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Old 04-25-03, 04:20 AM
healthwiz healthwiz is offline
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Angry Men with ADD and Volcanic Anger

Does anyone have a temper? Sure, I know, everyone does! Does anyone find that when they are under a lot of stress, it is hard to describe the stressing situation to anyone else.....and it ends up in anger directed at the next person or thing that happens to be even mildly irritating?

I have that problem, it seems. I get into a situation or state of mind of being totally stressed out, dealing with things or emotions that are just unnerving for me. Then if others want to talk to me, and these feelings are not already resolved, I can just explode at the little things I can find wrong. It starts as a normal complaint, but it escalates steadily into multiple complaints - a laundry list of things another does wrong - and develops into real anger, rapid speech, raised voice, speaking until my breathe is out of air, then shouting, uncontrollable listing of everything that is wrong, a tirade of sorts, lets be frank, ok - I admit - a grown man having a real angry tantrum.

After words, if it goes that far, it can take me an hour or several hours to calm down and get the chip off my shoulder. But it inevitably ends up being something that had little or nothing to do with the things I was yelling about. It is from the emotional situation that preceded all that, the one I could not cope with at the time, the one that put me into a state of high anxiety.

This does not happen often, but when it does, it makes me wonder..... does anyone else have this happen to them?

In general I'm the kind of person who gets angry quickly but lets it go quickly about 5 minutes later...I don't hold on to stuff for very long. But if something feels really traumatic to me, or highly anxiety provoking, that is a scenario ripe for me to start going off on others, until I realize they have nothing to do with it. I've said my share of apologies. Everyone in my house realizes I don't mean much of what I say when I'm mad....although there is an ounce of truth in what I say and that I have those feelings, I'm not really angry about those things. For instance if I'm yelling that the living room is a mess...well, there is some truth in that, but that won't be the reason why I'm yelling...its something else...something I'm having trouble dealing with.

Later I can sit down and talk about these things...but then I feel bad that I yelled at anyone else.

Today I got bad news that a relative was injured, and was unable to contact them, and then more bad news about some confusion in a relationship, and then good news about a new contract, but stressful news that everything has to be done faster than I expected, and then stressful financial news, and then the little things started eating at me, the messy living room, the lack of healthy selections in the fridge, the kid watching too much tv, etc....then I had my tantrum.

Anyone else experience these kind of fits and then realize it was the stress and not the little things?

If so, it might be worth sharing this with each other, and maybe we can learn from each other how this thing works. Is it an ADD thing, that stress keeps us from communicating? Or is it simply the human condition, that stress makes people anxious and anxiety makes people get angry? Or is it both, a combination of the human condition and the ADD?

Opinions and experiences please.

Jon
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Old 04-26-03, 01:23 AM
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Adult temper tantrum. Yup, that would pretty much describe my anger at times. I guess in children they refer to it as Acting Out. I didnt understand how my quick and "volcanic" rages were the result of something going on inside of me, until after I started reading up on ADHD. It is probably one of the most easily identifiable symptoms of the disorder in people who have the version with Hyperactivity (my understanding is that those who have ADHD with the innattentive and impulsive only symptoms dont have as much trouble with it.yes/no?)

Here is an example of when I first learned how my anger was affecting me, not too long after I was diagnosed with Adult ADHD. I was riding a new mountainbike that I just bought. It was really expensive, and very high quality. So I'm peddaling through this forest, not another living soul anywhere near me. The gears on the bike started going out of synch and the chain kept starting to come off. Finally, my anger burst and I picked this $2000 bike up over my head and slammed it down onto the ground, all the time swearing and screaming at this piece of junk...........

Them just as suddenly as it happened, I stopped. I remembered all the books I had been reading and how they described this intense hot temper as explosive, short-lived outbursts with transient loss of control, "short fuse", "low boiling point", "hair trigger" type descriptions. All of a sudden it hit me. How ridiculous I would have looked had anybody seen this full grown adult throwing his bike around, screaming at the top of his lungs and swearing at a machine!

All I can say is that ever since that afternoon, I have not had one single outburst of any proportion at all. Nothing even remotely close to the way I sometimes used to react to stress or anger situations. I realized it was due to the ADHD, and that to control myself, all I really needed to do was take just one or two seconds more time and think about it. Sure, I still get just as angry as I always have, but the difference is now I dont "react" to that anger. I am able to keep it to myself completely now that I know about it.

Last edited by mark; 04-26-03 at 01:29 AM..
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Old 04-26-03, 02:25 AM
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Thanks for sharing that . I got mad at all the lousy junk foods purchased in the kitchen cabibets, when there was not real food in the fridge. At first I just politely complained and belittled it as lousy purchasing. Later, I got angry and just started tossing all the junk foods on the floor and telling everyone there will be no more junk foods in this house - throw it away! I was raging, and making a mess, and making a point, that I was serious! But it amounts to a tantrum. Well, I cleaned it up later, and put everything in bags away from our daily eating areas and stored them to be used for exceptions, rather than seeing them daily.

Later, I just got tired of the kids not cleaning their rooms after being told nicely about 100 times, and thinking it was their duty to watch tv all day. So I yelled and raged again, and even went in my oldre daughter's room and threw some more things on the already messy floor, and told her if she didnt clean this room pronto I would be back to make a bigger mess. And then after that I would be back with a black garbage bag and would start throwing things away. Well, she cleaned it. But I don't want my children to learn that temper tantrums is the way to motivate other people. It's not a very good leadership model to create for her. So I have to find other more admirable and socially respectable ways to motivate, and need to keep a lid on this temper. Sheeeeeesh!

But I know for a fact that this is a symptom of the greater stress in my life at this time. I'm in a transitional stage, and under multiple kinds of stress, so I'm reacting, allbeit in a way that I would prefer not to react.

I don't know if I can just smother the anger though, for me the anger would eventually come out one way or another, so smothering it seems like the way to a huge volcanic explosing someday. I think I'd rather vent daily if necessary.

Exercise may be the answer!!!! What have they been telling me for years! Exercise!

Jon
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Old 05-22-03, 06:51 PM
SmartIdiot SmartIdiot is offline
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It seams most of the time when I throw fits of anger its at a time when you are trying to enjoy yourself, to take a break
from the rest of the stress you put up with at work, relationships, life ect..
All it takes is one small little thing to start interupting that time of clarity before it pushes you to the limit.
For me in my time I like to enjoy is coming home and playing a PC game
that I'm just itching to play. Next thing you know the game was a little harder than I intended or my just not playing up to my ability. I tell you what I have broke many mice by slamming it so hard or either taking it and smashing it on the floor and I regret it everytime
because those things are like 30$ a piece! I still to this day cannot overcome the fits however I did resort
to other means like punching the outside fence(ouch) I'm a guitar player so I made that mistake only once. Now it seems my means of cominicating my anger is crushing my half finished softdrink and throwing it
against something. Its still not a good thing to do, but its slowly evolving from
the alternative to somthing less.
This always happens anytime your try to have a good time or enjoy yourself,
anything that interupts it whether it be
other beings, an object not performing a functioned task, or sometimes just yourself not able make it possible to enoy some free time.
But I have to agree it is stress in conjunction with ADD which leads to this.
Remeber one with ADD acts impulsively
without thinking of consequences.
Its very hard for us to "think" when we get angry, including before we get to that point.
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Old 05-22-03, 10:24 PM
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I've found that anger can be from unconscious unresolved stress from past events. It is hardly ever obvious, without some serious introspection, but sometimes a moment of clarity comes and all at once a light goes off, and I realize its not about what I thought it was. Its good and its bad, when the realization comes, because on the one hand its great to have new insight and see things for what they are and for what they are not, but its bad when I realize the way I blamed others for the way I feel. That part sucks. But I always said the road to growing up is not always easy or smooth. There are more than a few bumps and a pains on the way.
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"It ain't what ya don't know what gits ya inter trouble-- t's tha stuff ya know fer sure what ain't so!" Artemus Ward, written about a century ago.


"Rescue us, oh ADD angel, if you exist - from the attention by those who seek to limit us from our own unlimitations, who bind us in straw nots with arguments that hold no hay!" (me)
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Old 05-26-03, 02:19 PM
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I've got a bad temper... So i'm told. I'm taking Wellbutrin and thats suppose to help me control my temper. I'll let you know if it works. Or maybe i'll have my family tell you
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Old 05-26-03, 07:51 PM
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Tontwins: I'm also on Wellbutrin....400 mg per day....and originally my doctor thought this med would help control impulses to lash out, get upset, throw a fit, get angry, go hysterical, whatever...and I think it has.....the impulses are there....still...but there seems to be some window of opportunity not to have to act on them...I attribute this to meds....I hope Wellbutrin works for you.
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Old 05-26-03, 10:26 PM
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Hope your experience is a good one. I know from my own experience that getting royally ****** can be a pain in the ***, and is usually not a very productive experience. Interestingly, if dose on welbutrin is too high, it can also cause me higher anxiety and thereby increase my tendency to lash out. This happened to me several years ago, when I first started on Welbutrin, at 300 mg/day, and in the first week, I chewed out a clerical person at a drs office in a way that was totally not fitting the offense. I went home, called the dr, and told him about it, and he reduced the dose in half! He said it had a stimulant effect that can do that. It has been a great drug for helping me with both mood and ADD. Since getting the dose figured out, temper has been better, although that was not the reason I was given it. I would say, however, that I still have my moments of anger. Most of those moments, however, are tied to my deeper issues that are still unresolved. A day at a time, and my deep issues get resolved, one by one, and a feeling of freedom emerges.


Jon
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"Don't let the diagnosis buckle you at the knees." (me).

"It ain't what ya don't know what gits ya inter trouble-- t's tha stuff ya know fer sure what ain't so!" Artemus Ward, written about a century ago.


"Rescue us, oh ADD angel, if you exist - from the attention by those who seek to limit us from our own unlimitations, who bind us in straw nots with arguments that hold no hay!" (me)
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Old 05-27-03, 01:08 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by tontwins
I've got a bad temper... So i'm told. I'm taking Wellbutrin and thats suppose to help me control my temper.
most likely it will help with the bad temper as impulse control will improve. ive got a pretty bad temper too, curbed only by meds, and some therapy as well, but mainly by this medication. dosages will vary from individual to individual and often is determined by weight.
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Old 05-27-03, 06:13 AM
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I have a real bad temper that can be triggered by most things i.e. computer crashing, family being untidy, bad drivers, queues - people taking too long.

I seem to just snap and either punch my desk or a wall or in a queue - I just lose it and out come the negative angry verbal outbursts.
After they happen, I tend to despise myself for losing control, but hopefully when I get assessed in June with the outcome definately (hopefully) being diagnosed ADD/ADHD then hopefully the meds will help.
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Old 05-27-03, 12:05 PM
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I think that anger comes in general when someone -- or something -- is not doing things the way I want them to....or I'm not getting my own way....or someone -- or something -- isn't doing something that I wish they would. Sometimes it helps me to be aware of anger "triggers" and so I can be prepared when they actually occur...
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Old 05-27-03, 08:54 PM
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Anger...indeed is turning into a common thread here. We rarely talk about the anger in adults with ADD. In my personal life, anger has been a big issue, and I was fortunate to find some ways to deal with my own anger. No, not perfect, and yes, still in the process of learning, but these things helped me.

I believe untreated ADD somehow delayed some of my own maturation processes, but psychodrama, therapy, vitamins and medication re-ignited those processes. For me personally, in my experience, medication and vitamins helped so the ADD does not leave me exhausted and at wits end each day, trying to find my keys all day. I found the medication for me was more important than the supplements.

Until I started psychodrama, I personally was not able to differentiate projection/ transference of my feelings, vs being able to see that my anger at someone else is really about my own issues. After a couple years of role playing, and therapy, I'm now able to honestly see the truth, that my anger is almost always about my own issues. I judge others with the most vehemenence (is that a word?) when others are doing something that triggers some insight into a part of myself that I don't particularly like to see. In order to avoid seeing that part of myself, I get angry at those who remind me of my own issues. Now, when I catch myself, I take a deep breathe and ask myself what I am so angry about. It is usually pretty amazing and surprising what the answer is. I step back, and say, hey - this is me I'm angry at..... and this is what I don't want to see. I personally have found this to be liberating and a healing point, because the anger is no longer in someone I can't control, but now I see it as being at myself, where I am in power to make changes. I'm no longer feeling helpless. And I hate feeling helpless, so this works for me.

I still get caught off gaurd, and make mistakes, getting angry at someone for something that is really about me, but hey I'm human. I don't know anyone who does not get angry. However, with psychodrama, I am finding that I am getting mad so much less often, its really helping. I think the medicine and vitamins is also a crucial element. So for me, these things helped, medicine, vitamins, psychodrama and private therapy. Its taken a while, but I feel relaxed finally.

Hope this helps someone else, take it or leave it, as its about me.

Jon
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Old 06-09-03, 03:58 AM
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I had a lot of problems with this when I was younger and still have quite the temper. I was really bad when drinking and I have recently cut down my alcohol intake to almost nil (outside of a few beer from time to time...I exploded on a best friend a week ago or so and that was a slip up, but he and I ahve always been able to look past each other's big mistakes...I consider him my little brother, even though we're not related). Anyway, I am now working on being a better person, learning to to love myself and learning to forgive myself and others. For a while I was able to control the outbursts through music (I was a drummer...)...but I havent got my kit here at school and I so miss performing music. I was pretty much into fast paced punk and old school punk as it was a good frustration release. Despite these outbursts, I have pretty much been a complete pacifist most of my life. I try as hard as possible to keep from exploding and it is usually something that builds over an hour or even day or two...I sometimes wish I had a sound proof padded booth to go crazy in so that I would not do it in public...I dont think there's anything wrong with letting out frustration vocally from time to time, its just that we usually dont think about the fact that there is someone in front of us and thats what gets us into trouble. now what I try to do is go oustside or breathe deeply or I just get away from the situation (sometimes just closing your eyes helps when you're in public...even for a second to think about the possible consequences).

MC
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Old 06-09-03, 01:23 PM
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drums and anger

Sounds like pressure without release. Life changes go better with balance. Balance could be music, drums, whatever one's passion is. When the other areas become too intense, increase passion and find balance for the other half..... just a spontaneous response.

If I look carefully at my own life, my response to your post means for me that an increase in my horseback riding will help me find balance. Almost all "advice" is a reflection of what goes on internally, and applies almost always to one self if we dare look. Every time....when I feel compelled to "advise" someone else what to do with their life, what is wrong with their life, what is missing from their life, or tougher yet to look at what is wrong with them as people......I can look to myself and find my own wisdom needed right here at home. So, great to go over this with you, and find out from myself that I need to increase horses in my life, because horses are my passion, and will increase balance!!

Good luck with the anger management and the drums...

Jon
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"Don't let the diagnosis buckle you at the knees." (me).

"It ain't what ya don't know what gits ya inter trouble-- t's tha stuff ya know fer sure what ain't so!" Artemus Ward, written about a century ago.


"Rescue us, oh ADD angel, if you exist - from the attention by those who seek to limit us from our own unlimitations, who bind us in straw nots with arguments that hold no hay!" (me)
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Old 08-12-03, 02:37 AM
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As much as I hate to admit it, most of the infurating anger I experienced was when I had taken too much medication, hopefully attempting to keep myself in focus. Excersice helps, but so does sleep and eating. Remember- a hungry man is an angry man!
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