Seriously, the degradation has to stop.

[Louder Than Love]

My Mother and I. are really the only family we have, on my dads side, we havent talked in years,.... and the last time we did I said something totally out of line, we'll get to that asking for forgiveness after THIS crap clears up.

-------- This has the potential to be a VERY long post --------

My stepdad, about 2 months ago, just walked out within 15 minutes Hasnt payed anything, helped her in any way, she has life threatening conditions, along with FMS,.... like.. Fentanyl, Percocet, FMS... not the one you see on TV.

Part of her problem is that, she had to stop taking Premerin...A Hormone replacement...

We all know what CAN happen when a woman is deprived of hormones. indeed.

Well..... its been that way non stop, everyday, 14+ hours a day, and Im trying to work so we dont have to sleep in the gutter ( i thought that would score SOME points)
I dont know what else to do, ALL the time, its you liar. You Theif, You SOB, I wish I could have a heart attack right now just so youll have to deal with it.


She played unresponsive night before last, and actually got my attention.
I WAS NOT taking adderall, life was going smooth in fact, I havent touched a pain killer in 6 days, ( yes thats actually a record) Havent even takena xanax to fight off the anxiety of this.

I need an answer, not the problem clouded.

Indeed, I could just leave.
And live off what?
I cant pay 250 or 300 bucks a week for a hotel.

After christmas, theres a VERY good probability ill be able to move in with some awesome people.

JUST NOW!
LOOK! IT's 2 57 in the freaking morning....
and she got up and raised hell about me typing too loud.
( im on a kensington, low pwofile ) keyboardtoo.... ( youcan't hear those)

[ginniebean]

I wish I knew what to say or that I could offer some advice. This is a really awful for you to have to deal with alone.

I won't even begin to say any platitudes, you're in a tough situation. I can only hope others will have at least some remedy for you.

[Louder Than Love]

Thats what im hoping for. all im hoping for.
I DID have to go get my adderall. and i thought it was less that legal for an MD to up you past MAX out.



IM really really not usually a whiner...
But she haddent have treated him like such nothing, shed be okay....
I dont know if she did it to make the faultline crack, and let as much chaos ensue as possible......

Its not past her.

Should I tell her doctor these things?

Shes hit me.. became violent. and VERY quick tempered.

[Kiddder]

Geez-loueez.....sounds like your at the end of your rope......I am sorry, that is not how family should be and especially this time of year. Sounds like the hormone thing could explain a lot of the abusive attacks so maybe try and look at it that way....it's not her normal behavior.

Its very simple for me on the outside looking in to say hang tough with the direction your going and don't be pushed back into self destructive behavior yourself.....cause I can't imagine what your living through from a few short sentences.....but that is still what I would offer....

What is FMS? Sorry, prolly should have all my acronyms down by now.

Try and break things down into managable pieces, starting with one day at a time....it can be overwhelming to try and look at the big picture in dire situations and cause you to to lose track of whats immediately in front of you.

Talking to someone is always helpful and you have numerous sources of insight and help here in this forum and we're pretty much here 24/7....so post away no matter how long......let me go get my glasses, I'll follow....

I am sorry I may not have offered much help, but will listen and offer what I can.

Jeff

[Louder Than Love]

FMS ( Fibromyalgia ) sorry.

[Louder Than Love]

Thanks guys. Ive at least figured out thats its going to take quite a bit of help.

My goal is to be out of here jan 2nd.

[Kiddder]

OK, progress already.....now we have to get you from today till January 2nd.....see thats much more managable than two posts ago and with a little help, a day at a time, you will make it....

I had a very abusive marriage for 16 years....I think the only thing I learned from it besides it really sux is that I KNEW more abuse was imminent or eventual and I learned to have a pre planned behavior or action that was reasonable and rational....took many irrational knee jerk responses to attacks before I realized I could handle the madness much better is I had a pre planned response.

Some times that meant walking around the block at 3AM for an hour, but it seperated us and diffused the abuse.....was hard for my X to argue or fuss when she was alone heh heh heh.

So think about that some.....the worst thing in an abusive situation is to allow yourself to lose control and respond in kind and violence to violence just gets more violence.....but I am preaching to the chior I know.

The other thing I have come to understand about abusive relationships or any painfully difficult time is that it will get better, some how some way it will.....you just gotta hang on and keep puttin one foot in front of the other until such a time presents itself for improvement......and it will....OK? believe that.

[Louder Than Love]

I do believe that. its a very unhealthy relationship. my Therapist begs me to go live in a shelter... but here, even thats 6 dolllars a day.

actually i guess maybe i never thought id hear my self say it.
But hatred for her is driving me, and im usure about the quality of that.

[Kiddder]

Hatred is a powerful motvator....but ultimately it harms the hater far more. Give yourself a break and try and get some rest too.....things will look better and you will make better decisions if your not exhausted and beat down.....know thats simplistic and maybe hard to do, but try when you can.

[Louder Than Love]

IM on the trying to lose the hate,... it COULD be hurt? they are a hard feeling to rip apart at first.

and , most definitely.
Shes fried me too much now to put in decent week. I called out with a "family emergency" yesterday... and got the rest of this week off.

I only plan on spending tomorrow here.

[Louder Than Love]

But now... LOL Amphetamine Salts arent going to allow for sleep.