Ace - Kansas

[Ace]

Many years ago, life brought me from New Jersey, through Wisconsin, to Kansas with my husband. He now has multiple medical problems, and the balance has shifted from our having an active partnership to my being the advocate/caretaker and he the care receiver. I have to make the appointments, remember the days and times when things are due, and take the initiative investigating choices and options. I now have to be the one to maintain the house and yard, keep the car maintainted, make purchases, clean, call repair people, and, in general, be a Grownup. No more fooling around. No more tuning out. The "grasshopper" has to learn how to become an "ant."

I'd sure like to be able to find the floors in ALL of the rooms of our house, and be able to put things in logical places. I'd like to be able to use the services my husband might qualify for without being mortified at the thought of strangers seeing the disorder that surrounds us. A couple of months ago, I realized that I was going to have to get some help structuring my life, and get some intensive care for this overstressed caregiver.

My sister and I once talked about how funny it would be if there were such a thing as "Adult-Onset ADD," as we named it, because if there were, we'd have it. That was at least ten years ago. What I did for hours on end when I was supposed to be accomplishing something I called "coloring." When she'd call and ask what I was up to, I'd say I was "Oh, just 'coloring'". In other words, there seemed never to be a PRODUCT, merely disorganized, pointless, unending PROCESSES.

As I child, I was always sassy, scatterbrained and antsy. I was very creative, especially about getting out of work, avoiding baths, cutting corners, and letting my mouth do the walking. I lost rather a lot of stuff and broke rather a lot of things I took apart. (Some things never change :-). My mother once scolded me by saying something I have never forgotten: "Don't you ever have a baby, because you'll put it in the bathtub and go off and forget where you left it." I have never had children (Does this make Mother right . . . or wrong? I'll never know.). I thought she wasn't such a hot mom herself, and now I believe that she struggled with ADD, too.

I manipulated my way through public schools, was lost and miserable as an undergraduate, and got an almost-free ride through graduate school, which was easy. I have had several jobs over the years, but I have never had a career. I even was accepted in another university at age 43, and spent 10 years taking courses in a new field I loved and was very good at. But I never could pass the required math courses, and so I never got my 3rd sheepskin, which I had certainly earned.

SEVEN WEEKS ago, while my husband was hospitalized across the street, I marched into the community mental health clinic and laughed and cried my way through the initial screening process. Afterwards, I told a handful of people that I was beginning treatment for ADD. One woman said, "Well, it sure took YOU a LONG TIME." A friend, said, "Good grief, what B--- S---!" After 5 weeks of counselling, I told my psychologist, "Please don't tell me I don't have ADD." She said, "I think you do, with the HD in remission, but you know what? It's hard for to know what to do with someone like you. I can't say we've ever had a 62 year old woman walk in to our facility and announce for the first time in her life, 'No one's ever told me this, but I think I have ADD, and I think I always have.'"

Today I am on day #4 of an introductory trial of amphetamine salts. Next week I try Ritalin, and then compare ( I guess). I'm starting on an interesting journey, filled with hope for the future, and feeling unspeakable sadness for all the life choices I've let ~others~ make for me, and for all the opportunities I was unable to accept. I am 62. I can't be 23 again. Can I make 63 a pretty fine year? I hope that visiting with all of you here can help me on my journey. I will read many posts, and take all your stories and experiences to heart. Thanks for reading this.
Ace

[waywardclam]

Welcome to the bunch Ace... it is always so good to see people's relief at suddenly understanding what is going on in their lives...

[Els]

Welcome Ace... thanks for sharing your story. It really touched my heart.

[Wheel1975]

Ace, You are in the right spot.

Let me caution you to take MY posts with a grain of salt. I'm wrestling not only ADHD but various LD and asperger's traits. The professionals to whom i've turned have pretty well said, explicitly, "you are outside my experience. good luck."

The fact is, you did what you could with what you had and knew and didn't know. Knowing different things changes somethings, but not everything.

That is to say, even knowing THEN what you know now wouldn't have made all the differences you might IMAGINE.

The ramifications of "being" ADHD reach further than ignorance. that is, just knowing you are ADHD doesn't suddenly "make things happen" in your life. You are still ADHD.

First, try to have some peace with being and having been what you ARE.

Almost everyone here is searching for improvement. But acceptance is important too.

[Andrew]

Wow Ace, sure seems like you will fit in here perfectly

Welcome to the ADD Forums!

[joanrdtobe]

Ace: Thanks for your honest and heartfelt introductions......I hope you stay and post here for a long time.....You have definitely paid your dues....YES, I think you CAN make number 63 a very fine year.....it's all in your attitude...and it sounds like you're off to a great start.....from experience comes wisdom....

and it sounds as if you've got a LOT of wisdeom....

Your life choices are YOURS now as well and you have the chance to embrace ANY opportunity that comes along......

Just don't look back.....stay in today.....

[Ace]

Thank you for the warm welcome. If no one had answered, I might not have had the heart to try again, at least not soon. Your messages brought tears to my eyes, and you made me feel at welcome in this forum.

This observation from "Wheel 1975" was pretty much what my psychologist said to me:
"The fact is, you did what you could with what you had and knew and didn't know. Knowing different things changes somethings, but not everything. That is to say, even knowing THEN what you know now wouldn't have made all the differences you might IMAGINE....just knowing you are ADHD doesn't suddenly "make things happen" in your life. You are still ADHD."

The above is a little hard to hear, but I guess it's true. Would I have preferred a guarantee that by April 1st I'll be a totally different person, and that "Chez Ace" will be featured in the Spring Tour of Kansas Homes? Hmm, I guess not. But don't I get a small prize, or a secret decoder ring or something?

Anyway, I promise to carry those grains of salt with me when I read certain posts, and have the box of kleenex handy for others, and cut all of us some slack.

Thanks again!

[Garry]

Welcome to the forums ACE

Your new Home Away From Home

[Wheel1975]

Originally posted by Ace
Thank you for the warm welcome. If no one had answered, I might not have had the heart to try again, at least not soon. Your messages brought tears to my eyes, and you made me feel at welcome in this forum.

This observation from "Wheel 1975" was pretty much what my psychologist said to me:
"The fact is, you did what you could with what you had and knew and didn't know. Knowing different things changes somethings, but not everything. That is to say, even knowing THEN what you know now wouldn't have made all the differences you might IMAGINE....just knowing you are ADHD doesn't suddenly "make things happen" in your life. You are still ADHD."

The above is a little hard to hear, but I guess it's true. Would I have preferred a guarantee that by April 1st I'll be a totally different person, and that "Chez Ace" will be featured in the Spring Tour of Kansas Homes? Hmm, I guess not. But don't I get a small prize, or a secret decoder ring or something?

Anyway, I promise to carry those grains of salt with me when I read certain posts, and have the box of kleenex handy for others, and cut all of us some slack.

Thanks again!

Ace,

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You get a hug and a kiss.

I don't pass those out frequently. Perhaps I should. Do a search. You are the only one to get one here so far from me.

Ya. I got a secret decoder ring. problem was, not even the therapists really wanted to deal with the messages that were decoded!

Some of them, granted, are tough to hear.

But i think that recognition of what is, is ALWAYS better than persisting in unreality, however familiar and comfortable. Tears come to bless the truth seen. and they go, and dry and pass away.

we move on.

i think it is about getting on with getting on, and not missing the flowers to smell along the way.

Good luck here and everywhere.

David

[Ace]

Thanks again. Do we call you "David " or "Whee1975" or "Unicycle Rider" or what?

Are you a Cardinals fan? I am, but I won't go on about St. Louis because I don't know if this is the place for rambling.

[Wheel1975]

Naw! Thank you!

You can call me "anything but late for dinner!"

Though "Wheel" is probably most consistent because not EVERYONE may know that = David.

As for what is in this thread... I think I checked and you started it, so mostly, its yours.

If you go way off topic and get interesting someone will want to move it for you, which would be a good thing.

There are some other eventualities, let's say, we hope you don't "require...

Honestly, ask questions. There's a section for new user questions. The moderators and others will be glad to offer their opinions.

My advice?

Follow your conscience. Regardless, you'll think you're right! : ) < big grin >

I don't follow sports much though I like to see the best of the best of almost anything.

[Tara]

Welcome to ADD Forums!!!!

[krisp]

Wow, Ace, you have a lot on your plate! I'm impressed that you're able to deal with it all so well. Welcome to the forums!

[adventureguru]

now its my turn to welcome you!

[FlakeyGirl]

Hi Ace! I think you can step up to the plate and knock one out of the park this year. You'll be amazed at what you can do once you start tasting sucess. I can do it and I'm as flakey as they come....I totallly identified with "coloring", as I am extremely process-oriented myself. Welcome, welcome!