Having a Second Kid

[Yaaziel]

Hello folks,

I'm a part-time stay at home dad with ADD-PI, and my wife and I have been thinking about having another child. Our first is such a blessing, and we've felt that we would like to have a second, for a number of reasons, including better development for all, my experience as a singleton, etc.

There are the usual money worries, and age issues (my wife's clock is ticking), but we are really feeling like we should make the plunge again while we can.

While this is too big a decision to leave up to an internet BBS, i wanted to see if there were other couple out there with an ADD partner, and multiple kids. I worry about my ability to handle the tasks. Some days with my kid can get pretty exhausting, and I worry a bit about having the attention for two.

What are other people's experiences? Please be kind if you can.

Yaaziel

[dugup1254]

Well I am a single 23yo, so I can't provide much help... however, I could not see many people here saying anything other than, "It's your decision"

A child is exhausting on anybody, and two children are twice as exhausting; however, take a step back - and tell me that it's not worth being exhausted. While I am still mostly uneducated about the levels of ADHD, I could not imagine most of these 'levels' coming between parents taking care of their children.

If you are stable enough to be asking these questions, have already spoke with your wife, and you both agree that it is time - then it is time. Also, your children will grow up together and take care of a lot of their problems on their own - rather than seeking your help. So in the long run of things, this also means less stress on yourself and your wife. I know this because my sister is my best friend, we still talk every day.

Best of luck to you two!!

[Lady Lark]

Actually dugup1254, two kids is usually three times as exhausting. Kids never mean normal (1+1=2) math.

I have multiple kids, two step daughters (only one living with us) who will be 18 and 17 soon, and two boys who are 10 and 5 (quite the age range). Every kid is different, every situation is unique. If you and your wife feel this is right, then I would say go for it.

[MuscleMama]

I think going from one to two is different from having your first baby. This time around you are a little more prepared and know what to expect. It isn't quite the mind-trip as the first. But you do now have a toddler running around, too. (I'm guessing on the age of your first) So much depends on the kids' personalities. An easy baby with a thoughtful sibling can be great. A sensitive, fussy baby with a 2 y/o terror tipping apart the house can be a nightmare. I don't have adhd, but my older son does (and my younger son is in the process of getting diagnosed, but I think he does, too). My best suggestion for handling the early years is to have a schedule and stick to it.

We also decided to try to give our son a sibling and have 2 boys 3 years apart. It can be tough sometimes, but they were meant to be brothers.

[Ian_B]

My twins are 2 1/2, and I'd say "go for it" with a few caveats. The biggest difficulty for me is the noise; too much loud vocal noise makes it very hard for me to function.

I also find it hard to parent effectively when my wife is around, because it muddies expectations. Counterintuitively, I'm a much better father when she is out of the house, because I'm not worrying about what she expects of me.

[NoReally]

I really think parenthood is way harder than I had guessed. I thought it would come more naturally to me.

And there are times when I think about a friend with only one child, how easy and relaxed it is. Because sometimes 2 can be crazy.

At the same time, I'm so glad we decided to have another. We had been planning on just one, but changed our minds. And I'm just delighted with the relationship they have with each other. A relationship they'll get to keep for the rest of their lives, long after we're gone.

And sometimes having the 2 of them is easier! They can play together for longer & longer stretches as they grow. They each have another kid in the house to do kid stuff with, so it's not always on me to play trains or something.

And it's also helpful to have 2 kids who are so different in so many ways to help me keep in perspective that I'm not really always to blame for problems. Like, it can't be my fault after all that my son is such a problematic sleeper, because I'm the same exact mom to my daughter, and she never wakes up for anything.

[OnlyMe]

Well, with three kids with ADHD, I suspect that both my hubby and I have some ADD quirks. The house is grubby and I sometimes forget that I meant to do something or other; but the kids are all growing and learning and mostly happy. If you and your wife can live with some mess, then I'd say go for it.

[succesdhunter]

Happy to hear about your second kid..May your kids live long and make you happy in life.