Update on my experience

[NightStar]

Originally Posted by NightStar

I was originally mis-diagnosed with Depression (age 16) and placed on Prozac - my family and friends said that I had an immediate change in temper (which before then I don't believe existed at all).

What I noticed at first was a general feeling like I could run around the block a few times I was just so manic - happy all the time for no given reason... then the temper set in.

After they rediagnosed me with Bi-Polar / high aggitation, they placed me on Lithium and Ametriptiline. I don't know which one cased it, but I did not like it one bit... it stole away my highs, no longer feeling passionate about life. I felt like a zombi, and disliked it so much that I eventually quite taking meds (age 20).

Since then I have had no medical insurance, and have just couped day to day on my own... jumping jobs all these years never settled into anything long term. Eventually married, and really don't feel like I had when I was younger, kind of like I had lost the manic highs for good... I am not depressed, but in general feel blah about things. So have a feeling that the meds I did take years ago had permanent side affects, I really don't know - just that I am not the same as I was back years ago.

Recently with work I have reconsidered seeking treatment, since I have a whole lot of trouble with racing thoughts, distractions, and memory day to day. I am thinking that I need to once again be re-diagnosed.

Since last I posted, I have started taking medications for ADHD, Bi-Polar and Depression... been stressed out quite a bit, I lost my job. Almost to the brink on finances, still don't have any medical insurance.

Started Methylin for the ADHD, 10 mg 3 times per day.
Lexapro 30 mg 1 time per day & Cybalta 60 mg 1 time per day.
Also for the Bi-Polar I am on Risperdal, 2 mg 2 times per day.

I am still having major trouble with racing thoughts, flustration, stress. Motivation to pick myself up and really work hard to find a new job.

Side affects, can't say what is causing what, but I have gained maybe 6 to 8 pounds in the last few months (eating all the time) also sleeping a good deal more then ever before. Lost sex drive, and actually having trouble with my body producing milk when I am not preganent.

Half the time I get the medication, but just can't afford the blood tests, and gallbladder tests that I am suppose to be getting. I keep pushing my luck when the money could be better used to pay bills. I am at a loss, I keep trying even though I am about out of money to keep financing this treatment.

[Andi]

Your treatment should be a priority. I know it's hard to think about when there are so many things wrong, but you have to start with YOU before anything else can fall into place. Look for a clinic in your area or an agency that deals with low income and individuals without insurance. There are many programs that are available to you, the key is finding them. I'm glad you are on meds and know that it's the right thing for you in order to get better. Hugs and God bless.

[NightStar]

That is the problem, finances this year we made likely 40K, but prior had been upwards to 50k... so that always put us out of financial help for low income since we are not low income. Our cost of living has been high, and I am thinking very hard about filing bankruptcy alone. And trying to get on disability, maybe go back to school... try to work towards what I love and that would be to run my own business helping people with credit problems, or I should better say - reporting problems. with the credit reporting agencies... that is my specialty since I worked for a credit bureau up until this last month when I quit because of stress.

But if I scrap everything maybe I can get a fresh start and get help that I need, I don't know, just don't think I am thinking straight right now... not sure what I should be doing... before I would of never filed bankruptcy. I have taken great pride in the past to paying my bills and trying so hard to get out of debt, but this year has already cost me over 5k / 6k in medical and it is bringing me down fast.

[NightStar]

Well things have changed since I last posted I am now on:

Clonazepam 1mg per day
Zoloft 200mg per day
Geodone 80mg per day

I am:

Bipolar I
Borderline Personality
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Attention Defficit Disorder
Post Tramatic Stress Disorder

I just recently went through divorce, up until recently I have been in a down word spiral with depression. I finally started smoking pot, and I am now feeling a bit manic, and my sex drive has picked up again. I am able to laugh again, and I am out dating again, looking for another long term partner, this time someone who will like me the way I am.

I am still devistated over loosing a 10 year marriage, and I am very lonely right now, and that is the driving force in my life now to fill that void.

I am raising a 20 year old, took him in when his dad left, will help him get on the right track, but it is strange having a son / mother relationship, I know over the 10 years of marriage that the kids where there 4 out of 5. Just I didn't feel like a parent then, I just went through the motions doing things... but not feeling the bond that developed.

Well I am feeling better, but not because I have found the right mix of medications yet, I am currently not being treated for the ADHD, cause I think the Ritilin I took some time back set off my bipolar. I still have problems with concentrating, short term memory, I just don't feel productive right now.

[Johna]

Aren't you concerned about getting busted for smoking pot? What can of example does that set for your children? Divorce is worse than death, but you'll go on you have no other choice.

[NightStar]

I don't mind taking the chance, just because I am out of my depression, well the worse of it, and I am finally able to move forward again.

The 20 year old is moving out, he is going to be on his own soon, I don't work at being role model, never wanted children, this is the last one left from my prior marriage. I care about him, and I currently help him out paying some of his fines. He got into his own kind of trouble, I am just trying to help him out, but I know I am not a role model.

[addme]

Originally Posted by NightStar

I don't mind taking the chance, just because I am out of my depression, well the worse of it, and I am finally able to move forward again.

The 20 year old is moving out, he is going to be on his own soon, I don't work at being role model, never wanted children, this is the last one left from my prior marriage. I care about him, and I currently help him out paying some of his fines. He got into his own kind of trouble, I am just trying to help him out, but I know I am not a role model.

Wow NightStar, that was really honest. I don't have children. I've often wondered how a parent can juggle children and ADD/depression? I'm glad to hear things are looking up for you.

[NightStar]

Thanks addme for the encouragement.

Things are a bit more busy now, I went and got my sister out of Florida, she is also bipolar and was going through a hard time too in her life.

I have been getting along real good with the step son, and have been invited to live with them to get back on my feet, and they don't mind my sister staying either.

I am very manic at this time with my bipolar, I have started dating again, and trying my best to find someone suited to me.

[nikkimorton4]

Do you take the time to work with a professional counselor? I think anytime someone is on meds, child or adult, it is important to have a professional that you can sit with and discuss your issues with. that is the only way that both you and they will know what is working for you and what isn't.

I too, have ADD, as well as some other, undiagnosed issues. I understand what it feels like to feel overwhelmed and not know what to do. I would suggest, simply for your future goals and pursuits, that you consider discontinuing the pot as a treatment plan. The reason I say that is not at all judgement on your part, believe me, its just that the chance of being "busted" is too high a risk for you. If that happens, you will have a permanent reminder on your record taht will follow you wherever you go. Future job opportunities may be risked because of it, etc. I would encourage you to find someone to talk to who can work with you on self esteem, and your overall sense of well being. Again, there are services available for people who are uninsured. Check with your local mental or behavioral health agency. Good Luck NightStar.