ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community  

Go Back   ADD Forums - Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Support and Information Resources Community > ADULTS AND ADD/ADHD > Relationships & Social Issues
Register Blogs FAQ Chat Members List Calendar Donate Gallery Arcade Mark Forums Read

Relationships & Social Issues This forum is for adults with AD/HD to discuss how AD/HD affects personal relationships.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-25-09, 08:10 PM
wendyanne41 wendyanne41 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Posts: 3
Thanks: 3
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
wendyanne41 is on a distinguished road
How does Adult ADD/ADHD affect the male sex drive?

When Mike and I decided to turn our relationship into a serious one and move in together, I was very honest about the fact that I have a high sex drive and that sex would be an important factor in our relationship. He told me he was the same way (this was long before I came to realize he had this illness). Our sex life was explosive right from the start...always more than satisfying for the both of us, it really blew our doors off every single time we made love. It was several times a week for the first several months (we have lived together for a year now). But, over the past few months the frequency has drastically reduced. It is very rare anymore to have sex more than once a week. The passion and the intensity is still as strong as ever when we do make love, in fact, it seems to keep getting better, but it seems like I am always the one that has to initiate it. A lot of the time I even feel like he really doing it just to appease me, and I can't stand feeling like that. I know he loves me, he bought me a huge engagement ring last month and he actually more loving and affectionate towards me than he was when we first got together, but I have a hard time getting him in the mood. There are also times when we will be right in the middle of getting hot and heavy and he will just stop and start talking about some random, trivial thing that has nothing to do with anything and I have to start all over again. We only get to spend time together on the weekends since he drives a truck and is gone M-F, and when he's here he spend most of the weekend manic, freaking out about all of the stuff he needs and wants to get done before he leaves again on Sunday night. And of course, very little actually ends up getting done. He will spend hours on the internet all weekend, and hardly any time doing things with me, and I know that it is not intentional, he just has no perception of time. Then he can't figure out why nothing ever gets done! I've tried to talk to him about it a couple of times and it gets better for a while but he always falls back into it. It's to the point I hate to say anything because I want want him to feel like I am nagging him. But if I don't say anything then nothing changes. He refuses to take medication or go to a doctor for this but is willing to work with me on changing the behaviors. But, I just do not know what to do. I love him and I don't want to leave him but if this does not start getting better I am not going to be able to stay with him. Any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 10-25-09, 08:26 PM
cgts18 cgts18 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: oklahoma city
Posts: 29
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
cgts18 is on a distinguished road
Re: How does Adult ADD/ADHD affect the male sex drive?

Hmm. I can tell you, when I was in my last two serious relationships, off the bat sex was great and I wanted it all the time.. Buuuut eventually, it fades. I guess I call it getting bored with the usual. I always need something new. There were times when I didn't feel like having sex for weeks, then I'd want it pretty bad.
Hahaha, and I know this is bad, But I can recall having sex and thinking random thoughts in my head completely unrelated too. It sucks!
I wish the best for you, I know it's hard to deal with that stuff.. I guess being an "ADDer" even if we are the ones with the problem, we can read people pretty easily and know what is or is probably going on in their minds..
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to cgts18 For This Useful Post:
wendyanne41 (10-25-09)
  #3  
Old 10-25-09, 08:32 PM
excel excel is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: dover,de
Posts: 2,065
Thanks: 173
Thanked 681 Times in 390 Posts
excel is a name known to allexcel is a name known to allexcel is a name known to allexcel is a name known to allexcel is a name known to allexcel is a name known to all
Re: How does Adult ADD/ADHD affect the male sex drive?

Their is more to relation than sex.What if he became disabled would you stay with him if he couldn't have sex?
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #4  
Old 10-25-09, 09:14 PM
wendyanne41 wendyanne41 is offline
Newbie
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Posts: 3
Thanks: 3
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
wendyanne41 is on a distinguished road
Re: How does Adult ADD/ADHD affect the male sex drive?

I realize that there is more to a relationship than sex, but it is an important part, at least for me. Maybe I am being selfish, but I feel like I am the one holding everything all of time now, for him as well as myself. I also know that I am partially responsible for him becoming so dependent on me....he acts like he can't do a single thing for himself anymore and he is nearly 50 years old, and I have enabled that. I am having a difficult time as it is dealing with the tantrums, the lying, the hyperness, the tactless blurting out, and the lack of respect for my and other people's feelings. I cope pretty well most of the time but it gets exhausting and there are times I have to just walk away before I completely go off on him. I don't want to do that because I know it is not intentional. The only time as of late that he is calm, relaxed and really wonderful to be around is during intimacy. When I get frustrated and angry I stop and think about how wonderful those times feel and it does help as I know at least I have that to look forward to. But now that seems to be disappearing as well and I am scared to death.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-25-09, 09:55 PM
CptNemo's Avatar
CptNemo CptNemo is offline
ADDvanced Contributor
 

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Bay Area USA
Posts: 517
Thanks: 338
Thanked 244 Times in 147 Posts
CptNemo is just really niceCptNemo is just really niceCptNemo is just really niceCptNemo is just really nice
Re: How does Adult ADD/ADHD affect the male sex drive?

Why does he refuse to take medicine?

Sorry if I sound like a pill pusher,but imo this is the number one problem to deal with.

That said,would you consider 'making a deal' with him...you help him with a project/task,but agree to quit at a certain time,and then agree to reward yourselves...like a movie,or dinner out.

This would work for me.
Tasks seem so monumental that I can't even start them,then punish myself for not doing them,by worrying.

If I had someone just to be there,maybe only helping by providing moral support,I'm sure I would get more done.

Also,I always feel better about myself when I am finally 'productive'.
__________________
CptNemo
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to CptNemo For This Useful Post:
wendyanne41 (10-25-09)
  #6  
Old 10-25-09, 10:10 PM
ADHDTigger's Avatar
ADHDTigger ADHDTigger is offline
ADDvanced Forum ADDvocate
 

Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 7,024
Thanks: 27,689
Thanked 13,631 Times in 5,040 Posts
ADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond reputeADHDTigger has a reputation beyond repute
Re: How does Adult ADD/ADHD affect the male sex drive?

My partner and I had a wonderful intimate life. I am 47, he is nearly 55. I'm the ADHDer. HE is the cancer patient. At least for the last couple of months and until the end of his days.

Our intimate life changed and so immediately and completely it had me stunned for awhile. Every other thing in my life was changing and I wanted desperately to have at least ONE normal thing. I had to accept that sex wasn't going to be it.

If you are coming to your intimacy angry and frustrated, he probably senses that and begins to feel like a failure from the get go. If you felt like a total failure in the bedroom, would you be real anxious to go there again?

Intimacy is a language you both learn together. It needs to be a neutral space that is safe for both partners to be in together. It needs to be a place of no demands, only cooperation. It needs to be a place where there is NO discussion of things outside of that which is intimate between you. Anger, blame, and even who fed the cat last have no place in your intimate space.

My partner and I manage because we have spent our entire relationship working towards that safe, intimate space. Do all my needs get met all the time? Depends. The needs that are met are the important ones. I don't maybe get the intercourse part but I do get held and loved and cuddled. We can laugh together, cry together, and share together. Is that everything I want? It's enough.
__________________
One day we will come to know the truth. This has been a test. Only a test.
If it were your real life, you would have gotten better instructions.


Never forget. "Normal" is just a setting on the washing machine.
Do you really want to be a setting on the washing machine?
If you do, wouldn't you rather be the spin cycle?
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ADHDTigger For This Useful Post:
unsure-confused (10-26-09), wendyanne41 (10-25-09)
  #7  
Old 10-25-09, 10:58 PM
cgts18 cgts18 is offline
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: oklahoma city
Posts: 29
Thanks: 0
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
cgts18 is on a distinguished road
Re: How does Adult ADD/ADHD affect the male sex drive?

Hmmm. You said, you've been living together for only a year, How long were you together before you moved in together?
I don't mean to be rude, but I just have a habit of digging a deeper hole to find what's under the surface so to speak.. "Analytical"..
There is a thing called the "honeymoon phase" that supposedly lasts for about two years.. I guess we naturally hide certain aspects of our lives in the beginning of relationships to please our "mate". Maybe that's what's happening. Things are starting to open up and change, but in reality the problems were there in the beginning, just hidden..
Also maybe there is stress because he drives trucks and is not home, but only on the weekends. That's really not a good combination in relationships in my opinion..
Ever think about going on the road with him sometimes?
Again, sorry if I sound rude. I don't mean to be by any means..
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Local Doctor Referral ADD_Ed Texas 28 07-10-12 05:54 PM
How do they test an Adult for ADD/ADHD. pcollins32 Adult Diagnosis & Treatment 9 05-31-09 04:19 PM
Looking for an Adult ADD/ADHD Specialist in MA testingpurposes Massachusetts 0 10-20-08 09:51 AM
Adult with ADD/ADHD - Can't handle no routine at work emwell Careers/Job Impact 2 02-06-05 09:02 PM
Does couples therapy work longterm for an adult with ADD/ADHD? moxee33 Relationships & Social Issues 9 11-14-04 03:29 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:42 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c) 2003 - 2014 ADD Forums