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  #1  
Old 11-09-05, 01:16 AM
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Does therapy make you feel better?

Okay, so how many of you just feel generally POd after a therapy session? My therapist has decided my stress is getting a bit out of hand and that I now have a WonderWoman complex (I can tell she's never been to my house), so do we talk about the current issues that are stressing me out now...No we are back tearing my childhood apart (again)!

If you dig hard enough you can always come up with something in the childhood that is a trigger but I get so tired of revisiting the same crap. It doesn't take a rocket scientinst to tell you that working with emotionally disturbed kids is stressful. And it doesn't take Freud to tell me that a family with 3 children with varying degrees of disabilities is stressful... But should you feel like you just wasted and hour that you don't have to pay someone money to rehash the same issues.

I'm not even going into the "your too clinical when you talk about your issues" mantra. I just have a hard time spilling my guts to someone who connects everything to my childhood. I've only been going to therapy for a few weeks, but I'm beginning to dread it. Does anyone else have these views?
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Old 11-09-05, 09:48 AM
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Um. I don't know if this is the same thing but.....I'm pretty self aware, and have done a lot of reading about my 'issues'. I know what stuff in my childhood led to my stuff in adulthood, I know what my self defeating behaviors are. So going to a shrink and rehashing all that for hours until she knows what I know does seem like a waste of time.

I have never been able to get through to a therapist that knowledge and self-awareness does not necessarily mean that one can overcome whatever is not working. It's more like analysis than it is problem-solving. It's like telling me that my mother didn't love me the right way and that's why I feel unlovable.....so now I'm supposed to feel lovable? OK...so, if I get in touch with my 'inner child' and 'feel her pain' and cry about it....will that allow me to 'let it go'?

I always gave therapy my best, but I did feel like something BIG wasn't happening.

It wasn't until I got into AA for my drinking that I actually learned to think differently about my issues and problems, and became able to accept everything in my life a whole lot better, without getting overly stressed about things. It's not anything I could convey here, but it has surely made a BIG difference.....in a way therapy never did.

Of course, maybe I just didn't find the right therapist. I tend to be more of an independent thinker, and found that the therapy process required me to rely too much on the therapist for solutions. And if her solutions didn't ring true for me, I think the process tended to get 'stuck'...where she would continue to work towards my finding my way down her road.

What I like about AA is....there are a whole lot of folks who have found something BIG in some general guidelines/suggestions/concepts/steps. There is a lot of room for applying these to your own situation.

"The only requirement for AA is the desire to stop drinking". To me, this means that I need to have the desire to stop escaping my life through alcohol. If you do this at all, you might want to give AA a try. You aren't even required to say you are an alcoholic. I don't mean to 'preach' AA, only to say that it has worked for me in a way that therapy never did.
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Old 11-09-05, 01:00 PM
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AA is Awesome! It has helped more people in its 35 years (Happy Birthday AA) than any other kind of "therapy." The whole Higher Power concept together with ultimately taking responsibility for your past actions (further down in the steps) sets it apart from any other concept of therapy. I would highly recommend AA for anyone with addiction or codependency of any kind. It doesnt even have to be alcohol, you are responsible for working your program and you are sharing with a ton of people who know exactly what you are going through because they've all been there. And just try to stand up in a meeting and make excuses for your behavior. You got a room full of people who will call you on your s--- in a second.
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Old 11-09-05, 01:24 PM
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I'm assuming your in cognitive Behavior Therapy.Your either in the wrong kind of therapy for you or your missing something that the therapist hopes you will pick up on and you haven't yet so he keeps going back. Your therapist is probably trying to get you to see where your belief systems started and that would be your childhood obviously. Emotional problems are rooted in childhood but perpetuated through reindoctrination in the now. So it's not the problem itself that causes the consequences or emotions it's your belief of the problem. Maybe you should try Person Centered Therapy. This type only deals with the here and now. Have you told your therapist you're not happy with the way things are going in therapy?
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Old 11-10-05, 12:58 AM
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Like Joyous56, I tend to do a lot of self-analysis, so I tend to be aware of my own motives for a lot of what I choose to do or not do....that frustrates my therapist because I already have those types of answers. I'm still willing to try to work things out with her, and I understand the "basic patterns are set in childhood" theory, but I sometimes feel like we're digging for things that just don't matter anymore, because I've already worked through it on my own.

She doesn't ban the present and the stress of here and now, but I get tired of looking back to my childhood to solve problems such as how I feel about my son's school giving me the run around about OT services because he is young and not Learning Disabled.

Although I rarely touch alchohol, I use other methods to escape my problems. Maybe I should look into using AA's 12 step for my reading obsession.
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Old 11-12-05, 08:45 AM
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Looking back is important but not permantly parking there. My counselor will reach back and then apply it to the now. We don't spend a bunch of time reliving the past. He helps me identify beliefs I acquired in the past but focuses on applying new thoughts and actions to the present.

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Old 11-12-05, 01:12 PM
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I think self analysis should be a daily activity for most of us. It is the only way to go for me especially not being in therapy.

I am not sure. I went to one session in NY and I felt better due to finding something that made sense even though I didn't like to hear it about myself. I would probably try doing research on a different place for therapy if it were me. That is just my personal opinion though.

Hope it gets better the next time out for you.
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Old 11-12-05, 02:58 PM
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If you were to go see 10 different therapists, you'd get 10 different stlyes, 10 different personalities and 10 different ways of doing the same thing ( specifc therapies and /or therapeutic techniques).

There's an old adage that goes..."Good therapists are born not educated."
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Old 11-12-05, 03:12 PM
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Jaycee. I found therapy to be helpful, and began to look forward to it. I am to the point now where I see the time will come when I no longer go to my therapist. There have been a couple of times when I was a little stressed over going to therapy, but my therpist is rather disarming, and I was able to work through it, so therapy has worked out well for me.

You might try asking yourself why you dread therapy.... you might also tell your therapist how you feel. Also, I think you should give it a little time. Therapy is very much about you coming to terms with yourself, so hang in there and make it count as best you can.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaycee
Okay, so how many of you just feel generally POd after a therapy session? My therapist has decided my stress is getting a bit out of hand and that I now have a WonderWoman complex (I can tell she's never been to my house), so do we talk about the current issues that are stressing me out now...No we are back tearing my childhood apart (again)!

If you dig hard enough you can always come up with something in the childhood that is a trigger but I get so tired of revisiting the same crap. It doesn't take a rocket scientinst to tell you that working with emotionally disturbed kids is stressful. And it doesn't take Freud to tell me that a family with 3 children with varying degrees of disabilities is stressful... But should you feel like you just wasted and hour that you don't have to pay someone money to rehash the same issues.

I'm not even going into the "your too clinical when you talk about your issues" mantra. I just have a hard time spilling my guts to someone who connects everything to my childhood. I've only been going to therapy for a few weeks, but I'm beginning to dread it. Does anyone else have these views?
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Old 11-12-05, 04:12 PM
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From what I've read, folks with ADD often benefit more from "coaching" and focusing on current issues, than the traditional psychotherapy approach of trying to unearth the past or look for hidden meanings under the surface of a tangent (because it may be something that popped into our head, so rather than waste time on it, it might be more important to talk about other things). Although sometimes we need both approaches to therapy.

The first psychologist spent too much time on my past. You need a history, but questions didn't seem related to my current problem. Didn't talk much about why I was there. Talked more about dating history. Felt like a waste of time. So I never went back. Took 6 months and hitting a the wall to decide to try someone else. The 2nd person (I see now) also asked about the past, and occasionally we have gone there - but seemed appropriate to why I was there, rather than feeling like I was going down the wrong path.

My psychologist acts as more of a coach and an objective observer. Tries to help me prioritize (by asking questions), asks how I feel on meds I'm trying, how I feel about recent things, progress on tasks/goals, encourages and offers suggestions. Provides a reality check, helping to keep positives and progress and "failures" in perspective. We have a good rapport (I think this is key! ), like when friends can speak certain truths because 1) they know you and your quirks and, 2) you trust their judgment. So you can acknowledge and even see humor in your quirks.

I'm finding this approach helpful. I'm not against discussing the past if it seems relevant. But I'm in my last year of school and some of my issues relate to schoolwork. If we dwell on the past, I'll graduate before we get to anything to help change my present. I went for help with things I struggle with now, not for unresolved issues in my past. Since we have rapport I don't dread sessions, but like someone said, it doesn't mean it's an easy process. It's work, and takes time and energy.

I'd say think about what you want and need from you doctor, do you need a different approach? Think about discussing your needs with her and how you feel about the sessions - is she aware of other approaches and willing to try something different? If she doesn't think she can meet your needs (or even if she does but nothing changes), consider looking for someone else.

Remember, this is a service you are paying for. This person may be a "professional", but would you hire a pastry chef if you wanted roast beef and vegetables because they had a degree from a cooking school? You need to go to someone with knowledge and strengths in the area(s) where you want help.

Good Luck!
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Old 11-12-05, 04:38 PM
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bythesea

That is basically the form that my therapy has taken. It has helped tremendously. It also helped me accept myself as I am a little better, which led to me realizing that I have OCD tendencies. I went looking for a diagnosis, but that is still in the works. However, I am now aware of what my diagnosis is likely to be, and I am able to acept it. I don't think I was prepared for it just a few months ago....

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Quote:
Originally Posted by bythesea
From what I've read, folks with ADD often benefit more from "coaching" and focusing on current issues, than the traditional psychotherapy approach of trying to unearth the past or look for hidden meanings under the surface of a tangent (because it may be something that popped into our head, so rather than waste time on it, it might be more important to talk about other things). Although sometimes we need both approaches to therapy.

The first psychologist spent too much time on my past. You need a history, but questions didn't seem related to my current problem. Didn't talk much about why I was there. Talked more about dating history. Felt like a waste of time. So I never went back. Took 6 months and hitting a the wall to decide to try someone else. The 2nd person (I see now) also asked about the past, and occasionally we have gone there - but seemed appropriate to why I was there, rather than feeling like I was going down the wrong path.

My psychologist acts as more of a coach and an objective observer. Tries to help me prioritize (by asking questions), asks how I feel on meds I'm trying, how I feel about recent things, progress on tasks/goals, encourages and offers suggestions. Provides a reality check, helping to keep positives and progress and "failures" in perspective. We have a good rapport (I think this is key! ), like when friends can speak certain truths because 1) they know you and your quirks and, 2) you trust their judgment. So you can acknowledge and even see humor in your quirks.

I'm finding this approach helpful. I'm not against discussing the past if it seems relevant. But I'm in my last year of school and some of my issues relate to schoolwork. If we dwell on the past, I'll graduate before we get to anything to help change my present. I went for help with things I struggle with now, not for unresolved issues in my past. Since we have rapport I don't dread sessions, but like someone said, it doesn't mean it's an easy process. It's work, and takes time and energy.

I'd say think about what you want and need from you doctor, do you need a different approach? Think about discussing your needs with her and how you feel about the sessions - is she aware of other approaches and willing to try something different? If she doesn't think she can meet your needs (or even if she does but nothing changes), consider looking for someone else.

Remember, this is a service you are paying for. This person may be a "professional", but would you hire a pastry chef if you wanted roast beef and vegetables because they had a degree from a cooking school? You need to go to someone with knowledge and strengths in the area(s) where you want help.

Good Luck!
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Old 11-14-05, 02:24 PM
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Well,
Don't look at me, considering this last Doc, is literally the 32nd different doctor I've seen...I usually take them with a grain of 'any spice available'.

I went off on my recent Doc, about a month ago, because I flat out told him that he's not going to find 'me' in some book of his, nor in some magickal pill that he 'heard' of, but has yet to experience...it would be the equivalence of my knowing how his certain male body part works from his telling me, and my reading about it, but not personally owning one of 'them', I wouldn't really understand any of it's dysfunctions
.
I also told him that without me, or his other patients, his business would cease to exist, so he had better stop behaving like a maverick, and give more credence to what we have to say, because we know 'us' better than he ever will. I also told him he can continue to call himself a psychiatrist if he so chooses, but just because I call myself the Queen of Avalon, doesn't automatically maketh me so..either, and trust and respect begets trust and respect. :0)

Criminy Jicket (I always called the little critter that, by the way, so it's no misnomer) I've only known the guy for a few months, and while he's done wonders, I'm not going to suggest a statue of him to be created and placed on any altar, just yet)...

This was all due to the fact that I misjudged the time of my last appointment by half an hour, was told by someone in his office a different time the day prior (not the usual receptionist who calls me, who is always correct in the appointment time), was stuck in traffic after work, and drove for an hour and a half, only to be late by half an hour, and have the office be closed, to have him leave me a voice mail asking me where I was.. I, of course, did not retrieve the VM, until I tried to get into the building, and the doors were locked.

He's made a few diagnostic mistakes in the past that I've pointed out, and he argued with me, and I pointed out that I would go elsewhere if they weren't rectified..to which he conceded, and apologized afterwards when he noted that he had made a mistake.
I also did not gloat when he did apologize. He has more resources at his disposal, and is able to help me, when he does learn.

I do believe he is a good doctor. He isn't as experienced as most, but has great potential, and is under the guidance of a highly experienced psychiatrist, and I wouldn't have been able to see someone profoundly experienced in this area, anyways, and most are older than the hills, and most that I spoke with do not believe in ADHD, and would have told me to quit eating sugar, which I don't do anyways :0)
Mutual respect is the key.

I don't deliberately go there to frustrate and baffle him and I don't allow him to view me as some blithering idiot, either.

I do my own research. I bring written questions, and I write down any changes in symptoms (I have other factors going on with me besides ADHD, though) that I wish to address with him. We do not talk about my childhood. We talk about current events that are hindering me and if I want to change them now, or if I want to wait until the next session to try and work on a strategy on my own for a little longer.

We talk about current medications and if they are working, if we need to tweak them, or if we need to dispose of them entirely, or prescribe some other alternative.
We also talk about what events gone to that I considered fun, since he firmly believes my persona thrives on being out and about at least once a week (and he's absolutely right), and what books or articles I've read recently.

So when I leave therapy, I don't leave frustrated..I do usually leave knowing that I am working towards my goal of healing, and knowing myself better..and becoming stronger in doing so..and in receiving the psychotropics necessary for me to function properly...which is what I am paying for, plus having the peace of mind that I have a doctor that I do trust with my well being.
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Old 11-15-05, 09:20 AM
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It has taken me years to find a therapist that I feel can actually guide me appropriately. She must be about #7 in the last 20 years. I had toatlly given up and written off therapy until my primary physician recommended anti depressants for me, along with counseling. I told her my history with therapists and why I felt none of them did it "right." After about 2 months she came up with a name for me and asked me to give her a visit, which I did, and I am very happy with her. She generally guides my thinking, reflects it all back to me, and, when necessary, calls me on my sh**. She gave me appropriate testing and actually considered what I had to say. I would never go to anyone else, I believe I found the perfect "fit" for me, with the help of my doctor, who has known me for many years.
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Old 11-15-05, 12:58 PM
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Jenjor,

This is exactly what I believe, "I believe I found the perfect "fit" for me...". I sincerely think it should be something we can feel has been beneficial. If we just can't after many, many ... Too many attempts, then is when I would definitely question myself. I msyelf have not been to more consultations but only due to insurance at this time. Other than that I have a really supportive friend that relates very well with me. A doc in NY stated he seems to really be a great support until I can get good help and that he has also found great support in me. Friends can be a wonderful source of therapy many a time.

More luck to all...,Charisma
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Old 11-15-05, 01:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charismasdream
Jenjor,

Friends can be a wonderful source of therapy many a time.

More luck to all...,Charisma
Amen!
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