"Why I am afraid to leave my House" - ADDult ponders

[Draga]

For a whole year I never want to leave my house. I only leave when I have to go to the store or psychiatrist. I had gotten a leter in the mail from the food stamp saying they did not get the papers that I needed to fill out which I mailed off the third day I got the letter,(so the reason for that lil insite into my life has signifigance so bear with me) Ash Wednesday,I had no choice to leave the house and go to the state office to fill out papers for food stamps or they would have closed account.

Mom came with me, but I had to go and get them.I am not used to dealing with people and talking to them..So I was nervous I already went blank and did not know what to say, and the woman ,who had a major attitude problem ,asked for social security number cause I did not know the name of my case worker, I stuttered and talked fast and very low...I had to repeat it three times..She looked at my file and said that my case was still open so maybe she got the letter..so she called my case worker and she still did not have it.. I said "Well that is why she asked me to come in today." The Very RUDE woman looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "Well you should have told me that from the git go and saved me time!!" I am not an Idiot...the letter could have come thru..and it only took 20 seconds of her time to call. Her Nails would have not been buffed in that 20 seconds of time any faster.

I am so dependant on my mom to help me do everything, she had to fill the papers out for me cause I knew I was going to mess up, all I did was sign my name..which I am at least greatful I did not screw that up 8-|.Even on the phone talking to lawyers they asked to speak to my mom since I could not understand anything the person was talking about..even when I did talk she could not understand me.

There is so much I do not understand about the outside world that evertime I step into the real world someone has an attitude and treats me like I am an Idiot. I screw up important papers such as applications and even if I get an interview I blank and can't speak clearly. I am soo tired of the way I am treated on the outside that I do not ever want to leave...I am more comfortable on the cyber world than the real one cause I am at least accepted here by people who are like me..I don't like being afraid of the outside world and I should not have to be but I am because of neiveness and lack of social skills I am either scrutinized or I have the wool pulled over my eyes and people with get away with not giving the help that I need (SSI) or not give me a chance to prove myself(BOSSES)

I AM SANDRA BULLOCK IN " THE NET"!!!!!!!!

[apcpapergirl]

I'm sorry Melly, I didn't know that about you. However... after everything you have been through, I totally understand.
The 15th..... I will be with you in the outside world. Daquaris... yummmmmmmmm..lol

[Draga]

That day I am definetly looking forward to..we gonna be so crazy I won't care what people think...I just have to remember not to take my meds that day!

[apcpapergirl]

Not take your meds??????? That sounds like a bad thing.

I plan on taking lotsssss of pics. :-)

[Draga]

Awesome!!!!!!! Besure to send me copies over the net so I can show everyone! One day of no meds is not going to kill me I need a drink every now and then ya know?

[apcpapergirl]

Ok... gotcha.
You ARE of age.. right???lol

[Draga]

I am 27 technically but mentally 10 years younger...does that count?

[SubtleMuttle]

I don't know whats up with some of the people that work in those offices; my boyfriend doesn't have trouble communicating and he usually gets bad attitudes. I think part of it is the nature of the job... and a person with a bad attitude and no patience.

I understand about the papers. I have trouble with even the simplest directions, people usually have to help me out or I misinterpret the instructions. Once my bank even called me up to alert me to forgery on some checks.. I had started signing my own name differently on them and didn't even notice

A job that I had a while back that involved constant interaction with strangers helped my with my voice level a whole lot now that I think about it.. it was a terrible job that gave me migraines constantly but at least helped me out a bit in that area. And school, but I am still come and go with speaking loudly enough to be heard sometimes anyway. It's a confidence thing in part. Be patient But I'm home a lot too, I just have more fun at home, I can be me and work on things that I like. It's okay if that's where you like to be

[Draga]

Home is where I like to be cause I feel safe here. I get to watch "Of Mice and Men"

[Tara]

Having both AD/HD ands anxiety issues doesn't help much when it comes to leaving the house. Unless I have an actual appointment set up getting out of the house can be very overwhelming for me.

When I had jobs outside of my house I would go to work and come home. I was usually too drained to go back out once I was home. It was because being around other people all day in negative situations were very draining on my system.

I too have anxiety issues when it comes to dealing with other people. I am however improving. After 10 years of not going to a dentist I finally made an appointment a couple of months ago. I was very up front with the dentist and told him of my issues with Social and anxiet and my fear of needles. I wont go as far as saying the dentist has been fun but it's been a lot easier than I thought.

I have found in most cases things aren't as bad as I make them out to be in my head. I have found that writing things down and using some sort of script to cue me in helps a lot. It is very frustrating when you find yourself in a situation and your mind goes blank. Having things written down can help to cue me in as to what it was I actually wanted to say.

[Draga]

I do have to do that sometimes when I am talking on the phone but that is if I am prepared to say them like you said,Tara..It's when they through the whopper questions that any thought disappears from my head.

Soon, I am going to have a court appeal for SSI(God knows which century), I am nervous even if I write down what I want to say or review what I want to say I will still blank...I am fighting for my right to survive and get my life back in order...PRESSURE is the kindest word I can use to describe what I am going to be feeling.

Not to mention I will not be dealing with some snob behind the desk who has no bearing on life, but I am guessing three people, two lawyers and a judge, I have to convince them that I am not menatlily fit to work...Heh maybe I should print this thread out. Maybe if I can not anwser their questions nor understand them, they will see that I am a not fit.

When I am on the outside I do try to be the nicest and most upbeat person as I am here...but let me run into that one person who looks at me like I am crazy or talks to me like I am dumb..I will retreat back to these 4 walls and the comfort of the forums and remember how much I hate the world. I could not handle it when I worked and I turned into them and got an attitude back and that pretty much made for a hostile enviroment.

There is no better world than the ADD Forum World...from a Forumaholic!

[Garry]

I have subscibed to this thread but will have to reply later as I have to go to work

Later

[onamission]

Don't feel bad... The people at DSS treat everyone like dirt. Last time I had to go to get health insurance for my kids, it took me an hour to make what is normally a 15 minute drive because of the snow. The case worker had given everyone with an appointment extra time to arrive and the dude at the window still sent me away very unsympathetically for being late. I wanted to curb stomp him, lol. I know how you feel about not wanting to leave the house. Except I used to not want to leave because of anxiety. This was when I was around 20-22. I am over it now mostly. Baby steps... Just start getting out of the house a little at a time and socializing a little and after a while it gets easier.

[Draga]

Well I do go outside to check mail...when I try to meet new people it usually doesn't work out once they find all the things wrong with me...I think I am too much for anyone to deal with. Either afraid of me or just get aggrivated that I ask questions alot about things I should already know...It's once in a blue moon that I am invited to go anywhere and even then I am afraid to leave especially when I am around people I don't know. I know, I am a basket case.

[MightyMouse]

I am really sorry you have had all these negative experiences melanie. Have you tried psychotherapy in addition to your psychiatric treatment?

I had major social problems - well, to an extent I still do, but not nearly as bad - too, and my psychiatrist recommended that I seek psychotherapy in addition to the treatment he was giving. It was great for me. I was given the opportunity, behind closed doors to explore some of the issues and feelings I was having and my psychologist and I did a lot of playacting. It gave me an opportunity to practice social skills in public and calmed my anxiety down. I highly suggest you look into it.

You sound pretyy agoraphobic and I know that cannot be fun. If you have insurance problems, check the local university or college for a Psychology department. Normally, these departments have Psychological Clinics which will work pro bono.

Hope this helps,

MM