mothers w/add

[goofyannie]

Hi I just joined and this my first thread.I'm a mother of four and married to wonderful husband.I wonder if any of you that have kids have similar problems like me?I tend to go into my own world at times and it makes me feel guilty,since my kids need me.I sometimes isolate myself because i get impulsive or i just do my own thing,play games(which helps me alot).I know I love my kids and I act like a kid myself with them which they like that of me,but I will try to do better in not isolating myself from them,now that I'm on medication.Plus the medication(straterra) not yet set in,i just stared a week ago.

[Conlaw]

Hi Anne,
I have four sons. I do isolate (and feel guilty about it). But part of the problem is that I completely lose track of time. So, the periods of isolation can be quite lengthy. I was just diagnosed and won't see the psychiatrist for meds until October. Susan

[monnycue]

Hi Anne!

I have two sons (ages 2 and 3) and I also isolate myself from them and I also feel a tremendous amount of shame and guilt as a result. I love them and my husband more than anything else in this world.

I've always needed to have time to myself, even before having children. I always thought it was because I was an only child and therefor used to having that time alone. That may very well be true, but now since I've been diagnosed with ADD, I have come to realize that it's also a method of dealing with overstimulation. I still have a tendency to look at my isolation as a very selfish behavior because I want to be able to do what I want when I want. I think I just need to learn to balance it out a little better and learn how to incorporate the time I need for me without taking away from them. Staying up late after they go to bed is one of the ways I deal with it currently, but that's not working out so well because then I want to sleep in way late which messes up the whole next day and makes me feel worse about myself.

I also am on Strattera and have been for a little over 3 months. It has helped, if only subtly. I notice an increase in motivation, for instance, I can go take a shower and make my bed now instead of sitting around talking about it for hours first. I do still procrastinate though, and many things are still pretty unmanagable (my project list, for instance). But I guess it's a process and things will slowly get better.

I really appreciate that you shared about isolating from your kids. It's great to know that I'm not the only one who does that and I'm not a horrible mother/person.

I hope the Strattera works out for you! Let us know how you're making out.

Thanks,
Monique

[goofyannie]

Thanks.I'm glad I'm not the only one.made me feel better.

[GeminiChick]

Anne:

I do the same thing with my children...I tend to go off in the other room while they're playing so that I can destress with a magazine or go online for a little bit. I used to feel guilty about it, but I don't so much anymore because I know that without my 'me' time during the day, I'm useless to them because I'm so much more impatient.

Julie

[Mariela]

I can understand exactly what you mean. I do that a lot! In fact, I am doing it right now. They are waiting for me to give them yogurt and I am here on the forums! So bye, I will give them the yogurt right now.

[fasttalkingmom]

I have 2 daughters 14 and 9....... It's getting better for me as they get older. They understand who their Mom is. They now have a voice to tell me when I've messed up and made them feel I didn't care or didn't seem to pay attention......

They each have their own way of making sure I remember things, like signing stuff for school or something like lunch money......

[Alexa]

Looking back the signs were all there. For years I cross-stitched/needlepointed. For several yrs my step mother and I had a shop together, I taught it, sold it, lived it, breathed it. So many people who knew me were surprised that I could 'sit still and concentrate' long enough to do it. Now I know I was 'hyperfocusing' then. I had to scale back when my first daughter was born in '91 and then even more when the 2nd one came along in '93. I started back to college (talk about an ADD challange!) in '96 and now I couldn't tell you the last time I did any needlework. But it was my 'escape' my 'calm' my 'therapy'. I divorced in '98, and my youngest was diagnosed in May with ADD. She's been on Strattera for about a month without much change. I was diagnosed (formally) about a month ago and they gave it to me as well. It seemed to be helping somewhat but I quit (as well as changing Dr.s') because to put it bluntly, was affecting my sex life. I'm on Adderall now and it's doing ok so far. The problem is explaining to my fiance(we've been living together since Oct) the need (I really couldn't before the Dx of ADD but now I can) for 'alone' time? My girls live about 100 miles from me and I spend the weekend with them every other weekend. While I'm gone, he has 24+ hrs of 'alone time', but he seems to forget that I'm not! To compensate sometimes I will take off for an afternoon on a Saturday to 'roam'. It makes him nuts because I don't have an abc agenda. I've found that since I've been on the meds this is not as pronounced as it once was but I still sometimes resent (for lack of a better term) this time that he gets! When he was gone for 2 nights several weeks ago to visit relatives with his daughters that were here for their annual week visit I was alone for 2 nights. It was wonderful! I didn't go to bed till almost 2:00am both nights (up at usual 6:30) and I just reveled in being alone for awhile. Can anyone else relate to this?

[goofyannie]

so you like being alone?I love it.like in the mornings I do exercises,go to the store whatever.My husband doesn't get me at times and we argue,cause I want to be alone to concentrate(on what I don't know),but I want to concentrate on something.I don't want talking,noise, unless its music.I love music.I don't klike being around too much,(people)(yelling),so my poor kids find me moody at times.I'm not taking anything right now,I'm trying natural pills for stress,to calm me downPlus exercise and eating well.I found out in the internet alternatives for anxiety which I also have(double whamy)Add & Anxiety.I haven't really noticed anything yet since I started a week ago.Straterra was making me sleepy,plus side affects.I just hope I don't have to drink any more pills,unless natural.wish you the best.

[adina1]

Wow, the more I read, the more I see others with the same issues. Yes, I also end up hyperfocusing (unfortunately, it is always something useless) and get stuck there. You tell yourself you should be doing something else-getting back on track- but I don't and totally lose track of time. I have a 1 1/2 yr. old and she really needs attention, and I feel so guilty. i am not even sure if I could label it "me" time because I do not destress when I know I am overdoing it at the expense of soemthing else.

[daisyo75]

I guess I isolate myself in a way. I have 2 sons a 3 yo and a 7 mo. I get "lost" in the computer but it is in the same room as the kids are. I really long for some time where I don't have to worry about anyone but myself. But those moments are very far and few between. Some days the fact that I am never alone really makes me feel like I am on the brink of my ability to cope with motherhood. That makes me very sad :-(

[willowmyst]

OMG, it's so good to read about others that need "alone time"...and I need LOTS of it. Even long time friends still cannot understand my need for isolation, before long they're calling me to make sure I'm not depressed (I'm not) and then I feel guilty for snubbing them. Don't get me wrong...I like people and spending time with them, just not all the time. My kids are grown and have flown the nest, but my husband was disabled 2 years ago and now is home 24/7, so it's been a real challenge to balance my needs with his. Sometimes a cabin on an island on a lake deep in the north woods sounds soooo appealing.

[addwifey]

Originally Posted by willowmyst

Sometimes a cabin on an island on a lake deep in the north woods sounds soooo appealing.

Can I go too? We can each have our own cabin on opposite sides of the island. Or, we can have an ADD Mom's retreat without kids & husbands. Just daily spa treatments and drinks with little umbrellas. Registration starts now!!

[adina1]

Where do I sign up addwifey?

Does anyone regularly get a sitter (if you have kids) or just plan that alone time into your day or week?

Unfortunately, that has been another thing I have been procrastinating about because with 2 young kids there are quite a few things to plan before getting the sitter. (i know-excuses,excuses)

My oldest is almost 4 and we have never had anyone else watch her. It used to sound like a luxury to me in the past, but I am realizing more & more we really need it!

[RmCL]

I find myself getting more stressed out when I don't have time to myself. I don't seem to have a high tollerance for lots of stress and demands on my time.
Which is funny because I tend to put myself in those situations a lot. I do okay if I have just a little down time to myself to do what I would like.
It was especially hard when my son ,who has autism, was home before he was diagnosed. He was finally accepted into the special needs preschool. That gives me time during the day to do whatever. I thought I was going to go nuts for a while there.

It is really hard when my husband goes on a business trip. I cannot get out to the store because my son doesn't handle that too well.

I found that with Strattera I zoned out even more. It helped me focus but changed my personality. My husband noticed it. I told him that it was like when he zones out on the computer with games for a long time. He has his obsessions too. He finally understood what I meant because he experienced it with me.

Then I was put on Adderall. I am back to my old self again. I haven't tried concerta yet and don't know what the difference is. You might want to try a different medication. Good Luck!