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Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

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  #541  
Old 10-12-15, 01:17 AM
Brisingr Brisingr is offline
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

I'm 22 and tired of the world of dating; I find most men have some variation of the same unidimensional personality. I rarely find anyone that can interest me enough to consider a relationship.

Don't get me wrong, many of them are really sweet, but I feel like I'm doing them a favor by rejecting them. They don't need to get involved with someone as troubled as me. I'll probably end up hurting them and feeling extremely guilty about it.

I'm just gonna take some time off to work on myself and my ADD. I'm happy being single, and if someone (preferably who can take a couple of punches and verbal-spar with me) comes along, then huzzah!
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  #542  
Old 10-19-15, 02:29 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

It's an awful feeling to think that my mom can't set aside her own pain in order to have a relationship with me. If we hung out again, we would inevitably discuss my dad or she would ask me about my brother, who doesn't want her knowing things about him. It's almost like the parent who chooses a drug habit over their child. They can't help it. My mom's narrative about my dad has devastated our relationship. She's never fully matured as an adult, and I almost feel bad for her. She faced many challenges and her childhood was very difficult.

I guess there will always be a hole in my heart for my mom. As an adult, it's best to stay away from that type of interaction.
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  #543  
Old 11-02-15, 11:14 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Just tired of everything. Me, me, me. Everyone relies on me. Who can I turn to? No one. Its all I am... everyones slave.
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  #544  
Old 11-02-15, 03:05 PM
Delphine Delphine is offline
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by adhdDepressionS View Post
Just tired of everything. Me, me, me. Everyone relies on me. Who can I turn to? No one. Its all I am... everyones slave.
You can turn to us here! I'm sorry you feel this way. I replied to your other post, and read some good support from others too. You're not alone.
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  #545  
Old 11-14-15, 07:52 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

My wife is annoying me again. I think I have lost my respect for her and I know that I'm not in love with her. I would have said that I love her, but that is going. I'm sick of her shouting at me when she's drunk for no reason. She just flies off the handle. I would say it's a problem with alcohol, but she doesn't do it to anyone else. We went out for her birthday and I was driving, so sober. When we got back our 6 year old went to bed, my wife started an argument over an electric blanket she wanted, I then had to point out that my mother had got her one for Xmas. My mum was on holiday and my wife started to say she couldn't wait for my mum to get back. she told me to f&ck off a few times and called me a f%cking idiot. We went out for a fag and my daughter cam down - she heard it all. I was so mad at my wife that a week later (my wife can be hard to approach) and said how angry it made me. She said it was my fault because of my attitude towards her when she drinks.
I'm starting to hate her, I had a massive heart attack in Feb 2015 over everything, plus I'm only 39 now. I keep promising myself that if she asks me again (it would then be the 5 time within a year) "What do you want to do"? that I will say the marriage is over. I know it will hurt me, her and my daughter, but I feel that if I don't or nothing changes then I'll suffer another heart attack. I only survived the last one because of my boss being with me, otherwise I would have died aged 38 on the kitchen floor at work.
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  #546  
Old 03-21-16, 05:41 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Pfffft, dating.... The ones I have the best conversations with I feel the least sexually and romantically attracted to and the ones I feel attracted to I can't have an interesting conversation with. Why is it so hard to find someone I both find incredibly attractive and good conversation material?
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  #547  
Old 04-03-16, 11:39 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Thank GOD! This girl is not going to be renting out my boyfriend's house after all. He's MINE. I don't have to keep her on my radar.
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  #548  
Old 03-24-17, 04:17 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Need to vent.
After a few years doing internet dating with no success and a few years just doing my thing and not focusing on dating and denying that I was missing this.. Finally finally met a nice girl. Had very nice chat via facebook before meeting (was essentially blind date). First date was great, though I was nervous. Second date was awesome. Not only super fun and interesting to communicate with, I think she is very smart, funny, attractive, and more positive things.
Before the 3rd date she pulled out for a reasons I understood (genuine, too busy with work-school-past-etc) and we cancelled it for unknown time.
Fast forward a week and 3rd date is planned again. Even better, spent a lot of time together and it was a blast. One of the best if not best moments of my life.

And then, 4th time we met, she said no.
That is now one month ago. Just so sad and so frustrated. All of my friends are in nice loving relationships, mostly married, own house, having kids. Le me? getting nowhere. Visiting those friends is painful, extremely painful, because every time I see what I want and will do everything for and can't have.
Motivation do do things is at-around zero, though I am slowly getting more motivated to do stuff again, feel what is preventing me from forming a good relationship, see what I can do to improve the chances and make my life better.
Why can't things go right for once. I felt such a good, warm and special connection. I want to be there for her, help her, love her, do things together, build a future, travel, do stupid stuff, everything. Oh well.

Luckily things are looking brighter. And still feeling the sadness and darkness every single day.
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  #549  
Old 03-24-17, 09:17 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermus View Post
Pfffft, dating.... The ones I have the best conversations with I feel the least sexually and romantically attracted to and the ones I feel attracted to I can't have an interesting conversation with. Why is it so hard to find someone I both find incredibly attractive and good conversation material?
Hermus!!! You are forwarding the idea that mismatches are the problem? Why is it all the women's fault?

Last edited by namazu; 03-25-17 at 08:12 AM.. Reason: etiquette
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  #550  
Old 04-06-17, 05:48 PM
dolophine dolophine is offline
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years. We are very close but she won't have sex with me! We moved out together about a year ago and we went through a really rough patch with me doing a lot of drugs, and I finally went and got help in July and have been clean since I went into recovery. It's now April and she hasn't had sex with me since July! I've never cheated or been unfaithful, I pay the rent every month, support her the best I can. I do her hair for her every morning before work, I cook for her, clean, pay the bills. The only thing I don't do is drive a car (I have epilepsy). I really love her and I find myself sitting there unsatisfied! I had more sex back when I was still using! I have done everything she asked me to do in order for her to stay with me and she doesn't pay me any attention or rub my back, touch me, cuddle....I'm constantly the one doing it...I rub her back every night as she falls asleep. I let her get a cat for the apartment and I'm the one spending all the time caring for it! Aside from being a millionaire I have no idea how to seduce her! I'm a good looking guy, women constantly hit on me when I am out alone and I have no interest in anyone but my girlfriend. She's my best friend, and the only woman I even want to make love to! Sorry I just had to get that all out...it's been driving me nuts!

Last edited by namazu; 04-07-17 at 01:28 PM.. Reason: Please see site etiquette guidelines.
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  #551  
Old 04-06-17, 05:57 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Things will get better. People come along in life when you least expect it. I went through 17 years of cheating, lying women and never met someone I loved truly until 4 years ago. I met my gf (actually my common law wife now) online after 8-9 years of hard work trying to find a partner who was for me.

Aside from that she's the best friend I've always wanted in a woman. We can almost read each others minds, if I have a seizure (I'm epileptic) I know she'll give me first aid and wait with me until I recover. I would give my life to save hers. If it's not this girl you'll find another one soon. Sometimes things don't work out and it probably has nothing to do with you, and that girl you met may have something going on in her life or just not be ready for what you want and need. You can't push her into it, so just give her the space and maybe she'll change her mind in the future.

There are tons of nice women out there, you just have to be willing to spend A LOT of time getting to know many different women. Be willing to put in 4-6 hours a day online and meet a lot of people!
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  #552  
Old 04-06-17, 06:00 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

It's surprising who you can find attractive. I've met women in the past I was not really into physically but surprised me by sharing a lot of my interests. I've dated women that many people would not think were "good enough" for me (physically) but who I was more fond of than the prettier women I went out with. Attraction is a complex thing and goes both ways. Women are wonderful and will treat you like a king if you give them the same love back.
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  #553  
Old 04-12-17, 01:53 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

I want a relationship more than anything right now. I say I want friends, which I do, I'm capable of having guy friends. Its easier / more comfortable for me to find and be friends with girls (I'm a dude); but then I get attached to those that have no interest in me; even if we do get along well.

Then I tend to ruin every relationship I get into (male and female friends) for some reason or another. Either I use a reason to stay mad at people so I can avoid them; or I think I'm getting signals I'm not; which I swear, I've been around a lot of chicks that I didn't feel were interested in me; and I've been around those that I swear are into me, but wont admit it or won't commit to a relationship.

I'm typically blunt, whether it be about my emotions or...well...anything really. And the best way to communicate with me is by being blunt as well. If I'm standing too close to you, tell me; if you're not into me, make it clear by saying it.

This type of communication is the same that I need at work, don't threaten me with an ultimatum to try to see my performance improve with vague expectations and vague threats. Specifically tell me what I need to improve upon and tell me why (the why is typically "because we rely on you and want to be able to rely on you"). But nevertheless, people communicate in ways that I often don't understand, and it always becomes a misunderstanding that often has gotten out of hand or has gone too far and then I get blamed when, if both parties were honest about it (like I try very hard to be), it would be clear that both parties have made mistakes and have misunderstood each other / situations.

Sometimes I wish I didn't take meds for adhd; but I feel like I have to in order to be successful and keep going above/beyond in my work; but it seems to only hinder my ability to make connections with people and/or learn the nuances of relationships and the unspoken communication methods that, apparently, the mass majority of people all secretly understand amongst one another, (but I don't) and once someone points it out (me) it makes them run from me like "getting the hell ottta dodge"

But, I can go to work, interact with customers (who love me) and associates by speaking rarely and by using surface-level communication, but distance myself from making jokes or avoid joining "cliques" (cliques are the worst thing ever to exist in the universe); and everyone at work likes me. But as soon as I hang with people outside of work, I'm unable to make communication with others and I ostracize myself then have to move on and find the next group of people to ruin my relationships with.

I have no doubt that if I were to find someone very similar to me that I would have no problem having a relationship with them. (I had one manager at one place I worked where I felt like we were friends -- I was a relief manager so it was acceptable).
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Old 04-21-17, 11:56 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

It sucks in my case because initially i get to talk to girls in some cases and while that happens.... i somehow stuff it up.
It happens in every project i have come across in my life. I do something fantastic in the beginning but then something ****s up later on and it is an ongoing cycle. I hate it but it is something that i usually fix.

Relationships work, social mates, you name it. I flunked it. It is probably why even though i like to be solo sometimes, but as you get older and wiser... you need to be social and more active in your life because the day when everyone is older in their 50-60s will be essentially hard to maintain or even more difficult to start new relationships.

I have thought I have meet this one girl i really like. But i realise shes very anti social, sticks on the computer 24/7 and currently has a guy roommate who has a shared bank account with her(yes dont ask me why lol and yes they are not in a relationship).

But i found out the guy gets super jealous of me and tries to prevent me of seeing her. I tried to talk to her online but its like throwing something at a snowball to them to grab their attention but with no reaction.

I just wish i can start off expanding my social circle first then having a girlfriend as soon as my career goes up
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  #555  
Old 05-15-17, 02:30 PM
NEGal317 NEGal317 is offline
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Re: Why the opposite sex is frustrating - vent thread

@Crazygirl79
this is where I am too. How do you get through?
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