Lazy+Lack Motivation+Constant need to escape+Hopelessness+Confused

[Untitled123]

Hi Guys . .

Introduction
I am an 18 year old guy and i am going through a really tough stage in my life. I won't say depressed, but yeah, it's really pulling me down from what i can achieve in my life! I am so confused about everything! My relationships, My education, My family, My financial Status, My daily behavior, My attitude towards people and problems etc.

I have also posted other threads on this forums quiet sometime back. I have changed since then. . .Won't say i have fully recovered from all that, But yeah it's a tad better than how it was! :

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...275#post710275

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...278#post710278

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=67584

General Symptoms

I am Tired. Everyday all i feel like doing is eating, sleeping, and sit in front of my computer playing random games or social networking or watching my movies, alone in my room all the time! I am not able to focus on my education! ( I am having my holidays now, But i had planned to study for my GRE and do some project works and i am yet to start anything!)

I procrastinate almost EVERYTHING!! Even writing all this on this website . . .Before i started typing this, i just wanted to postpone it!! I started typing this article, then i got so lazy ( I can't pull my thoughts together! There is so much i want to convey and thinking about explaining all that makes me so tired, I just want to give up!!) so i just walked out of the room, went to my fridge, opened it, then closed it and came back and sat on the computer!

It makes no sense . . . I have this constant feeling that i want to escape from this world!! I want to runaway somewhere!! I once put on my slippers and just kept walking . . .i went atleast 10 - 15 km out in the noon sun with no point at all! I just kept walking cause i wanted to escape. But eventually i had to come back home!! Sometimes i take my bike and go on these HUGE trips around the city! I try so hard to pull my thoughts together, but it all seems so tough to do!! I once went 280km out of the city with a friend of mine on my bike! The trip might have been adventurous, but the inner motive was to escape from my world!

I am VERY LAZY these days. I struggle so hard to take a shower or go down to the store to buy a drink or even read a book or watch a movie!!! I can't sit still, yet do anything useful at all!! I just walk around my house, or i am locked up in my room. I want to procrastinate everything!!! Life can wait! that's what i keep telling myself . . . I won't pick up my GRE books, I won't go to my dance classes, I won't make an effort to call my friend, I won't watch a movie, I won't play a sport, I won't Do my projects, I won't read a book . . .!!

I only keep planning! I have so MANY todo lists and schedules. But i have fallowed NONE! I don't even start on them. I sometimes find it SO HARD TO SIT DOWN AND PLAN ANYTHING AT ALL!! I just want to postpone everything!!

I lack motivation in everything! I don't wanna study or dance or play a sport or play games! Nothing! I don't wanna do anything! But end of the day i feel like **** for not focusing at all!! I get so frustrated with myself and my girlfriend keeps telling me all i need is a kick in my ****! But i feel its much more than that. . . .

Sadness, I feel everyday. Thinking about my life, my realtionships, my financial Status, my education, my family etc., i just want to feel sorry for myself. . . I feel sorry for myself everyday. I pity myself so much, I start listening to sorry sad songs and i end up crying. I haven't been able to cry for the past one month though, cause things have been slightly better. But not all that great. . .

Now, I will start addressing on each of my issues:

Social Issues

I got into my first ever relationship just a month back. We both love each other and want to be with each other. But i have this feeling she might be expecting certain things from me. For instance, She is stinking rich!! and my family on the other hand is on this huge financial crunch. We are not so well-off. All her friends seem to be so cool, with their cars, boozing, hanging out at cool places etc. I am constantly trying to be like that! I am too embarrassed to talk to her about my financial status or about my family. Even though she doesn't expect it, I wannabe like her rich friends so i end up spending so much only to prove that i am cool or rich or something. And then end of the day i realize i have lost myself and i am becoming someone else!

I started Drinking too, Not because i want to do it, but because i think doing it is cool. I have become a wannabe person who tries to copy everyone around him. I don't want that. All i want is to be myself. But I can't stop doing all these things cause i feel so inferior to my girlfriend.

Furthermore, she has some friends who are really good in soccer or golf etc. I, on the other hand am not so good at sports. But then the thought that i have to be like her friends, makes me wanna play a game that i always hated!! I end up making a fool outta myself!

I know all she wants is for me to be myself, but then I am scared she might think i am some loser so i am always trying to match up to her friends!! Like taking out my car to show her i have a car, Or go get drunk and tell her abt it so that i can prove that i go pubbing! I am constantly trying to convince her of something or the other . . .

We have a strong relationship going on, But i keep trying to modify myself for her, when it is not needed at all!!

About my family. . . I love them so much, but i can't stop but think the kind of
situation we are in right now. We have a huge Debt to pay off, and they are struggling to pay for my college fees. But i act like a jerk all the time and never show them any love!! I just lock myself up in the room. I am so angry with them all the time. I spend so much, trying to convince my GF and friends. . . not concerned about my family. But end of the day, i blame myself for being a jerk but i never make things alright!

Basically, all my realtionships are very confusing to me!! I can't think straight about any of my friends, my family or my girlfriend. Its like i think so much about all my problems . . . I need a break from all of it. I wish everything was not so confusing!!

I can't really socialize with anyone in my new college environment!! More about this issue:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...278#post710278

Personal Issues

Like i said i can't focus on anything! Not on my studies, Not on my interests, Not on my financial status. I really want to help my family out, But i am not able to! I am just 18, and i can't really help them financially. I end up blaming myself for everything! I keep de-motivating myself. I am such a loser. I am good for nothing. I am so talentless. I have no money. I am so lonely. I don't deserve my Girlfriend. All i can do is crib all day and procrastinate. i have lost focus on life. I just want to die and forget about everything!!

Somebody please help me here! I want to focus back on my life. I really want to. I want to study, do my projects, watch my movies, read my books, have a healthy relationship. Is there anything i can do to make things better?? Do i need medication?? Am i really depressed?? What is going on?? Why am i so fed up and tired of life?? Do i need more physical activity??

Any reply is much appreciated.

Thank you,

Untitled

[ginniebean]

Originally Posted by Untitled123

Hi Guys . .

Introduction
I am an 18 year old guy and i am going through a really tough stage in my life. I won't say depressed, but yeah, it's really pulling me down from what i can achieve in my life! I am so confused about everything! My relationships, My education, My family, My financial Status, My daily behavior, My attitude towards people and problems etc.

You won't say you're depressed, but your post certainly says it quite eloquently. Tiredness, lack of motivation, sadness, feelings of defeat, restlessness(wanting to run away and nowhere to run), feelings of guilt, worthlessness, pessimism thoughts of suicide, and difficulty concentrating. These are all common signs of depression.

Thru your post you mostly are ascribing these things to some character flaw and that's easy to do, but really, that doesn't seem to be the case. I don't know if you have the ability to talk to a Dr. about this, but if you do it would be a very good idea to do so.

Most 18 yr olds aren't all that concerned about conflicts between who they 'are' and the phoniness of 'social presentation'. You might be surprised to know that most people struggle with this all thru their lives. It's a sign of integrity. Despite all the flaws you feel you have, you come across as having unusual depth and intelligence for someone so young. Depression can really mess with the way we see ourselves, all the abusive self talk can seem accurate, but the self loathing voices in our thoughts are really internalized judgements that we're conditioned to reflexively make. They are only convincing when left unscrutinized.

You are being so hard on yourself, I don't really know all the possibilities for getting help could but hopefully others can come up with some good suggestions.

Take care of you.

[Untitled123]

Your reply is very much appreciated. But i am truly lost when it comes to meeting a doctor or starting a medication! I live in India btw, and i have no idea where to look for help. If i am really going through depression, I really want to lash out of it. Can't let it pull me down all the time!

More replies are obviously welcome!!

[ideaman]

How about searching the internet for psychiatrists in your area?

[ginniebean]

A family Dr should be just fine for depression meds, not usually that great with ADHD tho.

[Untitled123]

Thanks a lot for the help guys!! Through my friend, I have tracked down a really good Psychiatrist in my area and i think i'll be meeting him next week! Let's hope it goes well . . . And i got some really useful PMs in the past 2 days . . . I need to start organizing myself i guess.

[kattsqueen]

good luck untitled,
I think you are on the right course of action now,,
Get the depression treated and if you are having residual problems after a while, you should also probably look into add- inattentive with your psych doctor. You are not likely to have much progress without the help of the psychiatrist..

good luck
katts