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Women with ADD/ADHD This forum is for women to discuss issues related to being a woman with AD/HD.

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Old 03-19-06, 01:59 PM
Triana Triana is offline
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Messy house anyone?

I am so sick of the mess, I think I might have to clean! Does anyone else suffer from messy-house syndrome? I do not let people into my house, because of the mess. If someone says, "Oh, I'll swing by and drop that off" I instantly panic. I tell them "no problem, I'll stop by your house." Granted I am very busy with my schedule, but I look at the mess and am totally overwhelmed. I am so disorganized. If I was rich, I would hire a cleaning lady several times a week. Anyone else suffer from being ashamed of their house? In the outside world, people would never guess by looking at me that my house is a disaster. I feel like it is my secret shame. Only my close friends know, but even they are not allowed inside. It was easier to keep the house neat when I was married, because someone else had to live there. Ok, thanks for letting me vent.
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Old 03-19-06, 03:03 PM
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My house gets at it's worse when I'm obsessing on something else. My house could be on fire and I'd be standing in there polishing a teapot to within an inch of it's life.
I've tried a housekeeper. I always felt I had to run around and clean the place up before she got there so I wouldn't be embarrassed.
As far as keeping people out when it's messy - I just plain don't like people in my house!
And isn't it funny? I can keep my house spotless for months with nary a visitor, but once I let the house go my door almost falls off it's hinges for all the knocking.
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Old 03-19-06, 03:09 PM
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Hey Triana!

I feel the same way about my house, but as much as I would like it to be cleaner, I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm hating it lately more than ever. I managed to put some holiday decorations up, and they are still there! Someone said that the candles and pine garlands are kind of 'seasonal', but they're collecting dust.

My house, along with my car, my yard, my pets are just a mess. My life seems to be one big long list of chores I can't seem to get to, or can't complete. Even if I get something done, it isn't terribly satisfying....and there are so much more that needs to be done, it feels hopeless. Nonetheless, home is where I feel most comfortable. Home alone.

Still, I sometimes look forward to the day when I can simplify my life to a tiny, one bedroom place, get rid of all the useless stuff I have lying around, and minimize the things to dust, vacuum, rearange, wash, or feed. Course, I'm not at all sure I'll ever find my way out of this place, and they'll find me dead one day, surrounded with stacks and piles of things, suffocated from the dust, and being slowly eaten by the cats and dogs.

Geez. What a babe!
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Old 03-19-06, 03:12 PM
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There's a book called Gifts From The Sea that will have you throwing away EVERYTHING that isn't absolutely necessary for survival! Great for clearing out a cluttered house
I REALLY need to read it again...
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Old 03-19-06, 03:27 PM
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triana, i can completely relate. i haven't had guests in my house for years. my friends don't live nearby & parking is difficult in my neighborhood, so i've managed to get away with not inviting anyone over. i don't think anyone suspects a thing. that may be part of the problem though. i think i would be motivated to keep the house neat if i had to do it for someone else. i need to the pressure, urgency & adreneline to get things done.
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Old 03-20-06, 08:02 AM
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Awwwwwwwww Triana you poor thing have you still not set the whole lot on fire ???
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Old 03-20-06, 08:59 AM
Just Weird Just Weird is offline
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Messy House

Oh, Oh Triana,

My daughter is 11 and I'm soooooo embarrassed for her. All her friends have these nice, neat houses and here's are house with the roof half finished and the yard a complete disaster.

My Mother-in-Law, when my first daughter was little, had my Father-in-Law say something to my husband about our house and the shame has never left me. I know I'm a much better mother than she ever was but I've never forgotten her words, "We didn't raise you this way, your house smells."

That shame runs deep. My mother (ADD also) kept a horrible house. My dad was always angry about it. I swore I'd never let my kids grow up in filfth.

We do have it in us ADD'ers to manage things well, but I think we are more limited in how many things we can manage well at the same time. It's like I could have an immaculate house if I gave up everything else. I'd be a rotten mom and a rotten wife, but my house would be clean.

One thing I do which helps. May not help everyone, I'm pretty weird-I take a legal pad and write a list of things I want to accomplish-may 10 to 15 at a time because otherwise I'd be there for days. I'll keep that same list, same legal pad for months and months until each page is filled and then I start a new. It doesn't matter if I didn't get everything done because...as I do accomplish a task I mark it with a blue highlighter (so I can still read the task).

Then, when I get baffled, I look at the list and grab a task and TRY to focus on that one thing until it's accomplished.

What's nice is after you fill a few pages you go back and see (in blue) all that you did and you realize you accomplish more than you think.

BUT, THE KEY IS...write down even the most insignificant (I know when your depressed even brushing your teeth can be an accomplishment) things for each day. Make my bed, get dressed, fill the gas tank, pick up milk, yadda yadda, because your momentum will grow as you get to cross more and more off.

Sometimes I'm amazed at our adaptability and the number of ways we have learned to overcome our limitations. Maybe why that's why we are so creative. And, the world would be sorely lacking without us!
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Old 03-20-06, 09:25 AM
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This is all I have to say on the matter -



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Old 03-20-06, 09:33 AM
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Exclamation

Quote:
Originally Posted by chameleon
There's a book called Gifts From The Sea that will have you throwing away EVERYTHING that isn't absolutely necessary for survival! Great for clearing out a cluttered house
I REALLY need to read it again...
Years ago, I had a girlfriend who helped me clean up.

She had a basic rule "If you haven't used it in the last 6 months and won't use it in the next year, GET RID OF IT." Surprisingly that does work quite well although I don't always follow it.

Ritalin helped me stick to cleaning up, making tough decisions and developing good habits.

I must say that I totally disagree with the graphic you posted Chameleon although it is funny.

I am not really that neat but find with less cutter, it is quick to clean up and I can manage it easily now.

I think part of my problem is that I tend to hyper focus doing Anything until I am ready to drop. There is no time or inclination to clean then.

- Vic
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Old 03-20-06, 09:42 AM
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Well it's just a funny picture marmalade_man...not my mantra
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Old 03-20-06, 11:46 AM
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Hey there, I can totally relate. My house while it is not ALWAYS messy per se, it is definately mostly messy and always cluttered. We live in a small apartment in the city and we have way too much stuff for such a small place. My son (7 with adhd) his room is always a mess but lately I have been trying to help him clean it, I thought to myslef, wow if it is that overwhelming for ME to clean it imagine how much it must be for him. My kitchen always has paperwork and stuff on the counters and the couch and coffee table usually is crowded with stuff.
We are renovating our bathroom so the place is totally trashed from that, it has been 2 and a half months (I know, tell me about it!) and there isnt a spot here not covered in sawdust or any kind of dust. I *try* oh so hard to keep up with it but I am certainly running against the wind here....oh man one day I will have a neat house, I just know it!
I have tried the list thing, and it does work. Right now I am cutting myslef some slack knowing i cannot keep up with it whilst the construction goes on but when it is done, I have made a pact with myself that I will make it a priortity to keep it at the very least, presentable.
-A
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Old 03-20-06, 12:06 PM
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Julezz Julezz is offline
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that rule does work well. Atleast once a year when I'm completely fed up with the MESS, I'll do the tossing. For example, before Christmas I ended up taking 16 bags to Goodwill, and putting an additional 10-15 in the trash.

Now I'm still left wondering what to do with the rest of it

I read the other day on here about picking 25 things to toss each time... that is amazing... Slowly my house is coming together.

For the first time in 31 years, (with a little support from you guys and adderall...) I actually feel comfortable with Drop In Guests. No, It's still not perfect, but you can see the floor among other things.
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Old 03-20-06, 01:54 PM
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My add makes me fidget a lot so i tend to get obsessive about the houses and keeping them clean. Theres tons of little jobs that need doing and repairs here and there but the kitchens, bedrooms, lounges etc are always absolutely immaculate

I need to though as when im in one, I always let the other flats and houses out so the tenants wouldnt be very happy to see loads of mess all over the place lol

I do have messy days though, but I tend to have mass clear outs where I dump loads of stuff ive accumulated, or stick tons of shelves up and storage cupboards where I can stash everything
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Old 03-20-06, 03:14 PM
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My house is a total wreck!
I still have my Christmas tree up---I can't seem to get motivated..there's always something more important like dishes or clothes to wash and as soon as I get something clean, one of the 4 kids messes up what I cleaned. This is very frustrating since I really have to work myself up to clean to begin with.

My mother went into a deep depression after my father died, and our house went from spotless to can't find a clean spot...unfortunately I never learned good housekeeping skills from her. I hated having a messy house, yes, I was ashamed of it, and now my house is getting to that point. I do have massive clean outs on occassion, and it's getting to that point and just about everything goes in the trash.

You're not the only one, and I think a lot of people have trouble even visualizing what our houses look like. In a weird kind of way the clutter is almost comforting at times and tht's harder to explain. Wide open spaces like you see in magaizines make me feel very insecure..I like to nest.
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Old 03-20-06, 06:10 PM
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Well i m adopting that picture as my mantra for a while whey hey bring on the ****.
Marmalade and Steven will you both marry me ??
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