Depakote and Adderall and feeling like giving up on meds

[ShavedWookie]

I just started taking Depakote last week along with Adderall. The adderall dose was reduced after it triggered a hypomanic episode... I'm titrating up and currently at 500mg/day. I'm starting to have concerns about it though. When I was doing 250mg/day it was tolerable. Earlier this week I woke up one night with my heart beating really fast. Now my blood pressure feels really high. I've had 2 experiences where I felt really faint and had to sit down or lean on something so I wouldn't fall over...and I'm pretty athletic and healthy.

Today I've felt especially off. I couldn't get anything done at work...the ADD symptoms were unbearable, I couldn't hold a thought in my head for more than 5 seconds. I felt really anxious at times, and I even felt like a caged beast. I really had to dissociate myself from colleagues to avoid any embarrassment and social discomfort. Sometimes I feel the intended effects of the depakote (as a mood stabilizer), other times I feel like a zombie and all my senses are dulled and wonder if that's the point (to subdue me to the point of not caring or feeling anything too deeply). Today however it was like the adderall and the depakote were at war with each other inside my head, and it was chaos. It was a horrible feeling. I see my doc tomorrow and will discuss this. I don't want to give up the treatment if this is just a necessary stage of my body getting adjusted to a new med...but I'm not inclined to endure a drop in the quality of my life or this level of misery just so my moods can be stabilized. I'm hoping it was just an unusually bad day...but I'm feeling like the depakote was just a last ditch effort to fit me into a collar so I can be tethered to a tree for the rest of my life.

I'm getting exhausted from trying all these different meds and having so many false starts and disappointments. I'm tired of my body being a chem lab. Back when I first sought help and the doctor thought I was suffering from severe depression, I was put on 2 different anti-depressants (Effexor and Lexapro), and both in turn made me suicidal. At that point I told my doctor I didn't want to try anymore meds and for 2 months I didn't until I was diagnosed with ADHD. Those 2 months have been 2 of the bes months for me since seeing a pdoc, we started addressing the root of some of my depression, I started fighting it by just getting out more and running almost everyday and I worked on making healthier choices, and this eventually smoked out the ADHD symptoms. Then it was adderall after the ADD was diagnosed. That was amazingly effective and even improved my moods greatly... but I wonder just how effective it's been for me in hindsight. The BP2 diagnosis has me even questioning all the positive feelings I had when I first started taking it. Even my ADD symptoms can seem much worse on adderall (like today), or I hyperfocus on one thing and my work suffers...dishes pile up and I feel bad about myself. Sometimes this adventure into psychotherapy seems like a game of Whack 'em all, you try one thing but it makes other areas of your life suffer. Does anyone else feel this way? I hear others discuss finally finding the right cocktail of meds...but did you ever just want to give up along the way and go off them completely? I think back to those 2 months off the meds, and it was a tolerable existence with a reasonable level of ups and downs...much more tolerable than how i've been feeling.

Maybe I should quit cold turkey and tough it out like I've done my entire life. Anyways, today was really tough and I'm grateful for this board for giving me a place to think out loud...so i don't have to endure this stuff alone.

[daveddd]

have you tried lamactil?

[ShavedWookie]

haven't tried Lamictal, the doc wanted to put me on it at first...but decided on depakote to see faster results. I guess Lamictal takes 21 days to be effective or something like that!? I was taken off depakote yesterday, and given a prescription for Abilify. I guess the doc's sense of urgency is b/c i'm moving soon and she wants to see something work before I make the move... I don't know, I'm seeing it differently. I'm not so inclined to try yet another powerful mind altering substance right before making a move. There's too much to do and not a good time for experimenting.

[Scarletta]

Wait, your doctor has you on 500 mg of Adderall a day?

[ShavedWookie]

Originally Posted by Scarletta

Wait, your doctor has you on 500 mg of Adderall a day?

500mg of depakote

[CircularingCats]

First I started on Depakote, at 500 mg times four, at bedtime. That way it would best work into my system and I wouldn't be sleepy.

I started stims this past year, and have mostly been on Concerta. I take the Concerta in the a.m., followed by a booster of Concerta around noontime.

These two, plus other meds, have worked well for me.

I hope you can find a good med combo. I know how hard that can be!

Cats

[Lowell Mather]

This book helped me to better understand BP2.

http://www.amazon.com/Depressed-Reco...8091007&sr=8-2

It only touches on ADHD, but it sounds like your problem is more the moods/BP2 than the lack of focus.

I don't like discussing meds here, because what works for me may not work for you (send me a PM if you need to know). Keep up the exercise, though.