I feel like I just don't want to be happy or something.

[kwalk]

Even if I have depression or ADD, i'm not sure if it's the stimulation of my mind that keeps me at being miserable or just remembering my problems keeping me miserable. Like, the novelty stimulates me and it's like i'm "bored" of the rest of the world so I rather be talking or thinking about all the bad things. I have a pretty negative family too and 3/4 of them are generally ADD too and one not official but won't bother them about it. So I feel like my mind is set from background to just wonder about negative things. I was a little better before I got on here and wasn't depressed, but life eventually just catches up. I can never just tell my mind to think a certain way and remember it and follow it the next day, ya know? i've probably gone on little stick to it sprees but always lost them.

I have a best friend that i've barely gotten myself to be with since I got home and even if I do go out with her, I forget I had a little fun and should do it again. I'm very much scared when I don't listen and i'm actually very petrified of groups now. Sometimes I wish I didn't know I was daydreaming all this time and I wouldn't be scared. :/

[Driver]

Sounds like a text-book case of depression & anxiety to me.

[kwalk]

yea but the problem is, what goes through your head when you have ADD and you're not paying attention? a good defense mechanism or an alert analysis of anxiety.

[ADHDTigger]

Kwalk, I know that I don't know you except through this forum but I have wondered if you were depressed. I'm not saying that as a judgement of you but to tell you that I have been concerned. I've been there and I know it isn't any fun.

I wish that there was something I could say that would help. I know that my experience was that I stayed in that place until I wasn't there any more. I have no idea what finally caused it to lift. All I know is that it did.

Personally, I think that you DO try, and try very hard to be happy. It could be that you are trying so hard that you get tired and just CAN'T do it any more.

The best that I can do is listen and send you hugs. I'm here. (((hug)))

[kwalk]

thank you tigger. I do have depression, and I am medicated, and it took me along time to even want to be around one friend, by just being inattentive and wanting to have that "control" of it. I'm getting better at trying to hang out with people, but it's been hard to put myself in a group. I just got a job and that helps me a lot. I'm signing up for school again. The problem is, the laziness feeling pulls me down. LIke when I go home, I wanna be me or something close to it. Me- who is not on the computer all day or infront of the t.v. I practice yoga and that helps too but much of the time I lose interest then bring it back a little by doing it. I started the guitar again too, I can't connect that much with that as I would show at times. My history has never been that exciting, I have a terrible connection with life and attention and it's plagued me right now ;/

[kwalk]

ohh what do you mean about trying to be happy so hard that I get tired and can't do it?

[ADHDTigger]

Originally Posted by kwalk

ohh what do you mean about trying to be happy so hard that I get tired and can't do it?

Oddly, yes. That is exactly what I meant.

I believe that emotional exhaustion happens. It doesn't mean that the person isn't trying. It means that they have tried so hard and for so long that they have simply run out of energy.

It is okay to recognize that you need time to recharge. I know for me, that can mean that I become more anxious than usual because my experience of the world is that it often is NOT perceived to be okay by the people around me. What has generally happened next is that I isolate myself. Not the best answer.

I've had to learn to recognize that I can't give what I don't have. Recharging ones self is not a selfish act, it is an act of giving.

[kwalk]

I can completely relate. Like people have so many expectations of you. (like how I talked earlier about ADHD microscope) I have really supportive roommates now, and although it is the beginning of this journey, I feel sooo much better here, not feeling like i'm walking on eggshells.

[kwalk]

(and sadly fashion teachers are so picky it can feel like that)

[Only1Jomo]

Another way to thinking about it is kind of like an addiction. If you have been conditioned to think a certain way and have been that way your entire life then there is not a chance in hell you are going to just change it like that. It's like a form of autopilot. Changing the way you've been thinking your entire life is like excersising a muscle. A little bit everyday consistantly and you will notice results. It's silly but I put up a note on my computer at work that said "Im having a great day". I would look at it all the time. Eventually it spilled over into many other areas in my life. I wouldn't say I've perfected it but I'm much much better about being able to choose my attitude and be more positive. I stress a lot less now too. Just a thought. I hope it make sense.

[Song of Mercy]

Hi Kwalk,

One thing I was thinking about is that depression actually becomes a habit. I was depressed from an early age. It became a lifestyle. Eventually I got sick and tired of being sad so much and reached out for treatment. Yet even now, I have to behave non depressed because being depressed is so normal for me.


(((Kwalk)))

Song

[stef]

It's like a reflex. I'm much better off now than a couple of years ago - and yet most mornings when I wake up I have this period of anxiety ("another day of having to pretend I'm not unhappy and face all of these normal people and do things")- then I realise, oh, wait that's right I'm not unhappy anymore! very strange indeed.

[roseblood]

I've wondered if what can happen sometimes if your serotonin or other pleasure systems aren't working properly is that your brain looks for anything else as stimulating as happiness. In other words maybe we're not necessarily programmed to seek pleasure above all else, but to seek either the most pleasurable OR the least painful stimulation we can get, to avoid boredom above all else. So if happy thoughts aren't stimulating enough, the brain has you think unhappy ones instead.