Tired, tired, just tired!

[firefighter]

Well its been a while. I have yet to get consistent. I have good days, i mean when i can actually relate and think like a human, and bad days. On the bad days I am defensive, meds do not seem to be as effective, feel like moving to a large patch of woods and living alone. I am going to therapy once a week. Oh and i am thirty four years old father of 4. I put fires out, run rescue, and haz mat for a living. I don t feel like thats dangerous enough. I was diagnosed at five years old. Parents were afraid of medicines in those days. So my wonderful wife and some help from others I have been treating with meds and therapy for a couple years now. Oh I think I have made a positive change in my life. Vyvance 70mg x 4 and seroquel xr 400mg at night. Cant stand the seroquel so I break in half. Oh don't freak over the Vyvance. It has taken a long time to get to this point. Two in the am before breakfast and two at lunch. Insurance refuses to pay so now I m back to Dexedrine ten mg. with one vyvance a day. See I know that vyvance does not cover some people all day and I know how people feels that takes FDA rec-amended dose and it wears off by two in the afternoon. Its not fun to attend ballgames and school functions or be at work when this wears off. Anyway, I battle this mess every day. I have learned that I can skip a day it works better. I have been so run down that it didnt work also. Duck season.. lol. anyway thats just the way it is. I have acid reflux which I am thinking affects the absorption. Thanks for listening and if someone else out there can relate please do. The point of all this is to vent and feel like Im not alone. My personality has been described as a wall covered in glue. Also, defensive, sarcastic, takes things the wrong way, insecure, self destructive, ect...

If I do not take medicine I feel disconnected, pressure, insecure, withdrawn, out of touch, cant be still, chewing gum or candy, need for whiskey, selfmedicated all my life until adhd meds. Alcohol and pain pills being the choice. So I am alot better, just need that fine turning, once again thanks

[firefighter]

I would also like to add: I have a chronic back, L5 S1, pain and it is flared up and a very painful deal. I am going on the 17th of this month for my injection of steroids. Who knows what the long term side affects are going to be. Its very hard on bones and joints from what I am told. I really don t have a choice. They are saying and have been for eight years that its not to the point of surgery. I am thinking "man how bad do you have to hurt before you can get this fixed?" This ol back of mine is what introduce me to some pain killers. oh did i ever abuse the heck out of them. Nothing like a hydro during the start of a stout whiskey/coke drink. Jack Daniels. With meds all this just went away. I cant really say will power had a role. The need and desire went away. silly to drink. I feel fine. I do feel fine and stronger now. Just trying to figure out things. You know what maybe I just need to accept and not worry about ****. Hey I may sit here and come to a peaceful, content, state of mind.. I am the all in or all out. Trying to find that middle ground. I was drawn to a older man one day in the waiting room at theripy. He had his grandson in therapy for add. He was explaining God and his spin on things and I was drawn to him like a magnet. He was not over dressed but only blue jeans , button up shirt, and I hat that said something about concert. But he spoke with the most peaceful voice and confidence poured out in every word. As he spoke I became more relaxed and more content. We were the only two in the room for a while, then a women and very young child came in and the baby was crying. i got up as if i could not miss a word he spoke and ended up right beside him without missing a word until i was called back. I sat threw a hour of therapy and left there frustrated as can be. Just wish I could find that ability to relax, feel secure, smile, and have a good sense of well being.

[ADHDTigger]

I wish that there was a magic bullet, a perfect answer, something, that could make everything wonderful. There isn't. Some days I can get there, some days I can't. And some other days when I just can't muster up the energy to give a rip.

What I CAN tell you is that it will pass in time.

Keep hanging in there!

[lovesthesun]

thank you for this post... i read on here every nite, i want to post, but just cant find the words to post...
i am 37 year old moma of 3. my youngest went to heaven 6 years ago. she was 20 mos old... the other 2 are healthy.

i am very depressed, bi-polar, and adhd.(dx'd 5 mos ago after having a total breakdown and was admitted to hospital) i have NO MOTIVATION!!! I just sit here. i cant wait till it gets dark so i can go to bed. takes me forever to get up out of bed. i used to be able to go on about 4-5hrs of sleep and i loved that.. somethin changed!! now, thats all i want to do. i do what i have to.. i am thankful for what i do have, but very sad for what i dont have...

i called my doc today to see if i could see her sooner. i couldnt.. my appt is wed the 24th.. she did order a huge blood panel. she thinks something else mite be going on??? she also added 10mg of lexapro. i am taking abilify 5mg at bedtime, 250mg lamictal at bedtime and 15mg dextroamphetamine in and 15mg at lunch.

i told her today on the phone if i could get a load of phentermine, i'd take it all. me or nobody else could ever understand how i could function so well when i took those. just like red bull and pain pills. i guess thats what ya call self-medicating. (never knew, i was self-medicating).

i wish i could help with your tiredness... good luck to you!
we'll just keep on keepin on!
take care! sorry to be ramblin! just needed to type some feelings

thank you.

[Faye King]

Firefighter, I can relate to your feeling tired all the time, and the roller coaster in emotions. I was diagnosed with ADD 7 or 8 years ago, after our son was diagnosed. I noticed that I had a lot of the same symptoms. I was on adderall for years, and that helped, although it made me jittery. My doctor switched me to Vyvanse around 2007 (it makes me jittery, too, especially with caffeine). I have had two back surgeries in the last year, and found myself in a downward spiral. I stopped taking my ADD med when my back got bad; I figured I didn't need to take it if I was spending most of my time in bed. I became severely depressed over my failing health. After I had the first back surgery I got even more depressed, feeling overwhelmed by everything. I have just about given up. I spend a lot of time in bed; it's a victory when I get up, shower and dress. But, I limit my pain medicine to bedtime only - I sure don't need to have a problem with that on top of depression and ADD. I have been having really dark thoughts for months, although I try to hide it from my family - I just withdraw. I've been feeling hopeless, tired, empty, like a total failure not much good for anything, despite the fact that I believe the surgeries did help my back. I finally talked to my family doctor about the depression about a month ago, and he put me on an antidepressant, Pristiq. I am feeling less depressed, but I'm still having huge problems getting motivated, and I am still withdrawn. I have let so much go since before the surgeries that I can't handle thinking about how I'm going to do all that needs to be done...you can probably relate to how scary it is to have ADD and know that you need to make up for at least two years of lost time. It's so much easier just to lie back down and try not to think about it....even though I know that sooner or later there will be a reckoning. Today I decided to take my Vyvanse for the first time in about two years, just to see if it made any difference, and I have to say that for the first time in a long, long time I felt better. I didn't get out of my pajamas, but I was up all day helping my elderly father with his computer. I felt better mentally, and I actually started thinking about some things I could be doing to clear out the accumulation of clutter in our house. I felt happier, and not so tired. I'm thinking now that it was a big mistake to stop taking my ADD medication, and that while the antidepressant might help with the depression, it's not going to help with the problems associated with ADD...inability to focus, procrastination, feelings of inadequacy, lack of organization. I'm hoping that this realization will be the start of getting back on the road to some sense of normalcy. So, I say to you, "hang in there." You know that you can't play with fire (sorry about the pun) where alcohol and pain killers are concerned....that it won't really help anything. It's hard to try to juggle the meds and get the dosage figured out for what's right for you...but trying beats the alternative. It sounds like your family is supportive - that's great - my husband deserves a medal for being there for me. It never hurts to show your appreciation.