I need to try something different or maybe stop ADD meds all together

[capncrunch]

This is something I have considered so many times since I was first prescribed ADD medication 2 years ago.

I was first prescribed ADD medication after graduating from high school with a very low GPA. In high school I was really immature but very cheerful and funny with a lot of great friends and a terrific girlfriend. Since my GPA was poor, I had to attend a very mediocre college that I was not keen on going to while I saw my friends and girlfriend (at the time) head off to universities of their choice. I desperately wanted to prove my academic worth as well as transfer to a better school. I talked to my doctor, he said I exhibited many ADD signs, and he prescribed me Adderall for going off to freshman year of college.

I had amazing academic benefits from the Adderall but at the expense of my happiness. The brief euphoria and two hours or so of effective ADD coverage was nothing to complain about but for the several hours following I had the notorious zombie feeling. No personality, no smiling, no jokes, irritable, incredibly high levels of anxiety, no desire to socialize, depressed, and just a very serious state of mind. I talked to my doctor and he lowered the dose. Same thing, the zombie effect but my grades were better than ever. My high school GPA was ~2.3 and my college GPA was ~3.7. He then switched me to AdderallXR and it did improve a bit but still, I felt like my true personality was completely hidden no matter how low the dose. I had trouble making friends and the only girls I met were one night stands that I met at parties. This is completely unlike me because I've always gone for sweet + smart girls. I put up with all of these social issues and depression for a year just so I could get the grades to transfer which I did. I transferred to my current university.

My university is much more competitive and I saw the benefits of ADD medication but didn't want the social downside and depression that came with it. I met with a new doctor and he prescribed me my current medication, Vyvanse. It worked decently academically but same thing, a zombie crash that destroyed my personality. At this point you would think that I would just stop taking it but ADD medication has helped me to do so well academically that I feel I have become almost addicted to it. I also now want to go to law school so I need a high GPA. I have taken Vyvanse this whole academic year but I always found excuses to not stop taking it. When the medicine is working I am more motivated, academically inclined, mature, and confident even though when it wears off I am miserable. I have friends at my university but not nearly as many as I would like and none that I am extremely close with and haven't dated any girls.

I am in the same spot I was in when I first started college, looking at the trade off between academic success vs. my easy going and funny personality. I have been trying to get the right dosage or medicine so I can enjoy both academic success and my true personality but I just haven't found it.

Finals just ended for the spring semester and I am taking summer 1 classes so I decided that I will not take any ADD medication for my summer 1 classes to see how I do both academically and socially.

Does anybody have ANY suggestions for me? My diet is fine so I feel like the two options are just to try a new medicine or stop all together. I realize this has basically been just a rant but I needed to get it out to confirm that I really feel that I need a change now.

[addsnoopy]

Adderall XR (pregeneric days) and Vyvanse have given me the exact same outcomes. I am in the same boat as you are. Anyone out there has left the meds and lived happily ever after? Do you take a lot of caffeine to make up for the meds? I'm on my last rope here.