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Old 02-18-18, 07:31 AM
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Question Fear of taking the first pill?!

After being diagnosed with AD(H)D about 5 months ago, i was put on a waiting list for an ADHD centre (meanwhile i had a talk with a very nice psychologist every other week).

When i got there over 4 months later (!), full of hope to finally get my treatment (meds & counseling), a psychiatric nurse, after doing a big questionnaire (again!) with me from behind her computer, told me that she wasn't sure and maybe there was more going on, so more investigations, like psychological tests on bipolar disorder and even a MRI to test on cognitive functions

That totally shook my world, as i had just accepted my diagnosis. I didn't feel in place at all at the strict environment of the centre (big rules on the wall that you have to pay yourself if you skip an appointment, which i understand but did not feel very welcome to start with) and it made me angry to be pushed in a system, without any guidance because i couldn't see the former psychologist anymore, again waiting 3 weeks without treatment and even fear for more possible problems (i took several IQ tests at home to make sure there was no brain damage!). So i decided to not go along with that and found a private practising psychiatrist, specialised in ADHD.

I wish i had done that sooner. It made me feel stronger again to take control, instead of being a number that has to fit in certain labels to get procedures starting. Good intentions aside, it felt more like being about them (insurance and stuff) than about me. The psychiatrist treated me like a normal person! Respectful, not needing much more treatment than medications, as i have found out so much already by myself and just need that extra help to get things going.

So now i'm staring at the medbox here on the table (methylfenidaat sandoz retard, 36 mg) and i'm scared to take the first one! Because of the stories i read about it, and the side effects. I'm mostly scared about palpitations, because i had them twice last year during panic attacks, but my ECG was normal. Does anyone recognise this somewhat resistance at the start, even when you know you want to give it a fair shot because it could be the best thing to do?

Sorry for this long post, any experience/advice is very much appreciated!
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Old 02-18-18, 08:10 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

I just started with my medication last Tuesday (54 mg concerta) trust me, if you are lucky enough and starting with the right type of meds, it is AMAZING...

there may be a few side effects yes, but tbh, I would trade a lot of negative side effects for the change I have already noticed
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Old 02-18-18, 10:46 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

I can understand how you feel, I am always nervous about taking medication.
I hope it works well for you!
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Old 02-18-18, 05:58 PM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

I was very nervous when I took my first medication. All my life, I had been told that medication was not needed and that people just had to work harder. Plus the long list of medical issues were quite daunting.

But I did it. And I'm very happy that I did because I can interact more fully in the world. Just make sure to follow the doctor's instructions on how often to take them. If you notice any heart issues, even if you're concerned, call in right away to talk with a doctor. And if you have any other questions, definitely contact your doctor as necessary - that's what they're there for.
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Old 02-19-18, 05:13 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

I did it just now! I know what also caused some resistance, the inner critic that told me for so long that i'm just lacking willpower to show up in life, and therefor medication would not be justified. Well to be continued...
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Old 02-19-18, 12:18 PM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

If you rationally consider the statistics, there isn’t any reason to worry about the side-effects from ADHD meds.

If you aren’t able or willing to do so, don’t read the side-effects listings.

I experience a few side-effects from dextroamphetamine, but they are all tolerable or manageable, and in any case, the overall benefit for me of being medicated is such that those side-effects are a very small price to pay, and absolutely worth it.


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Old 02-21-18, 05:49 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

Today is my third medication day. Everything seems more light, thoughts are more practical in the now and physical there's more energy. I feel like doing things, be creative and more playful. I haven't been able to be like this (and stick with what i'm doing) in a very long time!

First hours are the best. After that comes a more 'chemical' feeling, but yesterday that was less disturbing than the day before, so i guess it's a matter of getting used to? Also fear for the unknown and expectations could very well be a big influence.

I'm a little disappointed that the white noise in my head did not go away and feel a little guilty on having a bit fun with it rather than doing all the right productive things right away. I want to practise with that today. Or maybe it's time to let go of telling myself i have to work harder, and look more gentle at some positive things already: i wake up with more energy (even before taking the pill, maybe because i did so much more with the day before and no more need for afternoon naps?) and i feel much more freedom to be me (a more acting than reacting state). I can eat and drink good with it, which surprises me. I feel okay when it stops working in the night and even had a good sleep. I gave up drinking more than 2 cups coffee (out of fear for my heart rate), but i'm still vaping and hope to give that up soon too. One day at a time, last week i celebrated my 3 years sobriety! Now that i'm getting treated for what's really going on, there are no more valid excuses left to take a final step out of my addictions. Yet in the moment the excuse is that i'm excited over the meds ;-))

I know it works right away, but is it reasonable to say that i can give it some time to see how it works out and expand this to all area's of my life? Of course i'm still dealing with the person in me; i like the adhd part more than the add part, she's more alive. The psych advised me to take this dose 3 weeks and than see him again. So patience and trust and acceptance... this is what it is now, it's just a start and i might need something else or a different dose.

And i want to say :thank you: for being here, it helped me a lot to overcome my fear and i'm looking forward to share experiences.
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Old 02-21-18, 09:27 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

It almost always takes some time to find the right dosage and type of med...

I'm finding my first script massively beneficial but also not perfect.

I find the dose is not enough to benefit as well as it could and also, does not last long enough to cover all the periods in which I need to be productive
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Old 02-21-18, 08:11 PM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

Just so you know:

Your fear is a totally legit topic to discuss with your doctor.

You can call your doc's office ... express your fear ... and see if they have any suggestions.

Part of a good doctor's job is to make it "safe (and that includes subjective feelings) for patients to pursue treatment.

Good luck.

Tone
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Old 02-22-18, 05:36 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

Day 4. I'm starting to have doubts about the meds... i wonder if this is recognisable?

In the evening when it stops working i'm okay, but this morning as i took my pill one hour later, i start to notice rebound effects like mild sweating and restless thoughts, amongst them the one that maybe i don't have adhd after all because the meds don't make me calmer or better focust on things i don't like doing... then i start binge searching the internet on what happens if non adhd persons take it and i start to be afraid that i'm just doing drugs now and it's great to have more energy and lighter thoughts but will i become an addict now who needs her meds on time, or else i will freak out?

Also there was something that triggered me yesterday, my mother criticised my speedy talking again, like she also did before the meds, and that did not feel very supportive, she's against me taking meds, she thinks it's weak and dangerous and still tells me that i should accept myself as i am with the adhd and that made me realise that i'm more vulnerable now, because i didn't feel strong enough to not be triggered by that while going through this adjusting proces. Luckily i have a close friend who supports me and accepts me also with the meds, i think it's best to stay away from people who don't support me in this proces, and hope that it will stabilise in time so it will not bring me out of balance so much.
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Old 02-22-18, 05:44 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

you should always listen to this voice. This is how you enforce being responsible with medication, your power in the doctor/client relationship, and is also extremely important in the role of listening to your body. Not always is the pairing right for the individual.. its great to have this response. Let it become less of a panic, and more of a desire to research the medication and how it might affect you.

iDTour

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Originally Posted by Kaia.S View Post

So now i'm staring at the medbox here on the table (methylfenidaat sandoz retard, 36 mg) and i'm scared to take the first one! Because of the stories i read about it, and the side effects. I'm mostly scared about palpitations, because i had them twice last year during panic attacks, but my ECG was normal. Does anyone recognise this somewhat resistance at the start, even when you know you want to give it a fair shot because it could be the best thing to do?

Sorry for this long post, any experience/advice is very much appreciated!
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Old 02-22-18, 05:53 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Impromptu_DTour View Post
Not always is the pairing right for the individual.. its great to have this response. Let it become less of a panic, and more of a desire to research the medication and how it might affect you.

iDTour
Thank you so much for this last last sentence, it feels empowering, i will call my doctor today to share my concerns!
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Old 02-22-18, 05:59 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

Yeah, it can take a while to get the right dose/type of meds
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Old 02-22-18, 05:59 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

With any mental health matter, its important to have support, especially outside of medicative therapy. When the people around you influence you to doubt your diagnosis.. that can be kinda dangerou... i dont want to say dangerous.. but it can undermine your strategies.

Its highly (unfortunately HIGHLY) common for people to doubt the existance of ADHD, and are unable to recognize the qualitative effects of stimulant medication.. because they dont understand how ADHD actually affects an individual, and how stimulant medication actually works to rectify the surrounding issues.

For the record, its ok to doubt a diagnosis.. in fact its healthy. But its different to be guilt/shamed out of a diagnosis... renderd by a medical professional. This sounds like an amazing opportunity for you to do some hardball research on what ADHD is, how YOUR diagnosis fits with that, and how your medication is at least supposed to help you. This way you can advocate to the people around you, and educate them.

As with any mental health, and medical disorder.. it unfortunately falls on the afflicted individual, to educate the people around them, so that they can be better supported by them.

You'll find on this board and from its members (litterally) textbooks worth of current, valid and imperical data, research and testimony.. id offer some up tonight, but im in the middle of moving.

I just want to encourage you to be steadfast, and give this some time. Its common to feel guilt, by taking a medication which has an abused reputation.. the thing that makes this medication different than "drugs" is that its monitored by a medical professional, its distributed in controlled and regulated amounts, which by perscription you are instructed to take only so much of, at any given time.. and its designed and created in a lab which guarentees thats its free of impurities.

As long as you're adhering to the instructions of your doctor, youre not taking "drugs", your following a medication plan. And as with any "plan", it is important to communicate with the other members of your "team" in this case your doctor. They wont know whats happening with you, unless you talk to them. Including concerns, anxieties, and questions. This a healthy way to participate in this relationship.

You're going to be fine

iDTour

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaia.S View Post
Day 4. I'm starting to have doubts about the meds... i wonder if this is recognisable?

In the evening when it stops working i'm okay, but this morning as i took my pill one hour later, i start to notice rebound effects like mild sweating and restless thoughts, amongst them the one that maybe i don't have adhd after all because the meds don't make me calmer or better focust on things i don't like doing... then i start binge searching the internet on what happens if non adhd persons take it and i start to be afraid that i'm just doing drugs now and it's great to have more energy and lighter thoughts but will i become an addict now who needs her meds on time, or else i will freak out?

Also there was something that triggered me yesterday, my mother criticised my speedy talking again, like she also did before the meds, and that did not feel very supportive, she's against me taking meds, she thinks it's weak and dangerous and still tells me that i should accept myself as i am with the adhd and that made me realise that i'm more vulnerable now, because i didn't feel strong enough to not be triggered by that while going through this adjusting proces. Luckily i have a close friend who supports me and accepts me also with the meds, i think it's best to stay away from people who don't support me in this proces, and hope that it will stabilise in time so it will not bring me out of balance so much.
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Old 02-22-18, 06:45 AM
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Re: Fear of taking the first pill?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Impromptu_DTour View Post

You'll find on this board and from its members (litterally) textbooks worth of current, valid and imperical data, research and testimony.. id offer some up tonight, but im in the middle of moving.

iDTour
I would love that, i've tried to search this forum, but i'm overwhelmed by it being so much and not so good in finding the things i need to read.

Yes it's hard to let go of guilt for trying if meds will work for me, after 53 years of 'getting by' without. Some side effects this morning are also rubbing that in ('see what you're doing to yourself now?!'), and i have a history of doing party drugs many years ago and my brain is comparing memories and i'm very good at being hard on myself.

It's really good to read that it's part of the proces and i shouldn't compare it at all. And it's even better 'hearing' you say that i'll be fine, it really touches my heart!
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