I need advice

[lostinthewoods]

Hello all,fficeffice" />>>

> >

I am adult ADD (not hyper) and refuse to take meds, but I need therapy. I need urgent help in other regards. I am going to couples counseling w/my girlfriend of 7 years. This was my suggestion because I have mixed feelings about whether to stay in the relationship or not. I fear that my own inclination to leave her is based on my innate fears and insecurities. I have low self-esteem, depression and insomnia, all of which cloud my judgment. Thusly, I fear I cannot trust my own mind. But my heart tells me that it is time to move on. I have no intention of marrying or having children, and this is what she expects of me (which is reasonable). I am not attracted to her physically, I am confused emotionally and yearn for a life on my own. I have lived with someone, depending on others, for my entire life. I want to go out in the world and prove myself, alone, on my own terms. She likes to smother and keep me near all the time, which compels me to pull away and go to my own space.

A problem is that any other relationship I enter into will suffer the same fate on account of my issues. She is a good person and worthy of respect, I just feel that we have strong intrinsic differences. I still don’t know how we lasted this long, maybe we are just both in denial.>>

[Chronomancer]

Man three things one, if your heart says it is time to move on, you have no intention of marrying or having children, and are I am not attracted to her physically, I think you had better sit down and figure out if your really right for each other. I'd talk to your couselor without her if thats possible.

Two If you want to go out in the world and prove myself, alone, on your own terms. Just remember that the tough part is being alone and thats why we cling to each other like lost souls in the dark. I dont know to much about you but I had a similar problem once so I went and did a night sit. This is where you go alone out into the wilderness and sit near a fire for a night or three and dont talk just think and listen to yourself, and also if pray in your own way for some help.

If She likes to smother you all the time try telling her that you need some time alone, now and then to try and figure your life out. This girl sounds like a good person and is trying to help but dosent know how to do it the best. Heck she needs to be alone to think some time too.

[Crazygirl79]

I agree...I think you need to see a seperate counsellor, if you think it's time to move on then I'd suggest you do it sooner rather than later as it's better for you in the long run and it's better for her to move on and find someone who DOES find her physically attractive, who DOES have intentions of marrying and having children with her and someone who DOES love her, there's nothing worse than being in a friendship or relationship where one or even both people are miserable.

However since you say you have mixed view about whether to stay in this relationship, maybe you should talk to her and see what her take is on it.

All the best
Selena

[sPacie~Gracie]

Finding a marriage counsler who specialises on add! Me ADD my hubby ADHD its very hard to understand your own true feelings, adder problem... specially not medicated. I felt the same way not knowing if I really wanted to continue with the marriage but medicated I really do care and want to stay....

[salleh]

IF you're truely not attracted to her........it's time to go, let her find someone who will love her .......it will be hard for both of you after 7 years, but the longer you put it off, the harder it will be ....

the question is also, were you NEVER attracted to her, if you were in the beginning, what happened......can that magic be brought back ?