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  #91  
Old 06-10-08, 07:56 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Background info: First Post, Newly diagnosed add, just got meds. ADD, OCD, Sober 3+ years alcoholic hubby. Married 15 years.

I'm doing good, I know I"m doing good. Since Friday I've thrown out 6 black garbage bags of paper, and took them to the dump, organized the kitchen cabinets and labelled them, put the little pool up in the backyard, cut 4 out of the 20 acres of grass on our Christmas Tree farm, changed the oil, and flushed and filled the antifreeze in the hubby's car and filled his up with gas while he took mine to an AA convention, plus the regular household stuff and college (light schedule this summer, nursing clinicals start this fall).

And I'm criticized because some of it's not perfect!! The pool is off by one inch of level, the bushhog on the tractor digs into the ground a little when I make sharp turns (it's a field not a lawn.), He needs to get grip. I've been this way for 41 years, I'm not going to get it together overnight, I might never get it all together. Okay I may sound more PO'd than I really am, but I had to get that out. I feel much better now.
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  #92  
Old 06-10-08, 11:25 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

My boyfriends penchant for strippers and strip clubs, and the fact that he totally and utterly takes advantage of the fact that I 'don't mind' if he wants to go to the 'rippers with his buddies and get the occasional lapdance, and goes several times in one week sometimes.
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  #93  
Old 06-10-08, 12:13 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

I don't understand guys who go to strip clubs when they have a girlfriend(or even when they don't have one, but ESPECIALLY when they have a girlfriend!). Why put up with this? if I was female, I wouldn't be dating a guy who went to strip clubs! those things can get pretty wild(a LOT of strippers will do sexual favors with the right ammount of cash). Pretty much ANYTHING can go down(depedning the type of strip club, etc). I know I'm a guy and have been to several over the years. I don't like them though.
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Old 06-10-08, 03:39 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

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Originally Posted by cameron View Post
I don't understand guys who go to strip clubs when they have a girlfriend(or even when they don't have one, but ESPECIALLY when they have a girlfriend!). Why put up with this? if I was female, I wouldn't be dating a guy who went to strip clubs! those things can get pretty wild(a LOT of strippers will do sexual favors with the right ammount of cash). Pretty much ANYTHING can go down(depedning the type of strip club, etc). I know I'm a guy and have been to several over the years. I don't like them though.
I understand why he goes. He goes to take a load off and have a few drinks with his buddies--the scenery is nicer then your average bar. Other than that, he rarely gets lapdances, he usually only gets them when I'm there with him (I love watching him squirm). I just don't appreciate him going as often as he does. I can't seem to win with him on this, he says he will consider my feelings in the future, but he will not stop going. I know it sounds bad, but I'm not going to be that girlfriend who forbids her boyfriend from going to strip clubs all together. He'll end up resenting me for it in the future, and that's not what I want.

Yes, I know that for the right price, ANYTHING can and will go down (one of his friends has a virgin gf, who regularly gets condom'd handjobs from strippers, he's dispicable, and I can't stand to look at the guy), but I know that I can trust my boyfriend, and I know that he wouldn't go any further then getting a lapdance, and yes, thats fine by me.

I can't say I'm any better, I like going to strip clubs with him, and I do enjoy getting lapdances--safest way to play out the girl-on-girl fantasy without getting involved or worrying about STD's etc.

I guess this is more me airing my grievances about this habit of his. I don't have a HUGE problem with it, other then how often he goes (4-6x a month, sometimes 0x). I've settled on a don't ask/don't tell policy for myself when it comes to this sort of thing. I know that when he doesnt' answer his phone at midnight/or doesn't call back right away, I know where he is anyhow. Asking him what I already know, and hearing his reaction just angers me. So really, there is no point.
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Old 06-10-08, 07:16 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread moderator reminder and claraifyer

Let us keep in mind this is a relationship vent thread - it is about venting no one should be having to defend their relationship rules - giving a comment is cool but lets not make it a discussion in itself unless the person who had presented the issue wishes to do so.

If you post a vent and find you would desire a more in depth discussion please do feel free to begin a thread about the specific issue in the main forum below - There is no harm in copying and pasting your own post from here to begin a new thread to save re-typing.

Info worth mentioning nothing more -

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  #96  
Old 06-11-08, 01:44 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

I wasn't trying to defend anything about my relationship, it just felt good to air my frustrations here.

It's a real relief to see it written out in somewhat of rational coherence.

Sorry for straying
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Old 06-12-08, 01:26 AM
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Moderator clarafication

Quote:
I wasn't trying to defend anything about my relationship, it just felt good to air my frustrations here.
Oh no I didn't mean to say any thing to you specifically - my point is no one should be made to feel like they have to defend them selves on this thread -

This is a vent thread I created it so people can have a place to simply air out their grievances without feeling judged or like they have to answer five million questions.

I just happen to post after you. Apologies for my poor choice of words. I was intending to clarify the reason for this thread and to remind my fellow members the topic here is THEIR relationship vents not critiquing other people's relationship choices.
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Last edited by meadd823; 06-12-08 at 01:33 AM.. Reason: Darn HTML
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  #98  
Old 06-12-08, 10:40 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by meadd823 View Post
**Women expect strength and sensitivity from their man like one of those exist in real life.
Which one do you want? You can't have them both.

Either way, you wil eventually complain about lacking the other.
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  #99  
Old 06-13-08, 06:02 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Quote:
Either way, you wil eventually complain about lacking the other
Keeps us from running out of things to complain about - now if I could only remember why I was complaining to begin with ???hmmmmm

Two ADDers in the house forgetting what we are fighting about in mid- argument isn't as uncommon as it may seem like it should be
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  #100  
Old 06-13-08, 06:39 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

I'm in the angry stage of my grief ....hence.

comments from my now EX b/f (GOOD ***KING RIDDANCE.......)

EXPLETIVE WARNING........

"im sick of your ***king illnesses"(after i was diagnosed with early breast cancer)
"you can focus when you feel like it"
This house if a ***king death trap" (but he didn't even clean up his part of the mess)
" you ask too many questions" ...(pretty well the worst thing anyone has said to me)
"you should just zip it"
"shut the ***k up"
"you dont get up"
"you should just......"
"you haven't even done......"
"you should clean ***king this place up...."
"i'll be in the car."
"Get the **uk up"
"Have you done ... yet?"
"no wonder no one want to know you"
and the last thing he said to me when i questioned him on spending 4 hours at the pub gambling. when we were meant to be doing stuff together....
"It's none of your ***king business"

i stayed with him for WAY too long

....... I PRAY TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES NEXT TIME.


peace to all,

RABBIT
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  #101  
Old 06-13-08, 01:14 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

.....my complaint.. even though hubby is out cleaning the yard right now..

Is he expects me to make all his business calls. Even if it's to a blasted parts store. I know.. I shouldn't complain. But this has been ongoing for 22 years.

I've bailed him out of more trouble since we got married. From having to make payment arrangments for stuff.. etc to telling his parents why we're not coming out.

Now a place is calling.. and he refuses to call them and tell them he's taken a huge pay cut.. and maybe try to work a different arrangement out with them. He's waiting for me to do it.. and I have no clue, how we're going to do this.. and keep our house. His Dad told him the other day to just file bankruptcy...but he doesn't want that hanging over his head, too.

Calgon..take me away.
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  #102  
Old 06-15-08, 09:29 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grafter View Post
Which one do you want? You can't have them both.

Either way, you wil eventually complain about lacking the other.
Men can be strong and sensitive. Being sensitive doesn't mean you have to be a sook, just sensitive to the needs of a woman. Conversely, being strong doesn't mean you don't share or show your emotions.
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  #103  
Old 06-16-08, 02:25 PM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Ok, I really need to vent. And I hate doing this, because I know better. It's my own fault. Sorry, this is long.

I had this on-and-off rel'p with someone for around 8 years. I keep saying that's the end, and I won't go back. Well, the last time I said it and meant it.

However, this time, we were just friends. He said he could handle it, and would like to continue being friends (although the last time we were together for the LAST TIME, I told him I was still friends with my last boyfriend, and he freaked.) Anyway...it's the same old pattern. When he feels any perceived rejection on my part (yesterday, it was not returning his call soon enough) he has to email me and make some hurtful remark calculated to do the most damage.

I went to his parents' house Saturday afternoon to pick up something he was giving me, and ended up staying for dinner. The day before, his daughter's two brothers were killed in a senseless accident as a direct result of his ex-wife's drinking. I stayed to offer comfort and support, after he spoke with his daughter on the phone. He wanted me to stay for dinner, and his mother asked me to also. I spent part of the evening talking to his mother, and he told me after that she enjoyed talking to me, and that she needed to talk about something to get her mind off the accident. When I left, we made plans to have dinner on Sunday. I told him that I would be running errands with a friend during the day, and would call him when I returned home.

While I was out with my friend, my phone rang, and I didn't recognize the number, so I didn't answer. Later, it rang again, and when I realized it was the same number, I figured I'd better answer it. I had totally forgotten--duh, ADHD!-- that he said he would have his father's cell phone. He had told me that he would email me the number so I'd have it, but he never did. Anyway, I listened to the first voice message, which was normal, but in the second one, he said something had come up, and he couldn't make dinner, but he'd be available later in the week. Ok, fine. So, I accepted a dinner invitation from my friend, had dinner at her place, stayed until 9 then went home.

All's well, until just now, I find he's sent an email, in which he tells me that this was the first time his mother ever complained about me, and he told her I was on "uppers which the doctors like to call Adderall and Ritalin because it sounds better than speed or meth." And goes on to say how he never took it (speed) every day, and it still caused him major problems. (Of course, all the drugs he does are recreational. But gawd forbid anyone takes prescribed medication, because that's just WRONG.) Then he mentioned that people on any kind of drug tend to annoy those that aren't on any drugs, and said that the drug affects were annoying her.

My short response was "oh, and that's why you told me she enjoyed talking to me the other night?"

He knows any mention of prescribed drugs gets at me, and I truly think that he just said that to hurt me. I had not taken my second Adderall that day, and by the time I went to see him, it was after 5pm, and I was feeling down because I'd had an emotional morning, and was physically and emotionally tired. I didn't really want to go in to talk with his parents, but he made a comment about his mother thinking I was "weird" for not going in. I certainly wasn't jittery. I was very calm, and quite tired, although I stayed after dinner for quite awhile. So, I'm pretty darn sure that his mother did NOT complain about me. Unless she commented on how tired I seemed.

I always say I'm sick and tired after dealing with him, and after he once again treats me the same. I told my therapist, and I meant it, that I would NEVER go back with him again. But, even though he assured me he wanted to be friends, and he could handle it, he kept apologizing for touching my shoulder throughout the evening. It was funny, at the end of the email, he said I can call him anytime, and he'll answer. But, he's the one who always ends up calling me, usually trying to get back together. And this time, he kept telling me he could handle us just being friends, and not to worry, it wasn't an attempt to get back with me.

Anyway, for the last time I hope, I will say I'm sick and tired of this. Damn it, I felt funny about his last phone message, and thought to myself, I really shouldn't be having dinner with him anyway...

What's interesting is that the last time we were together and he emailed me, he told me that he just finished signing the custody papers, relinquishing his parental rights, so that his daughter's stepfather could adopt her. I emailed his mother and asked her if the fact that he signed the custody papers and she being adopted by her stepfather meant that she wouldn't be coming to visit in the summer anymore. She never responded to me, which I took to mean that he was lying to me regarding the custody papers. It wasn't mentioned this time. In fact, his parents were discussing how they hoped she would come live with them, since they felt her mother would be going to jail. (The stepfather is serving in Iraq, but funny, they didn't mention him having adopted her). :/

Sorry, like I said, I know this is all my fault, and even though he kept saying we were just friends and he could handle it, I should have steered clear. Well, maybe I will take the hint this time, and not even talk to him on a platonic basis. He only hurts me. And the thing is, I never get catty and say things to hurt him, like he does to me. There are a lot of things I could have said over the years, but I've always taken the high road.

gah.
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  #104  
Old 06-19-08, 04:22 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Dear hubby
Help stamp out stupidity listen to your wife - gee it is amazing how some times I know what I am talking about - and yes it irritates me when you don't listen to me and I end up suffering for your hard headiness - gee it only took you two days to finally finally listen . . .about ****ing time - uggggg I am not sure if we should even try to build a house together - your driving me nuts
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  #105  
Old 06-20-08, 07:58 AM
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Re: The Relationship - vent thread

Dear HUbby:

Make your own appointment with the dentist, the last three you cancelled at the last minute, and now they're calling you, AGAIN. You didn't have dental surgery, just to not go and get your teeth cleaned.

And another thing, I Asked you if you had all the crap you needed when I made the big shopping trip for this two weeks. Now you come up that you need deoderant. Well don't blame me, when I come home with a car load of stuff, you sent me back to wally world.

I'm throwing out your dog chewed flipflops today. I don't care if your OCD self wants to keep them. You wear them in public and it's embarassing. You have perfectly good comfortable leather ones that look classy, and some with that comfort foam in them too. You don't need ones that the dog chewed up three years ago.
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