Things you wish everyone understood about ADHD

[AbsentMindProf]

I realize that this is similar to the "Dos and Don't with an AD/HDer" thread but, in my mind at least, this is a little different. Here, I am thinking more about correcting common misconceptions, although there is considerable overlap.

1. The carrot is vastly more effective with us than the stick. The inattentive aspect of ADHD is, essentially, a pathological inability to sustain attention on mentally demanding tasks that are not interesting. That being the case, the absolute worst possible mistake is to make our work a miserable experience for us by making us feel like we are lazy, unmotivated, or stupid. Making work interesting and fun is helpful for anyone. For us, it's absolutely ESSENTIAL. That brings me to number 2:

2. We are not lazy, unmotivated, or stupid. I'm not a stupid man. Yet, when I was in high school, my grades were abysmal. I went to high school for 5 years and never got past the 10th grade. I flunked Freshman English 3 times. I flunked Algebra 2 twice and Algebra 1 once. This happened despite the fact that I wanted very badly to do well and despite me having an IQ well above average.

It's possible for an intelligent, hard-working, and motivated person to do very poorly in school or in the workplace. For example, I have never been able to sustain attention to a lecture in school. No matter how determined I am that THIS time it will be different, it never is. Within 15 minutes, I am totally lost.

If one's organization skills are poor enough, one may be unable to complete assignments on time, turn them in, or even remember what those assignments were. This can happen no matter how smart the person is and no matter how badly the person may want to succeed.

3. Giving us extra assistance with organization skills is not "coddling" us. It is not logically different from providing a hearing aid to a man with impaired hearing or giving a woman with myopia a pair of eyeglasses.

4. "Attention deficit" does not mean "attention absence". The fact that I can sustain attention to SOME things does not mean that the disorder is not real. Most people find it easier to sustain attention to something interesting than something boring. An attention impairment can make it unusually difficult to sustain attention to something mentally challenging or uninteresting without necessarily impairing one's ability to attend to something we find utterly fascinating.

So, what other things do you wish everyone understood about ADHD?

[ginniebean]

1. I wish people understood it's an output disorder that I don't need to 'learn' how to do something I do already know, that in fact the real issue is that I can't perform what I know despite my best efforts. I'm sick of people telling me "all you have to do is..... _______ consistently and problem solved!" My brain not allowing me to output consistently IS the problem.


2. I wish people would stop confusing mind and brain.


3. I wish people would stop assuming that we're somehow gaming them and that these issues of forgetfulness are very very real.


4. I wish there was more focus on the problems of emotional and developmental delays than on the outcome behaviourally.

there's more and I'll think of them later..

[Lostsoul092]

I wish people could understand that there is a certain amount of shame/disappointment that comes along with ADHD. For example, manging money. We want to, but lack the ability to actually do it, overtime it builds and then becomes harder to take on tasks that relate, such as calling on mistake on a bill or calling to make a payment, etc. Its not like we want these issues to haunt us, they just do. When medication is given there is often improvement in certian areas and not others. Many times it is the lingering shame/disappointment that is the real issue and the medication is working.

[Amtram]

I wish people would understand that ADD is real. That being said, I wish they would understand that it's a disorder that can be helped with medication, not a disease that can be cured.

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by Amtram

I wish people would understand that ADD is real. That being said, I wish they would understand that it's a disorder that can be helped with medication, not a disease that can be cured.

... also, that it isn't outgrown. As we move out of school we sometimes find situations that don't demand as much organization, so it may look like we've grown out of it, but the underlying problems of impulsivity and distractibility are still there.

[fropunka]

I wish people understood that ADHD is more than the sterotype: "I can't pay attention". It affects our mood, our social skills, our perceptions...everything.

[wolfshades]

Originally Posted by Amtram

I wish people would understand that ADD is real. That being said, I wish they would understand that it's a disorder that can be helped with medication, not a disease that can be cured.

I hear this all the time: "oh everyone has ADD. You just have to apply yourself."

Makes me want to (female dog)-slap someone BAD.

Originally Posted by AbsentMindProf

"Attention deficit" does not mean "attention absence". The fact that I can sustain attention to SOME things does not mean that the disorder is not real. Most people find it easier to sustain attention to something interesting than something boring. An attention impairment can make it unusually difficult to sustain attention to something mentally challenging or uninteresting without necessarily impairing one's ability to attend to something we find utterly fascinating.

I'd like to add: sometimes the scale tips the other way, and we end up hyperfocusing. I.E. to the exclusion of all else, including important things.

But yes - the lazy and stupid tag is too often used. God knows we used it on ourselves as we grew up, watching other people accomplishing things that we just could not seem to, despite the fact that we're intelligent. We don't need others trying to put that baggage back on us.

[AbsentMindProf]

Originally Posted by Lunacie

... also, that it isn't outgrown. As we move out of school we sometimes find situations that don't demand as much organization, so it may look like we've grown out of it, but the underlying problems of impulsivity and distractibility are still there.

I think that's a particularly good point. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 41. My difficulties are nowhere near as bad now as they were when I was 15, but I still struggle with a lot of things. I hate to imagine how much trouble I would be in if my wife didn't take care of some things that I'm prone to forget (like paying bills).

[Lunacie]

Originally Posted by AbsentMindProf

I think that's a particularly good point. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 41. My difficulties are nowhere near as bad now as they were when I was 15, but I still struggle with a lot of things. I hate to imagine how much trouble I would be in if my wife didn't take care of some things that I'm prone to forget (like paying bills).

I guess my difficulties were pretty bad when I was still in school, but there have been a couple of jobs I've had that were pretty badly impacted as well.

My hubby and I struggled with getting bills paid for the first few years. Eventually we decided that other decisions needed to be made as a team but finances were best handled by just one person, so he took over that. After he died I had to learn how to do it all over again, and it was pretty overwhelming at times. In fact, just this month I got overdrawn, and each overdraft made the mess harder for me to sort out. I'm rather afraid to add them all up and see how much money I gave my credit union this month that could better have gone to other things.

[RedHairedWitch]

ADHD does affect my ability to love, care, sympathize or empathize. It does affect how I might express these things though.

[βĩο₱Ħعℓĩᶏ]

Reactions that seem stupid, gullible, inappropriately rude, etc. are often because of coding issues, momentary confusion, and impulsiveness.


"Where can I find the shoes?"
"On your feet???" (intent not to be sarcastic, or rude)

[SamTorDad]

I wish people would understand that I can't just "notice when I'm not focusing" and make a change in my behavior to correct it. ADD isn't a habit, it's a disorder. It's not that I don't care what you're saying or doing, it's that I can't help but care what everyone/everything else is saying or doing at that moment, too.

[βĩο₱Ħعℓĩᶏ]

Just because they "didn't have Ritalin back in the day," doesn't mean it wouldn't have been used if it was.

Medicines intended to treat ADHD have VERY different effects on people, regardless of age, who do not have ADHD and people who do.

[PookDo]

That as much as you may not think so I do try and I try damn hard.

[PookDo]

I was told I would be lucky if I graduated high school . I did and with two extra credits. I also graduated before my older brother who my mother and father worship for some unknown reason