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Old 07-08-08, 11:58 PM
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Red face Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

I am always so overwhelmed by my two toddler boys. They are so hyper and energetic, and when I am hyperfocused on something, they irritate me to no end.

I want to be a mom that sits and plays with my children, but I can't. I tried to make a goal to sit with them for 5 minutes each, twice a day, and I couldn't make it the full five minutes. I feel like a horrible mom because of this. I am seriously overwhelmed all of the time, and I don't know how to just love and enjoy being with them.

I really struggle with follow-through with discipline. For example, I will put one of them in time-out and they will just get out and begin to play, then because I got distracted by something else I will forget that I needed to follow through on keeping them there and following through with what I said I would do, and then a while later I realize that I got distracted, and then it's too late.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and I now think that one of the reason's that I am so overwhelmed with them is because of my AHDH.


Has anyone experienced anything like this? Can you share any tips on what has helped you? I just want to be a great mom, but feel like I am constantly failing.
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Old 07-09-08, 12:39 AM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

Yes! I think this can happen to many parents ADHD or not. Two toddler boys are time consuming and overwhelming. You have every right to feel irritated, frustrated, distracted, etc.

I have a 9yo, 5yox, and 4yo. Just recently through another thread, I was struck by the idea that I was "absent parenting" and that turned my desire/ability to play with my children around some. Sometimes, all I can give is 15 minutes. Sometimes, it is 30 minutes. I started to look out for quick interactions such as pretending to talk on the phone with my daughter or working in a game of cards with my 9yox. These take about 5-10 minutes. As far as discipline goes, I try by setting timers. There are a lot of timers available in my house, because I use them to remind me about timeouts, or to give medicines, or take the laundry out of the wash.

I am sending some supportive thoughts and well wishes your way. It sounds like you need them. Just keep trying your best and FORGIVE yourself when you can't give it your all.
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Old 07-09-08, 12:49 AM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

Do you have a support system available..? Someone who can take them for a few hours to give you a break?

How old are they? It's possible they're showing early signs of ADHD. Our daughter showed signs by age 2.

Are there any early highschoolers in your neighborhood.. who'd be able to come spend time with them ...and help you out a bit?

Toddlers.. need a good amount of exercise...without overdoing, of course, but enough to run out excess energy.

Are their grandparents close by? Maybe willing to spend a bit of time with them, so it's not all on you to be there for their every emotional need?
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Old 07-09-08, 07:45 AM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

I don't have children, but I have been a substitute teacher, strangest thing is that ADD/ADHD children drive me CRAZY!! Here I am with ADD and children like me, make me nervous, and more unbalanced.
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Old 07-09-08, 09:30 AM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

I totally understand your frustration.......really!!!

Friends will say that their children irritate them as well....huh....I say "take mine for a day and then you will understand!"

Don't get me wrong, he is a wonderful, creative, intelligent, active, hyper, emotional ADHD 9yo boy. Yikes!! The apple didn't fall far from the tree!!

*I tell myself not to worry about things I cannot control.
*Take deep breaths and walk away before I have "a moment".
*As soon as hubby walks through the door after a long day at work I TRY not to bombard him with my daily frustrations!! Big One!!!
*It also works to have a sitter one afternoon a week; take a break; go shopping at night without them when they can be watched by someone else. I love walking around Wal-Mart & Target by myself.

!!!!Once a month a group of my Mom Friends go out for drinks, this helps SOOOOO MUCH!!!! Reach out to friends for support....staying home with kids is so easy for us to lose touch with what WE NEED.

**I am a stay at home mom because daycare and working was too much for my child. I have to remember that I am doing the best that I can and it will all be worth it in the end. Fingers crossed!!

Oh! I also have a 10 week old Schnoodle puppy that is trying to help me type right now. I am a sucker for furry critters.

Hang in there....take long walks....raising children is the hardest and best job you will ever have!!!
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Old 07-09-08, 03:54 PM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

I think the hardest thing is probably that we don't have ANY family close by, most are on the other side of the country, but my mom is only a couple hours drive away. She is a work-aholic, and doesn't do the "Grandma" thing that I dream about. I do drive to see her as often as I can for some help, and she loves the boys for the first day, then seems to get overwhelmed by the boys. So it's usually a quick trip.

It is hard, because I don't really have much help. Also my husband has been traveling a lot lately, so I am with them 24 hours most days. They go to a mother's day out twice a week for the morning, but it just doesn't feel like enough time alone. I know I should just be grateful for anytime that I have alone.

For those of you that have kids that are in school, did it get easier once they were in school?
Do you think it is harder for those of us that are parent's and ADD/ADHD
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Old 07-09-08, 05:48 PM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

Hi there,

I'm in a similar boat but with only one child w/autism spectrum disorder.

I would like to share some things:

1. You have a nuclear family. It was said to me and made an impact .

2. My son plays on a playground every day as long as it's not raining. We do not miss it. Unless it is for some other activity where he can burn off lots of energy, like Chuck-e-cheese, kids museum, swimming pool.

3. We visit three different public libraries on a regular basis. Lots of sesame street, etc-books and videos. This is where my son first discovered computers. If you can find a computer called an Early Literacy Center they are amazing. My son's preschool teacher has actually told me that she thinks he's a computer genius. He started right at two years old.

4. Computer at home-Our libraries have educational computer software that can be borrowed and installed on your home PC. It helped my son with his speaking, numbers and alphabet tremendously.

My son now goes to special education preschool and occupational therapy. But before he turned three the therapists came to our home.

Hang in there......
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Old 07-09-08, 05:57 PM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

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Originally Posted by ohhmama View Post
I think the hardest thing is probably that we don't have ANY family close by, most are on the other side of the country, but my mom is only a couple hours drive away. She is a work-aholic, and doesn't do the "Grandma" thing that I dream about. I do drive to see her as often as I can for some help, and she loves the boys for the first day, then seems to get overwhelmed by the boys. So it's usually a quick trip.

It is hard, because I don't really have much help. Also my husband has been traveling a lot lately, so I am with them 24 hours most days. They go to a mother's day out twice a week for the morning, but it just doesn't feel like enough time alone. I know I should just be grateful for anytime that I have alone.

For those of you that have kids that are in school, did it get easier once they were in school?
Do you think it is harder for those of us that are parent's and ADD/ADHD
It got easier for me..when the oldest started school. Then the twins... it was so quiet at home.. and I was able to get things done..without having to worry that they were always in to something.. or climbing the tv antenna.. or trees.

Here... they can start as early as 3.. if they're potty trained in the head start program. It really made a big difference for them.. and for us.
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Old 07-09-08, 06:04 PM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

Hi Ohhmama, can i just ask how old your toddeler boys are?

Only i have 5 children in all, the last 2 are 14 months and 3 months and oh boy i kinda get where your coming from.

Now because i have now been diagnosed and taking medication i now find it a bit easier to focus and be a bit more organised.

I have actually got a routine which certainly helps, i realise we all need time to ourselves and luckily i have a good partner who also helps during the day.

I find that when my 14mth old has her morning sleep and that the 3 mth old has been fed i can grab a quick hour to do what i want.

I then get baby back up and then it's her time to play for a bit because she's still small i can put her in a baby pen to play with her toys or she watches some of her favourite shows on baby t.v.

Then she has an afternoon sleep to which i grab another quick hour to do what i need, weather it's loading the washing machine or just chilling out.

Come 5.30pm we have our last hour of play time with her coming out of her playpen to wander around the front room and i just sit on the floor playing. 6.30pm she go's to bed luckily she's so good and just go's straight to sleep.

I then play with my 3mth old for an hour then he sleeps for an hour then he go's bed at about 8.30pm.

That's when it's my time for the rest of the night, i just have to comprimise through the day and look forward to my time at night, i have to keep telling myself that because they are so little they don't understand mummy has adhd.

And believe me i have been in your boat, i have even shouted at them because i was trying to do something hyperfocusing to the max and they interupted me and i have been so fustrated.

But i also have to keep reminding myself they are tiny and they just don't understand.
I also tell myself they want my attention because they love me and want me to play.

I so enjoy them being about and if you do manage to play and watch them to-gether they can be so much fun that it might make you want to do it more and more.

I do hope some of my experience might help you in some way and i wish your all the best with your 2 little toddlers.

Just remember 1 thing kids grow up so fast nowaday's they are babies 1 minute and 15yr olds the next just like my eldest. Take care

P.S yes it does get easier once they are in school you have more time for you and you appriciate them more when you pick them up.

P.P.S YOU ARE A GREAT MOM OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T BE ASING FOR HELP.
Sorry just had to add that
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Old 07-09-08, 11:18 PM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

They are 2 and 3. They are so wild. I could go on and on about the trouble that they get into everyday. They climb up and on everything too! I just potty trained the youngest, so that is nice. I am really hoping to be able to pay more attention to them now that I am aware that I have major attention issues and am starting medication.

I LOVE the idea of taking them somewhere to get their energy out everyday. I think that is what they really need, because they are so full of it, and need to release it.
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Old 07-10-08, 10:33 AM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

Quote:
I LOVE the idea of taking them somewhere to get their energy out everyday. I think that is what they really need, because they are so full of it, and need to release it.
Yes! And I was extremely fortunate to find - what is called around here anyway - a "playgroup." This "playgroup" was for parents and their children ages 0 - 5, and it met on Tues and Thurs mornings from say 9:30 a.m. - 11:30 a.m. I saw it advertised via flyer at either my pediatrician's office or at the WIC office....

Anyway, it was GREAT for me because I really liked the other mothers who went also. They were extremely down-to-earth and kind. And we ALL had little kids and would sometimes meet at the park, or go to the zoo together . . . whatever.

This playgroup actually began when one woman (with 2 kids at the time) wrote a grant and got money to rent this abandoned storefront for a year. She cleaned it up and bought some toys, books, child-sized table and chairs, some of those HUGE soft geometric/block shaped BLOCKS/FURNITURE that kids can climb on, slide down, jump on, lay on, etc. So even if we just met at the playgroup spot - it was 2 hours of plenty for the kids to do PLUS - 2 HOURS of socializing and commiserating with other moms who could very well understand one another's frustrations.

My gosh - that was like 15 years ago, and I still to this day feel so grateful for that group. They really are what gave me the education and inspiration and strength to be a somewhat decent parent. It would be AWESOME if you could find something like what I had!! And you could always start your own . . . put an ad in the paper or a flyer at your pediatrician's . . . you don't NEED to rent a place, you could take turns having the moms and kids at each other's homes . . . I was involved in those types of playgroups also.

I will say that when I had my other child 8 years later, I went back to this playgroup and OF COURSE - it was full of all DIFFERENT PARENTS & KIDS. Sadly, I didn't feel at all good amoungst this new group of people. It was very cliquey and snotty and . . . I don't know . . . I guess I got LUCKY that first time.

Anyway OHhmama - I recently offered to watch my neighbors 3-year-old BOY (I have girls) - just for a few minutes in the grocery store - and he was SO WILD that I was concerned he'd not be brought back alive (or extremely injured, at least). I kept thinking that I would be SO STRESSED if I had had an ACTIVE BOY (nevermind 2 boys) instead of the rather mellow girls I have. I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU! And I have to say that you ARE a FABULOUS mother for just being able to function at all and keep them safe. (Dammit they are EXHAUSTING to be around, eh? You NEED some support and the comfort of other moms in the same situation.)

Sincerely,
Sue
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Old 07-10-08, 10:37 PM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

some people in here like to accuse me of generalizing about ADHDers but ur post just validates what I write, I hope you saw my posting on the same subject. there is good advice in there.
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Old 07-11-08, 01:13 AM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

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some people in here like to accuse me of generalizing about ADHDers but ur post just validates what I write
No, it doesn't. How can you generalize from a few postings to an entire population? Nobody said that parenting kids with ADHD is a walk in the park, but that's far from saying that it isn't worth it, for either the parents or the kids. I doubt I'm ever having kids, for the same reasons you mention in your other thread, but I'm not going to judge anyone else for making a go at something that freaks me the **** out. I'm personally quite glad my parents had me (and my sister), and I'd be the first to say that ADHD is living hell.

What exactly is your purpose in posting in this thread?
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Old 07-12-08, 02:11 PM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

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Originally Posted by sloppitty-sue View Post

Anyway OHhmama - I recently offered to watch my neighbors 3-year-old BOY (I have girls) - just for a few minutes in the grocery store - and he was SO WILD that I was concerned he'd not be brought back alive (or extremely injured, at least). I kept thinking that I would be SO STRESSED if I had had an ACTIVE BOY (nevermind 2 boys) instead of the rather mellow girls I have. I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU! And I have to say that you ARE a FABULOUS mother for just being able to function at all and keep them safe. (Dammit they are EXHAUSTING to be around, eh? You NEED some support and the comfort of other moms in the same situation.)
Thank you so much for validating me! It brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes I just feel like my threshold for handling children is just too low. Then, I will see a mom with a little girl or two, or a non-energetic boy, and wonder why mine are so different, and what I am doing wrong.

I do have two active boys, and let me tell you that it is by far the hardest thing that I have EVER done. I love them so much, but it is so stinkin' hard!
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Old 07-14-08, 01:56 AM
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Re: Is anyone else overwhelmed by their young children?

And the mother of this little ACTIVE boy I described is always in a #itchy mood. Makes total sense to me now that I think about it. And he's a totally adorable, well-developing, healthy, sweet boy . . . just FAST-MOVING, curious to an extreme . . . WILD from my perspective . . . lol . . .

Imagine this: I have a friend who had THREE CHILDREN, ages FIVE and under!! They are girls, but they are as WILD and OOC (out of control) as any wild boy I've ever seen. She would call me a lot just to chat, and I would literally hear so much noise (including lots of yelling and SCREAMING) - and just hearing THAT - on the PHONE - would get my b.p. up and have me stressing.

And she'd say things like, "Ugh . . . Sally's naked on top of the counter and pouring the lemonade she took out of the fridge onto the floor . . . onto a pile of sugar that she just dumped out of the five-pound bag it came in . . . So what's new with you? Did Hannah get her new shoes yet?" - as if such chaos is as regular as a car driving by your house.


YOU WILL BE REWARDED some day! I BELIEVE THAT STRONGLY!


Sincerely,
Sue
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