Living with an ADHD Husband in denial

[Patty]

I'm new and have read several of the posts. I have been married for over 19 years and my life with thiss man is a living hell. He is lazy, pays no attention to me, criticizes me constantly, is verbally aggressive and abusive and for 16 years ignored me sexually. He refuses to acknowledge his sickness or his behavior and I am at my wits end. I stay because of our son and his love of our home-it would destroy him to leave. He is 15 and I can wait a few years until he is on his own and self-sufficient because I love my son more than anyone or anything in this world. He did not ask to be born and I knew my husband had serious issues when I was trying to get pregnant. So, if you are with someone, and there are no children involved, RUN, don't walk because a man who is in denial will not get help. You will knock yourself out for years as I have and feel defeated. Either a person admits he has a problem and seeks help, or he doesn't. You hold the ball whether to leave or stay especially if there are no ties. (children) THe only advantage I have is that my husband is a good business man and makes good money, at times. So I treat myself to goodies and some pampering to help fill the void and soothe the anger.

Patty

[Sc@tterBr@in_UK]

I don't know, sounds more like bipolar, depression or something in that direction. ADD is in no way an excuse or explanation for verbal and physical abuse, especially not if that is the only symptom and he is fully functional on all other levels (being "a good businessman" is a bit of a giveaway!) and only displays these behaviours at home! (He might just have a temper and be an a-hole, ever thought of that? )

I left a husband who was very much like you describe, thankfully before I made the mistake of having chidlren wioth him.

My ex just has a temper and has bad memory because of drug abuse (according to his parents he never had memory problems before he started smoking dope, and a bad temper runs in the family - no need to go sticking a label on to excuse his aggressive personality!) but even if there was more to it I would never have stuck with him just because he's got some label "excusing" his abusive behaviour!

[joanrdtobe]

Patty: Welcome to the forums....and even with your child at home -- I don't believe you deserve to live the life you describe. My question is doesn't your 15-year old "sense" the unhappiness of his mom? That alone could not be making him happy. Does he, your son, even want you staying in a situation which makes you so unhappy?

Is staying together "for the sake of the children" even done anymore? Just thoughts to think about......I wish you the best....