Destroying myself...

[Chinook7]

I don't know if this is the right section to post this but anyway..I've been looking at all the sections for the last 10 minutes and couldn't find the right one so i'll just post it here.

So here's my life (very briefly), always have been someone quite lunatic but creative, always had big interesting projects one after the other (which I never finished..but ayway), etc. I never really had to study or anything or be attentive in class and always got 70-80% which was good considering the amount of effort spent on school. However, 2 years ago I began cegep (something that only exists in quebec, canada and that consist of 2 years in between high school and university.) And that's where it all started.

I wasnt sure about want I wanted to do in life and everything, and well I failed all of my courses twice (autumn 07 and autumn 08, dropped out of school both times for the winter). I failed cause I was missing half of them because I had been up all night and wasnt able to wake up in the morning...mostly...My parents (i'm 19) noticing that something was wrong sent me to see a psychologist who then sent me to see a neuropsychologist. I was then diagnosed with ADD, that was on march 2008. My Dr. then prescribed me 10-30mg of Ritalin 2-3 times a day to find the right doage for me.

I took 20-30 mg , 3 times a day for about 5 months. I had too many ups and downs, so I switched to 54mg of concerta only once a day.

I began school for the 3rd time this autumn and well, you can imagine the pression that I had. Now that I had meds I was supposed to be successful right? Problem is, I have absolutely NO discipline.

So, to give you the picture: I'm now 19 years old, I take 54mg of Concerta twice a day (at 3:00AM because otherwise i'm anxious of being unable to wake up in time for school and at about 2:00PM cause otherwise I fall asleep in class)

I sleep on average 4 hours a night. Why? Because I don't do my homeworks in time because I procrastinate and so I have to do them during the night.

Most of the time I dont have enought them to finish them or I get a lot of stress and really anxious become I always do them at the last minute, so as a result I:

eat my emotions. I eat whenever i'm stressed, sad, bored, etc. So as a result I now weight 250 pounds (heigh: 5'10) so yeah i'm obese. And guess what? I've just been diagnosed Type 2 Diabetes...a week ago...yeah you read that right, at 19 years old.

Now most people would probably go like "ok, i'm destroying myself, I gotta do something, get more sleep, do my homeworks on time, exercise, eat less, etc. Well I do...however I can't!!! do it! I just can't be disciplined...And I just asked my Dr. to give me ritalin too cause I told him that my 12hrs dose of concerta were not enough and that since I was taking them in the morning, I didnt have enough concentration to do my homeworks in the evening (which is a lie as you know cause I take concerta twice a day, but of course he doesn't know that.).

So now, I got 54 mg of concerta that I still take twice I day (now you know why i'm up in the middle of the night, yeah, gotta finish a homework due for tommorow...and I just took my magic pill..duh). And, I also got 10mg pills of ritalin, that I can take whenever I want, or whenever I feel asleep...cause 30mg (3 ritalin pills) is giving me one hell of a boost...so basically I don't even need to sleep anymore...and yes i'm still eating my emotions..

I don't even know if I really have a ADD to begin with. Diabetes causes drowsiness as you know ...which sure as hell can't help concentration...and well I slept 4-5 hours a night on average since i'm 14 (i'm now 19 like I said)...so that can't be good for concentration either. Normaly (without ritalin/concerta) I would need around 9 hours of sleept in order to feel good.

I feel as if i'm using drugs in order to be able to continue my "bad habits" (not sleeping/not exercising/procrastinating) and still being able to function properly...it's like a vicious circle....!!!

Somebody help me !!! please...i'm destroying myself...and I don't know how to stop it! I'm in a fight again myself...it's ridiculous !.

[Yarrgh]

Originally Posted by Chinook7

I don't know if this is the right section to post this but anyway..I've been looking at all the sections for the last 10 minutes and couldn't find the right one so i'll just post it here.

So here's my life (very briefly), always have been someone quite lunatic but creative, always had big interesting projects one after the other (which I never finished..but ayway), etc. I never really had to study or anything or be attentive in class and always got 70-80% which was good considering the amount of effort spent on school. However, 2 years ago I began cegep (something that only exists in quebec, canada and that consist of 2 years in between high school and university.) And that's where it all started.

I wasnt sure about want I wanted to do in life and everything, and well I failed all of my courses twice (autumn 07 and autumn 08, dropped out of school both times for the winter). I failed cause I was missing half of them because I had been up all night and wasnt able to wake up in the morning...mostly...My parents (i'm 19) noticing that something was wrong sent me to see a psychologist who then sent me to see a neuropsychologist. I was then diagnosed with ADD, that was on march 2008. My Dr. then prescribed me 10-30mg of Ritalin 2-3 times a day to find the right doage for me.

I took 20-30 mg , 3 times a day for about 5 months. I had too many ups and downs, so I switched to 54mg of concerta only once a day.

I began school for the 3rd time this autumn and well, you can imagine the pression that I had. Now that I had meds I was supposed to be successful right? Problem is, I have absolutely NO discipline.

So, to give you the picture: I'm now 19 years old, I take 54mg of Concerta twice a day (at 3:00AM because otherwise i'm anxious of being unable to wake up in time for school and at about 2:00PM cause otherwise I fall asleep in class)

I sleep on average 4 hours a night. Why? Because I don't do my homeworks in time because I procrastinate and so I have to do them during the night.

Most of the time I dont have enought them to finish them or I get a lot of stress and really anxious become I always do them at the last minute, so as a result I:

eat my emotions. I eat whenever i'm stressed, sad, bored, etc. So as a result I now weight 250 pounds (heigh: 5'10) so yeah i'm obese. And guess what? I've just been diagnosed Type 2 Diabetes...a week ago...yeah you read that right, at 19 years old.

Now most people would probably go like "ok, i'm destroying myself, I gotta do something, get more sleep, do my homeworks on time, exercise, eat less, etc. Well I do...however I can't!!! do it! I just can't be disciplined...And I just asked my Dr. to give me ritalin too cause I told him that my 12hrs dose of concerta were not enough and that since I was taking them in the morning, I didnt have enough concentration to do my homeworks in the evening (which is a lie as you know cause I take concerta twice a day, but of course he doesn't know that.).

So now, I got 54 mg of concerta that I still take twice I day (now you know why i'm up in the middle of the night, yeah, gotta finish a homework due for tommorow...and I just took my magic pill..duh). And, I also got 10mg pills of ritalin, that I can take whenever I want, or whenever I feel asleep...cause 30mg (3 ritalin pills) is giving me one hell of a boost...so basically I don't even need to sleep anymore...and yes i'm still eating my emotions..

I don't even know if I really have a ADD to begin with. Diabetes causes drowsiness as you know ...which sure as hell can't help concentration...and well I slept 4-5 hours a night on average since i'm 14 (i'm now 19 like I said)...so that can't be good for concentration either. Normaly (without ritalin/concerta) I would need around 9 hours of sleept in order to feel good.

I feel as if i'm using drugs in order to be able to continue my "bad habits" (not sleeping/not exercising/procrastinating) and still being able to function properly...it's like a vicious circle....!!!

Somebody help me !!! please...i'm destroying myself...and I don't know how to stop it! I'm in a fight again myself...it's ridiculous !.

So, you can take this one or leave it I guess, but have you thought about switching to adderall? Apparently its pretty good for loosing weight (short-term, and maybe not quite as healthily as should be done), and if one stimulant isn't effective, or as effective as before, generally they're supposed to try you on a different type.

This probably isn't very helpful if you feel you're using drugs to perpetuate maladaptive tendencies, sorry about that, its the best I've got.
Hopefully a clever someone can give you a better answer. I hear you with the homework thing though, I do the exact same thing, even when I'm on medication. I'm starting to change that now however, but by practicing good study strategies and organizational skills.

Do you have a learning specialist/counselor you can see at your institution? They're really helpful, or at least I've found them to be so.

[Four]

Hmm,

I'm almost starting to see myself fall into the same pattern.
I've begun to sleep almost every other night on weeknights.

The 54mg concerta I take in the morning does it's job for my focus and lethargy, but, I'm beginning to focus on the wrong things.
The things I'm focusing on aren't necessarily unproductive but they don't help me when it comes to my school work.
So I've begun putting everything off till way late and end up not sleeping to get the stuff done just like you. I do my best to survive by night on caffeine though instead of taking more concerta.
I guess it's just a matter of control and like you said you need to get that control back.

The best advice I can give you is to talk to someone about it, either a counselor or someone you know that will listen and give good advice/ help you understand what you are feeling.

I'm giving pretty much the same advice as the person above but I'd also consider messing around with your dosage or trying some other medications too.

Another thing you could try is some lifestyle changes. Completely reworking your daily routine could give you a chance to put yourself back in control. Pick up a hobby, shoot some hoops, go to the library.
You have to put yourself in situations where you will be making new decisions instead of the same old ones you automatically make now.

[hollywood]

you take concerta at 3am ? Stop man, and stop rationalizing why you do it , that makes zero sense bro! Now wonder your tired, I don't know if thats being an addictive issue or just being dumb with how you use a med. I take 144 mg of concerta and have been for 7 years and for the first week yes it kept me up a little, but after a month or so I was asleep by midnight... Never in my life would I consider the sleep wake cycle your on now. Your young, stop the negative process and clean it up. You can do it bro.