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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #136  
Old 10-31-08, 12:58 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Hm....OK, here goes...

I'm really pretty sick of being criticized 24 hours a day, seven days per week. Yeah, I know you mean it superficially when you claim you're supportive of me having ADD, except you don't want to deal with anything that comes along with it: taking too long in stores looking at things, running late, not cleaning out the house from top to bottom every three months.

Is there some reason I *never* hear anything positive? That I can't think of any instances in recent history when you actually noticed I did something that isn't that easy for me to do - put away mail and laundry, filed, met you on time? You have no idea how much effort that stuff takes me sometimes and I'm feeling incredibly taken for granted right about now.

Thanks, that's about it.
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Dx: Extra spicy (spacey?) Inattentive
Previous Rx: Extremely med-sensitive, so managing with vitamins/exercise and 5-HTP.
Think there's a chance I may be hypokalemic oversensory... Definitely overfocused!
(Age: 42; female, married to a non-ADD... working on not-impulse shopping!
I'm a visual artist. Does the ADHD help? No idea...
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  #137  
Old 10-31-08, 01:37 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

shouldn't you be working or something right now instead of playing on the internet?

don't you have some cleaning to do or something? :P
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  #138  
Old 10-31-08, 02:10 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by tnhybrid View Post
Hm....OK, here goes...

I'm really pretty sick of being criticized 24 hours a day, seven days per week. Yeah, I know you mean it superficially when you claim you're supportive of me having ADD, except you don't want to deal with anything that comes along with it: taking too long in stores looking at things, running late, not cleaning out the house from top to bottom every three months.

Is there some reason I *never* hear anything positive? That I can't think of any instances in recent history when you actually noticed I did something that isn't that easy for me to do - put away mail and laundry, filed, met you on time? You have no idea how much effort that stuff takes me sometimes and I'm feeling incredibly taken for granted right about now.

Thanks, that's about it.
Honey, is that you?
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  #139  
Old 10-31-08, 03:57 PM
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meriellyn meriellyn is offline
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by olavia View Post
Why donīt the normal men like me?
Why do I always blow it when I least want to?
Can an ADD woman find a man in dating hell?

Tonight was THE DATE.
Since I really thought I would like him, I had put in a lot of planning, including talking it over with my coach.

All of this was forgotten the moment I got there. One look at him and I understood that this was a neurotypical individual, and a very goodlooking, nice and sympathetic one too. So, whosh, and my selfconfidence left with the wind. And I started trying to do my best. Which was disastrous, because I went into a hyperfocus and could not get out, and all I could think for the whole evening was:

Why canīt I stop fidgeting?
Why canīt I stop talking so fast?
Your tempo is wrong, follow his rhytm! (impossible)
Why do I have to tell him all the stupid jokes about myself?
Why canīt I focus?

I so desperately wanted to focus,be slow and precice and relaxed. And it is not that I am weird or anything, like really smart, funny and goodlooking too. But neurotypical guys bring out the worst of the worst of insecurities in me and all I can think is:

HOW CAN I ENTER THAT WORLD?

Just his body language freaked me out. No too rapid movements, always the same, pleasant tone of voice, no half sentences, no stumbling while talking. The manners! The air of confidence! I was so jealous I didnīt know what to do with myself. I want to have that controle too! This is not fair!!

I just wanted to scream that please ignore my body language, it has a life of its own! Instead another happy joke.

Then we left the place, and I was of course totally blurred and had no idea what to say, so the guy said, well then, see you later perhaps with the tone that makes you realize that all that while when I was so busy trying to look fine that I had no time to actually think, he had been judging me, and just managed to hide his emotions. Just imagine, the freedom, thinking inside his head, and nothing is visible on the outside.

And I knew that I blew it.

And itīs one thing that somebody doesnīt like you, But the freeking feeling comes when you feel that you are actually a good match in many ways, but thereīs absolutely no way your busy mind is going to give you a break to let you show who you really are inside all the fuzz.

Buhu.
Yes. :P
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  #140  
Old 11-01-08, 12:36 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

WTF, man?
You tell me you're passing out candy then going to bed because you're sooooo tired then I run across you downtown in your "date shirt" with your hand on some chick's butt (then holding hands with her).

You disgust me.

I knew when you said you weren't sleeping again that you were up to something. You get insomnia when you feel guilty (or would feel guilty, if you were capable of that emotion).

I'm so glad I decided not to go out of town with you this weekend and I saw this before the next trip you planned to take me on in a couple weeks.


Congratulations on the best Halloween costume... you make a great Douchebag. :P
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I'm in a war, of head versus heart
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My head is weak; My heart always speaks
Before I know what it will say

- "Crooked Teeth" ~ Deathcab for Cutie



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  #141  
Old 11-01-08, 05:33 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by meriellyn View Post

Congratulations on the best Halloween costume... you make a great Douchebag. :P
Please tell me you said that to his face.
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  #142  
Old 11-04-08, 01:57 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months, and it's been great. He's so wonderful and quirky. We're so in love. Every moment we spend together is powerful enough to cancel out any of the negative moments in my life. There's nothing negative, there's no critisism and we're going to get married one day . We've had a two or three moments where things have been slightly less than perfect, but through those moments we talk about the problem maturely and end them in such a way that everyone is happy.

But there's this girl. She goes to his school and has a crush on him. One day(during the break we took, deciding that we wouldn't see other people), EIGHT different people asked if we were still dating, because he was hanging out with this girl and it was suspicious. So I talked to him calmly and figured that he was just caught in a bad situation. I've been in that situation before, where someone is totally in love with you and you don't want to hurt them. Her facebook status has said things like "I just want him to notice that she isn't as great as he thinks she is, but as long as I'm his little pal it's okay for a little while" and she tries to say bad things about me to him, although we've never even met.

I bought him jelly beans(his favorite candy) for being in the school play. I massage his feet without him asking, I'm always there to listen and help him with whatever he needs. I never critisize him or pick fights or let him feel unappreciated. She texts him a lot, gets mad at him if he doesn't give her the response she wants and talks badly about me to him. I know there's no competition there... but it's hard to remain confident. Especially when she's so determined.

*sigh*It's so emotionally overwhelming to have your heart in a person who hasn't been trustworthy in the past.
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  #143  
Old 11-04-08, 05:21 PM
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meriellyn meriellyn is offline
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by chartreuse View Post
Please tell me you said that to his face.
Something pretty close to it.
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I'm in a war, of head versus heart
It's always this way
My head is weak; My heart always speaks
Before I know what it will say

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  #144  
Old 11-08-08, 12:12 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

You've made me regret that I ever posted on this forum that we basically had a good relationship. Two days after that you told me you were tired of me, then you were a jerk to me for three more, THEN suddenly, miraculously, everything was puppies and rainbows and you were being oh-so-nice, but of course you never bothered to address the crappy things you said. Guess it would have required you to interrupt your constant groping of me. Oh, and BTW, don't you get that nobody beyond the age of 14 really thinks that public displays of affection are that cool? Especially when I'm trying to tell the guy behind the meat counter what I want, and you come up and start rubbing your nose and lips into the side of my face -WTH is that? Are you so insecure that you have to mark your territory like a dog?

And then tonight you're back to the nasty side of your personality - things are okay for an hour or so but then when it comes time to us really settle down for our Friday night date night you yet again find some stupid way to pick a fight so that you can get out of it. Then you tell me that you're leaving because I'm "too nasty to be around." Of course you don't actually do it, you just bully and threaten me until I don't have any choice to shut my mouth. I'm so sick of your stupid up-and-down moods I could throw up.

You don't take responsibility for anything you say. You don't take responsibility for the fact that this was the second Halloween in a row you started snapping at me. I guess I should be "grateful" that you were only an *** for the first half of the evening, instead of all night long like last year. And to this day, you haven't apologized for screaming at me for a full eight hours two Thanksgivings ago, four hours the night before, and four hours the morning of, even though you knew I had to prepare dinner for six. And then there was the year you threw an hours-long fit, berating and bullying me, declaring that you wouldn't go to my parents the next day as scheduled, so I called and told them I was sick, and then you turned on me for that, and screamed at me for hours more. Should I even get into the vacations you made into living nightmares, going after me at every turn, for everything I said, everything I did, everything I didn't do. Or the times, two months in a row, when I was feeling really tired and burned out and took a couple of four day weekends using my vacation time, and every single day you lit into me for at least an hour before you left the house? And those are just the "special" occasions, the ones that stick out. Generally speaking I can expect at least four days out of every three weeks to be like this.

Do you think I don't get that living with me can be a challenge? Do you think I don't give you a little leeway when it feels like you're getting impatient with me because of that? Do you really think I'm going to waste another ten years of my life living like this?
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  #145  
Old 11-09-08, 12:06 AM
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Re: Why the opposite sex is frustrating - vent thread

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Originally Posted by dyingInside View Post
What she wants: the bad boy/sensitive and kind, always tells the truth/but please not when I don't want to hear it, good money manager/you don't spend enough on me, you never leave me alone/we never spend much time together, why are you so assertive or agressive/why can't you stand up for yourself, you don't want me anymore/not now honey I'm tired, do I look fat in this dress/why can't you give me a straight answer, why don't we go out to eat/we can't afford this, are you cheating on me/don't stand over my shoulder while I'm chatting on the pc, don't buy any more guitars/honey don't you love these new outfits I bought, why don't you come with me and do what I like every week/I can't be bothered with your activities, etc.

Whew. OK now that was cumulative, fortunately I don't have to hear all of those nowadays.



That is sooo funny!!!!!
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  #146  
Old 11-09-08, 12:18 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by tnhybrid View Post
Hm....OK, here goes...

....... you don't want to deal with anything that comes along with it: taking too long in stores looking at things, running late, not cleaning out the house from top to bottom every three months.

Is there some reason I *never* hear anything positive? That I can't think of any instances in recent history when you actually noticed I did something that isn't that easy for me to do - put away mail and laundry, filed, met you on time? You have no idea how much effort that stuff takes me sometimes and I'm feeling incredibly taken for granted right about now.

Thanks, that's about it.
I thought I was the only one who did that...... Time is my enemy.....
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  #147  
Old 11-10-08, 05:24 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Screw you, dating. I'm so very tired of being a psycho magnet.

At least my intended date for last Thursday showed his creepy, potential psycho serial killer-type side before the actual date. But only at the very last minute so as to still ensure a complete effing of my day's schedule I'd rearranged for that purpose.
And by the end of it *I* was the "b!#@#" for being unhappy about him going nuts and canceling on me at the last minute for reasons that would make NO sense to any reasonable person and for not wanting to still be "buddies."


So that's a total of three whack jobs down for the month.

What the heck is wrong with me? Or them? Or whatever?

*beats head on wall*
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It's always this way
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Before I know what it will say

- "Crooked Teeth" ~ Deathcab for Cutie



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  #148  
Old 11-16-08, 03:20 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Ok how about, I hate getting nice things for myself (ie. my new fishing pole) because they are used as control devices my psycho wife when she wants to force me to do (or not do) whatever it is! She will threaten to destroy my things. I can't stand her! But I have too many issues with being alone to leave her, and worse, a son with her that I love so much!!! The thought of being without my boy makes me want to... well anyways.....there.
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  #149  
Old 11-16-08, 03:28 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

oh yeah, and what's worse, (just kidding by the way it's not really worse I'm sure) being on my Adderall makes me not want to go out and get wasted which would be my normal response to a fight like today's! So now I don't know what to do with myself except vent to my ADD brothers and sisters about this #$@*ed up situation!!!!!
(insert incredible hulkesque scream of frustration here)

Last edited by El Panzon Feo; 11-16-08 at 03:29 PM.. Reason: addition
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  #150  
Old 11-21-08, 09:12 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Wow i finally find the perfect thread for me these days LOL..

I think i am going to break up with my "boyfriend". I feel he does not have what i want or what i need in a men. We have been going out for almost 2 yrs. We have been living together for now 9 months. I let him destroy part of my self esteem and i dont think i can no longer go feeling like this. I have never been in a good relationship, always finding guys that had problems. I stayed single for 10 yrs, and i find this guy LOL....and i thought i knew what i had to do to avoid this kind of relationship. Dude, i had 10 long years to analyze this stuff, try to redo myself , rebuilt my self esteem. And i go for the worst one of the bunch LOL..

Lise back to the drawing board!
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I've been dating since I was fifteen! I'm exhausted. Where is he?

Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
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