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  #571  
Old 10-23-14, 09:36 AM
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MaryMay&Bobby MaryMay&Bobby is offline
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

This is awesome! Thank you for this post! I would've saved me of a lot of arguments in my relationship if I had come across it sooner. But it will definitely spare me some future arguments!

Thank you
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  #572  
Old 11-03-14, 09:21 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Man I am loving this thread!! Its great to have a laugh at yourself once in a while!
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  #573  
Old 11-03-14, 09:38 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

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Originally Posted by doiadhd View Post
Don't ask me what rubbish am i watching on the tele-I'M NOT WATCHING IT.
LOL just been trying to explain this one to some friends and my wife... they look at me weird the first few times I tried to explain... its my down time!!
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  #574  
Old 11-03-14, 08:29 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

ohhh this is going to be sooo catharctic -

'Don't touch my stuff'

'Don't try to reorganise my house - don't throw out stuff because you think it's crap (those papers in the box from yearsss ago: I need them for...something...).

'If you use my car keys/phone/tv remote/anything I use on a daily basis; put them back in the same spot'

'Don't nag me when I stay up late because I like to work late at night. This is how I have always gotten stuff done...and I think better laaate at night'

'Don't keep reminding me that I do and think sooo differently from 'everyone else' in the world. Yes, I know this'

'Don't talk amongst yourselves at work about how I do things sooo differently (and you all just. don't. get. it) - then have a meeting as a collective with me to talk about how I can do things just.like.you Even though I do an amazeballs job and get fantastic feedback from the clients'

'I am trying to ensure that I follow all methods and procedures with paperwork and reports and even though you might need 2/3 days to put a report together - I do them in an hour. And they are fantastic. You might not 'get that' and see it as 'weird' or a deficit - but don't panic at me as I am not banging away at the computer for as long as you are and I will get it done'

'Don't breathe down my neck. Don't keep 'checking-in' with me to see where I am at with all my clients (hourly/daily). I am not processing cattle - but working to support people and people are not predictable and therefore my way of doing things is not going to follow your perfect plan and stuff for you to put in your daily log-in sheet. Micromanaging me makes me rebellious...'

'Yes, I can do 100 things all at the same time. This is how I function. So, don't take it upon yourself to 'lighten my load' without consulting with me first as I would have things in place for the future and everything I am doing is all contingent on each factor' (This usually results in the falling of the house of dominoes...)

'No, I can't sit still for a 2 hour meeting and fidgeting/doodling is how I cope. Yes, I can still hear with my ears though and take everything in'

'No, I can't stand around chit-chatting at work a lot as I am usually doing lots of things at once and I can't relax at a looong lunch as I just want to get my **** done. Same goes for after work - I am the first out the door as I have to go home to my second job: raising my kids including my 5 year old who has severe adhd. I'm not being anti-social, but I can't relax till I get home'

I could do this allll day
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  #575  
Old 11-17-14, 01:25 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Do:
-Please have patience with me. I know it seems like I don't listen but I often struggle with distractions following what's going on in a busy room, my internal curiosity and thoughts while someone or several people are talking with me.

-Please give me lists. Write down what I need to do and forgive me if I only get some of them done.

-Please remind me that although my brain works differently than yours, that I'm ok in my scatterbrained individuality.

-Please forgive my impulsive speech. I often feel embarrassed by the things I say after they've been said. Gently consult me about it if I've offended someone.

Don't :
-Distract me when you'be asked me to do something and you need me to do something else at the same time. I can multitask but I might not finish mul title projects if I'm asked to do them all at once even if you mean to do them later.

-Tell me several things at once in a big speech. My brain filters out things and misses things in conversations due to distractions and inner thoughts.

-Don't tell me ADHD/ADD doesn't exist or I don't have it. I've been tested thoroughly for it. I live with its symptoms. Please accept my brain works differently than yours. My reality is my own just as yours is your own.

-Don't tell me being on meds isn't necessary or that it's in my head. You're right.. it isn't in my head, it is actually how I am wired. Meds help me work more efficiently, something you take for granted naturally.
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  #576  
Old 12-23-14, 03:18 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Telling me that ADHD doesn't exist, that ADHDers are simply lazy, stupid, selfish people, that I just need to "get over it," etc. is the quickest way to burn all bridges with me. I may be amiable and unassuming to your face, but we will never be friends.
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  #577  
Old 12-23-14, 04:31 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Make sure you have my attention before you talk to me. That means turning off the TV/Computer/Etc and making eye contact. I'm very good at pretending I'm listening... So good, in fact, that it happens automatically and I'm not even aware that a conversation is going on. So make sure I'm not off in space somewhere if you want me to have a chance of remembering the conversation.

Don't assume you know what would be helpful. Ask me.

Don't offer advice until you've asked me what I've already tried.

Feel free to remind me of things I've said I'd do, but please withold judgement. Judging me doesn't help you, it doesn't help me, and can only hurt our relationship.

Talk to me. Ask questions. I'm not shy about telling you if I don't want to answer. The more questions you ask with an open mind, the less likely you'll say something prejuditial or judgemental without realizing it.

And most importantly, please understand that my ability to remember something has no bearing on its importance. If it's important that I remember something, please remind me to write it down... And put it in my calendar... at work and at home and on my phone... and remind me of it when you see me. And hopefully forgive me when I forget it despite all those steps. I forget the important stuff just as easily as the trivial.
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  #578  
Old 01-05-15, 04:20 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Anyone else see these articles and lists about "how to help your friend w/ ADHD"?

And did you notice -- NONE of them begin with, "Ask your friend if he or she needs or wants help, and what kind of help they need"? By contrast, every such list I have seen for friends of people with physical disabilities (blind, uses wheelchair, etc) DOES begin with, "Before attempting to help a disabled person, ask if they would like help."

Sometimes when people try and "help" me, they "help" by taking over whatever it was I was doing -- or, at least, trying to do. I have a tendency to attach myself to friends with high executive functions, so I am sure it is as frustrating for them to watch me work at a task I find challenging or difficult, as it is for me to work at it. But that doesn't mean I want anyone to jump in and take it over. The principle is bigger than the work simply getting done (most of the time); there is also the principle of people exercising their autonomy on how their life is managed and carried out -- even when that autonomy is exercised by asking for help when we need it, or accepting help when it is offered.
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  #579  
Old 02-18-15, 10:51 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattastic View Post
This a million times this,
I have had so many people try to read my mind or assume they know what Im thinking or going to do and it couldn't be further from the truth.
I've literally lost friendships because they tried to read my mind and think they knew me, HELL, I Don't even think I really know me and I've been with myself for most of my life.
Lol at people who try to figure me out !!! You can't and won't!

Also, I don't like it when other people touch my stuff.
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  #580  
Old 09-24-15, 06:03 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

i love this thread, thank you
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  #581  
Old 10-08-15, 08:25 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

please don't ask me if you can buy my meds, if I didn't absolutely need them I wouldn't have a prescription, and you have no idea how lucky you are if you don't have to take them.

Please understand that if I don't want to socialize at a given moment, nothing you can say or do will change my mind. Please just let me be
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  #582  
Old 04-28-16, 12:10 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Please don't my rx because I won't sell it to you....



It's embarrassing how often someone use to steal my rx.
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  #583  
Old 05-04-16, 09:56 PM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

If I frustrate you, don't try to bully or guilt me into being normal. Learn about my disease, try to find strategies that work for me, and don't assume that I can always control my symptoms. It's a disease, not a character flaw.
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  #584  
Old 05-05-16, 12:21 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Why shoud anyone care abut that?
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  #585  
Old 05-05-16, 12:58 AM
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Re: Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Nut View Post
Why shoud anyone care abut that?
Maybe because they care for you?
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