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  #151  
Old 02-08-10, 12:07 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

*DON'T ask me to do something while I'm busy doing something else. This not only throws me off but it stresses me out.

*DO ask me some time in advance "could you help me with ____ in 2, 3, 5, 10 minutes?"

My mom and I came up with this idea recently and the added time for some reason makes switching jobs or tasks completely easier to think about (and I'm usually available sooner in the end anyway)
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  #152  
Old 02-08-10, 12:54 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I love these lists and may need to print some out! I'll see if I can come up with some of my own.
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  #153  
Old 02-11-10, 05:09 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I actually love this topic and have a few to add on a personal level:

1. Forget it...I'm never going to remember where my keys are. Period.
2. It frustrates me even more when some "Normal" person wont help me look for my keys and instead stands around a watches until I'm almost at the point of tearing my house down.
3. If I interrupt you its only because I will forget what I'm about to say and will never remember it past that point...if you can remember your thought, give me the right of way
4. Dont interrupt me period...because I will NEVER rembember what I was going to say even if it was life or death emergency.
5. Give me 15 min warnings before you pry me off of an activity I'm focusing on or it might cause difficulty with transition
6. I hate surprises, I want to know exactly what is going to happen throughout the day
7. Don't deal well with changes in plans
8. I will come to bed EVENTUALLY after I stop hyperfocusing on whatever I'm doing.
9. I'm not ignoring the napkin in the middle of the floor just to annoy you, I don't realize its there...and can walk past it for days.
10. I have a very high IQ, but low acheivement scores...that doesn't mean I can't remember or retain information
11. I like to be on the go constantly it keeps me from being bored...If I get bored I get into trouble (arguments etc)
12. Like the pervious poster, I too don't like unexpected visitors dropping by and I too have social anxiety disorder.
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  #154  
Old 02-23-10, 08:26 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Don't call them STUPID!
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  #155  
Old 02-24-10, 01:18 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

* I don't get subtleties. If you want me to know something, tell me straight out.

* Yes, I lost my keys again. Deal with it and help me, or stop bugging me about it!

* Gentle, friendly reminders work well. Even if you have to do it daily. I forget things easily. (Big emphasis on gentle and friendly! )

*Like many posters before me said ... I really didn't notice the coke can on the table, or the overflowing garbage can. If you want me to help, please remind me. I'll be happy to take care of it. But please don't get angry with me for "ignoring" it.

* Grocery lists don't work well. I always end up losing them! Text me while I'm at the store if you need me to pick up something different.

* I appreciate anything you do that helps me with orginization - like helping me sort my mail by throwing away the junk - but just know that orginizing is hard for me and I get overwhelmed easily by the task.

* Forgive me when I randomly share something exciting that happened to me at ear-splitting volumes.

* Sometimes it's really hard for me to communicate, in ways that you can understand, what I'm feeling. I don't know how to fix it.

* Thank you for your patience, when I constantly interrupt, and when you remind me for the thousandth time to pick up my things.
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  #156  
Old 02-26-10, 04:38 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I don't have the time to go through every page so this one might have been said previously, but in the event that it has not been:

* Don't worry about correcting my spelling, you get my point.
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  #157  
Old 02-26-10, 06:39 PM
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Thumbs up Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I am only stating do's and don'ts relative to me so I apologize for repeats:

* Never Beat around the bush---Tell me here and now!

* Never deny ADD/HD existence---Work with me and understand me

* Don't tell me there is no other way--Lets come up with solutions together

* Don't be FAKE--Be real and true to yourself

* Don't tell me yes and then change your mind---Be sure of yourself and know what you are talking about.

* Don't judge me---Know me

* Don't tell me so much in one second--Tell me sloooooowly I need to make sure the information can get on the jammed packed freeway system in my brain.. :O

* Oh, Pleeeeeease don't tell me "are you sure?" One million times when I say "I understand" Do say ok great thanks!!


Well, I can go on but I don't think the forums people would be too happy with 5,000 do's and don'ts :-)
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Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988)


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  #158  
Old 02-26-10, 10:28 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Oh FYI I did not mean to put that thumbs up in my last message to this thread, not even sure how it got there. Other then me clicking buttons and accidentally clicking it.
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Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988)


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  #159  
Old 03-02-10, 02:46 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

umm... I forgot what this post was supposa be about....
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Old 03-03-10, 11:10 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Don't...hesitate to tell me if I'm acting a little frazzled. Usually it's because I totally forgot to take my Adderall and if you remind me, it will save everyone involved a lot of trouble. I'm bad about forgetting to take it and then coming unglued because I can't focus and still not realize why that is.

Don't...tell me I'm too smart to have ADHD.

Don't...tell me that I'm cheating by taking my prescribed dose of Adderall before class.

Don't...roll your eyes when I tell you I have ADHD

Don't...think I'm weird because someone mentioned something off the wall and I have to find out everything there is to know about that subject for no other reason than I'm curious. Yes, I understand this is taking up every waking moment of my day, but I can't stop until I know it all!

Don't...ask me to help you with your math homework late in the evening. I know you're only in 6th grade and you're only trying to find the least common denominator, but it's too hard for me to deal with this time of the day.

Don't...criticize me for not being one of those moms who has their kids on a schedule. I can't do schedules, I just can't.

Do...laugh at me for coming down stairs 4 times after I said I was going to bed. Yes, I realize that I do this EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. I forgot to take the medication I have had to take every night before bed for the last 3 years. The second time was because I forgot my bite guard that I keep down there. The third time was because I forgot to grab my cell phone the other two times I was down there (use it for an alarm clock). The last time was because I needed the phone charger because my phone was dead because I forgot to plug it in.

Don't...when I'm freaking out before taking a test, say "why are you so worried, you always do fine." I need to work up the pressure to hyperfocus so don't give me confidence right now. I know I'm acting a little overly dramatic, but it's part of the process.

Do...try to understand that I manifest my hyperactivity by talking. I talk a lot and I talk fast.

Do...try to understand that I most likely will interrupt you. It's not that I'm trying to be inconsiderate, but I honestly can't help it. Even if I try to restrain myself, I'm not listening to you because I'm repeating over and over in my head what I want to say so I don't forget it.

Don't...get annoyed because I frequently lose my train of thought mid-sentence.
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  #161  
Old 03-05-10, 07:50 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

I've been on this site for more than a year and hadn't read this tread. OMG, this stuff is freak'n AWESOME!

I didn't make it through ALL of the replies. I'm sure you all will understand why. So apologies if some of these have already been thrown out:

  • If I screw up and forget something you asked me to do, please do not attack me with an angry outburst. I've already beat myself up and your outburst will only make it worse.
  • If I tell you I am ADHD but appear to have my act together, please give me the benefit of the doubt. I've worked harder than you will ever know to create that illusion.
  • If you find my keys, wallet, iPhone, id-card, etc, you will do me a HUGE favor if you put it some place where I am sure to find it.
  • If you find one of my sticky to do lists, please do me a HUGE favor and put it some place where I am sure to find it.
  • It is NOT COOL to hide my wallet, iPhone, id-card, etc, just so you can get a cheap thrill watching me frantically tear the house apart.
  • I may be brilliant one day and clueless the next. Store the brilliant memory and forget the other.
  • If you are the "more the merrier" type and drag me to huge family gatherings, parties, weddings, etc, please go to extra effort to help me feel comfortable. Also, please give me the gift of quite alone time when the event is over.
  • If you give me a book to read and months later I've not made it past chapter 1, page 1, please do not be disappointed.
  • If you want me to come up to speed on something quickly, then lay it out for me quickly, simply and visually if possible. Then allow me to go back and learn the details in the way that works best for me.
  • If you want to argue and you think fast on your feet, please argue fairly by allowing and respecting me when I struggle to explain my side. Chances are I am not able to quickly respond verbally.
  • Do not be angry or upset or disappointed if you ask for my opinion, thoughts, answers and I do not give them to you immediately but instead give them to you later. I may not be good at anything that requires an immediate coherent response. It's not the way my brain works. Give me time and I'll give you my best.
  • If I complete your word or sentence, I am not trying to be rude. My brain has already processed what you were trying to explain.
  • I just spent alot of money on something with the intention of learning it, assembling it, attaching it, planting it, whatever, please do not be angry with me if it is still unopened months later.
  • Please be patient if I'm a perfectionist. It's probably an attempt on my part to bring some semblance of order to my life.
  • Please try to be understanding when I tell you "by the way the dentist called last week to remind you that your appointment is today, 30 minutes from now".
  • Please be patient if I can't remember some one we went to church with 10 years ago.
  • Please be patient if I can't remember the name of someone we went met at church last week.
  • If you threaten me to do something, you are guaranteeing that it will not get done or it will be done poorly.
I'm sure I can think of more...
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  #162  
Old 03-07-10, 01:03 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

* Don't tell me "Wow, my ADD/ADHD is acting up today!"

It's not herpies. It doesn't just come and go. A buddy of mine (also ADD) once said: "Your ONE bad day is my EVERYDAY." I laughed. It's true.
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  #163  
Old 04-20-10, 12:52 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

If you see something that belongs to me. Don't assume I know its there.... you might make me very happy.

I was not trying to **** you off when I said turn off the light afteryou sat down.

Well first time I forgot my phone.. Second time I don't remember if I locked the door..Third time I don't remember why I came back...but I have a feeling Im forgetting something.

I know it looks like something could be hiding in there but...Honestly I just made that mess while looking for something.

When I name things that I need to do...Don't repeat the list back to me...I will start to panic...

Stop saying my Adderall is the new steroid!

Don't tell me think before you speak..My mother told me a million times before you.

I know I am late...I have been freaking out about this day for two weeks...I just now forgot.

I know I should have wrote myself a note..


Stop saying "YOU WOULD LOSE YOUR HEAD IF IT WEREN'T ATTACHED"

Don't tell me If I followed my own schedule I wrote, I wouldn't be having this problem.

Don't tell me well If you put it back in the same place every time you wouldn't lose it....Hmm REALLY..

I know I put it up so it wouldn't get lost....Please remind me that's a bad idea.

Always Remember If I am doing something I probably didn't hear you.


I know you tried calling.....I just found my phone...Ya I know I need to stop putting my phone on silent and to charge it and remember to put it up.

Don't assume I left the light on...I probably turned it on while walking out...

Do not expect me to call you right back..

Don't tell me what you would do If you had ADD. And don't say you would not forget your medication.

Don't make my ADD the center of jokes.

Some more things to add for someone like me that finds it so fascinating to read other peoples thoughts that sound just like your own..... I am sorry ahead of time If I copied you..I swear I do not remember if you already wrote that even if your the post above me.........

This post has had me laughing for hours LOL
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  #164  
Old 04-20-10, 03:37 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

  • I am not a morning person. If it is before 9 am, I will kill you. If I HAVE to be up before 9 am, DO NOT talk to me unless I initiate it, DO NOT touch me, and DO NOT question me about/intrude on my routine, or I WILL KILL YOU. If YOU are a morning person stay the HECK away from me for at least one hour after I wake up, and do not smile or act happy until I am completely awake and functional (you will know when this is when I talk to YOU), or else there's a good chance I WILL KILL YOU.
  • Unless I ASK for your advice on how/when/what/etc then DO NOT tell me, and don't assume because I asked your advice on one aspect of my life I need your advice on all of it. If you TELL me what to do and I get mad, DON'T point out the previous times when your telling me saved me trouble or your NOT telling me got me in trouble. I KNOW I make mistakes, but I don't need you to point them out and I don't need YOU to make me feel like I'm mentally disabled. I've functioned without you and your staggering genius for years, and if you keep this crap up I'm going to be functioning without it again, sooner than later, if you know what I mean :glare:.
  • If I want to do something ridiculous and impulsive (ie: drive to Evergreen at 2 a.m. to see that cross on the hill), distract me for a couple minutes and there's a good chance I wont remember that I wanted to do it or I will have changed my mind. If you respond, instead, by telling me that I CAN'T do said impulsive act, I will hone in on it like an addiction and bug you until we do it. Either that, or I will explode. And odds are, I'll take you out with me.
  • Don't ask me what my plans are for anything ever. Even if I HAVE to do x, odds are I'll forgot to do it (or forget to care) and so it doesn't really matter what my plans are, and you'll just make me mad by rubbing it in. Otherwise, any plan I make will change within the hour, and trying to force me to stick with a plan I made hours ago will result in 1) I WILL KILL YOU and/or 2) intentionally doing anything I can to avoid doing it/prevent you from doing it. (Note: yes, I am an adult. Your point?)
  • You are not my parent, I don't even like when my parents “play parent” so if you plan on acting like my parent, plan on me being incredibly angry and, most likely, not speaking to you for hours at a time.
  • When I get mad and don't speak to you for hours at a time, this is not because I'm playing the silent treatment, this is because the longer I think about how mad I am the madder I get. I will continue to ruminate, to think up further reasons to be mad or more creative/colorful ways to EXPLAIN why I'm mad, but eventually I will talk myself down. If you interrupt this process by asking if I'm ok (obviously, since I'm pretty clear about being mad when I'm mad, I'm not ok) or by rehashing something we already discussed in relation to why I'm mad. If you do interrupt the process, I WILL probably KILL YOU.
  • I don't do numbers, I've never done numbers. I know you love physics and math but we've been together for way too long for you not to understand that, as soon as you say ANY number, the conversation is officially over. Because I love you, I tell you that I can't focus on what you're saying. If I didn't, I'd let you talk for hours and spend that entire time thinking about other things, some of which might include how having to listen to you talk in numbers makes me want to blow up/blow you up.
  • I've heard it all before. No really, I have. Odds are, anything you can think to say, especially if it's incredibly insulting, I've already said to myself a hundred times since I made whatever mistake you are frustrated by. I know I messed up, really I do. How about, instead of making me hate myself more, we move on and deal with the situation at hand. Neither of us can change me and neither of us can turn back time, so let's be productive and work with what we've got, kthx.
  • I DO love you, I DO kinda wish we could cuddle right now, but I can't so stop trying to touch me. Seriously, I WILL KILL YOU.
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  #165  
Old 04-20-10, 04:17 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

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