Paul, Hamilton On

[PaulyD]

I have been posting and reading forums on this site ever since i stumbled across it. this will be a long winded post to give a better understanding not only to everyone else, but to myself aswell. Parents divorced when i was 5 lived with my Grandmas house with my mom for 2-3 years, was considered a gifted student that didnt work well with others.

We moved to other side of town went to one school for grade 3, one for grades 4 and 5 around this time is when i started making bad friend choices and such. Grade 6 i failed almost twice and was suspended 22 times during the first year and a half, then i had some meeting with pricipals and sp ed teachers and parents. they did some testing and said i was able to jump to grade 7 mid year but in a differant school, designed for behavioural problematic youth. I was a very timid individual who was willing to to anything to be liked, that got me in alot of trouble. So i completed grade 7 in half a year since it was a work at your own pace school. Went back to the regular school system for grade 8, i moved in with my dad to other side of town to get away from the bad friends i have made. I moved back and forth from dads to moms house many times and switched schools many times till i was 18 and was told that i wouldnt be able to complete high school in the regular system. Too old to do the grade 9 classes that were manditory.

So i quit school and went to work for a temp agency shoveling sand all day in a metal factory. then went to work with a friend at a postal service 4 hours a day 5 days a week, that was prolly my favourite job since i got to work with a friend we made everything like a race and my supervisors were obviosly not discouraging it. then was offered a job with my uncle at a produce warehouse. Smoke while you work and a great bunch of people, i was always asking questions and asked to do everyjob because i always wanted to learn everything but master nothing. so that company got bought out by a union shop and we were shipped to another town with a huge warehouse ( 5 of them) at first i was enjoying learning the way they did things, then i started making arguements with the supervisors over differant things. Never got into any major trouble since i generally didnt pick an arguement i couldn't win or could lose. Moved to many differant jobs and warehouses because i never wanted people to real never get to know me and boredom of doing the same thing day in and day out. Ive worked there for over 10 years now, mind you the last year and a half i have been off on Long term disibility. For Depression and addictions (marijuana and internet games)

During that time off i was without income for 8 months, fighting with my insurance company to help me out, finally after i was admitted to a addictions and mental treatment facility. Stayed there for 28 days and was told to visit a ADD specialist and also to rule out some other possible disorders ( ODD, ASPD, Social anxiety and a couple others) this brings us to Mid january of this year, when i started seeing this specialist. Right at the start i laid everything out on the table. My perception of society, lack of self esteem and reasons i thought were making me feel this way, disregaurd for other people( lack of emotions) I have always kept to myself, in the 10 years working at that job i never devoloped any friends that i would call to hang out or vice versa. ive had chances but i would always seem to disengage after a short time usually like a month or so.

I have no interests of hobbies that i take part in other then recently i started to take up Karate due to my doctors suggestion to get more physical. Even there i dont really talk to people and i have my uncle and cousin there with me. Frustration levels go through the roof trying to learn the basics, and posture. Ive almost giving up twice in middle of class, i was always glad that i stuck it out.

So now im 28, Single White male that has no friends, not working, doesnt keep up on todays events like the news and such, poor outlook on life, barely take the time to feed or clean myself, house is a mess. Family doesnt call much and i dont call them much either.
Well now im Medicated and my focus is there but i focus on all the negitives. Im not depressed, anymore untill i try to think of where i want to be and where i am. Drawing a blank when it comes to my future is the most depressing thing for me.


Anyway i have been rambling on, and prolly left out alot of key points along the way. Thanks for reading or For skimming through my ramblings.

ADD Inattentive - Adderall Xr 30mg

[sarek]

Welcome to the forums PaulyD.

Remember a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Finding the forums is one such step.

[Bluerose]