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General Parenting Issues The purpose of this forum is to discuss general parenting issues related to children with AD/HD(ADD & ADHD)

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  #1  
Old 02-12-18, 03:40 PM
Gwyn413 Gwyn413 is offline
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Parenting a boy with ADHD

I have an 11 year old son named Jack. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 8 after years of struggling at school. I put him on an I.E.P. and they sent him into special education in Colorado, where he thrived.

We moved to Texas (husband is military) and we put him into the special education program at Cody Elementary, where he was abused by his teacher (she gave him 2 inch long cuts on his arm, and bruises on both wrists). I had to remove him from the I.E.P. program in order to get him out of that school. He now attends Forester Elementary (Northside Independent District). He has been there for only 3 weeks and has already received 3 write ups and 1 in-school suspension for having meltdowns.

It has been miserable and frustrating dealing with these issues again (these are the same issues he had before he was diagnosed). I think he should be on an I.E.P. again, but my husband believes he needs to "toughen up" and disagrees with my parenting style completely. It's causing a lot of strife at home.

Basically, my husband and I probably both have ADHD. My husband was beaten severely as a child, and then abandoned at 15. He had no dad. I was abused mentally, and some physically, as a child until my parents kicked me out at 17. We've both handled our situations as best we could. My husband thinks he's a better person for his, but I disagree.

I want my son back in an I.E.P. program because he has less meltdowns in general (except for his last school, his spec ed teacher was awful). My husband wants me to keep him in general education because he thinks being tough on him will somehow make things click, and he'll start behaving. He also wants to spank him for discipline, hasn't bonded with him, is largely negative towards him. He's very critical of Jack, and I think he deflects onto Jack. Basically, it's become me and Jack vs. my husband. Jack and I are very close, and because of that, my husband is very critical of my parenting (while he spends 8 hours+ a day on computer games and Imgur). He parents from his computer chair.

I'm at a loss. I'm tired.
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Old 02-12-18, 08:23 PM
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Re: Parenting a boy with ADHD

Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry your husband isn't more understanding,
or even willing to learn.


And I'm horrified about the bad teacher who physically abused your son.
I hope you take that case to the school board, and if they don't do something,
take it to the state board of education, heck, take it to a lawyer and the media
if nothing is done about a teacher who would harm a child that way.


What your husband and a lot of people don't realize, is that ADHD is a valid
medical problem, just as much as being nearsighted and needing to wear eye
glasses, just as much a child with dwarfism needing surgery to straighten
crooked limbs, just as much as a child with a cavity needs to have the dentist
fill that cavity.

"Toughening up" won't fix any of those problems or make them go away, or
even make one stronger.

Sometimes what doesn't kill us leaves us with anxiety, low self-esteem, anger
and resentment, insomnia, tension headaches, whatever.
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Old 02-12-18, 09:59 PM
mildadhd mildadhd is offline
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Re: Parenting a boy with ADHD

Treating ADHD involves a family approach.

I read Dr Mate always met with parents to discuss about their lives and their relationship first whenever possible, before focusing on treating the child.

It is great that you know somethings do help.

I wonder what advice the people who you found success in the past could provide?

Maybe getting a teacher who cares, make contact with the people where your thrived?

I think it is very common to find things that work, only to be taken away due to life’s circumstances, at least in my experience.

Changing circumstances is a big problem for many people who have ADHD





M
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Old 02-16-18, 09:12 AM
Caco3girl Caco3girl is offline
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Re: Parenting a boy with ADHD

Sorry to be blunt here, actually this is a sorry not sorry situation.
1. ADHD is a medical diagnoses, much like high blood pressure is. If Jack doesn't get the accommodations and special instructions he needs he will fail, it's just that simple. Much like if a high blood pressure person doesn't do a near salt free diet they will never have a chance of improving.

2. The attitude of your husband will NOT change. You have to decide if you can live with that, and if your child/ren can thrive in that environment. I made the choice that I couldn't live like that, and my children shouldn't have to. Before I made that choice I tried counseling, seeking advice from his family, and spent two more years trying desperately to make it work. He was also unhappy and turned to drugs and alcohol to hide. My situation was desperate, yours may not be. The divorce was hard on the kids, but he didn't have a leg to stand on after his 5th dui, so I got custody. Both kids have IEP's, both kids aren't walking on egg shells anymore, and that makes it all worth it.
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Old 02-16-18, 02:57 PM
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Re: Parenting a boy with ADHD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwyn413 View Post
I have an 11 year old son named Jack. He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 8 after years of struggling at school. I put him on an I.E.P. and they sent him into special education in Colorado, where he thrived.
Do you mean the colorado school district your son attended did a full and formal eval and met with you and all parties agreed on an IEP? Just checking to make sure we are not talking about 504's.

Quote:
We moved to Texas (husband is military) and we put him into the special education program at Cody Elementary, where he was abused by his teacher (she gave him 2 inch long cuts on his arm, and bruises on both wrists).
Did you file charges against this teacher?Does she still have her job?

Quote:
I had to remove him from the I.E.P. program in order to get him out of that school.
I dont understand. In most cases you cant "remove" a child from his IEP plan. That too requires and eval. They are legally supposed to re-eval every three years to make sure your on is still in need of an IEP. What is his classification? And I have never heard of having your IEP revoked to leave a school.

Quote:
He now attends Forester Elementary (Northside Independent District). He has been there for only 3 weeks and has already received 3 write ups and 1 in-school suspension for having meltdowns.
His IEP paperwork should have been provided to the school. I know when my kids had IEP's, every meeting they gave me a copy that we all signed in agreement and I was able to show teachers or talk to them about it if they did not get their own copy.
In any case, if none of this happened here is what you should do. Immediately write a letter requesting a formal eval of your son for an IEP and special education services. Also keep a digital copy. Go to the post office and mail it to whatever dept handles these things (special ed, student services, special services, child study team etc) also mail one to the principal and superintendent. Send all of them certified mail, return receipt requested. Once those are out, send the digital copy via email to those same departmentsd-only add that a written letter is on its way. I think according to PRISE they have 60 days to do all the eval and have a meeting with you? (someone back me up). Google wrights law dot com. I cant link to it from here but it covers all your rights as a parent and gives you tips and helps you go through the process and educates you. Also, PRISE stands for: Parental Rights in Special Education. Google that too.

Unfortunately schools have to spend more money on special needs kids. Some of them are motivated by that and would rather punish a child.
Quote:
It has been miserable and frustrating dealing with these issues again (these are the same issues he had before he was diagnosed). I think he should be on an I.E.P. again, but my husband believes he needs to "toughen up" and disagrees with my parenting style completely. It's causing a lot of strife at home.
Your husband is plain wrong. And its your job to protect your son and provide him with an education that he deserves. If your husband cant get on board with that then you will have to go it alone.

Your husbands' criticism of your son is devastating to your son even if he doesnt act like it. It will follow him for the rest of his life and affect the way he sees himself and measures himself. Its your job to put a stop to this before its too late.
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Last edited by sarahsweets; 02-16-18 at 03:02 PM.. Reason: q
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Old 04-19-18, 01:18 AM
ryanolivas ryanolivas is offline
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Re: Parenting a boy with ADHD

I can relate since my son is diagnosed with ADHD too and It's really hassle but it breaks my heart too watching him suffering from it.
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Old 05-15-18, 02:23 AM
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Re: Parenting a boy with ADHD

You should file charges to the teacher who abused your son, you have the right to report it since the teacher is the one's at fault, for it causes a big damage to your son as well.
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Old 05-16-18, 04:16 AM
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Re: Parenting a boy with ADHD

I should have said this earlier but report the abuse to the police. It was a crime.
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Old 05-16-18, 05:26 PM
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Re: Parenting a boy with ADHD

As I would tell people who gave me harsh parenting advice. I can't discipline the ASD/ADHD out of him.

Like, say when being told by his grandmother that since he was behind in learning to speak I should withhold food until he can tell me.

You have full rights for his IEP. Don't let them tell you otherwise.

I was often told I was ruining my child by not putting him in a normal school when he started. From kindergarten to 4th grade I home schooled him. His meltdowns were out of control. His defiance was almost uncontrollable. His speech was not translatable by anyone but me at the time. I was told that he needs to go to a "real school" and who am I to say I can do a better job than a teacher could. I was straight up called a bad mother.

We worked through the 4 years and grew up and achieved a lot lot lot of progress. I put him into a school in 5th grade and he is now in 8th grade and mainstreamed. He still has his IEP with things like longer time to take tests, he's allowed fidget toys, he's allowed to leave the classroom if he gets angry or overstimulated.

Obviously everyone wants a mainstreamed child but some are ready sooner than others. You are his mother and you DO know best. If you have an environment and tools to support him and enable him to flourish then do everything within your power to use them.
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