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  #1  
Old 07-02-09, 12:40 PM
Addreamer Addreamer is offline
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Something ain't right with me.

I have always felt that life should not be such a struggle.

I'm 43 and have done many things in my life. Raised on a sailboat, educated in Canada, traveled in Europe, worked and went to part time college in London. Studied Electronics and ended up as a computer geek - a systems engineer. Then a project manager working in 30 countries of eastern europe. All the time I battled with a foggy twirling mind that would take huge amount of energy just to force it to focus. Being in the city got my so overwhelmed I would lose my sense of balance and get a dizzy spacey feeling. Often I'd get an overwhelming urge just to lie down and go to sleep. But I was good at my technology - managed to focus and learn just the things that were needed. I was not a good team player so I worked alone mostly - so I could have many tasks going at once and shift between them according to my state of mind at the time. I lived out of a suitcase and traveled constantly for six years - once I did nine countries in a month. Running the project by myself I could do it the way I could cope. I knew it was taking a huge toll on my nervous system so I saved every penny I could and looked to the day when I could quit and buy a little sailboat and go sailing. Anyway, I'm writing too much. Its at http://www.petethenomad.com if you want a fun read.

For the last ten years I have structured my life to cope - without really realizing it. I got hooked on Paragliding - my mind would clear and it was peaceful up there. Then I discovered kiteboarding and found the extra exercise clamed my mind even more. I was in the Caribbean for six months a year and very often I would kite 6 or even ten hours a day to get that calm mind and peace. My knees started to give trouble. Beers in the evening helped to.

But I struggled in daily life. Going into town or a shop, my mind would fuzz over and I could barely get what I needed. I couldn't concentrate on enything difficult unless it really interested me. Right now my mind is ablaze and foggy. And I should be doing some thing else.

This year married my Canadian GF and have settled on my land and little cabin. I'm struggling to cope with sets tasks that are expected to make the place livable for her two kids. I built them each a lovely cabin.

Depression was bad and I was getting suicidal thoughts.

They just moved in and I'm so stressed having people around all the time. I need so much alone time. I can handle one on one with my wife but more people around for long and in my space and I just shut down. I can't deal with it. I don't like people to see me when I wander around forgetting what I was doing. Sometimes I just sit and look out with a cat in my lap. Sometimes I would burst into tears.

Recently, my sister's son has been getting into trouble and diagnosed with ADHD. When I researched it and found this forum and read people describing exactly how I have felt and struggled - I cried and cried. It's not just me. There are other people going through this.

I had already gone to the Doc and he had put me on Welbutrin for depression. After reading about ADHD and scoring 99 on one of those tests, I asked the doc about it. He doesn't believe in ADHD in adults - says its all depression. I told him I don't care what it's called - just fix it! He putt me on Strattera - 40mg for ten days, then 60mg and later 80mg. When I switched to 60mg I could not sleep AT ALL for two nights. The days were total mush. I managed to drive in to see him and he put me on Ativan 1mg which I took at night and slept better.

My mind is still a mess.

Greetings to you all!
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  #2  
Old 07-02-09, 02:45 PM
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Maurice Maurice is offline
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Re: Something ain't right with me.

I TOTALLY DISAGREE with your doctor. I think you need to find a new doctor.
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Old 07-03-09, 12:01 AM
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Impromptu_DTour Impromptu_DTour is offline
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Re: Something ain't right with me.

ADDreamer,

First i have to say welcome to the boards.. I guess i feel compelled to greet you because i found these forums under similar stresses and delimas.. maybe not the same life experiences.. but the same bottomless pit. The confusion.. the over sensitivity to stimulus.. all of that..

Hell ive driven like 200 miles on a worknight just because it felt comfortable to me to "perceive" myself as moving faster than my brain.. which was in essence a blender of mess.

Secondly.. definately get a new Dr. That may or may not be a tall order for you i dont know how attached to your practitioner you are.. but you should definitely at least Consult a practitioner who is educated in this field of neuroscience.. because it is a science.. and to just write off how "adult add" doesnt exist is *getting ruffled* .

=)

There is so many materials out right now that you should investigate.. im reading a book right now on ADD but i feel i should finish it in its completion before offering it up as a suggestible positive read.

Um.. Youre totally not alone. And yes, it does throw a wild and weird (and seemingly unfair) learning curve at you.. ("re-learning curve even", in the words of Snagglepus).. And ya its different. But not impossible =) Definately interesting!

I_DTour
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  #4  
Old 07-03-09, 12:05 AM
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Impromptu_DTour Impromptu_DTour is offline
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Re: Something ain't right with me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Impromptu_DTour View Post
but you should definitely at least Consult a practitioner who is educated in this field of <B>neuroscience</B>.. because it is a science.. and to just write off how "adult add" doesnt exist is *getting ruffled*
Ugh.. i mean like a dr who sees ADD and all this as an actual condition.. i dont mean to make it sound like brain surgery ;D

I just really like that word... nnnnnnnneuroscience.. .
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Old 07-03-09, 12:47 PM
Addreamer Addreamer is offline
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Re: Something ain't right with me.

I was trying to modify my title to add the required location and I gave myself five stars instead! Oh well, at least somebody did....
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Old 07-05-09, 08:06 PM
Addreamer Addreamer is offline
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Re: Something ain't right with me.

I've started a thread in the proper place if you'd care to follow us there:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/show...684#post760684
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