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  #16  
Old 02-17-11, 08:57 PM
Lostsoul092 Lostsoul092 is offline
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I have a lot of anger and thought it was just me. I did not know about the stages. I'm glad I read the article, even if it took me awhile. It's funny, I thought for sure I could get healthy and learn to live with my ADD. I was wrong. In part I wanna give up, but the constant pain pushes me to work through it. I lack the courage for any last solution. Maybe knowing the stages I can get a handle on it.
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Old 03-23-11, 06:57 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I'm a bit stuck in the anger-resentment phase. Now it's got worse as I've started medication, the lights turned on, and I feel like a radio that has just been put in tune. But I'm SO mad that for the past two years some high-priced psychoanalyst has been letting me go on every week about these feelings...when with the right chemical adjustment...POOF! I feel like I've been majorly gypped.

But then again I feel so good and happy and grateful, the anger will diminish soon, I think.
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Old 03-23-11, 07:35 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

Grief? I was happy when I was diagnosed finally I knew what was going on.

Personally I don't see ADD as a disability it's more like a coin it has advantages and disadvantages.

Sure it has down sides but many of those can be greatly reduced with medicine.

Most AD(h)D'ers I have met are very intelligent people more often then not well above average. I also found that ADD'ers are one of the best problem solvers in the world I don't think I could do my job half as good without ADD!

Normally our minds may be a fussy mess but at the moments it clear (which can be achieved with medication) we shine and there is very little we can't do.
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Old 06-10-11, 10:49 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I really did grieve for a while. I didn't think i'd be over it... i really am so much stronger now three years later though. I just found this article tonight, and searched a thread that was related to this so I could post it here. It's really good for just diagnosed adults i think. a healthy way of thinking about it.

I really don't feel bad about myself at all now. I feel better than I was before I knew I had it actually. It's liberating and I feel confident and validated now I guess. But anyway.. here's the website.

http://add.about.com/od/evaluationan...-diagnosed.htm
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  #20  
Old 07-11-11, 05:06 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I was diagnosed say 8 months ago. Was on meds, I was very positive and things were looking good. 10+ years of being diagnoses with depression didn't help. I am easily lured to bad and risky behavior. I always thought I was a mess and had/have very little control.

Due to some issues I had to stop the meds, then I went nuts. Now I am back on meds but i am loosing my mind.

I am so mad that I was not diagnosed before. I'm 38 now and my life is an absolute hell-hole for the most part. Very little of my past is worth discussing, I feel like I am living 2-3 lives in one body, I don't know who or what I am.

I am griefing, stressed, sad, mad, frustrated. My SO selfmanagers her depression. However, she is said she is not sypathetic to my needs, as I nobody is to hers. I always wondered WHY I would FORGET she was depressed or even that she had it. She told me many times she was on meds etc, I don't remember... GAWWWW.... So I guess I am on my own.

When will I feel better
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Old 07-11-11, 05:35 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I see this process in my experience. But I also agree with people who say it can mostly be positive. For me, the most positive thing is that I can now laugh at myself.

I can now go to the store for milk (without medication) and find myself staring at things in the deodorant isle for two minutes while my mind is on something else, remind myself that I came for milk, find myself looking at canned food thinking about yard work, remind myself I need milk, laugh at my ADHD, buy milk, and go home. Before the diagnosis, I just felt weird, ashamed, a little psycho, wondered if everyone else was just faking it, if everyone else really couldn't buy milk quickly either, but they just hid it better. All I know is that before the diagnosis, that type of thing sure did a number of my self confidence. Now I can laugh about it.
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Old 08-04-11, 07:04 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

This is a great post. I have actually just created a thread reagrding a new diagnosis - or am I. Although I was happy to admit to myself that I had ADD before diagnosis, finally seeing a psychiatrist who has prescribed medication has had the opposite affect. Now I am scared and I am not even sure I want to begin medication. I guess its a case of admitting to myself the reality of the situation. There can be relief in knowing you havent been going mad all these years when you kind off knew deep down inside you seemed to work a little differently from everybody else - but the reality of sitting down and thinking - ok this is something isnt going to go away can be daunting. When I was 11 I vividly remember telling myself "youre just going through a hard time and by the time your 30 you will have all of this sorted and learned how to cope." Reaching 31 and looking back on my struggle to date was the push that finally made me go to see somebody. I still doubt the diagnosis or rather I am not at the acceptance side....I still wonder what if its wrong and I still battling to even begin the medication. I am scared it will work and what does that mean for me then! Well I guess it will mean I wont waste another 31 years of struggling but hand in hand with that does have to come an element of acceptance and learning to move forward and educated yourself more about how to live with these nuances. Its great to realise I am not crazy but there is an element of feeling ashamed and I guess pride. I guess for people who have struggled to find other ways of coping throughout their life to finally seek help can make you feel like a failure but I guess its important to recognise the strenght it takes to ask for help and that you are taking a step in the right direction, you are actually taking responsibility for yourself and commiting to improve your life. So saying that I think I should take the plunge and try this medication and take my own advice!
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  #23  
Old 08-04-11, 09:16 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

i want to read this but it is soooooo much effort
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  #24  
Old 08-04-11, 11:24 AM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I was diagnosed about 3 months ago. I've made a lot of progress over that time; seeing my past through this lens makes things a lot clearer.

Now, I'm grieving. I think the phases blur together a bit, but now I'm definitely grieving. My biggest issues are dealing with the commitments that I made before I knew what the hell was going on.

The big one is my wife. I love her and our child but I wonder if I would've gotten married to her if I had understood myself and my needs a little more clearly. Unfortunately, like so many things in my life, it's water under the bridge. The commitment has been made and breaking it would cause much more harm than good.

We can work on things together, but she's not all that open to such things. On the whole we have a good marriage, but not great. It will be our 1 year old that will keep us together I think.

Sorry, rambling a bit...
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Old 08-04-11, 01:09 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

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Originally Posted by Alliee View Post
I really did grieve for a while. I didn't think i'd be over it... i really am so much stronger now three years later though. I just found this article tonight, and searched a thread that was related to this so I could post it here. It's really good for just diagnosed adults i think. a healthy way of thinking about it.

I really don't feel bad about myself at all now. I feel better than I was before I knew I had it actually. It's liberating and I feel confident and validated now I guess. But anyway.. here's the website.

http://add.about.com/od/evaluationan...-diagnosed.htm
I was never really able to grieve unfortunately. I always wanted people to just listen to me and understand. By understand, I mean just understanding me enough to let me express my emotions freely. The people in my life have a hard time being a support for me.

People are uncomfortable with certain emotions. It's like if I need to cry about something, it doesn't mean the world will end, or I'm going to fall down. This is how my dad makes me feel. I end up getting angry at him/them. Now, I just avoid getting into it with them, because they won't be able to meet that need of mine.

One thread on here helps me grieve for the time lossed, missed opportunities, etc. I know I'll never get that back, and I can only learn from it. It's hard though. I often see my past through my parent's eyes, namely high school. My parents beat me up for my grades, and it wasn't even my fault. I really was trying. I had no clue why I would be put to sleep by reading or would get uncomfortably hyper at times.

I faced so much criticism as a kid, and I wasn't even completely in control. I had a lot of poor impulse control issues, and I got into a lot of trouble. I would try to control the impulses for so long, and then, I just couldn't take it anymore. I performed the impulse. I spent months in punishment. I guess I did deserve to get criticized for some stuff.

Learning as much as I possibly can about ADD has helps me immensely. I don't beat myself up as much as I used to. I know I'm hard on myself still. The difference is I know the source of my struggles, which are not me the person.

Sometimes, I'm able to be proud of myself pre-diagnosis knowing that my brain was growing at a slower rate than my peers. It's actually remarkable.
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Old 08-04-11, 02:09 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

I am not hard on myself anymore. Sometimes I think I should be trying harder. I used to eat healthily and work out. I was more eager for something pre diagnosis. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore. That may change when I start work in a few weeks.

I think it's important for people with ADHD to grieve outloud to others and get someone to help them process their grief in that way instead of keeping it inside. I think they also need to do it over and over again. This forum has really helped me come to terms with ADHD in a healthy way. I'm not in denial and I'm aware of exactly what's going on with the way I'm thinking.

I'm thankful for the forums because if you hang out here you can't help but get the latest information about the disorder. I was reading one of the creaters intentions when he made addforums. He said he wanted to creat a high end place for people with ADHD. To me the forum is a lot of things, and when I
read that I was proud because I realized that I did educate my dr with facts
last time I was in his office. It was just bc I spent so much time on here.
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Old 08-04-11, 02:21 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

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Originally Posted by anonymouslyadd View Post

Learning as much as I possibly can about ADD has helps me immensely.
That was a tremendous part of my life after diagnosis. Along with everything else I went through, just learning as much as I could about ADD made a world of difference.

The one thing I've always told others about it if they've been diagnosed or are thinking about it is to learn as much as you can about it.
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Old 08-04-11, 02:26 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

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Originally Posted by Alliee View Post
I think it's important for people with ADHD to grieve outloud to others and get someone to help them process their grief in that way instead of keeping it inside. I think they also need to do it over and over again.
Who do you suggest grieving to? Do you actually think people will listen or want to listen? Why do you need to do it so much?
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Old 08-04-11, 02:32 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

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Who do you suggest grieving to? Do you actually think people will listen or want to listen? Why do you need to do it so much?
I just grieve outloud on here. Call me dramatic but, I'm happier I guess. some people in real life wouldn't want to listen, for example, when I was in high school my mom couldn't handle my emotions when all I wanted to do was cry sometimes. I am not like my mom. If someone's upset I want to drop everything to make them feel better usually. That's just how I am. I've realized a lot of people on here are similar. It also helps that they understand more than other people.
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Old 08-04-11, 02:36 PM
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Re: The Grief process after being diagnosed with Adult ADD/ADHD.

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Originally Posted by Smokey405 View Post
That was a tremendous part of my life after diagnosis. Along with everything else I went through, just learning as much as I could about ADD made a world of difference.

The one thing I've always told others about it if they've been diagnosed or are thinking about it is to learn as much as you can about it.
I was diagnosed in 2006 and am still learning. I think this is a fascinating disorder.
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