once I open up the fridge... this has actually reminded me to go and do it. But back to my point, this then means I end up spending money buying lunch even thought I bought food for the purpose of eating it for lunch and then forget it. I've never missed an appointment (but I think that's because I take my health quite seriously, a few years back, I had a health scare and my anxiety got worse). I can forget to buy things I need before they run out and then panic when I've ran out... which is really annoying, but I'm sure everyone does it.
Everyone may do it but its not about whether other people do it, its about how impairing it is for you.

Quote:
I hate food shopping. When I use to go with a friend, he would go down ever aisle, where as I was a grab what I remember and get the f*** out, before I see the DVDs or books. I'm impulsive and get quite excited about things, i'm starting to control this, but sometimes I slip and buy books I'll read a couple of pages and then put down and not pick up again. I've bought a salt water car to build and still haven't done it - yet that's everything I love. I actually forgot I had it, but when writing about the books I looks at my book case and there it was all boxed up looking sad and wanting to be played with - now when I think about it, that sounds rude. I get excited about doing things like learning things and buy the tools and books to help me and then loose interest.
Jumping from one interest to another without seeing them through is very adhd.


Quote:
I've had so many jobs, but thankfully never been fired - I actually worked for a company for quite a few years but jumping around each section, soon as I was trained on every section I became restless, and found another job, which was a joke. They were going to fire me, but I quit before. They were horrible. They wanted me to move up the finance scale - trust me, nobody wants me to handle their finances.
I had a lot of jobs too. I am on disability now but I always interviewed well and got every job I ever applied for as long as I made it to the interview stage.


Quote:
There is so much more I could write, but i'm really struggle for words and to stay focused. If anyone has any advice, or questions which I can answer in short bursts would be amazing. I know in the UK its a bit pants for speaking with people, but I feel like i'm a fraud as I'm sure there are people who are so much worse than me, but there is a concern when my demands become more important, I will not be able to cope. Thank you in advance, if anyone replies
Dont feel like a fraud. Get checked out.
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Old 02-02-18, 06:13 AM
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Re: Some advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hahahahaha31 View Post
Thanks for your advice... This is the problem, I have been back and forth so much that I've convinced myself that it isn't impacting my life - because I've made ways to cope.
People tend to thing because they can cope or have coping mechanisms that they dont deserve help. But what are those coping mechanisms and are they healthy?
Quote:
The anxiety started after I left school and went to college, I failed my GCSEs and had to do a course to build up my grades to get to the next level... I felt so dumb that I didn't want to fail again and this has turned me into a perfectionist, meaning I stress about getting the work done
Yes, even people with adhd can be perfectionists. Almost like if it cant be done perfectly, why bother?

Quote:
. So even though I would begin the project as soon as I got it, I would give up very quickly because I couldn't stay focused. I'd see other people who started at the same time and finish way before me and get really good grades. I would still be there the night before trying to get it done, because I re-wrote my essay so many times and still did terribly. Thankfully my masters was very practical, but I was impulsive and would make things without thinking how much things cost and make stupid mistakes and then get frustrated when I was told to do it again, or I didn't like it. I wasted so much money.
Let that go. That was then. This is now.

Quote:
But all that said, I still managed to complete my courses on time and get good grades, which doesn't really fit ADHD descriptions ive read. Now that I am branching out on my own as a freelancer as well as working in town, my procrascination is starting to annoy me because I could get so much work done, but I'd rather sit and watch youtube or netflix. Or I could tidy my flat, but I wait until it becomes too much or my landlord embarasses me about it or about that I forget to take the bins out (which he reminds me each time, because I cann't not remember) I know it's every two weeks or something, but now theres the paper and card board one, and the recycling one.
Grades have nothing to do with adhd. You can get great grades and still have adhd. Just like you can get poor grades and not have adhd. There are plenty here who did well in school and are severly impaired by their adhd.

Quote:
I also think that I'm being selfish, because I know there are other people who like I said have it way worse than me, because I don't have to worry about paying bills (my landloard is my mum's cousin), I know I've very lucky, but this has been niggling at me, I haven't stopped thinking about it. In away that hyperfocus disturbs people - I'll be at work and I think about it and want to look it up and so look into it on my phone.
Dont compare yourself to others. Identify-dont compare. You are your own person and "having it way worse" is subjective. What worst means to you and someone else has nothing to do with actual impairment.
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Old 02-02-18, 06:19 AM
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Re: Some advice please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hahahahaha31 View Post
i've decided I am not going to go ahead, as I am able to cope - I just get frustrated with myself and stressed out easily. I managed to get my work done on time even though it's stressful, but I rarely leave it until the last minute. I am normally trying to get it done, but just distracted because I don't want to do it. Even though I work non-stop, I am also quite lazy, I think. I see something that needs to be done and rather than do it straight away, I'll say I'll do it later and then forget and then only reminded when I need something from that job. I know that there are people out there far worst.
I do not understand why you would let other people's success or failures impact whether you get treatment or not. Its no one's business what your impairments are. Coping is about managing life in the least stressful way with the proper tools. Coping is not hanging on the edge of the cliff with one arm praying you dont fall to your death. Healthy coping is the goal.
Quote:
I have never lost a job, just I learn everything and then want something new. I'm just an overly active person until it's something that's boring and I can't be bothered as there are other stuff that's more exciting to do. So I think it just bottles down to me needing to try a bit harder to get it done and stop believe I have something I don't just because I've read things that make some sense. I am able to function - just stressful, so because of that I assume I have something wrong with me. I know I lost keys and other stuff when I was younger... but I've never lost my keys now, nor my mobile or purse - I'll agree there are times when I'm having to look for them because I've put them in the wrong place.
You have to decide what kind of function you can live with. The disjointed hard kind of functioning? If so have at it. But stop comparing your issues with other people because it doesnt matter one bit.
Quote:
I also rarely drink, or use drugs and I don't get involved in risky behaviour - as it's not my thing. I forget things people tell me because I don't write it down. If I wrote it down on my mobile I am fine. Yes I forget names, after someone told me - but I think a lot of my problems are to do with my dyslexia. When I do my design work, I can sit there for hours and hours and get the work done. It's mainly written work I struggle with and reading. Also big picture stuff is a dyslexic thing so I think I'm worrying over nothing. Organisation is another things to do with dyslexia so it kind of makes sense. I just need to stop worrying and except my oddness and quirkiness is my dyslexic and anxiety brain. Sorry to have bothered you with my worrying. Good luck to all those who are really struggling.
All of the above can be associated with adhd but if you do not want it to get better and treat it, then its your call.
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Old 02-02-18, 07:54 PM
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Re: Some advice please

Thank you SarahSweets... I needed that. Youíre right I need to stop comparing myself to others. And healthy coping is important and I really donít want to struggle any more. I spoke with my counsellor about it and she said I should go as I deserve to know (something she said I often do). So I need to bite the bullet and talk to someone about it.
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