Motivation and just too much babbling as usual...

[RestlessAbbey]

Ok so Im currently not on any ADD meds. I realized I needed to deal w/my depression and anxiety issues first and become "stable", as I was just depressed and crying and way worse than when I went in to see the first psych (im on my 3rd since June but so far so good) in the first place.

So I am taking Pristiq and tapering/weaning off of generic Wellbutrin (200mg x2, this was for depression not the add I didnt think it helped w/my add anyway maybe encouraged the hyperfocusing and anxiety), currently taking 300mg of it and Topamax, currently down to 25mg (from 75mg-100mg). I believe the wellbutrin and topamax were/are contributing to the depression/anxiety.
So far since being on Pristiq I have not cried at all which is totally awesome because before this my depression and anxiety was just way out of hand.

My issue (well one of them) this entire time (ie my lifetime) not just since I started Pristiq (Pristiq is not the problem, just wanted to make that clear)however is w/motivation and often energy.
Right now I feel like I have a fair amount of energy but no motivation to do anything productive.

Lately Ive been spending hours playing solitaire on the laptop, in that "trance" even though I know I have things that are actually important, and time just flies by I dont even realize it. Oh Ill do it later, and so on and so forth.
Ive also started twisting my hair like crazy again. I have two bad weird "habits" one being my nail biting but I havent gone back to that (thank god!) and the hair twisting. I have long hair and Ill take a piece of it and twist it like twine into a little ball on my scalp (lol it sounds so horrible) and undo it and do it again and sometimes do it w/multiple strands.
Oh and the mouth biting, thats a whole other issue lol.

I dont do these things because I am "anxious" or anything like that, I do them just whenever, ie bored, I guess my hands need to be kept busy and it's a physical expression of my boredom and my body trying to do *something*, anything? In order to NOT do this it takes a conscious effort to stop myself, it just happens so automatically. I believe the Topamax helped me w/this to some extent but the cons finally outweighed the pros.

It's not like I just "love" solitaire or anything, it just happens to be the current thing my brain has attached itself to.

I know I should just have the willpower and suck it up and do what I need to do but it's just not happening. It's extreme hyperfocusing and Ive done this before while just being on the wellbutrin before I was ever DX w/the ADD.

It's like I know I need to do these other things in my life and a major part of me WANTS to do them but then theres those other MAJOR part that just refuses to do it and just doesnt care even though I really do.
It just doesnt make any sense to not want to do anything other than play solitaire.
It takes a *MAJOR* thing to break me out of that hyperfocus trance.
Like something more interesting ie not boring duh.

Honestly this is pretty much the way I was before I went in for "help" back in june except my over all mood is more stable and improved.
My anxiety and depression have decreased considerably and my energy is better as well. It's like having a car that has gas in it but the engine is all screwed up and the brake is stuck and the car has stalled.
Like Im ready to go but cant go.

I feel so conflicted and I keep hearing that nike commercial in my head "Just Do It" but it's not happening. It sounds pathetic but I feel imprisioned in my body/brain. This has always been a major point of shame for me.

Thankfully I have a family that is really supportive and after the hell theyve seen me go through these past few months they are just happy that I am not crying and freaking out because of the other WRONG drugs other dr's had me on and a misDx of being bipolar.

Eventually I want to try some stim's but I have read about the side effects of people getting headaches and just feeling off and jittery and artificial. It seems like most people take them for work and school. I dont have to worry about those, my issues are about home and my relationships. I am not "keyed" into my family and my responsibilities at home. My son is homeschooled and we live w/my dad thats a retired special ed teacher so I am blessed he's been picking up the slack when I am totally slacking. But I would LOVE more than anything to be able to do these more mundane things a bit easier.
We are basically an ADD family lol so it's amazing we get ANYTHING done, I think our house is the truest example of our "ADD'ness" lol, but we manage.

I dont expect the medication to DO IT for me, I just need that little extra push. Like I said I do want to do these things but something is just stuck and getting in the way, like I want to "go" but cant.

blah, this all sounds so pathetic.

I am sorry for the book of a post. I am hoping someone here might be able to relate.

[Schroeder]

Yeah, for sure. I deal with it every day. It's just hard to get stuff done. I don't know why.

All I can say is don't sweat it too much. You have your bad days, and you have your good days. It's hard to see through the lens of a bad day to remember the good days, and to remember that they even mattered.

We hear ya

[newtoclarity]

that is exactly my life. I have no motivation either. I am on adderall and when I first started I was motivated to do everything. It was as if the lights went on and the shades went up and the world was bright and shiny and new. It changed my life, truly... So now I guess I need to either increase my dose to get that again or take an adderall vacation and go back. I miss that motivation and energy that I had just a few short months ago.
Any ideas from anyone how to get it back???

[weareacc]

I'm the same as OP. Unfortunately, I don't have many good days- 1 in 100, if that. I can't get a doc to take me seriously.