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  #16  
Old 05-10-08, 09:11 PM
sandrawg sandrawg is offline
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

Thanks so much for this thread. My ex-boyfriend is the sweetest, most wonderful guy. However, he has been diagnosed as ADHD in the past, and I found out recently he's been doing coke.

I had NO idea that ADHD'ers often take coke to feel "normal." I just didn't know anything about this, so my freaking out related more to worrying that he might be an addict.

I knew he did lots of drugs in his past. But I can't be with someone who is currently doing coke, so I broke up with him.

I guess it's a little late for me to be educating myself on this, but now I see from reading this forum that he exhibited all the signs of having ADHD. I have overwhelmed him with my anger and frustration over his coke use, so from a safe distance, I am trying to get him to talk to a psychologist friend of mine who has a lot of experience with ADHD. I think she could help him.

I love him so much still...when I read these forums though, I become scared. I don't know if I could handle all the issues that come with someone who's ADHD. I have my own problems-anxiety, and I had a psychotic episode in my past. Sometimes it's a struggle just to keep my own head above water.

I know for a fact I can't be with him if he's doing coke. But if he got clean, and maybe got treated for his ADHD...maybe there would be hope.
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  #17  
Old 05-11-08, 12:01 PM
amiegrace amiegrace is offline
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

Hmm . . .

The most loving thing to do for this guy would be to tell him it's either dr. for the ADHD (he is the most classic case I've ever heard of in my life) or you're outtie until he does. Love doesn't mean supporting insupportable behavior. He will stay on the roller coaster of addiction until he treats the root, not just the offshoots.

I never tried coke because I knew it would be a love affair that would end badly.

How did he feel on the Concerta? Because getting a legal drug that can do what the cocaine does is certainly cheaper and makes more sense, even if he does end up crushing and snorting it it's less dangerous than what he's doing.

I have ADD and even I couldn't have the empathy that you have for this dude, loveable as he may be. You will end up crazy as a loon if you don't get a handle on your place in all of this. Not to go all Dr. Phil on you, but you gotta look out for you. What if he burns the house down and you're in it? And please don't get pregnant!! This would make the kid so confused.
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  #18  
Old 05-11-08, 09:07 PM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

First of all the red flags are everywhere and second your boyfriend needs help and what he is doing is self medicating by abusing cocaine. He needs to break free of the drug and get into counseling. I can see you are a caring person but you need to lay it down for him if he wants to make things work he needs to step it up.
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  #19  
Old 05-12-08, 12:35 AM
ozchris ozchris is offline
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

IF he's not willing to get diagnosed and start some kind of treatment why are you still with him? Cocaine addiction is one of the worst (IMO worse than heroin) addictions to have.

You can't help him anymore. He has to decide to get help for himself - that might be tomorrow or in 10 years. He's at the stage where you just have to say 'it's the drugs or me' by letting him live in your house you're helping him stay on the drugs.

He might have to hit rock bottom before he changes and he might never change.

I think lots of addicts acually have ADD. This isn't an excuse but it's a very good reason why they might take drugs. Self medicating is something I've done in the past but once I got diagnosed and treated with Dexedrine I didn't feel a need to touch them again.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you either way. Look after yourself first.
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  #20  
Old 05-12-08, 02:10 AM
Tyrone_X Tyrone_X is offline
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

Dear Friend,

Only by the overwhelming response to your post you can start to realize your not alone and that these situations are only far too common !

I had a history of abusing amphetamines since 20yrs old as I started to notice there was something abnormal about the processing ability of things in my head !... Amphetamine would give me "releif" and help but the highs and lows that come with it added to the problem in the long term !

Sounds like your partner is "self medicating" because though illegal, he has found something that temporarily helps him and the temporary help far outweighs any negative effects it thus later causes ! ...Bit like an alcoholic....keeps chasing the drink despite the fact they could kill by driving, loose their job and destroy family relationships !

Best thing to do is to seek medical help under the banner of "substance abuse" and make sure he is able to explain that he is not so much looking for a high but looking for some stability and rest in his head as you have to understand he is tormented by what he is doing and if he could stop tommorrow he would ! ....

This is not an easy thing to diagnose and treat as it in might take some time to find the right Doc etc.....(took me 7 years !) ...but never gave up !

If he does have ADD, he should get some "rest" in his head with the right treatment (inc meds). Only thing is that you would have to monitor him closely as the potential for abuse is there ! ...Not that he would "want" to but he has been living a life of abuse and it is very ingrained by now in his pattern of behaviour !....

All the best !
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  #21  
Old 05-12-08, 02:20 AM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

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Originally Posted by Tyrone_X View Post
Best thing to do is to seek medical help under the banner of "substance abuse" and make sure he is able to explain that he is not so much looking for a high but looking for some stability and rest in his head as you have to understand he is tormented by what he is doing and if he could stop tommorrow he would ! ....
How does one get their loved one who's ADHD to seek treatment?

My ex is in denial about his coke problem. He keeps minimizing it, like it's no big deal-well, it jeopardized our relationship and has made him risk losing his job. So it IS a problem but I can't make him see it.

He may also be in denial about ADHD-I'm not sure. We haven't discussed it.

How do I approach these subjects, especially since he's pretty mad at me right now because he feels I accused him of being an addict?
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  #22  
Old 05-12-08, 02:58 AM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

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Originally Posted by sandrawg View Post
How does one get their loved one who's ADHD to seek treatment?

How do I approach these subjects, especially since he's pretty mad at me right now because he feels I accused him of being an addict?
I'd wait until he cools down a bit then mention it casually and move on from there depending on his reaction. Cocaine addicts can get very angry as I'm sure you know so be careful.

You can't get anyone to seek treatment unfortunatly, they have to come to that stage on their own. You might be able to help them realize they have an undiagnosed condition, probably not though.

Get him some good information on ADD. If he's listening go through it with him and point out bits that you can relate to. Ritalin is acually similar to cocaine - the difference is it's under the supervision of a doctor and it's a pure substance.

IMO starting a cocaine addict on a long release Ritalin like concerta is not such a good idea. I think there's a cross tolerance for cocaine - ritalin and they wouldn't notice a 50mg concerta at all. The instant release would be better to start because they'd 'feel' it and realize the benefit it could be to them.

If you say you're going to leave him because of cocaine use then you have to follow through. If you find out he's been using you have to keep your word or he'll see the weakness there and exploit it.

Hope that helps some.


Sorry for invading. I've got ADD and I'm male not the right section.
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  #23  
Old 05-13-08, 03:44 PM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

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Originally Posted by sandrawg View Post
How does one get their loved one who's ADHD to seek treatment?
I think the only way that you can "make" a loved one seek help is if he is afraid of losing you. That's why my husband finally sought professional help for his ADHD. I'd had enough of his behavior and told him so. His fear of losing me and ruining our marriage was greater than his pride and denial.
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  #24  
Old 05-13-08, 07:14 PM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

OzChris wrote a couple of excellent posts of advice for you.

You cannot "make" or "get" anyone to do anything. At this point, you are broke up. That's that. From reading your other posts, he chose the coke over you, which is quite typical, and I'm so sorry for that, it is quite painful, I know. The quicker you come to terms with that though, the less emotionally attached to this guy you will be, and the better off you will be. Being emotionally attached to someone you are broke up with, for whatever reason, is useless, other than what you can learn about yourself in the process if you chose, as you move forward in your own life.

A good rule to follow when you are broke up with someone: leave them be, in other words, give him space, lots of space, the eternity. If he wants to come clean and talk, you need to allow him to come to you. The more you push him into realizing and dealing with his woes, the farther he will be. Totally, the ball is in his court. You really need to leave him with that, take good care of yourself and carry on with your own life right now.
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  #25  
Old 05-13-08, 08:50 PM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

Quote:
Originally Posted by ozchris View Post
Sorry for invading. I've got ADD and I'm male not the right section.
Ha ha! Your advice is actually spot on. Don't apologize for coming to this forum! We need more folks like you up here!
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  #26  
Old 05-13-08, 09:57 PM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

you're wasting your precious time.
.....but, I can't tell you to stop it, anymore than you can tell him.
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  #27  
Old 05-13-08, 10:04 PM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

How does one get their loved one who's ADHD to seek treatment?

short of throwing a net over him.
....theres NOTHING, you can do until HE decides to quit.

he might even say...SURE!
.....and keep using.

we will say whatever it takes to keep the flow of dope coming.
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  #28  
Old 05-13-08, 10:08 PM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

Not only wasting your time (ya that was blunt~lol!), it is also whittling away at your heart and your own emotional health. Said with lots 'o love.......
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  #29  
Old 05-13-08, 11:27 PM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

co-signed^
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Old 05-27-08, 01:54 AM
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Re: ADHD Boyfriend and Drug Abuse

There are 2 ways about it !

He either does "not have" an underlying medical condition for which he is self medicating ( You can normally tell if this is the case if the person expresses remorse and guilt for what they are doing ) and so wishes to continue getting high cause he gets a kick out of it and doesnt care if he is hurting himself or others....

OR

He does "have" an underlying mental health issue (if he hasn't already brought one upon himself with drug use) and will come out and say .."Hey..this stuff has been helping me with a problem I have.." and is trying to get you to see he thinks this is how he is treating it.

I have gone through this myself and the only reason my partner stayed with me is cause she realised I was suffering and self-medicating / abusing substances cause I needed proffessional help. She said I will be with you so long as you also accept proffessional treatment (even though you may lapse till you find it !) ... How could I argue with that ????

So...it's one or the other ! ... You Love the "buzz" or the head is really a "fuzz" !
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