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Old 03-04-18, 04:50 PM
Rose of luck Rose of luck is offline
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Question ANGER, split personality in partner

Hi. I am new to this forum. MY partner is yet to be diagnosed but is suspected that he may have adult ADD. He has suffered with bouts of depression that seem to cycle every 6-12 weeks lasting hours to a week at a time. When he gets dpressed he becomes a different person to me. He is cold and has no emotion or compassion to me. He is totally shut off and angry, to the point of being nasty and disrespectful. In a matter of hours or days, he completely comes out of this and returns to either a normal state or slightly vacant but happy with the world. He hardly ever takes responsibility for the times he is nasty, saying he doesnt remember or blaming it on me, or being down. Has anyone else had experience of these severe abusive mood cycles?
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Old 03-05-18, 10:58 AM
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Re: ANGER, split personality in partner

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Originally Posted by Rose of luck View Post
Hi. I am new to this forum. MY partner is yet to be diagnosed but is suspected that he may have adult ADD. He has suffered with bouts of depression that seem to cycle every 6-12 weeks lasting hours to a week at a time. When he gets dpressed he becomes a different person to me. He is cold and has no emotion or compassion to me. He is totally shut off and angry, to the point of being nasty and disrespectful. In a matter of hours or days, he completely comes out of this and returns to either a normal state or slightly vacant but happy with the world. He hardly ever takes responsibility for the times he is nasty, saying he doesnt remember or blaming it on me, or being down. Has anyone else had experience of these severe abusive mood cycles?
WHat makes you think this is adhd? I am not saying you cant have crippling depression with adhd but what you are describing sounds like a mood disorder of some kind. I am not a doctor and can only go on what you have shared here but he definitely needs to see a doctor asap. The fact that he doesnt remember these episodes or blames it on you does not remind me of adhd.
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Old 03-05-18, 11:53 AM
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Re: ANGER, split personality in partner

Not in cycles but for a period in the past, anger/rage (non-violent) to stop others from trying to get me to address issues I simply didn't have the strength (not right word, ability may be better) to address. Not directly ADHD issue in my case and I like to believe the anger/rage in those circumstances and the avoidance are abnormal for me.

I have no real insights with your issues, Rose. Based on your OP the lack of recall seems central. Your partner is either telling the truth and has no recall and that would likely be a key for a Doc or your partner is lying to you and that would be key to you determining your next steps. No ideas on how to go about determining which it is. HTH, -LN
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Old 03-05-18, 04:26 PM
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Re: ANGER, split personality in partner

we went to see a couples councellor, and after hearing a few things that he explained in terms of his thinking etc, and the dynamic of our relationship she suggested he see a ADD specialist. reading everything on it, he does seem to fit the bill, but I wanted to know if these mood swings were part of it
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Old 03-05-18, 06:12 PM
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Re: ANGER, split personality in partner

Something is clearly wrong--not necessarily ADHD.

Might be that your partner has ADHD ... but that they have another issue as well ... but no, we don't talk a lot in these boards about the behavior you mention here--if that is what you're asking.

Frankly though, I'm not sure it matters what the "reason" is ... unless this is sudden and new behavior. If this is sudden and new behavior, then you want to consult with your partner and insist on some kinda of checkup.

If this is not new behavior, really you want to protect yourself and consider getting out of the relationship. The partner might be a wonderful person ... that has nothing to do with whether or not they can give you what you want in a relationship.

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Old 03-06-18, 06:16 AM
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Re: ANGER, split personality in partner

Regular cycling mood is not a characteristic of ADHD. We do have large mood swings, but they tend to be triggered by events, and the mood swing is out of proportion to the triggering event or thought.

I have professional understanding of counselling in the UK and I would be VERY dubious of any diagnosis by a counsellor, there is NO way a conventionally UK trained counsellor can diagnose, unless they have an additional qualification, and their fees double.

It is regarded as unethical for a counsellor without these additional qualifications to put forward a diagnosis. Some counsellors believe that even mentioning a possible diagnosis is not beneficial for the client(s).

Diagnosis is done by psychologists or psychiatrists. IT sounds like your partner needs to raise this with his GP and get a referral. If you have the funds, my advice would be to go private. Private clinical psychologists cost about 100+\hr and the diagnostic process may take several hours..... but it is worth the outlay. Once diagnosed, many doors open.
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Old 03-06-18, 06:38 AM
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Re: ANGER, split personality in partner

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose of luck View Post
we went to see a couples councellor, and after hearing a few things that he explained in terms of his thinking etc, and the dynamic of our relationship she suggested he see a ADD specialist. reading everything on it, he does seem to fit the bill, but I wanted to know if these mood swings were part of it
I do not believe that mood swings like this are part of adhd.
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Old 03-06-18, 04:15 PM
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Re: ANGER, split personality in partner

rose, it sounds like your doctor understands adult ADHD, thats great

ADHD is considered a disorder of emotion regulation, which is an incredibly misunderstood topic

yes, people with ADHD can have mood swings or overactions based of events in your life , these can be seen as dramatic

however, in ADHD you can also experience endogenous mood swings as well (moods generated within)

its complicated and a very difficult disorder to live with

you also should not put up with ANY type of abuse no matter what the disorder

here s an article to back these statements

Everyday emotional experience of adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: evidence for reactive and endogenous emotional lability.

Skirrow C1, Ebner-Priemer U2, Reinhard I3, Malliaris Y4, Kuntsi J1, Asherson P1.
Author information
Abstract
BACKGROUND:
Emotional lability (EL), characterized by negative emotional traits and emotional instability, is frequently reported in children and adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). However, EL is primarily assessed using retrospective self-report, which is subject to reporting bias and does not consider the potential influence of positive and negative everyday experiences.
METHOD:
Ambulatory assessment was carried out in 41 men with ADHD without co-morbidity, current medication or substance abuse, and 47 healthy control participants. Reports of negative and positive emotions (irritability, frustration, anger, happiness, excitement) and the occurrence of bad and good events were completed eight times daily during a working week. Group differences in emotional intensity and instability were investigated using multilevel models, and explored in relation to bad and good events and the Affective Lability Scale - Short Form (ALS-SF), an EL questionnaire.
RESULTS:
The ADHD group reported significantly more frequent bad events, heightened intensity and instability of irritability and frustration, and greater intensity of anger. The results for positive emotions were equivocal or negative. Bad events significantly contributed to the intensity and instability of negative emotions, and showed a stronger influence in the ADHD group. However, covariation for their effect did not eliminate group differences. Small-to-moderate correlations were seen between intensity and instability of negative emotions and the ALS-SF.
CONCLUSIONS:
Adults with ADHD report heightened intensity and instability of negative emotions in daily life. The results suggest two components of EL in ADHD: a reactive component responsive to bad events and an endogenous component, independent of negative everyday events.
PMID: 25066432 DOI: 10.1017/S0033291714001032
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