What were your internal struggles of 1st being diagnosed BP2?

[ShavedWookie]

A couple weeks ago my adderall triggered a hypomanic episode. Even though I was the one who raised the alarm to my pdoc, I was in denial for a little while after that I was BP2. It's now given me greater caution about trusting my feelings and thoughts, and this is a bit scary.

I've wondered "Did I have hypomanic episodes before this and I just wasn't aware of it?" There have definitely been periods of euphoria these last several months since being diagnosed ADHD and on adderall. I always interpreted these episodes as having a new mental muscle I wasn't accustom to flexing before being treated for ADHD...but these periods of euphoria and productivity were nothing like the hypomanic episode a couple weeks ago. It felt like all my actions had great importance. I wasn't sleeping, feeling self important...etc. etc.

Is it consistent with BP2 to have blissful episodes that don't quite fit a full hypomanic episode. My concern is, that I can no longer trust my feelings and some of the clarity I gained during those times while on adderall... I'm really struggling w/ this bp2 diagnosis and it's implications for my life. I'm really curious about what internal struggles others on this board have faced when they were 1st diagnosed bp2, and if you eventually overcame it. How did you do it?

I mentioned before, my brother was diagnosed BP about 10 years ago, and how difficult that was... this has been a big reason why it's been such a tough diagnosis for me to face...but slowly I'm coming around. Hopefully some of your stories will help.

I'm now being treated w/ depakote along with smaller doses of adderall. This seems like a good combo so far, my emotional states are a lot more static.

Thanks in advance!

[daveddd]

for me

medicate and move on helped

i didnt dwell on it, am actually relieved to feel a little bit normal

i tried all the non med ways before , nothing worked , so this is what needs done for me

funny , when this post came up i was just starting a thread about how my stim dose has gone way down

[Derven]

It kind of all just made sense to me. My whole adult life I have had hypomanic episodes and never even realized that it might be more then just me being me. The rapid eating, the fast talking, the constant flow of ideas, the feeling of pressured speech or typing. The way I sped up while playing guitar despite attempts to keep a steady speed. I tended to start at once pace for every action and the speed would ramp up until by the end it was pushing the limits of how fast I could do those tasks realistically. I wouldn't even notice until I had already gotten "spooled up". My mind was always like a chain gun, with the slow start, but once it got tuning it would just be on full auto.

I knew I had experienced some depression from time to time, sometimes worse then others, but it never occurred to me that the hyper periods were a cycle. So when the Psychiatrist heard of my symptoms she mentioned BP II and suggested we try Lamictal. So far I have not felt any pressured speech or the speed increases for the most part and since adding Adderall to the mix, after I titrated up to dose with the Lamictal, I have been more mellow and functional then with just the Lamictal alone.

I have been perfectly okay with all of this, but I have started to see what a negative outlook the general public has on it. The same goes for the ADD, whenever I try to tell anyone about it I get two reactions, one for each issue. For the BP II its a look like they suddenly think that means you are super crazy or something, it definitely feels taboo. For the ADD its the look of disbelief, I think the general idea is that it is some made up thing that no one really has.

This sucks and I don't even bother telling people about either anymore because I don't feel like dealing with it.

Hope you find the right treatments that work for you, good luck to you!

~Bill

[ShavedWookie]

So good to hear your thoughts.

I play guitar too, and can totally relate to the tempo problems you're talking about Bill. I have a hard time with simple things when playing (strumming basic chords throughout the duration of the song), which is probably more attributable to the ADHD...but when it gets virtuoso and crazy, I can somehow pull it off...but I play mostly solo classical, and have always tended toward more virtuoso fast moving pieces. And I always get in these grooves where i just play feverishly fast w/o being conscious of it. Needless to say, I've never been good at playing with other people... at the very minimum you need to be able to keep time w/ percussion and bass... this has been really hard for me, b/c I've always wanted to play in a band my whole life...in light of the current diagnoses of ADHD and BP2 I can be a little more forgiving of the shortcoming. At least solo classical guitar has allowed me to sidestep tempo issues to some degree...the emotions of the music dictate the rhythm a little more...and it becomes a personal choice.

Bill, I'll hit you up with a private msg when I get a chance... but good to connect with you on this stuff. Thanks again for the thoughts!