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  #106  
Old 03-28-11, 12:10 AM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

Yup, this is definitely something both genders can relate to. It's probably because I'm still young.
It's frustrating because I THINK I'm supposed to have some sort of emotional bond with somebody, but then when I get close to them, the "need" for sex completely gets in the way. There all sorts of messed up psychological things going on in my head because of this that I KNOW are wrong, but I just don't have the energy to deal with it anymore. Are there any other females here who are suffering psychologically from this overactive libido? (I mean self-esteem/worth, addiction, and emotional issues)
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  #107  
Old 03-28-11, 07:56 PM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

uhhuh huh haha she said boner
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  #108  
Old 03-28-11, 09:01 PM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

Wow. I didn't realize that there are so many of us out there! I have always had a very high sex drive and amazingly it has gotten even higher since turning 30!
My husband says he wonders if he will be able to keep up with my 'urges' now. They have gotten really bad this past year and I have been, uh, pretty demanding and forthcoming with my wants and desires- much more so than before. I'm guess the 30 age thing must be true at this point.
I'm also a woman who enjoys porn to raise the excitement level and as 'background noise'.

Never thought there was anything wrong with my sex drive until a few years ago when I was dating still and the guy I was seeing actually complained about my wanting sex to often... I felt a little embarassed at the time but also knew I wasn't going to be able to not want it anytime soon so it was time for him to go.
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  #109  
Old 03-28-11, 10:19 PM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

I don't know what I'm more jealous of, the people with great sex drives or the people with the people with great sex drives.
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  #110  
Old 03-28-11, 11:27 PM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

between the possibility of it being my add or my add meds, yes i know what you mean. but i also find sometimes that il go a while with a pretty low sex drive. this could be from my depression patterns and the anti depressents but i dont think so as much.
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  #111  
Old 03-29-11, 08:23 AM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

Quote:
Originally Posted by GabesMom View Post
Wow. I didn't realize that there are so many of us out there! I have always had a very high sex drive and amazingly it has gotten even higher since turning 30!
My husband says he wonders if he will be able to keep up with my 'urges' now. They have gotten really bad this past year and I have been, uh, pretty demanding and forthcoming with my wants and desires- much more so than before. I'm guess the 30 age thing must be true at this point.
I'm also a woman who enjoys porn to raise the excitement level and as 'background noise'.

Never thought there was anything wrong with my sex drive until a few years ago when I was dating still and the guy I was seeing actually complained about my wanting sex to often... I felt a little embarassed at the time but also knew I wasn't going to be able to not want it anytime soon so it was time for him to go.
Since you're a woman, you reach your peak at 30. There's absolutely nothing wrong with your sex drive. You'll feel quite at home in Southern Europe.
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  #112  
Old 03-29-11, 09:17 AM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

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Originally Posted by metzfanaz View Post
I don't know what I'm more jealous of, the people with great sex drives or the people with the people with great sex drives.
The best is always to have a balance. Sex drives that aren't in balance in a relationship always creates tension and resentment. If our partners have higher libidos we feel inadequate. They feel unatractive. If it's lower we feel unatractive and they feel inadequate. The only way to make a relationship like that work is if the person with a higher libido has lovers on the side.
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  #113  
Old 03-29-11, 11:43 AM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

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Originally Posted by Kirby Albee View Post
"

There is no way that this poster could know this much about your husband without being your husband. And what Treebeard advises you to say would really hurt whoever heard it; there would be many better, and few worse, ways of talking to the your husband. That does seem really unreasonable of him though. I think it's really not fair how, the way we live, the partner with the lowest libido seems always to get to call the shots. Like, 'hey, I don't want to do it any more--oh and neither do you, hope that's ok.'
Thanks for the reference Kirby. Let me restate what I said, or at least what I meant to say. In my opinion, if your husband is turning you down for sex all the time, he is either getting some on the side, or he has other serious issues. These issues could be physical or psychological. I'm sorry if my remarks were perceived as flippant or trivializing to the husband.
What I advised her to do was to talk to her husband, truthfully. Yes, the truth hurts sometimes, but I don't see how that is being unreasonable. If she truly wants to be fulfilled in her life, I think it is unreasonable to ask her to ignore her sexual self. If she is going to have her sexual self fulfilled, then the options that I gave her are pretty much the only ones available. I didn't mention that she could just tell him that she was going to have to masturbate a lot more, since for most of us, masturbation only really takes care of the physical component of sex, but leaves us wanting on the emotional side. So unless, masturbation alone is going to satisfy her sexual needs, then she has the choice of getting her husband motivated enough to do it for her, or finding someone else who will.
Regardless of whether his problem is physical or psychological, it doesn't really change how she should be communicating her needs to him. If he does have some sort of physical issue, then he should be going to a doctor to get if fixed, if that's possible. If the issue is psychological, then they need to get some counseling or something like that to work it out. Still, if she doesn't talk to him about her needs, these issues will probably never get addressed.
So, I don't see anything at all wrong with what I advised. Too many people don't talk about their true feelings with those that they love for fear of hurting them, but not talking about it ends up hurting them both more in the long run.
And I agree with you from the end of quote, that is "funny", or maybe even just sad that the partner with the lowest libido gets to call the shots. Really we should all be able to call the shots equally. If you are sexually mismatched long term with someone, then I think you should address the issue. Find a resolution that will work for your relationship, and then move on to a better life. But for Zeus's(insert your deity here, if you have one) sake, do talk about it!
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  #114  
Old 03-29-11, 12:06 PM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

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Originally Posted by Joker_Girl View Post
I think hubbys got the male menopause.

Im not gonna step out on him, I love him, and I know he loves me back. He wouldnt do that either. Im sure he is not messing around, although Im pretty sure sometimes when Im not home he "takes care of business".

I think it is a combo of lack of desire and laziness...he don't want to have to go to the trouble of romancing me and stuff, making out with me, all that sappy love business. If he takes care of it on his own, he doesnt have to worry about "was it good for you" etc, or my wanting to "cuddle" or whatever girlie thing I want after. LOL It's selfish, when you think about it. And I understand sometimes a person just wants to focus on their own self, but still.

Does Cialis make a person horny, or just give them a boner? Sorry if that sounds crude, but idk how else to say it.

I like the name of Horny Goat Weed. LOL. I just think its an awesome name for a vitamin.

Yep, horny goat weed is a funny name. It is believed that goat herders originally found out about the properties of this plant when their goats ate it, and became more horny. The active ingredient is believed to be epimedium.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a guy or gal taking care of themselves, but if their partner is wanting more sex and they are saying that don't want any more sex, then I think there is definitely a problem. I agree with you Joker Girl, it does sound selfish. And, as you said, sometimes we do need to concentrate on our own needs, but if he wants your relationship to be great for both of you, then it sounds to me like he should be spending a lot more time taking care of your needs than he currently is. Part of being in a long term relationship is working to fulfill the needs of your partner. Doesn't sound to me like he is taking care of his part. Your part is to communicate openly and honestly to him what your needs are. If he still doesn't what to work on that, then you should communicate to him that is not acceptable. Give him some choices, some might call them ultimatums, but either way, tell him there will be consequences if he chooses to ignore your needs.
Hey, let me say from this man's point of view, there is nothing quite as good as making sure that my lover finds it very good for her. I love taking care of the v-jay-jay. I love the expression on her face when I know that what I am doing is making her feel such exquisite sensations. And I'm not talking about penetration here, that does play a part, but for most guys, you gotta use your mouth for a lot more than just talking! It rocks my world to rock to her world. Maybe that is why I am having a hard time being sympathetic for your husband. I hope you talk to him and you are able to work it out together without having to resort to more extreme answers.
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  #115  
Old 04-15-11, 11:44 AM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

So glad I found this. I'm a girl and can't get enough of it. I've been married for almost 6 years ans love my hubby. But I can't help that I think about my ex's and wanting to have sex with them again and text them and talk dirty! And random guys on the street. Oh and I like porn also.

Didn't think there was that many of us! Thank goodness I thought I was going crazy!
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  #116  
Old 04-15-11, 03:26 PM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

Hey, doesn't matter where you get your appetite from as long as you eat at home.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ADDBecky View Post
So glad I found this. I'm a girl and can't get enough of it. I've been married for almost 6 years ans love my hubby. But I can't help that I think about my ex's and wanting to have sex with them again and text them and talk dirty! And random guys on the street. Oh and I like porn also.

Didn't think there was that many of us! Thank goodness I thought I was going crazy!
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  #117  
Old 04-15-11, 03:50 PM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

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Hey, doesn't matter where you get your appetite from as long as you eat at home.
LOL thanks Metz for making me laugh!
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  #118  
Old 04-18-11, 06:07 AM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

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Originally Posted by metzfanaz View Post
Hey, doesn't matter where you get your appetite from as long as you eat at home.
I think the danger with statements like that it's that it risks making monogamy into some sort of rigid norm. Monogamy is only the preferred relationship if it works. If it doesn't satisfy both parties (sexually and/or emotionally) then it's obviously not the way to go. The reality is that people who aren't sexually satisfied risk subconsciously sabotaging their relationships, and it just causes resentment and unnecessary friction. Sex is probably our strongest instinct and I don't think supressing it is healthy. Most of us live in sex negative cultures where it's expected that those who have high libidos should adapt to those who have low libidos when it's just unfair. There's nothing virtuous about having a low libido. People with high libidos aren't immoral *****. They're just wired differently in the head.

We could just as well turn it around and view people with low libidos as defective because they don't want more sex. The truth is that there's no better or worse. It just is. Some have higher libidos, and it's both parties in the relatiponship who have a responsibility to deal with it. It's both parties problem. They together need to come up with a solution where the person with the higher libido gets their extra action.... on the side if necessary.

In a relationship it's just as much a right to have sex as it is to not to have sex if we don't want to. The onus isn't only on the horny one to "calm down" and it's cruel to treat it as such.

*gets off soap box*
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  #119  
Old 04-20-11, 01:35 AM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

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Originally Posted by ADDBecky View Post
So glad I found this. I'm a girl and can't get enough of it. I've been married for almost 6 years ans love my hubby. But I can't help that I think about my ex's and wanting to have sex with them again and text them and talk dirty! And random guys on the street. Oh and I like porn also.

Didn't think there was that many of us! Thank goodness I thought I was going crazy!
I know the feeling. I'm constantly fantasizing about past girlfriends, and when I see women at work or in public I wonder what it would be like to have sex with them.

Sometimes it drives me crazy. I often wonder if some of these girls realize what I'm thinking about.
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  #120  
Old 04-20-11, 01:21 PM
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Re: Unconquerable sexual appetite

If someone has a lower libido than their spouse, then I do feel they should be willing to have sex even if they don't always feel like it. Marriage relationships are about meeting eachother's needs and serving eachother. I think our society today has largely forgotten that. People are self focused and look out for themselves. In a marriage this doesn't work. When you marry someone, you are making a covenant to always put their needs first. If both spouses live up to that commitment, then all needs will be met and both individuals will bloom.

I do not think finding action on the side is a healthy answer to libido differentiation in marriage.
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