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Old 03-09-04, 02:37 PM
MrZachary MrZachary is offline
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ADDult getting no Respect & Understanding

I feel like getting something off my chest. I don't mean to target this post at any certain individual or group, its just a feeling or two that i've been having for a long time that i'd like sorted out. I was wondering if I can have cooperation and have some input on it. Not looking for a solution, just...well, you'll see.

Much thanks in advance.

First and foremost, please don't get the notion that i shall be using ADD as an excuse or crutch. If it does appear that way, I apologize in advance, and maybe we can work on reformating my rambling.

Well first off, people with certain disorders have high's and low's with moods and have mood swings. People with some disorders get more easily frustrated and irritated then others.

That's me in a nutshell. Low tolerance. Low patience. I can be fine one moment and blow up the next.

Am I medicated for this? No.

Well perhaps I do need to be, but thats another thread.

I'd like to point the hypocrasy (spelling?) I am facing.

I am noticing that certain other individuals can be in a crabby mood and expect other people to understand.

Thats all we want, right...is a little understanding. What's so hard about that?

But when i'm in a crabby mood, oooohhh NOOO, thats my usual mood. And when i'm nice, its a joke....a game. PUHLEASE.

I don't like accusations made toward me. Someone says something that gets me off (not that has happened in the Forums), thenwonders why I react the way I do, it frustrates me and boggles my mind. It does.

Maybe if I can explain in an appropriate fashion that Im not sometimes in the best of moods, people would treat me differently as well.

I don't know how else to explain all this. Maybe someone else can craft this better then I.

But thats what I got on my mind.

Much thanks.

Sincerely,
Mr. Zachary
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Old 03-09-04, 02:48 PM
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Nucking_Futs Nucking_Futs is offline
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mrZachary I too have emtional high's and low's, I believe it is normal for any human being. The cotrol issue is a little harder for ADD'ers I'll agree. On low day's I avoid chat because I know I am explosive. You must also warn ppl I am really hurting today perhap's they will have the heart to treat your's with a little care. My advice show kindness and listen to other's pain and be respectful of it. Pain is pain no matter how petty it may seem to you or I. I would also reassure them that you ARE a work in progress when you slip you need to apologize. Yes you are going to have personality conflict's you deal with that enough in the real world that is what your ignore button is for put it to good use. Good Luck, Cherity
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Old 03-09-04, 03:00 PM
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...and yet, I see you talking alot about understanding, but not much about respect (your title..."Respect & Understanding")

Its one thing to understand that people have moods, bad days, etc. Its another thing to respect someone, or be respectful of others.

As an example: You can be angry at a decision made by a politician, but if you were to see him in the street, saying hello, instead of yelling in his face, is showing respect for that person. Even if you're mad.

Another example is respecting someone's privacy, or social boundaries. Some people (including ADDers) have poor social skills, and don't understand when they cross the line from curious question to probing interrogation.

This can lead to many many conflicts in social settings.
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Old 03-09-04, 03:08 PM
MrZachary MrZachary is offline
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So what are some ways I can focus on respect with other people?
I mean common sense tells me what I ought to do, but I don't always follow common sense. And thats what gets me in trouble.

I suppose thats the impulsiveness that kicks in.
I need to control the impulse.
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Old 03-09-04, 03:29 PM
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Do not allow the impulse's to speak for you. Another word's get up and walk away calm down then come back and say something "while I respect your point of view,,I see it this way" You do have the right to your own opinion, you do NOT have the right to abuse another's right's. Really listen to ppl and ask for validation on their thought's you never know you could have been looking at a situation in a different light and while you may still disagree you will realize you can see their point.

1. Walk away
2. Calm down
3. Think thing's thru before you say or type them
4. Treat other's the way you want to be treated. It may take time but if they see an honest effort they will come around.
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Old 03-09-04, 03:45 PM
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I have a problem with impulse control myself, especially in regards to my temper.

The internet gives us some unique ways to deal with it that aren't available in day to day life in my opinion. Whenever you type in a post or a chat sentence, if it is really important to you that you begin treating others with respect, that is the time to immediately reread what you have just typed BEFORE you hit Enter... the question you should not be asking is, Am I justified in saying this? The question you should be asking is, Is the person READING this going to believe I am justified in saying this?

If they aren't, then I'm not saying you should shut up, but maybe consider phrasing it in more of a honey way instead of the vinegar way if you see what I mean...
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Old 03-09-04, 04:02 PM
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One of the very good reasons we have a delay built in preventing people from posting like mad in the forums.....To "help" with impulse control issues
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Old 03-09-04, 06:25 PM
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WEll that explains the 60 second rule. OK it has saved me I will NO longer bash the 60 second rule.
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Old 03-09-04, 07:09 PM
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Mr. Zachary, Another trick i have learned as I am impulsive is
the phycology behind not speaking immediatly in a situation that has provoked you and that is.. If you dont get defensive immediatly then they hear what they said last(it repeats over and over in their mind as long as it had emotional attachment,) and will usually see the error in their behavior, even if they don't admit it.
But if you react and say, you're the stupid one etc.. then they most likely only remember your lashing out as that will have a bigger impact on them then their previous words that were rude.
And in the case that we may have misunderstood them and they weren't rude. Then we have time to perhaps realise we misunderstood, and therefor we haven't begun an unnessesary battle.
Most importantly the best way to get back at a rude person is to not get mad. It will upset them because then they only remember how rude they acted. At times I go to the extreme, and be very nice.
j9
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Old 03-09-04, 07:21 PM
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I have an example: Today my insurance agent informed me they would not cover the damage to our bathroom floor because it was obvious our pipe had been leaking long before it burst. Seem's there is a clause down in the small small print in the "were for art tho's" are stated.

I hung after saying good bye. Then thought of my reply to his call and called other insurance agencies to see if they make exceptions for such instances. The main answer was YES. So, I then called him back and questioned whether or not the remainder of our money for the year is refundable as we were going to seek a new agency for our house and car coverage. The agent then became very defensive and my reply was simple and to the point. "I feel victimized and feel you do not have my best interest at heart therefore I must seek a new agency thank you for your time". You can get your point across without being abusive. It just takes a whole lot of work.
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Old 03-09-04, 10:18 PM
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I found that being honest with myself and others was the first step. If someone tells you to quit being in a crabby mood, instead of biting their head off, just apologize and say "I'm sorry, I really want to make an effort to change my attitude. It's not going to change overnight but I want you to know I'm aware of my moods and I'm trying my best"

Or something like that. It's a weird reaction you'll get when all of a sudden you tell someone they are right instead of constantly denying that anything is your fault. The hard part is swallowing your pride and admitting openly that you have a problem with your temper or whatever.

All throughout my teenage years and early twenties, I always felt like the victim. I always blamed everyone else for my bad moods. Then I realized that the only person I could change was myself. It's the only person you have full control over. You have no control how others will act but at least you can make a choice to not react to them. What they do with your "non-reaction" is up to them.

Another thing with us ADDers, because we are so impatient, we want to see results right away. So in a day, if these people don't change, please don't give up. It takes time to convince other people you are really making an effort to change. Be humble.

Hope this helps,
Andrea
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