misunderstood woman with attention deficit disorder

[lesadiv]

I am new here. I need to vent a little. I was recently diagnosed with add. Until a few weeks ago I was taking wellbutrin for depression. I stopped taking it when I was in the hospital for surgery and they didn't have the right one. So, now I notice my add getting worse. Come to find out (searched the net) wellbutrin is sometimes used to treat add? Great. So anyway, I try to talk to my husband and my one good friend about it and I get the feeling that they really dont think I have add. Especially my friend. When I say, well, my house is a mess, and I try to explain to her that I just don't have the motivation to do it and dont know where to start, and that this is a component of the add, she gives me, "Well, everyone is like that." Well, maybe you have it too!! I don't know! I just feel really alone and frustrated. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I am going to insist that he give me something for the add. He has been treating me for depression and keeps putting me off saying that he wants to get the antidepressants regulated first. But I think that I am not so much depressed as just frustrated and overwhelmed by my inability to handle my life. Last week alone, I forgot to order my kids' birthday cake, missed a dentist appt., and lost a check. I also almost ran out of gas, because I couldn't remember to go to the gas station, despite the light and chime coming from the dash! I just can't take it any more. I feel like such a failure as a mother. It's now 1:30 where we are, and we are not dressed yet. :uhh: Anyway, does anyone else here ever feel like people sometimes dont believe in add or adhd? And that they are kind of internally rolling their eyes when you try to talk to them about it? I am sorry this is so long, I have a tendency to ramble. Thanks. Lisa

[paulbf]

All the time. It's really hard to explain. In fact, I'm not sure myself what my main problem is. Were you like this as a child or just recently due to the depression? It is possible for those symptoms to be caused by depression and possible to be depressed and not really feel depressed. It's important to figure out either way. It'd probably be better to have depression because that's not as permanent. If you don't trust your doctor, find someone that specializes in adult ADD in women and get a thorough analysis. Read some books too. Women with ADD is excellent, I'm reading it now.

[lesadiv]

Thanks for your reply. I have always been like this. A while ago my son was diagnosed with adhd and that was a light bulb moment for me. All my life I just thought I was lazy and stupid. I have also been clinically depressed a few times, but always get better with medication. I dont feel that way now. I will definitely take your advice on the doctor thing though, if he and I can't come to a meeting of the minds! Another question, related to the board, how could the subject of my post change? I almost couldnt find it because its under a different heading now. Weird. Thanks.

[Andrew]

Moderators will rename a particular thread so that it complies with Forum Guidelines. This is so other users who are searching the forums can find your post more easily.

[gabriela]

Originally posted by lesadiv
and I get the feeling that they really dont think I have add. Especially my friend. When I say, well, my house is a mess, and I try to explain to her that I just don't have the motivation to do it and dont know where to start, and that this is a component of the add, she gives me, "Well, everyone is like that." But I think that I am not so much depressed as just frustrated and overwhelmed by my inability to handle my life. Anyway, does anyone else here ever feel like people sometimes dont believe in add or adhd? And that they are kind of internally rolling their eyes when you try to talk to them about it?

*"all"* the time!
i've even gotten the "oh, i thought only *kids* had adhd/add, and that they *outgrew* it!" a couple of times, and it makes me *furious*!

[becca]

Absolutely! My best friend and boyfriend refused to believe my diagnosis of ADD until recently when I took myself off the meds, resulting in a crazy hyperactivity that I didn't even know I was capable of. Both of them sat back and said "Bec, I have never seen you like this before" and funnily enough, they are now more understanding. It is such a hurtful feeling, because I KNOW I have a problem and when the people closest to me laughed, joked and put me down because of my diagnosis, I felt like there was nobody to support me. Still my own mother does not believe in ADD. Frankly, I think it is bad enough to have ADD without being criticised for it.

[gabriela]

Originally posted by becca
It is such a hurtful feeling, because I KNOW I have a problem and when the people closest to me laughed, joked and put me down because of my diagnosis, I felt like there was nobody to support me. Still my own mother does not believe in ADD. Frankly, I think it is bad enough to have ADD without being criticised for it.

it's such a cliché, but: i know *exactly* what you mean!
i actually haven't spoken to my mother since i started taking concerta (11 weeks now), because she thinks my doctor (who's a *brilliant* psychiatrist *and* a *wonderful* person) is "drugging" me...
:uhh:
i wish she could see me as i am now (thanx to concerta), because i've changed so *much* in the short time i've been on this "drug"!

it is *very* hurtful when the people who are "supposed" to be your "no. 1 fans" (i e your family and friends) just don't *get* it...
:sad:

[Mac-distraction]

I know it is hard when people think that ADD is just some sort of "fad". However one thing to remember is the thing that is really important is what you believe. My diagnosis helped me so much w/ my feelings of self worth that it doesn't really bother me anymore if other people think that there is no such thing as ADD.

When I was diagnosed I was still nursing my son so I couldn't go on meds- but just the diagnosis got rid of so much guilt I had been carrying on my shoulders. If your friend does not want to believe you then I would question her friendship. If she does not have an open mind then that is too bad for her. Maybe she thinks she is helping, but she isn't. One thing you could point out to her is that you probably do spend more time on your house cleaning than other people do, but you just do not have the tools to do it efficiently.

I am now on meds and it really has been helping me. GOod luck and keep us updated on your progress!

[ej35401]

I think it's just ignorance. Some people really don't understand. I was diagnosed with BP II, to my surprise, after going it to get treated for my ADHD.. I had no clue I was BP II and was is disbelief for a couple of weeks, despite a very close friend of mine is BP II.. and now that, that has been properly treated, so many of my problems have cleared up and I'm able to help my ADHD.. but without treating the BP II first, I wasn't going to be able to treat the ADHD.

[cdo]

"So anyway, I try to talk to my husband and my one good friend about it and I get the feeling that they really dont think I have add. Especially my friend. When I say, well, my house is a mess, and I try to explain to her that I just don't have the motivation to do it and dont know where to start, and that this is a component of the add, she gives me, "Well, everyone is like that."

I get these comments alot -- I was just diagnosed a year ago (age 46), and I have a relatively mild case, so my husband has been quite skeptical. My father and one sister a bit too (even though it's clear to me now that my father has ADHD, my mother probably does, and at least three of the five of us kids do).

During the past year I've often thought "maybe it really is just the character flaw(s) I always thought it was." But then I read more about it and realize that it's real. My husband and my daughters (both daughters were diagnosed with it in the past year at ages 18 and 14) say I use ADHD as an excuse (sometimes for the kids' behavior, not mine) and say that I'm obsessed with Ritalin (for the kids and for me). But I see the huge difference for myself and for my younger daughter (the older one is at college and tells me it makes a big difference for her).

I've been telling my husband recently how painful it was as a child and even as an adult, not realizing what caused me to be impulsive, disorganized, distracted, etc. He is beginning to be more supportive about the ADHD, but still has trouble not feeling that it is an excuse.

In any event, the most helpful things for me have been (1) to understand I have a chemical brain disorder and not a character flaw, although I probably have that too, (2) to learn from others with ADHD, such as you all, and understand how many of us have similar issues, (3) to take Ritalin -- it makes everything so much easier and makes me so much more patient.

I think this forum is part of CHADD, but if not and if you haven't joined CHADD, I highly recommend it. The reading material and video they sent have been very helpful to me.