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Old 08-18-10, 04:24 PM
ballinkp10 ballinkp10 is offline
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Smile Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Does anyone else have a tendency to stubbornly dwell on irrational thoughts that you very well know you should let go? For example, my friends used to describe me as laid-back, confident, charismatic, fun loving, friendly, etc. and although I wouldn't have ever boasted back in the day, in retrospect, I see that I was blessed with a very magnetic personality. Anywho, one day someone posted anonymously on a college blog (juicy campus) asking if anyone else thought I was annoying as ****. Fortunately, 7 or 8 people clicked the thumbs down icon (indicating they disagreed) and maybe 1 or 2 people clicked thumbs up. Furthermore, the "hater" defended himself after seeing my support saying that "Yall are probably going to say I got turned down by her but nah, that's not the case. She just needs to quit walking around like she's the ****." So from there on out I couldn't let it go and the anonymity of it made me assume everyone thought I was annoying. Flash forward a couple years later and I've turned into this self-conscious person who now wonders what people are thinking about me. Whereas beforehand, I never once thought someone would think something negative about me without it being justified. Wow, sorry for my rant... guess it's been weighing on my shoulders! But point being, does anyone else have trouble fighting such irrational thoughts without it getting the best of them? If so, have you figured out a way to move on and let these thoughts go? Any input would be appreciated! Thanks!
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Old 08-18-10, 04:32 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Oh, the paranoia. I don't know where this comes from, but I've got it too, and I posted about it a while ago and lots of people seem to have it. We're just all plagued and silent, I guess.

Yeah, I assume everyone hates me. When my friends invite me somewhere, I often find ways to convince myself that they don't actually want me there, despite knowing that these thoughts are completely irrational. The brain just goes and goes, spirals into some weird situation where it somehow makes sense. It's tough.

What has helped me the most is telling people about it, honestly. If I tell my closest friends that the reason I do some of the things I do is because in my brain, these things are happening, it helps them understand. And then when it actually does happen, I can say the thoughts aloud to my friends and kind of laugh at them. Sometimes it gets really, really bad, and I can't bring myself to do that because I'm so tied up in false reality. I have two close friends who have the same kind of paranoia. They're the ones I talk to when it gets out of control.

Maybe if you bring it up to people you'll find someone you're close with has the same thing, and he can be the person you talk to when you feel this way.
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Old 08-18-10, 04:45 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Ballink-OMG I would have been going NUTS over that. And yes, I would have obsessed over it for...EVER.

I also feel like almost everyone hates me. I don't hug people hello or goodbye because I think they don't want me to. I don't randomly call people or ask guys on dates for the same reasons.

I think this is the oh so lovely gift of low self-esteem that comes along with adhd. Especially if you weren't diagnosed until you were an adult.
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Old 08-18-10, 05:20 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

I often feel like a useless lump, a waste of everyone's time, and a constant barrier to everyone else's productive work. It used to be worse, though.

I worked as a live-in nanny for a family in the UK once. They complained about everyone they ever came in contact with, and I thought they must be surrounded my malicious people.

One night, they had some guests, and as I left to put the kids to bed, they invited me to join them all for a drink afterwards. But I didn't feel like it, so I just wrote them a little note of apology and left it on their bed.

In the middle of the night, I got up to pee. The bathroom was by their room. I could clearly hear them arguing, and the mum was saying, "I'm upset because she's been in our room. She could have been going through our things. She had no right to come in here!"

Sinking, miserable feeling.

I couldn't go back to sleep, so after an hour I got up to make myself a cup of tea. The mum was in the living room, and she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Hiya! You couldn't sleep?"

Confused, distressed, and still miserable feeling.

I told her what I'd overheard and apologized, saying I hadn't gone through their things at all, I didn't know it would bother her, and I'd only left the note there because I thought it was an appropriate place. She blew it off, saying that she was really just upset because her husband had been drinking too much. She then proceeded to tell me what a terrible husband he was.

This sort of thing happened over and over. I'd overhear something negative (and untrue), confront her, and she'd deny anything had really been said.

By the time I left, I was paranoid about overhearing people talking about me. If I heard anyone say my name, I'd immediately let them know I was nearby and could hear them.

It took me a few years to get over it, really. At least I got to confront my accuser. I can imagine how frustrating your situation must have been. There's no real closure there--you were attacked, and you mentally prepared your defense and counter-attack for over two years, with no definite target.

I agree with xenonscreams: talk to your friends. It makes it all a bit clearer, and after enough people have assured you that they don't find you annoying, you might be able to lose the self-consciousness.
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Old 08-18-10, 06:29 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

I'm the same way... that post would have had in my docs office asking for valium!

could the poster be intimidated by you?? I know I read somewhere that we ADD/ADHD'ers can come off as aloof b/c we are so caught up in all the activity in our heads. I have also had people tell me they think I am blowing them off when there is really just too much chatter in my own head! Over the years I have had a couple guys tell me I was terrifying to them and they were afraid to talk to me, just so distant! All this time I thought I was ugly.
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Old 08-18-10, 06:55 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Oh gosh.

When I was in primary school, a teacher I ADORED said to Mum that she feels uncomfortable or something like that when I stared/looked at her?? I avoided eye contact with people for ages then!! Yikes. (And she couldn't even say it to me, she had to tell Mum at a parents' meeting, ugh.) Mum was really sorta taken back with it too, lol. I mean, what are the odds? (Couldn't she just look elsewhere or make me busy with other stuff?)

Problem is, people are weird sometimes. I just see no other explanation.
My sister often thinks I'm annoying too, and I often did think the same of her (or some other people). And yeah I've been called 'charismatic' too, so 'duh'!!

There are just different levels of attraction/compatibility/behaviours considered acceptable/attractive/annoying.. Some people are bothered by the weirdest things, or may be jealous or such... I know that since I have hyperacusis even the smallest sounds (to other people) can bother me. And it's extremely annoying to have it. But what can I do?

Different people may have different 'triggers'. It may be the sound of voice or particular expressions, some people find even some clicking with tongue or particular sounds like 'b', 'd' or... extremely annoying? Or you may remind them of someone they didn't like... It may have nothing to do with you actually, you may just subconsciously do things they sort of have in the 'annoying' repertoire.

Also, if you're controversial, it makes you more interesting. No?

And it's probably better to be 'fun' than boring.

I did notice that some 'high energy' people could be difficult to be around with when I was not so energetic myself. This may be just a difference in energy levels though. People who speak quickly can also sometimes be exhausting to be around if you can't follow them, and vice versa, if they speak too slow.. (at least for me and some other people I know) I'm kind of aware of these things and don't automatically label people as 'annoying' (unless they are and then it's usually the nagging/criticising/complaining too much/whining/yammering - though I've been sometimes like that too.. oh gosh I digress.. probably we dislike what we see in others what bothers us most in ourselves too, others may be a mirror.. so maybe that person was annoying like hell? )

It probably makes us more considerate to others, if anything, to have been through weird stuff like above in school.. It can really lower one's self-esteem though, yeah.. The internet means that people can say stuff anonymously and some may not realize they can hurt other people's feelings that way. (Or may think you're so 'strong' and may want to 'bring you down' a bit, but never expect such dramatic consequences. They may not even remember it years later, sigh.) Probably that person was bitter or cycnical, or 'exasperated'/angry with you for some reason. It would be much better to talk directly, in a kind way.

So think about it, this might have been a miserable, slow-speaking person, overwhelemed with your energetic and fun personality? hmm...
And the other people who clicked down could be her friends? Or she from different computers/accounts? Or people who are 'haters' and like to bring others down? (Or just other people who just didn't click with you, or had problems with the way you leave your toothbrush or something? - Remember, it can be irrational..)

I still get some irrational thoughts these days, try to remember they are irrational. (Dr David Burns: The Feeling Good Handbook gives some tips on how to deal with irrational thoughts. Journalling or talking to people about it can help too..) And may be caused because I'm hungry, sleepy, lacking magnesium or omega 3 or... (or just a caring, intelligent person with a wonderful imagination - it is true that intelligent people may have much more negative thoughts just because they have more thoughts and think of many different things. )

I found it useful to read books on communication and non-verbal communication, NLP (=neuro linguistic programming), psychology etc. I do look people in the eyes these days, try not to stare though, lol. And try to remember to look around too.. (I can focus intensely on a person too - I missed a bus stop because of this one day, lol) The trick for speech speed is to adapt to the other speaker/s... So these are tricks you can learn.

By all means keep the FUN personality!! (It's in there somewhere, even if it's hidden!! )
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Old 08-18-10, 07:16 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Ok I literally believe EVERYone hates me unless they explicitly say so. Even then, it's pretty bad. The worst thing is, it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy because, since I think everyone hates me, I act all weird and aloof and then they DO think bad stuff about me.

But even when I am amiable and stuff, and even if I can tell someone is interested in our conversation or enjoys my presence I convince myself they don't and that I talk too much and am not very interesting and probably really annoying and I should just shut up and/or leave. This is the reason I enjoy alcohol too much, too. It lets me not listen to my brain.

Last time this happened I spent all day annoyed with myself because I thought I was annoying and too dominating in a conversation I had with a roommate's girlfriend. Later, she came up and asked me for my number so we could hang out after I moved. I was so confused, I tried to convince myself it was like... her just being polite but even my crazy brain couldn't have believed that BS. Although, I still somehow convinced myself it was an accident and not to take it too seriously.

Imagine if we all got together and hung out? That would be ridiculously awkward lol
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Old 08-18-10, 08:00 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Here's a story:

This year I went to Otakon (a big convention) with a bunch of friends for my birthday. Like an hour in, my sister told me I got a ticket from a speeding camera. I got really angry and threw my bag at a tree. My friends said they were going to go to the bar and get some drinks and they'd meet me back there. They asked if I wanted to come.

This was where it started. Since they said "we," I assumed I was excluded, so I rejected the invitation thinking it wasn't legitimate. My friend said they'd be about ten minutes so I waited ten minutes, then decided to give them another twenty or so. I didn't think I was allowed to go to the bar because I wasn't invited, so I just sat there waiting. I thought they would think I was distrustful if I texted or called them. I waited 45 minutes before I did, at which point one of my friends came to get me, and nobody apologized so I assumed they were irritated with me. Then someone brought up why I didn't just walk right there since it was like, 2 blocks away. Because my brain wouldn't let me.

Then one of my other friends was talking about his fast lane tickets, and I thought he was doing so to make fun of me for overreacting, so I got really annoyed and walked away. Then I realized that if I went back they would think I was desperate, so I sat there for almost two hours. I planned on sitting there all day, but I called a friend who has the same thoughts, and is older and has dealt with it for longer.

At this point, everything in my head felt 100% realistic and I was totally paralyzed. I couldn't do anything but sit there. The friend helped me understand what was going through their heads, and after a lot of talking, convinced me to text them to see where they are and catch up. When I finally caught up with them, they were really confused over why I had left, since everything I thought was happening was totally different from what actually was happening...

So just be open. Seriously. Don't keep it all bottled up inside, or it will control you.

Also, I think I got my paranoia from being made fun of so much in school growing up. So while it's not an ADHD-specific thing, it makes sense if a lot of us had to put up with abuse in or out of school.
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Old 08-19-10, 04:10 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Uhh, sorry to hear about these things... ((hugs))
It can suck to think you were excluded (this happened to me at a job - I thought I was excluded and they wanted me to come and help-??) So maybe just ask in a joking way, or re-state what you believe to be true, or just assume you've been included too? (What's the worst that can happen? Can they actually kick you out?)

Okay, lol. humandefault, I believe EVERYone loves me unless they explicitly say so.
(Or nag me to death, when I assume they just want to make my life miserable too, although it may be because they love me /sigh/ complicated, eh?)

Honestly, read Louise Hay: You Can Heal Your Life. And maybe the book I mentioned above. There are some other cool books on how to overcome these irrational thoughts and fears.. I was a really shy teenager and these books have helped me a lot!

Then again, you got asked for phone numbers, eh? Congrats! Some people really admire talkative and outgoing people!! Just pay some attention to nonverbal clues.. They can be pretty obvious, once you learn what they are..

There are some social phobia forums too, where you can meet people with similar problems. Reading their stories made me realize I've often totally overthink-ed stuff too!! (and this made me paralyzed!) I try to think 'even if I fear this, it may not be true at all, and I may still learn a lot or have a great time'!!
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Old 08-20-10, 05:26 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

generally I feel like a terrible wife + mother even though I KNOW it's not true...
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Old 08-20-10, 05:44 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

I totally get like that, someone like my boss can be really nice to me but b/c I assume I'm not worthy of their kindness (b/c I always jack things up ADHD style) then if I'm invited to attend a meeting that's above my pay grade or to come and do something social etc etc. I just know in my head that they couldn't have possibly have meant it so I'm just going to sit in my office instead even though I was explicitly invited. Then I feel awkward starting conversations later b/c I feel like maybe I'm coming off as trying to be too nice to make up for the fact that I screwed up AND didn't join the invited even though I secretly think I wasn't wanted....

Yay for crazy brains! lol
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Old 08-20-10, 06:22 PM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Sometimes I think "Ok, Meg, that probably isn't a valid thought, they probably don't hate you, keep being outgoing and ignore your brain!" And then I think "Ok... but what if they DO hate me? If I keep talking to them, they'll hate me more! So, it's probably a safer bet to just ASSUME they hate me because if they don't they might think I'm kind of stand-off-ish but if they DO then at least I left them alone! Right?"

And then I go in circles. Needless to say, I usually lose track of the convo and seem rude because I'm thinking about this, or give into my self-hate and find an excuse to leave. I know I'm losing potential friends this way, but I figure at least I'm not making more enemies? Although, seeing this in writing makes it sound much more stupid... lol

Also, Layla, I will definitely look into the books you mentioned. Also, I love your name because it was my great grandma's name and also the name of a good Clapton song, which I'm sure you know. So, thanks for all those things! lol

(p.s. the above paragraph is a thing I would say in real life and then people would not really be sure how to respond to it and I would feel bad about saying it, and then the self-hate spiral lol)
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Old 08-21-10, 03:19 AM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

I totally understand where all this is coming from, I get the same kind of paranoia from hearing people laughing, since it's within ear shot I always think it's because they're making fun of me. *shrug*
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Old 08-21-10, 03:29 AM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

Does anyone get this with strangers too? Just wondering if it's related. Like this morning I was walking to the train station while eating a piece of chocolate cake, and I assumed that everyone walking by was staring at me and judging me and assuming that I'm a disgusting pig, and it was really hard not yell out loud that I had just run 5.5 miles and didn't have enough time, so I was looking for the quickest source of caloric intake so that my body could replenish itself and I wouldn't feel horrible for my run tomorrow.
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Old 08-21-10, 09:37 AM
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Re: Does anyone else get stuck on irrational thoughts?

This is OCD. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy really helps. Try it coz you don't deserve to suffer like this
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