How Punny Are you?

[Andrew]

Here are some funny plays on words...Can you add any others?

========================================
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

[Mary]

I don't think I'm punny or funny, but some people think I am. I suppose cause I'm a writer I should be so much better.... but sometimes I don't follow life to the letter.

[BnB]

AAWWW Big, any pun I know you listed, LOL. Actually, while i find quick witted words funny, I almost never can think of then.

I will get back to the question when I have a lot more time.

[AnnAnnAnn]

Thanks for the laughs!!!

Ann

[FightingBoredom]

Uh, the sun is light around here somewhere....

[Crazygirl79]

Hey
I LOVE this sort of stuff, especially the :Shotgun wedding: A coase of wife or death"...thats cool.

I usually say this when someone:
1: Tells me to shut up.....my reply I don't know how to do that you'll have to teach me...
2: Picks on me when I trip over....my reply I'll send you a postcard on the next trip

I have more but can't think of theme now....I'll post them later (this is an oldie but a goodie)

Originally Posted by Andrew

Here are some funny plays on words...Can you add any others?

========================================
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (Come on, It's a dead giveaway!)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.

[Crazygirl79]

Hey People here's a ripper!!!!

I say this when

1: My mother calls me an idiot....my reply: I was concieved by a pair of idiots...what do you expect?!

2: Someone else apart from my mother calls me an idiot....my reply: I'm friends with you aren't I??

[Crazygirl79]

What I mentioned aren't necessarily puns but good comebacks

[DRANSWORLD]

they dont call me Mor-Man for nothing! (mormon, LDS)

Brigham Young, Brigham All! (refering to women, polygamy joke)

BYU? .. YBU? (why be you)