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Old 10-01-03, 04:51 AM
Bucky Bucky is offline
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Help, lost alone and afraid

Hi every one I'm 27 and from Brisbane Australia. I've just been diagnosed (inatentive type) and feeling lost, alone and afraid.

From day 1 I was different and knew it. At age 4 when I was sent to preschool I found the other children were different. I didn't understand them and they didn't understand me. I thaught they were dull and boring, they thaught I was weird, but they loved to play my games. Since then little has changed.

Now I have been labled, but even that didn't come easy. I have already been miss diagnosed 3 times in the last 7 years. This latest doctor I have been reffered to believes I am a classic case and after doing some tests and 6 weeks of nothing (i thaught I had been forgotten) I recieved a prescription in the mail for Dexamphetamine (2*3mg, 3* daily). That was a week ago. I don't see the doc again until November.

At first I felt relief that there is a reason I've had these problems and I told my mother as I drasticly needed a release. She understood the condition and saw the connection as she is a school counselor with the relavent masters qualification. But all that was good, was short lived and I was reminded why I emotionally shut her as a child when she betrayed me. When will I learn to stop trying to reopen that relationship!

As for the Dexies (Dexamphetamine) I have been forcing myself to take 2 of the prescribed doses a day. The doc said it was ok to reduce the doses for the first week so I could get used to it. My problem is I don't like the drug, it seems to help settle me and actually feel more content and happy while its working, tho I do think each dose is a little light, it worked better the other day when I increased it as a trial. I feel I am losing a part of who I am and I don't want that.

The thaught of having a mental disorder is difficult for me to graple with. Is it a disorder or just different wiring? I can do things I have never known others to do but unfortunately it usually takes an extreme situation to get all my mental faculties to work together as a team. Where others fall apart I am in my element and engoy the exhileration I feel.

I have read on some forums you can get coaches to help pull things together. How, where do I find about these? I can only get to see my doc once every 3 months because there are few adult add specialists in this part of the world and I have to stick with whats Gov subsidised as funds are low.

Is boredom a problem most people with add are afflicted by? One of the most prominent features of my life is the ongoing sense of boredom and the only way I have been able to cope has been by seeking constant change. This has been the motivation for the years of global travel I have enjoyed. I have never got an air ticket more than 2 days in advance, more often than not I'll wake up in the morning and decide its time to move on, only deciding on the destination at the ticket office. I do enjoy knowing I can confidently survive and land a job after being dropped anywhere in the world. Holding onto the job is another matter. With all this life still seems dull I am flat out writing emails to people because I can't think of anything interesting to share.

Sorry if this thread is out of place, I just need somewhere to vent and the anonamity helps. Cheers
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Old 10-01-03, 07:29 AM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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This thread is NOT out of place Bucky... your plight is a mirror of most of the rest of us. I feel your pain. I see you are in Australia, which exacerbates it for you; I hear from many Australians that the medical profession there is behind the rest of the world in accepting and treating ADD in general.

I relate to so many of the things you describe: misery in childhood, boredom in adulthood, familial misunderstanding, difficulty keeping a job, and as a consequence, not being to afford the best of treatment or coaching... and waiting FOREVER for the treatment I can get...

There are sections all over the forums devoted to the questions you have asked. Many coaches are available online. I have done some research into it and unfortunately they cost money for the most part, and not cheap either. However... here at ADDFORUMS some people seem willing to experiment with peer coaching, perhaps that will work for you.

In summary... you feel lost, alone, and afraid. Well you are no longer alone. Being lost is fixable - we can help each other find directions. And fear is not crippling to an ADDer, right? We like adrenaline.

Nice to meet you, hope you enjoy the forums as much as I do...
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Old 10-01-03, 07:58 AM
Wheel1975 Wheel1975 is offline
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Re: Help, lost alone and afraid

Quote:
Originally posted by Bucky
Hi every one I'm 27 and from Brisbane Australia. I've just been diagnosed (inatentive type) and feeling lost, alone and afraid.
Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

From day 1 I was different and knew it.
Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

but they loved to play my games. Since then little has changed.Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

Now I have been labled, but even that didn't come easy. Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that. Took me 20 years!

At first I felt relief that there is a reason I've had these problems and I told my mother as I drasticly needed a release.

She understood the condition and saw the connection as she is a school counselor with the relavent masters qualification.

But all that was good, was short lived and I was reminded why I emotionally shut her as a child when she betrayed me. When will I learn to stop trying to reopen that relationship!keep trying. it is an important relationship.

As for the Dexies (Dexamphetamine) I have been forcing myself to take 2 of the prescribed doses a day. Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

The doc said it was ok to reduce the doses for the first week so I could get used to it.

My problem is I don't like the drug, it seems to help settle me and actually feel more content and happy while its working, tho I do think each dose is a little light, it worked better the other day when I increased it as a trial. Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

I feel I am losing a part of who I am and I don't want that.Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

The thaught of having a mental disorder is difficult for me to graple with. Is it a disorder or just different wiring?Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that. But what would the difference be anyway?

I can do things I have never known others to do but unfortunately it usually takes an extreme situation to get all my mental faculties to work together as a team. Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that. Classic

Where others fall apart I am in my element and engoy the exhileration I feel.Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

I have read on some forums you can get coaches to help pull things together. Keep looking, it is a help, not a cure all. but help is help!

How, where do I find about these?

I can only get to see my doc once every 3 months because there are few adult add specialists in this part of the world and I have to stick with whats Gov subsidised as funds are low.

Is boredom a problem most people with add are afflicted by?Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

One of the most prominent features of my life is the ongoing sense of boredom and the only way I have been able to cope has been by seeking constant change. Yes. Been there. Go there. Done that.

This has been the motivation for the years of global travel I have enjoyed.

I have never got an air ticket more than 2 days in advance, more often than not I'll wake up in the morning and decide its time to move on, only deciding on the destination at the ticket office.

I do enjoy knowing I can confidently survive and land a job after being dropped anywhere in the world.Yes. Been part way there. wish to Go there. want to Do that.

Holding onto the job is another matter. With all this life still seems dull I am flat out writing emails to people because I can't think of anything interesting to share. self-employed

Sorry if this thread is out of place, I just need somewhere to vent and the anonamity helps. Cheers
stick around you'll see people like yourself showing up. You'l see what you've tried that works and you've forgotten, and the like.

Glad to have you here. I wish I could remmeber the color syntax for this board!
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Old 10-01-03, 09:48 AM
smooch smooch is offline
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Talking We welcome you with open arms, Bucky!

Bucky~

Greetings! Smooch here, and I'm the Moderator of the section in which you first posted, "ADDults." I chose to move your thread (and subsequent replies) to the "Introductions and Stories" section because you're a brand new Forums Family Member. You'll be just as "visible" in that section as you were in the other.

Your initial post touched my heart, as I'm sure it has/will touch many other Members' hearts. We've all been where you are in your ADD journey; we all relate to the feelings you've expressed.

As Paul stated, there are many, many threads that address the issues you've raised. You can do a "Search" for the key words of those issues (i.e., boredom, Dex, job, motivation, mother, coaching, brain difference, brain disorder, wiring....). If you haven't seen he SEARCH optionyet, it is in a row of silver "buttons" just under the grey-blue "ADD Forums" header at the very top of the screen, third "button" from the right.

There are several other Aussies here, too!

Thank you for reaching out to us; you will find multitudes of support, consideration, information, comraderie, humor, fun,... here.

Again, WELCOME to the fam!
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Old 10-01-03, 09:29 PM
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Hey Bucky

Welcome to Our Home

First off I am on the Dexadrine also and I love it for the clarity of thought that it gives me and the abillity to stay on task.

As for dosage the doctor said to me " you have to find your own dosage of what works for you

I do 1- 5 mg a day now and a second one only if I feeel like it as I also dont care to lose part of myself and that being my mixed up always rambling ADD brain

on weekends i usually dont take any at all but not always

sometimes I do when I feel I need it

for me it works within 15 minutes and I can actully feel it lift the fog away fropm my brain

I tried 2 at once for a while but just ended up feeling like a body stone with my mind as clear as a bell and my body too wacked out to care or do anything

Id just sit and watch the grass grow , not that that was a bad way to spend a summer mind you, just very non productive

As for having a hard time accepting

Quote:
The thaught of having a mental disorder is difficult for me to graple with. Is it a disorder or just different wiring? I can do things I have never known others to do but unfortunately it usually takes an extreme situation to get all my mental faculties to work together as a team. Where others fall apart I am in my element and engoy the exhileration I feel.


I look at ADD in a way that might be considered different by some but it is my opinion and I'm sticking to it



I Do Not Have A Disease

I Do Not Have ADD


I AM ADD



There is a link at the bottom of my post that goes to a page with a bunch of good links to Various ADD Info

This also includes two really good links to both Big and Taras Homepages which are an ammazing welth of information
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Old 10-01-03, 09:37 PM
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Man am I jealous

Quote:
Is boredom a problem most people with add are afflicted by? One of the most prominent features of my life is the ongoing sense of boredom and the only way I have been able to cope has been by seeking constant change. This has been the motivation for the years of global travel I have enjoyed. I have never got an air ticket more than 2 days in advance, more often than not I'll wake up in the morning and decide its time to move on, only deciding on the destination at the ticket office. I do enjoy knowing I can confidently survive and land a job after being dropped anywhere in the world. Holding onto the job is another matter. With all this life still seems dull I am flat out writing emails to people because I can't think of anything interesting to share.

Ive been from one side of the country to the other several time on the very same whims

time to go
where am I going

I dont know

Worry bout it when I get there

I never had the inclination to buy an airoplane ticket to some where

actully never thought of it

might be a good thing I never thought of it grin

Boredom -- No such word - take my sledgehammer to a room in the house -- destroy it and rebuild it

Grin

my 62 Pontiac and 76 Volkswagon are still waiting for me to come out and play with them --- Ill get there -- soon --- grin
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Old 10-02-03, 01:20 AM
Bucky Bucky is offline
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Thanks Guys it was a pleasant surprise to get this warm responce, not at all what I am accustomed to.

I wrote only half of what I intended to say and blurted out a whole bunch of stuff I didn't intend sharing, but thats me I guess.

Garry I am curious that you only need 1* 5mg Dexadrine a day where as 2 Dexamphetamine make little difference for me and the possitive effects wear off after only 3 hours. Are they actually the same drug?

Thankyou all of you I found each of your responses heartening and incouraging.

thanks
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Old 10-02-03, 06:38 AM
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the name on my bottle is dexedrine 5 mg

maybee Big would be able to answer that questuion for you as I dont know
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Old 10-02-03, 07:24 AM
Wheel1975 Wheel1975 is offline
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How much is enough?

I currently consider myself unmeddicated, whereas actually i take half a 10 mg ADDERALL to keep me from nodding of behind the wheel (1 to 5 PM) or when i'm meeting with someone in the afternoon. Trying to "sleep when tired" has proven to difficult to work into this life.

That being said, I have been as high as 30 mg to 40 mgs per day... but no longer. An I got side effects... sleepless at night, not the ADHD kind, but simply unable to sleep, with those higher doses.

I've also become accustomed to the idea that the drugs help, not fix, the ADHD problems, and that they only help SOME of the problems not all, and that MORE doesn't make them (drugs) more effective, past a very small amount.

Less is better, in lots of ways.

Ya, I share stuff across lines too. Hell, if Schwartsinagger can have drug use, promiscuous sex, and pictures of full frontal nudity floating around, what am I trying to be "artificially perfect" human to protect? i haven't had half that "fun!"
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Old 10-02-03, 09:32 AM
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Post Dexedrine and Dexamphetamine

Quote:
Originally posted by Bucky
...I am curious that you only need 1* 5mg Dexadrine a day where as 2 Dexamphetamine make little difference for me and the possitive effects wear off after only 3 hours. Are they actually the same drug?
For a comparison of common ADHD medications, and how long they last (as a general guideline), you might be interested in this medications chart.

Three things (at least) to keep in mind regarding AD/HD medications:
1. Each person is wired differently, so the same medication will work differently (if at all) for each person. (i.e. Strattera may work for one person, while it may have no effect for the next person).

2. Different people, regardless of age, weight or size, may require different amounts of medication, based on their own individual needs. (i.e. a 10 year old might require 20 mgs of Ritalin, 2 x a day, while an adult might only require 5mgs of Ritalin, 2 x a day.)

3. Comorbid conditions may play a determining factor in which medications should even be considered for prescribing (i.e. Someone with ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) would likely not be put on stimulant-based medication, as they tend to aggravate ODD behaviors/symptoms)

Dexedrine and Dexamphetamine are the same thing.

"Dexedrine was developed in the 1920's and initially used to treat depression and obesity, but since then, stringent controls have greatly reduced medical use.

The use to control hyperactive children with behavior problems has been known since the 1920's, but drug trials were not conducted until the early 1930's. Dextroamphetamine was approved by the FDA in 1958.

In the 1950's the semi-synthetic derivative, methylphenidate, was developed and marketed as Ritalin. It was supposed to minimize the side effects of appetite suppression and insomnia. Since the targeted patients were always children, Ritalin became the medication of choice for treating ADHD. Though a new compound of Dexedrine, Adderall, is coming back into favor because of its longer action."
Full review


NOTE: Please consult a physician about your medication options. Nothing posted on the ADD Forums should be constituted as "medical advice", and one should not delay in seeking such advice based on anything read here, or on the Internet.
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Old 10-02-03, 09:58 AM
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Hey could you direct me to a place where they would pay me to test out the various ADD medications

Grin

It might be a very interesting job
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Old 10-02-03, 10:38 AM
waywardclam waywardclam is offline
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Bucky, it is possible to remove information from these posts as well if there are things you didn't want to share... they can be deleted with a moderator's help.
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Old 10-02-03, 10:39 AM
Wheel1975 Wheel1975 is offline
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OOoops... Tom Saywer 'as already been there.

You pay THEM for the experiment! $90/20 minutes... $270/hr!
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Old 10-02-03, 10:50 AM
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Hello. I could relate to a lot of what you said Bucky. I am very recently diagnoced with inattentive type too. I am not on any stimulants yet. It seems like its taking forever to get the ball rolling! I am anxious about what to expect from the meds. I have a lot of hope.

All the docs are so cautious. I have been struggling with the symptoms my whole life too. But I have this crazy family/social/trauma history ( plus chemical dependency) and it leads, has lead, the docs astray. This diagnosos has been a major lightbulb kind of discovery for me as I have been trying to figure out what in the world is wrong with me my wholelife. I feel like I'll die if another person looks at me with that blank look when I try to explain my symptoms ( like I felt the doctor who potentially will be prescribing meds for me did yesterday). My therapist is behind me though.

But I know what you're talking about when you say you feel like you're lost! It's mind bogglking to look back at your life with this new frame work. And then not knowing what to expect from the future. I have always thought I was going to "get over" these problems. At the same time I have emmense relief that I can stop trying so hard. I want to say more but it's hard for me to write. I thank everybody on this forum. I've been hovering around reading but not been adding much. Take care Bucky.
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Old 10-02-03, 11:56 AM
Wheel1975 Wheel1975 is offline
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Thanks for posting Renaldos

Enjoy the anticipation
and the honeymoon...

But even after the honeymoon is over,
life is better after "naming the beast"
than before.

Enjoy!
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