Adderall and Dex didn't work... What now?

[bunnychicksf]

Hi there -

I'm not sure if this is the best forum, but I'm hoping someone can help. Please respond if you have experience with Adderall, Dex and
something else.

Background (feel free to skip!)
I was diagnosed with adult ADHD about 3 months ago. Unfortunately, none of the DSM "types" describe me very well. I've incredibly good at focusing and being super organized and efficient - most likely as a coping mechanism for my ADHD (in fact, I've made a career out of it). I was really hoping that treating the ADHD would help me feel less overwhelmed with my life, and restore some balance. I have a very successful career, but just cannot seem to put much effort into socializing/dating/personal life.

Another factor is that I've got some serious mood lability. I've been primarily treated for depression, but can be hyper-emotional. Not bipolar, more just crazy, intense mood swings.

Adderall Reactions:
I started out with Adderall, 5mg XR and 5mg IR 2x/day. It was a complete double-edged sword:

Cons:

• Super jittery, though not anxious
• Totally HYPERFOCUSED - to the point that I could NOT move and get anything productive done. This was the biggest problem
• Started to notice gaps in short term memory - e.g., finding the right word, remembering something simple
• Did not feel like "myself". As I said, I pride myself on my focus and organization, and I just... cared less. I sat around in a cluttered apt for months, which is so unlike me - I am usually borderline OCD when it comes to cleaning
• At one point, I went to high of a dose, and I became "classic" ADHD. After that, man, can I sympathize with those of you with very serious symptoms - that was really rough!

Pros:

• It completely got rid of my depression. I never even realized that it was possible to feel like that.
• I was much more stable - far less up and down with the moods
• I felt happy, content. Probably related to the depression, but I felt more accepting of circumstances beyond my control, liked myself more, etc
• Helped me wake up, which was a huge problem.

Dexedrine Reactions
A couple of weeks ago, I switched to Dex, partially based on positive feedback I read online. I was hoping that, since they shared the active ingredient, and it was supposedly "smoother", I could retain the positive benefits, particularly around the depression, without all of the hyper/jitteriness. Instead, it was the worst 2 weeks of my life.

I was using 5 - 10mg Dex Spansules (brand) and 5 - 10 mg Dex IR. I never figured out the right dose.

Cons:

• Exhausted, dizzy, foggy, emotionally disconnected
• No sense of humor
• Became ravenous, grazing and eating crap all day
• Depression

Pros:

• Did stop hyperfocusing and became productive again, but that may have just been who I was to begin with, minus the addy.

Obviously I stopped taking the Dex. But before I did, I played around with the dosages, as well as combining it with the Adderall. What worked best was Dex Spansules 5mg + Adderall IR 2.5 mg 2x/day, but the evening crash was still horrendous.

This weekend I decided to just flush everything out of my system to start clean, and the depression hit again. Not withdrawal effects - but I felt like "myself" again, and realized that I wasn't very happy when I was "myself".

Question & Advise Needed!
So - here's my question (thanks for your patience)! Should I continue to try looking for ADHD alternatives? If yes, what would you recommend based on your experience?

Ideally, I'd like something that is like a milder Adderall with the antidepressive effects. I don't even care about the physical jitteriness, as long as I don't hyperfocus and can get my stuff done.

• Is Ritalin or something in that class a possibility?
• What about Vyvanse? Will it have the same side effects as Dex? I don't know if it was the Dex wearing off that caused the effects?
• How about Desoxyn? Focalin?

Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated - thanks!!