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  #1  
Old 09-07-08, 12:54 AM
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Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

So what is it about the Fall? Here in the heartland we went from perfect summer days over Labor Day weekend, to cold dismal and rainy. And suddenly, I can't stay out of bed. Taking 4-hour naps in the afternoon. Constant headache. Depressed like I haven't been in months. Can't motivate to do anything. Want to cry but can't. What's up with that? Soft covers, that's all I want.

So yeah, there's the thing about the change in light. I actually have a therapy light, but can't care enough to get it out. But how can seasonal depression occur overnight? Or did it? Had a lot of stressful things going on the last couple of weeks and blamed my low mood on that....

Lost my therapist. The one I really, really liked. She's moved on. Used to see her every week. Would have seen her by now, but she's gone. Got a replacement, but I'm sad. Ok, now I might cry. Had gone to every other week because I was feeling so well and stable. HA. So much for that. Can't remember it now.

Does anyone think they make themselves miserable on purpose because it is familiar? Like the house you've always lived in? That somehow the depression feels right - back to ground I know. Probably stupid. Probably the depression talking, right? Whatever that means...

Don't even know why I'm writing, except I need to just let something out. Sorry for the long, depressing rant. I feel so selfish for subjecting you all to this, perhaps looking for some kind of support, but I don't give anything back. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that I only come around when I feel bad.
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  #2  
Old 09-07-08, 02:06 AM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

Go right ahead, busyhermit...

First, I don't think we make ourselves miserable on purpose.. we just don't have any control of our moods when we have depression. You miss your therapist, of course... that is understandable.. she must have been a good one. But I hope and pray that your next therapist will be as good if not better and cares for you as much as your former therapist did.

Second, I think that seasonal depression varies in each person, affecting each of us differently.

Have you seen a psychiatrist? Doesn't seem like it. Not only is a therapist good, but taking anti-depressants (providing that you are prescribed one that is the right one for you) is also helpful in controlling the onset of depression.

Long before I began taking Paroxetine, I would cry and not want to get out of bed for days... when something unexpectant happened. For example, three times in 2 years, my "supervisors" at a job in 1994-1996, resigned. I was beginning to get a complex... but then I knew I wasn't the reason of course (If I had been, I would have just been fired or "let go"). But depression, when untreated, can become very disabling.
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Old 09-07-08, 11:17 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

Thanks Dotty. Actually I am taking medications - Celexa, Klonopin and Lamictal. After the Lamictal kicked in, I finally started to feel stable, rational, in control, very nearly optimistic, practically cheerful on some days...quite a wonderful improvement. That's only been for the last month, though.

I guess this is why I'm a bit baffled and very discouraged about the backslide. Only a week and a half ago, I was feeling so well that I was worried about going to therapy with nothing to say - actually discussed that with the therapist, and decided to go to every other week. Cripes - only took me a week to crumble completely.

It's the season... the weather.....I think.....something. Memories have become so close I can see and feel them like I am there. Disturbing memories. Emotions so powerful they make me cringe and feel sick. I try to tell myself that the past is gone, but I have no convincing argument. They are too real and present. A living, breathing part of me.

The memories are random and emotional. I have no clue at what time they occurred. I suspect that some things in the past are connected with the fall. School held it's own horrors of course, but there were other things - the divorce, the season that my mom spent behind a closed door, while we walked on eggshells, wondering what would happen to us. Was that in the fall? Could be.

Trying to work it out. Trying to think. Is there a rational explanation? Feel a little better today as the sun was out. Was able to do some things, with random motivation. No control. Just along for the ride. Something is seriously wrong with me, and again I am wondering if I can ever really change.

Sheesh. Self-indulgent, depressing monologue. Sorry again.
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Old 09-07-08, 11:28 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

Quote:
Originally Posted by busyhermit View Post
Thanks Dotty. Actually I am taking medications - Celexa, Klonopin and Lamictal. After the Lamictal kicked in, I finally started to feel stable, rational, in control, very nearly optimistic, practically cheerful on some days...quite a wonderful improvement. That's only been for the last month, though.

I guess this is why I'm a bit baffled and very discouraged about the backslide. Only a week and a half ago, I was feeling so well that I was worried about going to therapy with nothing to say - actually discussed that with the therapist, and decided to go to every other week. Cripes - only took me a week to crumble completely.

It's the season... the weather.....I think.....something. Memories have become so close I can see and feel them like I am there. Disturbing memories. Emotions so powerful they make me cringe and feel sick. I try to tell myself that the past is gone, but I have no convincing argument. They are too real and present. A living, breathing part of me.

The memories are random and emotional. I have no clue at what time they occurred. I suspect that some things in the past are connected with the fall. School held it's own horrors of course, but there were other things - the divorce, the season that my mom spent behind a closed door, while we walked on eggshells, wondering what would happen to us. Was that in the fall? Could be.

Trying to work it out. Trying to think. Is there a rational explanation? Feel a little better today as the sun was out. Was able to do some things, with random motivation. No control. Just along for the ride. Something is seriously wrong with me, and again I am wondering if I can ever really change.

Sheesh. Self-indulgent, depressing monologue. Sorry again.
I don't see it that way (self-indulgent, etc.), busyhermit... you're venting, expressing yourself... trying to sort it out.. it's good to write your thoughts (and/or type them) whether for your own use or others to see your experience. A lot of that uncontrol is not your fault... you do need help... just keep trying and don't "ever" give up! I wish you the best.

Yes I've heard of depression caused by lack of light, such as the sun. That is called: SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. I found this website... maybe there is a specific type of bulb that is usually used on growing plants indoors that is used on people with SAD... check out the website. Here's another website about Light Therapy.
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Old 09-08-08, 09:03 AM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

Thanks again, Dotty. I'm sure you're right about the light. Felt a little better yesterday as the sun came out, and I spent some time outside. Didn't want to go back in...funny, as if I was craving the sun. I have one of those therapy lights - - got to find it. Was doing so well during the summer, I put it up.

It seems that dreary, cold weather was a trigger for other issues as well. Something to talk about in therapy.

Anyhow, thanks for listening, and thanks for the support. Think I'll go look for that light.
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Old 09-08-08, 11:46 AM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

Quote:
Originally Posted by busyhermit View Post
Thanks again, Dotty. I'm sure you're right about the light. Felt a little better yesterday as the sun came out, and I spent some time outside. Didn't want to go back in...funny, as if I was craving the sun. I have one of those therapy lights - - got to find it. Was doing so well during the summer, I put it up.

It seems that dreary, cold weather was a trigger for other issues as well. Something to talk about in therapy.

Anyhow, thanks for listening, and thanks for the support. Think I'll go look for that light.
I get SAD terribly as well. My pdoc has me on 5,000 IU Vitamin D3 and it's awesome. Your body probably WAS craving the sun, quite possibly for the Vitamin D!
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Old 09-08-08, 03:06 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

Hmmm. Vitamin D - - - I'd completely forgotten about that. My Dr did some blood tests last year that showed I was low in vitamin D, and had me taking 1.000/day. I ran out, and went on to a multivitamin. Perhaps it doesn't have enough in it. Thanks for reminding me.
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Old 09-08-08, 05:32 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

I was taking 10,000 IU to get my level up.
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Old 09-09-08, 12:12 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

WOW!

I was just looking online for some higher than 1,000 (that's what they have at the drug store). Found some 2,000 gel-caps, but haven't bought yet. I like gel-caps (like fish oil), they're so easy to swallow. Any suggestions?
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Old 09-09-08, 01:49 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

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WOW!

I was just looking online for some higher than 1,000 (that's what they have at the drug store). Found some 2,000 gel-caps, but haven't bought yet. I like gel-caps (like fish oil), they're so easy to swallow. Any suggestions?
I don't have my bottle with me, I'll have to look (if I remember) when I get home, but I think they're from Douglas (sp?) Laboratories - try googling. I buy mine from my pdoc - he has supplements available for purchase at his office. I have seen some at Wal-Mart, but I don't remember the strength they were.
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Old 09-09-08, 03:00 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

Thx Dorie. Just trying to keep the # of pills to a minimum, so was wondering how big they came.
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Old 09-09-08, 03:10 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

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Thx Dorie. Just trying to keep the # of pills to a minimum, so was wondering how big they came.
Mine are 5000 IU per one capsule.
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Old 09-10-08, 12:01 AM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

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Originally Posted by justcallmedorie View Post
I get SAD terribly as well. My pdoc has me on 5,000 IU Vitamin D3 and it's awesome. Your body probably WAS craving the sun, quite possibly for the Vitamin D!
Quote:
Originally Posted by busyhermit View Post
Hmmm. Vitamin D - - - I'd completely forgotten about that. My Dr did some blood tests last year that showed I was low in vitamin D, and had me taking 1.000/day. I ran out, and went on to a multivitamin. Perhaps it doesn't have enough in it. Thanks for reminding me.
Hmm, Vit. D??? I have to take Vit. D with my calcium (for my osteopenia) so maybe I'll feel even better this Fall and Winter than ever??? Because it's too hot in Texas to get out during the summer, or sometimes all year around.

Thanks you two!
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Old 09-10-08, 06:30 AM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

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Hmm, Vit. D??? I have to take Vit. D with my calcium (for my osteopenia) so maybe I'll feel even better this Fall and Winter than ever??? Because it's too hot in Texas to get out during the summer, or sometimes all year around.

Thanks you two!
You're certainly welcome!
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Old 09-16-08, 08:02 PM
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Re: Seasonal Depression - Here we go again

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Go right ahead, busyhermit...

First, I don't think we make ourselves miserable on purpose.. we just don't have any control of our moods when we have depression.


I disagree with that statement, but before I continue. I would like to ask you (DotwithADD) - do you really believe we don't have control over our moods during depression?

If so, would you please offer an explanation as to why.
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