What do you do to cover your ADHD from people you meet or know?

[ThinkingOutLoud]

I have figured out actually what I do…being I have given it quite a bit of though today between annoyances at work.
fficeffice" />>>
So I am really quiet and I come across as shy or meek, something like that.

There will be people around that we know and were hanging out talking or out somewhere and other than the hello and how have you been, I don’t say much else.

I don’t want to sound like Im all screwed up because I will skip from thing to thing if Im doing the talking with out anyone joining in… and I guess it doesn’t matter because I will do it anyway. They cant follow me and will eventually cut me off.

So I have learned its just better to just listen and just pretend to be a very quiet person and just try to keep a pleasant face and agree to everything that is being said… it doesn’t much matter though because I cant follow it anyway too boring.

I go out to lunch with some of the girls here and I smile and agree and they think that Im just quiet. Or around people my husband knows, Im a church mouse.
>>
BUT… when Im out with my friends Im a totally different person… talk, laugh (real laughing), smile (not fake), have all kinds of energy and up for fun.

Im ‘me’ …. Scatter brained and all, I have a great time with them. Its been a long time since Ive seen any of them… like years because I moved here and haven’t made any friends here. That’s a long whole other story but really annoying all the same grrr.
>>
So where was I, mmm people. Sometimes Ill run into someone who is a real chatter box in a store that’s nice and we have great conversation with lots of energy and skip all over the place, they most likely have ADHD too. Then as soon as we part Im back to being quiet.
>>
Ive gotten quite good at it actually. Not many people know who I really am. They may know some details and such but that’s it…
>>
I wrote this in word so everything is spelled correctly J
>>
What do you do???

[Trooper Keith]

I just act like a normal human being. People think I'm a little flighty and rushed sometimes, but most people don't go "hey this guy has ADHD."

[StoicNate]

Lol, people just think I'm just a nervous sort of a person.
But it's just my ADHD and my Asperger's.

[marie-johanne]

I don't pretend to be anything else than who I am. I try not to interrupt because that's just the polite thing to do....but my friends know me and love me despite (and sometimes because of) my quirks.

[K-Funk]

I try to tone down my off the wall comments and talkativeness when in professional settings/meeting someone for the first time. As I get comfortable around someone then I relax a bit and just don't worry what they will think...

[ThinkingOutLoud]

I guess Im a head case because I care what people think of me that I have interactions with... :/

oh well, another day.

[Impetus]

I wouldn't say that is true... I do care what others think, but it is something I am getting better about unburdening myself over.

I tried being quiet, and apparently I come off as a snob or something like that... hubby says I was kind of scary before he got to know me. He thought I seemed very "far away" and out of reach.

If I try to be friendly, I usually end up taking something too far and accidently insulting someone.

Sooo, now I have pretty much given up on trying to please random people... if you're my friend, I will try my best to make our relationship mutually beneficial. Everyone else is on their own!

[livingpharaoh]

In my school, which I will probably drop out of next semester, I usually just sit there quietly while everyone else slowly moves away from me lol. Now I know its cuz I have ****in autism... Thank you higher power for your endless mercy

[Rebelyell]

The people in new england states have known to be cold to outsiders.I hate when people cut me off and talk louder an louder and I cant get a word in.I think they do it on purpose?TO me it tees me off and its just plain rude.

[ginniebean]

I've learned to say "Hi" when I meet people and to smile (yeah it's a fakey). I've learned to see what they are talking about. If it's horribly boring like conversations about television shows or nasty cynical commentary I'll listen politely. I won't get close to them as I don't want more of the same.

After being around someone long enough tho.. just being in the general area.. people will get more real when they are comfortable doing so. Often tho I'm not around people like this enough to develop something more with them.



I noticed my attitude towards people was hostile. People I didn't know. I had stranger danger problems. I didn't look at them 'unfiltered' but rather thru a lens of them being potential threats. When you just look at them, just as people who have flaws and real problems there's no imbalance there. I am free to reject them as much as they are free to reject me. I'm free to be ambivalent or to like them.



Even tho I've learned all this, I isolate. Relationships are a LOT of work. I want to be around people I enjoy and when I can enjoy them and that I care for. I need to like them too and I base my criteria like that. I also need a lot of me time.



Where I find none of this works is when there are built in power imbalances. I don't know if it's the ADHD or what but maybe some people feel I am either too deferential or not deferential enough. Either way it always feels wrong to me but I have no idea how to fix it.



Passing is easy when there is little you need to say or do around another person. Regardless people notice difference. How? I don't know.. probably the same way any predator can smell out the weak one in the herd. Most people aren't out to harm you tho so they 'live and let live'. Others.. look out.. run, duck etc..



OH one more thing. When people ask me about my life or people close to me.. I generally say "everything is wonderful! I'm doing great! oh family is doing super!" People want stuff they can dish with. I don't care to participate. Only those I trust (and that's not many) get information about me or those I care for.



I interrupt, I can't help it. I know when I was growing up the super emphasis on not interrupting just wasn't there. At certain times yes but not in every last conversation. I've had conversations where six people all talked at once for hours, it was NORMAL.. these people didn't have a disability just different mores.



Interjection is not always an interuption.

[Trooper Keith]

"People are just people, they shouldn't make you nervous. The world is everlasting, it's coming and it's going.
. . .
People are just people, people are just people, people are just people like you!" - Regina Spektor, Ghost of Corporate Future

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp9v5G45fws

[The_Robin_Hood]

I'm very much the same as you! You aren't my secret twin are you?

The only difference is that I've only recently discovered that I have ADHD. I've been that way my whole life.. very few people really know me which is sad but I find it's easier.

Even tho I've learned all this, I isolate. Relationships are a LOT of work. I want to be around people I enjoy and when I can enjoy them and that I care for. I need to like them too and I base my criteria like that. I also need a lot of me time.

I can also relate to this!! I go between not caring what people think and caring too much.. I wish I were different sometimes.

Also... Love this song.. Thanks for reminding me Kmiller.

[AbsentMindProf]

Most people don't know enough about ADHD to realize that I have it, but they do pick up on the traits very quickly. I think the only way I could prevent people from seeing my ADHD traits would be for me to move to a cave in the wilderness somewhere.

[Impetus]

Originally Posted by ginniebean

OH one more thing. When people ask me about my life or people close to me.. I generally say "everything is wonderful! I'm doing great! oh family is doing super!" People want stuff they can dish with. I don't care to participate. Only those I trust (and that's not many) get information about me or those I care for.

you are SO my hero. So bad at this on my own.... tell everybody EVERYTHING! ok, nearly everything. My meds are making it SO much better tho!

[renka]

Originally Posted by Impetus

you are SO my hero. So bad at this on my own.... tell everybody EVERYTHING! ok, nearly everything. My meds are making it SO much better tho!

I used to be like you, Impetus, but nowadays I'm much more like Ginniebean. I mean, I think people usually don't smell trouble when they meet me. I'm good at faking it, although not for a long time. Eventually, if people stay in my life, they'll see a dark side, traces of anhedonia, dysthymia. They'll probably put me in the depression circle first, even in the paranoid/crazy, but never ADD. Once I read in a blog a post with the title "But you're too smart to have ADD". People tend to relate AD(H)D with bad grades and hyperactive behavior, mostly. And I was all about good grades once, so they think bad grades today are mere laziness. And I'm not hyperactive, I usually don't feel enthusiastic about anything... so people don't see. They don't get, not at first.

I think it began last year, but it's like I programmed myself to say everything is ok all the time. I don't say it with enthusiasm, though, but I don't give details on how I'd like my life to be different and I don't know how to change; or how I'd like it to be different and it's impossible to change some things. I don't talk about my frustration, nothing. Yes, it kills me softly, but I learned the hard way that telling people what I really think and how I really feel will make them go away. So let's just pretend it's everything ok until... I don't know. Maybe things will get better eventually, maybe I'll have a nervous breakdown... but right now, I don't see myself acting any different.