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Non-ADD Partner Support This is a support forum for non-ADD partners, spouses, and significant others offering feedback from both the ADD and non-ADD perspectives

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  #1  
Old 07-19-04, 01:19 AM
XE2373 XE2373 is offline
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Is there anything positive about people with ADD?

I have been reading the posts here and was just wondering if there was anything positive about people with ADD when it comes to being in a relationship with them?

It seems like ALL problems are caused by the ADD person? Or their traits.
If some of you would like to experience just for a few seconds what it is like to be ADD/ADHD here is a website address.

www.misunderstoodminds.com

I have ADD and my partner does not.

Out what I get out of the posts here is that there is no use and I mind as well find me somebody that has ADD because "we" are the root of all relationship problems.

I don't mean to step on anybodies toes.

I just was recently diagnosed with ADD and I am in my thirties.

I love my partner, and if I cause him that much pain I will have to let him go BECAUSE I love him and I don't want him to hurt.

Just what is on my mind.
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  #2  
Old 07-19-04, 02:08 AM
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Nobody is perfect, A.D.D. or not! I know many non ADDers who have messed up realtionships too, so don't take all the blame for any problems you and your mate have.
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Old 07-19-04, 04:26 AM
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There are a number of posts around the forums listing good things about ADDers... but they are mostly written BY the ADDers. I don't know if I have seen any of the partners weigh in yet as to what they DO like about their ADD partners...
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Old 07-19-04, 05:48 AM
XE2373 XE2373 is offline
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I could not find anything positive said about us from the non ADDers either ....
Made it sound like two non ADDers should have no problems?
Made me curious
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Old 07-19-04, 11:13 AM
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Positives of ADD in a relationship...

Extremely caring, very intuitive, ready to lend a hand, shoulder, or anything else to make the other feel better.

It seems that we are quite affectionate. We are very interested in our significant others although we might have trouble staying on track with a conversation about something boring to us.

I could go on and on but the bottom line is that ADD'ers bring new benefits and challanges to a relationship. We all have unique personalities, regardless of how your brain is wired. So I would say that, as with any relationship involving an ADD'er or not, you have to find a compatible person to spend your time with.
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Old 07-19-04, 03:29 PM
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< off_self_critic >

I am quick to see when my partner is in discomfort and correspondingly quick to lighten her load when this happens. Frequently I'm ahead of her awareness of the problem.

My tacktile nature makes me an interested lover. I've been making love with the same woman for 18 years and there is not a fibre of me that's bored with that.

My wife tells me I put the "life" into living. I think by this she means that not all that is good in life is practical and sensible. I have retained the ability to "play". My kids have benefited from a Papa that has that ability.

I'm quick to laugh. I have spontaneity down pat! I'm kind and patient with my elders. I love old folks and enjoy providing them with a welcome platform to recount the history they carry with them. All of my kids seem to have this trait as well. My youngest is most like me and she drew attention at school this year for the depth of her care with a woman she met at the care home as part of a community outreach program. Normally Manon is a straight up pain in the butt at school but she has her moments. Manon will be eleven in September.

I have plenty to be grateful for and shifting my focus from the negative to the positive is leading me to a better place.

Thanks for the opportunity to share some of what's good about me for our crew.

< /off_self_critic >

ian
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Old 07-19-04, 03:48 PM
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I've read positive comments here from non- ADD folk about their ADD partners... usually something to the effect of "interesting, fun, energetic, lovable" and that's about what my wife has said. But we are divorced now because I'm not responsible enough, our life goals don't match and she needs more stability. I wouldn't worry so much about little outburst or short lived quarrelling but think more about the long term goals in life and whether that can be imagined to work out for both sides. From what I've read here the odds are worse for a double ADD couple because it's just too erratic and flys apart in chaos where a non-ADD partner brings some stability and foundation to the relationship. The non-ADD partner can benefit from having more excitement in their life, having a fun friend to be with, etc. so it can be a good thing.
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Old 07-19-04, 10:50 PM
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New member...compelled to respond to this one.

I am one of those nonADD folks and right now, things haven't been easy for me and my ADD friend lately, whom I actually love very much, but he doesnt know. (can't you just see the drama already)

I started out as friends but it wasn't long before his kindness, generosity of spirit, wit and dreams won me over. Right now, a "friend" of his let him down hard and he's become very closed off. All I can do is ache at his front door, hoping he'll answer my calls and emails at some point.

I wish I knew what to do, to give him back a tiny piece of what he has dared to share of himself with me, the effort he's put in to make me happy when I've been down and make his burden less.

I"ve just never found anyone who accepted me for me and of course my own set of issues. I mean...when does that happen???? So I don't mind forgetful, or spending, or grumpy or focussed or unfinished projects or disorganized or mutitasking or or or ....but when he is hurt....now THAT is hard.

Oh and if anyone has any tips or anything....
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Old 07-20-04, 12:35 AM
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Is there anything positive about people with ADD?

Here is the correct website address:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/misunderstoo...attention.html
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Old 07-22-04, 11:30 AM
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Anything positive about ADDers? Yip!

Nothing in the world makes me happier than puppies. I love the way they wiggle when they wag and I love the way they suddenly fall asleep in silly positions.
My experience and attraction to ADDers (best friend and best guy both have it) is that they are like human puppies, full of enthusiasm and energy, likely to knock over a coffee cup or lick your face or pee on the rug. Sure, I might get irritated and impatient at the spilled coffee or the stained rug, but you learn ("note to self: buy washable rugs") and they learn and in ten minutes you forget it ever happened. And there they are, spontaneous and exhuberant and irrepressible all over again.
Irresistible.
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Old 07-23-04, 09:06 PM
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Wow, that site misunderstood minds just about knocked me out of my chair! Is that really what my son experiences every day?? I didnt complete one test fully or correctly. I couldnt concentrate or understand a word of it. The more I tried to focus the harder it was to comprehend. Thanks for opening my eyes!!
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Old 07-27-04, 03:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by XE2373
...was just wondering if there was anything positive about people with ADD...
no, there isn't...


*YES* there is!!!
for one thing, we sure do make life *unpredictable* for ourselves and our loved ones, don't we?!
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Old 07-28-04, 06:08 PM
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Nope, not a single good thing that we ADDers bring to a relationship, I just had it all pointed out to me literally 5 minutes ago on the phone. I called my non-ADD boyfriend of a year and a half on the phone on my 15 min break from work just to say that I love you, which turned into a long harangue on his part about how my sh*t has got to stop...that he is just sick of it, that I need to start acting like an adult, that he despises the fact that he can't have a normal conversation with me ever because my responses are "weird" and that I am causing a distance between us. He yelled at me to wake up out of the fog and stop living in a fantasy land because he thinks that is where I exist. So there we go...plain and simple...I'm sure this isn't the case for all Adders, but no there isn't a single good thing that I bring to a relationship.
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Old 07-28-04, 06:15 PM
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ADD79, I think your man was either a) having a bad day and took it out on you b) in desperate need of some lessons in understanding OR c) an utter DOOT!

Here's a good site on 50 great things about having ADD/ADHD...some of these apply to relationships...

http://adhd.kids.tripod.com/50great.html

Oh and one more thing....I think that asking "is there anything positive about people with ADD" is like asking is there anything positive about people with a brain tumor, or diabetes, or one leg missing, or who like ketchup on everything.
OF COURSE there is, everyone is different and special and good in some way whether or not they have ADD. Just depends on if the person who is dating the ADDer can accept the ADDer, can cope, and is willing to seek out the positives and not dwell on the negatives, and be supportive and understanding. And that goes for ANY relationship.

Ack that was a mouthful. heh
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Old 07-28-04, 06:25 PM
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Most people can handle a little flakiness. Most people are a little flaky themselves. A lot of people would say that ADD doesn't exist *and* that it's not a huge problem to be a little flaky, just normal variation. I see people all the time getting by just fine in life who are total space cadets or hyper or sleepyheaded or boring or outrageously extroverted, introverted, perverted. There's all kinds out there. That's life, deal with it. Because people can deal with themselves having some unusual characteristics that's evidence that it's not always a big problem, it's just the way it is.

Maybe try this approach: tell him you decided you don't "have ADD" and there is no such thing. You are unique and that's OK. Sometimes it's inconvenient but there are other things you like about being who you are. Of course you try not to be too outrageous but really in the end you are comfortable being how you are and don't care to make any drastic changes.

Hmph.
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